Absolution Calling
by hellsbellsbellamy
Summary: After being imprisoned for rash and dangerous actions following the floating execution of her father, Merit Murdock is dropped to the Earth with 99 other delinquents. With her best friend (John Murphy) by her side, Merit journeys to the ground in search of a fresh start. Join this tough and headstrong young heroine on her quest towards love, redemption, and forgiveness.
1. Chapter 1

There was nothing left for her on the ark, nothing for her to look back to now that she was plummeting straight to the earth with 99 other delinquents. She promised herself that she would leave every negative part of her life right in the sky where it belonged, to no longer haunt her as she made her descent to the ground. Going to the ground meant a clean slate for Merit. She didn't care about the risk of radiation; she only cared about escaping the prison sentence that was The Ark.

Merit had lost the only person that meant something to her almost two years ago. That person was her father, James Murdock. He was her everything; a loving father, provider, and best friend. He was always there to guide his ever stubborn daughter with great wisdom and patience.

Merit's father was also a member of The Ark guard and was a skilled fighter, passing down his love of martial arts and boxing to Merit. The time they spent training together held a special place in Merit's heart. He taught Merit that fighting wasn't about ego or power, but it was about inner strength, humility, and discipline. He stressed the importance of morality when it came to martial arts. He never wanted Merit to go around looking for a fight or abusing her skill, especially over weaker people. He would always say, "Just because you have power doesn't mean you have to use it" and "there is true strength in vulnerability."

Merit saw her father as a hero among many villains aboard The Ark. He had a kind spirit, never abusing his position of power and often going the extra mile to make sure that Ark residents were safe. He even went as far as giving up his own rations in order to secure the proper medicine that Murphy needed when he fell ill as a child.

He was the type to stand up for the little guy and he didn't always agree with the way that rules were enforced aboard The Ark. Instead of using his title to manipulate people, he used it to help and protect them, often confronting turncoat guards on their corruption. This obviously didn't sit well with said guards. He never actually broke the law or misused resources, but the council felt that the way he handled things often undermined their authority.

In the end, he was floated with two other guards for supposedly conspiring to overthrow the chancellor, with proper evidence submitted from Commander Shumway to councilman Kane.

Even in his final moments, Merit remembered her dad as an unwavering pillar of strength and dignity. He didn't even fight when they dragged him away to the airlock to be floated. Even as Merit wailed and begged for him to fight back, he wouldn't. He stood tall and took his punishment without dropping a single tear.

Merit was never really close to her mother and their relationship only seemed to further deteriorate after her father's death. When Merit was sent to lock up, her mother never even bothered to visit her. Perhaps, she was just too ashamed or too torn up to lose a husband and a daughter within the same month.

Suddenly the memory of her father's final moments came rushing back, his last words ringing painfully in her mind, "Find forgiveness, if only for yourself." What did that even mean? How could she forgive him when he left her so easily? Everything he taught her and every bit of hope he instilled in her had been sucked out of Merit the moment her father flew out of that airlock.

Murphy noticed the blank stare on Merit's face and nudged her out of her stupor then said, "You seem calm."

"That's one way to put it," Merit replied.

* * *

Next to her late father, John Murphy was Merit's closest companion. They grew up together and even shared some of their toughest struggles together, including the executions of both of their fathers. Murphy seemed to always be present in her life's most important moments and today was no different.

"Think we'll get slammed by the radiation?" Murphy asked.

"Who knows, maybe we'll all get super powers," Merit joked, earning a chuckle from Murphy.

Joking in the face of death didn't seem like the logical response, but it seemed like the easiest way to cope. Laughing masked the sting of fear and uncertainty that the current situation brought.

The truth was, Merit probably had a better chance facing the radiation soaked Earth rather than the council and, either way, she was possibly facing death. At least, there was the hope of an escape if the Earth was actually livable.

"Still planning to bail once we hit the ground?" Murphy continued.

"You think I'm going to waste my time hanging around a bunch of lowlives when there's a whole world out there to explore?"

Merit had no intention of sticking around with the other criminals once the dropship landed. With so much to see and do, she only planned to hang around long enough to stock up on provisions so she could journey out on her own.

"Yeah, I figured," Murphy sighed. "Well, let's hope it's smooth sailing from here."

It was anything but smooth sailing and after a turbulent landing, Merit was ready to hit the ground running.

When the doors of the drop ship opened, Merit was taken aback by the utter beauty of the Earth. It was more breathtaking than the pictures she'd seen in books. Taking in the sights, smells and scenery was creating a sensory overload. There was an abundance of fresh air and lush greenery along with mountain peaks that made for a picturesque location. The sky was incredibly blue and Merit felt the sunshine on her skin, embracing her like a warm hug. Everything about the Earth was impeccable and she wanted everything it had to offer.

She couldn't have been more excited and ready to tackle the adventures that awaited her on this brand new terrain. That was until she heard a blonde girl, Clarke Griffin, announce that they had landed on the wrong mountain, at least, a day's hike away from any supplies. Merit wanted to be disappointed, but she had grown accustomed to the curve balls that life continually threw at her.

"Shit, can't the council do anything right?" Merit huffed while kicking up dirt.

"Guess you're sticking around after all," Murphy said, draping his arm across Merit's shoulders.

"Just until the supplies get here." Merit playfully shrugged away Murphy's arm. "You better enjoy my company while you still can."

"I've seen enough of your face for a lifetime," Murphy teased.

"You know, you could come with me."

"Or you could just stay here."

As much as Murphy cared about Merit, he couldn't bring himself to go along with her plan. They didn't know enough about the ground to just wander off on their own. Besides, there were no adults and no authority figures to dictate to them on the ground which was good enough for him. He just wanted to relish in his new found freedom.

"And just wait for those assholes from The Ark to come down? No thanks," Merit finished.

Merit didn't mind taking on this new world alone but she honestly wished Murphy would tag along. She didn't want to leave him behind but she would never be able to move on from her father's death by staying around.

"I'll catch you later. I'm going to look around," Merit said, leaving Murphy's side.

Merit searched the dropship and the surrounding area for any materials that could be useful. She managed to stash some seat belts and fabric from the parachute, in hopes of fashioning a backpack, as well as scraps of drop ship metal to create a pocket knife.

In the midst of her search, Merit noticed a small commotion growing over who would go to Mount Weather to retrieve the supplies. In that dispute, Merit saw a would-be leader emerge. His name was Bellamy Blake. He looked like your typical bad boy with a chip on his shoulder; dark hair, tan, and freckle-faced with a smug disposition. He managed to get a majority of the delinquents to rally behind him as he barked at Clarke and Wells about how the privileged should do the work for a change. Murphy only aided the situation by taunting Wells and ultimately injuring his leg in a minor scuffle. Another boy, Finn, was able to step in and finally defuse the situation.

Merit only looked on silently as the scene unfolded. In this situation, Merit knew that Clarke was right, but she decided not to side with either party. This fight was really none of her business and she figured it was best not to get involved. She didn't care who retrieved the supplies as long as they brought them back to camp.

Something about the situation that did peak her interest was Murphy's behavior. She knew that her friend was cheeky in nature, but he wasn't a bad guy. He was obviously acting out and using the tough guy persona to his advantage. Merit feared he might lose his head in their new found autonomy.

Merit decided to confront Murphy about the way he was mistreating Wells. Murphy had gone off with his crew of miscreants after the confrontation between the classes had been resolved. If she knew anything about Murphy, it was the fact that he didn't like being challenged in front of his peers, so she motioned him away from his group to speak privately.

"Sharpened a piece of metal from the drop ship. Cool huh?" Murphy said, marveling at his own handiwork. Merit only responded with a look that Murphy knew too well. "Okay, what's with the look?"

"Quit being a dick to Wells," Merit said, crossing her arms.

"You're kidding, right?" Murphy said with a laugh, surveying Merit's face once more. Her expression never changed and Murphy knew she meant business. "I can't believe you're sticking up for him. You do remember what his father did?"

"That had nothing to do with Wells."

"He should pay for his father's sins. The way my father paid for mine," Murphy said, defensively.

Merit didn't really know Wells Jaha, but she knew that he didn't deserve the treatment that he was receiving. This was a typical case of guilty by association and Wells didn't deserve to pay for the evils that his father had committed. The Chancellor clearly had no remorse if he was willing to send his own son to the ground to possibly die.

Merit proceeded with caution, "I think that it's best if you just give the guy a break."

"You don't always know what's best for me, Merit," Murphy snapped.

"John, you know that's not what I meant."

Merit knew that this was a sore subject for her friend and she didn't want to upset him, but she lacked the tact it took to calmly approach the situation. She had the tendency to come off as pushy when it came to giving Murphy advice and he always seemed to take her frank nature in the wrong way. They were both hotheads and that was part of why they understood one another, but it often resulted in their personalities clashing. In the end, she was only trying to keep her cohort out of more unnecessary trouble.

"Down here I don't have to listen to anyone, especially you. So just lay off," Murphy said, turning his back to Merit and returning to his group of friends.

"Murphy," Merit called out after him, only to be ignored.

She knew it was best to just leave him be, as Murphy had a certain way of handling arguments and reasoning with him wasn't an option at this point in time. He was the type to come to his own conclusions in his own time. He would return on his own terms once he cooled down.

Merit walked back to the drop ship to see that a team was finally being assembled to go retrieve the supplies. She turned around abruptly at the sound of approaching footsteps only to crash face first into a young brunette. They both fell to the ground, Merit's freshly scavenged items scattering across the dirt. Bellamy came running over and quickly helped the brunette up.

"O, are you okay?" he asked while meticulously looking the girl over for any bumps or bruises.

"Bell, I'm fine," the girl said, dusting herself off.

Bellamy turned his furrowed gaze to Merit who was still sitting in the dirt. "Why don't you watch where you're going?"

Merit wanted to respond but her voice seemed to be caught in her throat. Bellamy's brashness caught her completely off guard. They hadn't even been properly introduced and this punk was already scolding her, not to mention, over something that wasn't even her fault. She shouldn't have expected much from him after seeing the way he had spoken to Clarke earlier.

"I ran into her," the brunette said, extending a hand out to Merit. "I'm sorry about that. I'm Octavia."

"Murdock...Merit Murdock," Merit said, receiving Octavia's hand and pulling herself up from the ground.

Octavia and Bellamy were the only siblings aboard The Ark. Since that broke the one child per family law, Bellamy spent most of his life hiding and protecting his baby sister. Merit could understand where his protective nature came from, but that still didn't excuse his rude behavior.

Even after Octavia made the effort to correct the situation, Bellamy decided to ignore the facts - and Merit for that matter - then began to lecture Octavia about being more careful. Once Merit was no longer an imminent threat to Octavia's health then it was like she didn't really exist in Bellamy's eyes.

The siblings were arguing about whether or not Octavia was allowed to join the group headed out for a supply run while Merit was awkwardly scrambling to pick up her belongings in the middle of it. Merit couldn't help but listen in on the argument. This guy seemed like a testosterone driven meathead but at least, it sounded like he really cared about the safety of his younger sibling. This one redeeming quality still wasn't enough to keep Merit from wanting to knock his freckled-face into another universe.

In the end, Octavia won the debate. Her big doe eyes were no match for her big brother, so he decided to let her go even though he hated letting her out of his sight.

Merit was placing the last of her scraps back into her newly crafted backpack when Octavia spoke to her, "Hey, you should come too."

"Me?" Merit asked a bit confused. She was busily wiping away the dirt from her knees and back of her pants when she looked up to find Bellamy's eyes giving her a disapproving look. He didn't look away when she noticed him staring. She couldn't tell if he was disgusted, annoyed or a combination of the two, but his expression was enough to make her feel quite uneasy. She hadn't done anything to this guy yet it was as if her very presence disturbed him.

"Yes you, now come on," Octavia said, grabbing Merit by the arm and dragging her off towards the rest of the group.

Merit spent the next few minutes getting better acquainted with the group. Of course, there was Octavia, the "girl under floor" who lived for sixteen years in isolation and was now literally busting out. Then there was Clarke, who the delinquents had spitefully crowned "princess" because of the class position she held aboard The Ark. Next, there were the Wonder Twins, Monty and Jasper, who seemed to be attached at the hip and heavily armed with corny yet charming jokes. Finally, there was Finn, the long-haired, adventurous, heartthrob that Octavia seemed to be currently fawning over. Merit wasn't very skilled when it came to social situations, but these people seemed nice enough and she didn't mind sticking around a little longer to get to know them.

"I just wanted to say sorry about my brother," Octavia started.

"It's no big deal but thanks," Merit said with a shrug.

It wasn't Octavia's fault that her brother was impolite, but Merit was happy to see that one of the two siblings had some manners.

"I've never seen you around before. What were you in for?" Finn asked curiously.

"Uh..well...I-" Merit stuttered.

Everything that she had tried so hard to bury deep inside of her could come bubbling up with that one question. She'd rather put everything that happened on The Ark behind her and not let her tarnished past resurface.

"Why don't you mind your business, spacewalker," Murphy said, reappearing from some nearby brush.

Merit felt relieved to see Murphy. He always seemed to show up just when she needed him and she was thankful.

"We should get going. We're losing daylight," Clarke said, urging the group to get moving.

The group began to head out but before Merit could join them Murphy gently grabbed her arm then said, "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Merit, are you coming or what?" Octavia called back.

Merit looked back and forth from her longtime friend to the group of five possibly new friends. She wanted so badly to explore but she knew that whatever Murphy had to say was probably more important. Exploring could wait another day and so could new friendships.

"Go on without me. I'll catch up later," Merit called back, waving her hands goodbye.

She watched as the group scampered off into the dense forestry before turning back to her good friend, Murphy. He seemed to have cooled down from the earlier confrontation.

"About earlier," Murphy started, slowly.

"I wasn't trying to tell you what to do. I was just looking out for you," Merit cut in.

"I get it but I don't always need you looking over my shoulder."

Murphy was completely capable of making his own decisions, but what kind of friend would Merit be if she didn't give him her honest opinion. She just had to understand when to bite her tongue with him. That was just the natural balance of their friendship. They both could dish it but neither of them could take it.

"I just wanted you to know that even if we disagree, I still have your back," Murphy continued.

"I know and thanks for what you did back there."

Once again it was Murphy to the rescue. Merit was glad that even when things got rocky between them, Murphy was still willing to keep her secret and come to her defense.

"Don't mention it," Murphy responded.

This was their vague way of apologizing to each other without having to actually say it. Both were stubborn with hard exteriors but deep inside they really valued each other's friendship.

"So, you're friends with those guys now?" Murphy said in reference to the group that went out for the supply run. He was looking down and drawing circles in the dirt with his boot.

"Why? Are you jealous or something?" Merit said with a sly grin.

"Don't kid yourself. We both know I'm your only friend."

* * *

After rendezvousing with Murphy, Merit decided to explore the area around the camp in hopes of familiarizing herself with the area. She could take as much time as she needed and she realized she didn't have to rush into things as she had planned. It was calming to just be able to climb a tree and observe nature's beauty for a while. For one moment she was able to take a breath of relief and feel the release of not being imprisoned. Perhaps, Murphy had a point in strictly enjoying their freedom. Time surely permitted them with a much-needed break.

Later that night, when Merit returned back to camp, a large group of delinquents had gathered at the beck of Bellamy Blake. He managed to persuade them to take off their bracelets. Wells was trying to keep everyone from removing their bracelets as it was the only way to communicate with The Ark now that the communication system in the drop ship was broken. Bellamy, once again, gave a passionate and convincing speech that won the crowd over. He had them eating out of the palm of his hand with his "whatever the hell we want" philosophy.

Once again, Merit didn't participate but only watched in entertainment at how easily manipulated these kids were. However, she couldn't really blame them for following Bellamy. He was a charismatic speaker who knew all the right words to say and how to say them to get people to agree with him. He was observant and analytical. Merit could see the wheels constantly turning in his head whether he was speaking, listening or watching. He could think on his feet. He was also ridiculously intense when it came to things that he was passionate about. These kids needed someone who was fearless and confident enough to lead them, someone like him. Someone had to step up and Bellamy was the one to do. Merit had to commend Bellamy for taking on that responsibility even though she didn't agree with his chaotic system. The delinquents could choose to blindly follow him if they wanted, but she wasn't going to.

Murphy was there too. He had quickly become Bellamy's right hand, aiding him in removing bracelets. Murphy acting macho around his male friends wasn't anything new, but he always took on a gentler persona around Merit. She decided not to pester him about his actions since they already agreed to disagree. She chalked it up to him letting off some much-needed steam.

As Merit continued to watch, she felt slight drops of water fall against her face. She looked up to notice a nice rain shower as thunder began to bellow. The delinquents started rejoicing for the gift of fresh water and the odd tribal gathering ceased promptly.

Merit wanted to take advantage of the rainfall by bottling it, but the experience itself was completely distracting. It was hard to react sensibly when feeling raindrops on your skin for the very first time. Taking a cue from her good pal Murphy, Merit threw her arms open and embraced the raindrops on her skin. It felt cleansing and pure. Something about it gave her the truest smile she had in years and she suddenly felt refreshed. She closed her eyes and let the rain wash over her, freeing her of all her inhibitions. It was as if the rain washed away all the muck that that The Ark had left behind on her spirit.

After she had spent an ample amount of time reveling in the wonders of Mother Nature, Merit decided to come back to reality and find some sort of container to store the rainfall. She was wiping the water from her face and looking around the area for a proper receptacle when she saw a hand hold one out to her. She grabbed a hold of it without looking up, but the hand held on tight.

"Not even a thank you? Wow, Murdock, you're clumsy and you have no manners," the gruff voice called out.

Merit looked up to find none other than Bellamy Blake on the other end of the makeshift container, still being rude and obnoxious. She was surprised that he had even remembered her name after the way he had treated her earlier in the day. She didn't understand why he was even talking to her let alone offering her assistance.

"You have some nerve," Merit said, rolling her eyes. She once again tugged against the canteen but Bellamy still maintained a firm grip on it. "Are you going to give it to me or are we going to play tug of war all night?"

"It's yours if you take your bracelet off," Bellamy said with a smirk.

"In that case, keep it," Merit said, releasing her hold on the container.

There was always a catch and Bellamy's kindness wasn't without an ulterior motive. Like the other criminals, Merit hadn't given too much thought about the bracelet. She wasn't partial to taking it off or keeping it on as she didn't care who thought she was alive or dead on The Ark. However, if keeping it on annoyed Bellamy Blake then that seemed like a good enough reason for her.

"Don't you want to liberate yourself and be free from the tyranny of the ark?" Bellamy inquired.

"No, I'm good."

Merit made her way back to the dropship and was busily scrounging through pieces of scrap metal when she found something fitting for her needs. Bellamy had followed her there, still trying to push his agenda.

"What do you have left up there? After what they did to your father-"

"Who told you that?" Merit interrupted. She froze immediately and was almost shaking with anger. This guy had no right to bring up her father or use his death as leverage to get her on his side.

"Murphy thought you would be open to the idea because of what happened to your father."

"I'm not. So, don't ask me again and sure as hell don't mention my father again," Merit said before storming out of the drop ship.

How could Murphy do this to her? He was supposed to be her confidante and she trusted him to keep her secrets. Murphy had broken the promise of never bringing up the topic of her father outside of their friendship and Merit was greatly disappointed, to say the least.

Her rage sent her sprinting far off into the dark and damp night. She didn't notice how bad she was shivering until she stopped running. She sank breathlessly to the ground against a giant tree and slammed her fists into the wet earth. Merit clenched her fists in an attempt to keep herself from crying. Then there was that image of her father again and those pointless words about forgiveness which proved to be too much. The tears began to stream down her cheeks and mix seamlessly with the rain.

Merit blamed her father. If he would've only fought for his life then she wouldn't be in this tragic predicament and she wouldn't have to seek forgiveness.

Merit had finally let her feelings catch up with her and overwhelm her. Now was not the time to allow her emotions to get the best of her and her moment of weakness had gotten her into a dangerous situation. Not only was she soaking wet and cold, but it had gotten too dark to possibly find her way back to camp. She felt extremely stupid for allowing the words of one young man to bother her. He hadn't even said anything detrimental and it was her fault for being so sensitive about her father. She stomped her foot in frustration and noticed the clink of metal under her boot. Brushing back leaves and soil, Merit found a sturdy trapdoor.

There was a struggle to get the rusty hatch open but when she did, it revealed a ladder. She carefully climbed down the dark hole which led to an old bunker that was still intact. It was as if it had been untouched for the entire hundred years of the nuclear fallout. She managed to feel around and luckily find a flare to light her way. There was a bed and that was enough for Merit. At least, she would be warm and dry for the night.

Once the sun rose, Merit was easily able to find her way back to camp. The first person she saw upon returning to camp was Murphy, who was, in fact, the last person she wanted to see. After the mentally and physically exhausting night she endured, she didn't have the energy to deal with him. She decided to sweep whatever qualms she had with him under the rug for the time being.

"Where've you been? I've been looking all over for you," Murphy said.

"I was taking a look around," Merit said, hardly stopping to give Murphy the time of day. She moved towards the dropship and pushed the parachute curtain back before entering. Murphy was trailing behind her.

"Are you okay? You look like crap."

"You don't say," Merit said, plopping down in a seat.

"You know what I mean," Murphy said, squatting down in front of Merit. He noticed her puffy eyes and red nose. He lowered his voice before asking, "Were you crying?"

"No. I just stayed out in the rain too long," Merit said, avoiding Murphy's eye contact.

She didn't want anyone to know about her emotional outburst from the prior night. She definitely couldn't let Murphy know that she let Bellamy get under her skin. She didn't want to provide him with any information that he could run back and tell his new boss.

"You think I haven't seen that face before?"

Of course, Murphy could see right through her lie. He had seen her cry and he had seen her hide her shame. Merit always had to come off as strong and emotionless, but Murphy knew her better than that.

"Just drop it, alright?" Merit said, growing annoyed.

"Fine, but I think I have something that'll cheer you up. Give me your right hand."

Merit gave her hand over to Murphy. He pulled out a long metal lever and began to stick it underneath Merit's wristband.

"What're you doing," Merit said, quickly pulling her hand back.

"If everyone takes off their wristbands The Ark will think we're dead. They'll never come down here if they think it's not safe."

"Do you realize how stupid that sounds?"

"I thought this is what you wanted," Murphy responded, defensively.

Until now, Merit didn't have a strong stance on the bracelets. First, it was just about ticking Bellamy off, but she realized it was bigger than that. Everyone that landed on the drop ship wasn't bad. There were people like Monty and Jasper who still had loved ones aboard The Ark. There were still innocent people on The Ark too that wanted to be reunited with their loved ones on the ground. Even though Merit had her own demons to quell, her selfishness wasn't worth keeping people away from their families. Plus, there was no way these idiots would survive much longer without help.

"It's not just about me anymore," Merit argued. "Once we're able to communicate to The Ark that conditions are livable then I'll take this thing off and bail. Not a second sooner and not a second later. Got it?"

"Suit yourself," Murphy said, throwing his hands up in defeat.

Merit wasn't exactly sure what sparked this change inside of her. Perhaps, it was just the idea of a second chance that the ground presented her with or perhaps, she was just tired of sitting idly by. She knew the ideals that her father instilled within her and he wouldn't be too proud of her sideline attitude. After all, he had devoted his entire life to serving others and if he was here in this moment he would do the same. Merit wanted to be more like him and the ground gave her the opportunity to at least try. Maybe this was the beginning of her road to forgiveness.


	2. Chapter 2

It hadn't even been three days since the 100 had landed on the ground and chaos had already ensued. A majority of the delinquents had happily adapted to living lawlessly while Murphy seemed to be letting out every bit of unfiltered aggression he had on anyone that he deemed a weak enough target. Murphy was always with Bellamy and no amount of sound advice from Merit was going to penetrate his thick skull.

Murphy and Wells continued to butt heads eventually erupting in a brawl turned knife fight. Clarke's announcement about the 100 not being alone on the ground along with the subsequent spearing of Jasper Jordan was enough to bring the fight to a halt.

Clarke was upset and informing everyone about how The Ark was failing. She voiced that none of them would survive without further assistance from The Ark, but Bellamy once again swayed the crowd with an awe-inspiring speech about how they can take care of themselves. It still amazed Merit how he could convince such a large number of kids, who had probably never touched a weapon in their short lives, that they were warriors. No one knew what kind of threat they were facing and the delinquents were seriously in over their heads.

"Clarke is right and you'd all be smart to listen to her," Merit chimed in. Everyone paused for a moment to look at her, Bellamy shooting her one of his infamous glares.

This was the first time she had really voiced an opinion in front of the entire group. Although she knew her words didn't have the power to change anyone's view, she still felt it was the right time to speak up.

Merit wanted to find out more about the situation from Clarke, but before she could make it back to the dropship Murphy was pulling her aside again.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Murphy exploded, yanking Merit firmly by the arm.

"Don't you ever grab me like that again," Merit warned, wrenching free from Murphy's grip.

Murphy must've have lost what little bit of sanity he had to begin with. He was clearly angry, but Merit wasn't going to allow him to treat her disrespectfully.

"Why are you siding with Clarke when she's trying to bring down the same people that don't give two shits about us?"

"I don't care about the bullshit propaganda that Bellamy is feeding you. I'm doing what I think is right," Merit snapped.

Since landing on the ground, the two friends had disagreed about nearly everything. They had ultimately chosen different sides and adapted to different lifestyles on the ground. Murphy seemed to be choosing to let his animalistic rage run wild while Merit wanted to change for the better.

"What about my father, Merit? Does that mean anything to you anymore?" Murphy asked, furiously.

Murphy was still bloody and scraped up from his scuffle with Wells. here was desperation in his eyes like he was reaching for something that was just too far to grasp. Merit could sense that he was cracking just beneath the surface, but she didn't have the solution to mend her broken friend.

"I'm sorry Murphy, but you can't just kill your problems," Merit reasoned.

"Isn't that the reason why you're down here?"

Murphy's words made Merit stop cold in her tracks. The person who had been saving from her past had recently become the one plaguing her with it. No one in this camp seemed to be exempt from Murphy's wrath, not even Merit.

"You have no right," Merit said, fighting to keep herself together.

She felt herself begin to shake the way she did when Bellamy mentioned her father. That same rage was boiling up inside of her and she was holding back tears. She did her best to keep her emotions bottled up inside, not wanting a public repeat of the other night.

"Wait. That came out wrong. I didn't mean it," Murphy said, reaching towards Merit.

"Don't," Merit said, shaking her head and moving out of Murphy's reach.

At that moment, Bellamy approached. He hesitantly looked back and forth between Merit and Murphy sensing the tension between the two.

"Murphy, come with me," Bellamy commanded.

"We'll finish this later," Murphy said, immediately leaving Merit's side.

The dynamics of their friendship were clearly different now. Murphy wasn't at all hesitant to leave Merit's side the way that she was to leave his on the first day. He shouldn't have left things unfinished especially after saying something so insensitive.

The differences in their relationship were especially apparent when Bellamy was present. Bellamy's word was gold for Murphy. If Bellamy told Murphy to "jump," Murphy would probably respond with "how high?" The relationship Murphy had formed with Bellamy seemed much more valuable and influential than anything that he and Merit had ever shared.

While one party went out to bring back Jasper, Merit spent most of the time with Monty and Octavia who were working away at trying to assemble a radio to contact The Ark. In those short moments, she felt closer to them. Monty was sincerely worried about Jasper who was more like a brother to him than a friend. Yet here he was using his abilities for the good of everyone when his best friend was in mortal danger. Monty understood where he could do the most good and Merit respected that about him.

Octavia, on the other hand, was trying to desperately carve out a path of her own away from the watchful eye of her big brother. She wanted to be her own entity without having everything dictated to her by Bellamy. She had her own mind and was capable of making her own decisions, but Bellamy still treated her like that baby bird that was still learning to fly when she was more than ready to soar.

Merit could in a sense relate to them, but more so, she could learn from them. They were all trying to find their place and purpose on the ground. Everyone was fighting their own internal battles, not just Merit, and it would be hard to survive without a feeling of community.

That night, the rescue party returned to camp with a badly injured Jasper and food in the form of a mutant panther carcass.

The crowd howled as Bellamy enthusiastically yelled, "Who's hungry?"

Merit was glad that Jasper was still alive, but what happened to him should've served as a solid warning for the other camp members. The unforeseen threat that was lurking just beyond their camp was nothing to be played with. None of them were quite prepared for any sort of attack and they needed to take extreme precautions or else there would be a lot more casualties.

After the mountain lion was cut and roasted, a trade began between Bellamy and the campers. In turn for food, delinquents were removing their bracelets. Bellamy's persuasiveness never failed to impress Merit. His many schemes made his power grow exponentially each day, leaving him king of the camp in under a week.

Merit was starving, but she had no intention of removing her wristband. She was going to eat and the fact that Bellamy had punched out the last guy who tried to get around his barter system didn't scare her. If Bellamy, Murphy or any of their little minions tried to step to her, she was going to knock every last one of them on their asses. It was in their best interest not mess with a hungry and tremendously grouchy woman.

Merit walked up to the fire pit and grabbed her own skewer of scaly panther meat. Bellamy stepped towards her menacingly as if to tell her to drop the meat without actually saying a word.

"You gonna punch me too, Blake?" Merit said with a raised eyebrow.

"No, but you're not eating with that bracelet on," Bellamy stated.

Merit was trying to follow her father's advice of not looking for a fight, but Bellamy was making that really hard. She was sort of hoping that Bellamy would make a move so she could have justification for jiu-jitsu throwing him all the way back to The Ark. He was unable to give her the ammunition she needed when Murphy stepped between them.

"It's okay, she's with me," Murphy said. "Merit, go."

Merit took her unappetizing slice of dinner and strolled away.

"She doesn't get special treatment because she's your friend," Bellamy said moving Murphy out of the way.

"I'll take care of it," Murphy urged, once again blocking Bellamy's path.

Merit was still walking when Murphy caught up to her. She was trying to get as far away from both Murphy and Bellamy as she possibly could. If Murphy thought she was going to accept this favor as his nonverbal apology then he had another thing coming.

"You have to stop going against Bellamy," Murphy said, trying to keep up with Merit's pace.

"That sounds nothing like me," Merit said. She finally stopped walking and leaned up against a tall tree for support.

"He knows what's best for us. Look, I'm trying my best to help you and keep you safe–"

"Help me? Keep me safe?" she asked, hysterically. "Bellamy doesn't care about anyone but himself and I'm beginning to realize that you're no different."

"Yeah and this is coming from the same girl that planned on bailing as soon as we hit the ground," Murphy said, raising his voice.

People began to notice the commotion brewing, so Murphy pulled Merit further away to thwart the gawking eyes.

"What the hell do you want from me?" Murphy continued.

"I want you to act like you have some fucking sense."

Murphy's erratic behavior was driving Merit insane. One minute he was her friend and the next minute he was verbally attacking her or using her past against her. She just wanted him to be straight with her and decide which Murphy he was going to be when he was around her.

"Now all of sudden you don't trust me? You've told me things, Merit." Murphy took a deep breath before continuing, "Things that no one else knows."

"Yeah and you told! You told Bellamy about my father," Merit countered abruptly.

"I didn't."

"So, he just magically knew about my dad?"

"I only told him that your dad was floated," Murphy confessed. "Is that why you're so pissed at me lately?"

"I'm pissed because I trusted you," Merit said, turning away from her friend.

"Look at me, Merit. That's all I told him," Murphy said, tipping Merit's chin back in his direction. "I made you a promise a long time ago and I haven't broken it. I just need you to trust me on this one."

"You're making this really hard for me, John."

Merit wanted to believe Murphy. His words sounded sincere and the way he looked at her with such repentance was draining every bit of strong will from her body. John was practically her family and she owed him as many second chances as he needed.

"Don't let me down," Merit finished.

* * *

A few days had passed and things were shaping up around camp. Everyone was doing their fair share of work to help make camp a more livable habitation. They had successfully created a semi-functional place to live complete with tents, a clean water source, and they were actively working on completing a perimeter wall to provide defense for the camp.

Merit was steadily making friends at the camp, becoming particularly close with Octavia, Monty, and Nathan Miller. The quarrels between Merit and Murphy subsided, but their friendship was at a plateau. They would talk here and there, but it was almost like they were keeping a comfortable distance from one another. The more Murphy hung around Bellamy, the greater that distance became. Merit had to accept the fact that sometimes friends just grew apart, no matter how much she thought that would never apply to her friendship with Murphy.

Merit was taking a break from helping construct the wall when she noticed Murphy step into her line of vision. Her old friend was following Bellamy around like a sick puppy, parading around camp and barking out orders at anyone who had ears. It was highly amusing yet disappointing at the same time.

Then there was Bellamy, who was just quietly watching over his kingdom and letting his court jesters handle the dirty work. Merit still couldn't get a handle on this guy. What was his motive? He had the characteristics to be an evil mastermind but at the same time a loving and protective older brother. The two didn't quite add up. Someone who spent 16 years of their life protecting the identity of their loved one couldn't be completely corrupt.

Merit watched as Bellamy aided a small girl who was struggling with lifting a log. For once, he was putting his muscular physique to good use instead of using it to intimidate or knock someone's brains out.

Suddenly, he did something shocking, he smiled. A smile that almost sent Merit flying backward from the stump she was posted on. It wasn't that smirk he had when he was about to hatch a devious plan or say something clever, but a genuine smile. Merit didn't think a human of Bellamy's stature was capable of such a feat. It was possible that even Bellamy had a limit and maybe he had a soft spot for children.

Bellamy was carrying the log in Merit's direction and before she could tear her eyes away the two made eye contact. It was like his smile had an on and off switch and Merit had just hit the off button. His smile dropped and strict king Bellamy of the peasants had returned.

"Why aren't you working?" Bellamy asked, sternly. His tone made the question sound more like a demand and Merit interpreted it as him saying "get your lazy ass back to work."

She had been working her butt off all morning and he decides to pop up when she's taking a five-minute break. She was going to go on strike if some humane labor laws weren't enforced under Bellamy's rule.

"Eat me, Blake" Merit retorted.

"If you would only use half of the energy you use to run your mouth to build this wall, it would be finished already," Bellamy shot back.

"What can I say? Insulting you is a full-time job."

"Just get back to work, Murdock."

"Right away, your highness," Merit said, bowing and walking away.

Bellamy had been pestering her the past few days, probably because she undermined his authority at that last tribal council type setting. It was all unpleasant furrowed eyebrow looks and demands. " _Do this, Murdock! Do that, Murdock!_ " was constantly getting yelled at her any time Bellamy was in her immediate vicinity. Having something catty to say in return wasn't necessarily helping her case and Merit decided it was best to just avoid Bellamy altogether, whenever possible.

Deciding to grab a drink before returning to her slave labor, Merit approached the watering hole where a small group, including Nathan Miller, was gathered.

Merit was able to get closer to Nathan as both of their fathers were officers of the Ark guard. They were able to share some of the hardships that both of their families had to endure with parents in that line of work and Merit found some form of solace speaking with him.

"Merit, when are you going to teach me some of that tricky martial arts shit?" Nathan asked, returning his water cup to a stack beside the watering hole.

"I'll give you private lessons. Wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends," Merit joked.

The laughs were short lived when Murphy burst in as loud as a megaphone, "Get back to work!"

This earned annoyed moans and grumbles from the group as they returned their cups and went back to business. Merit was the only one that stayed behind to finish her refreshment break. She could tell that Murphy was thoroughly enjoying his new position of power, but he was severely abusing it.

Merit looked Murphy up and down scrupulously while sucking her teeth.

"What?" Murphy asked, noticing Merit's surveying glance.

"Since when did you become Bellamy's whipping boy?" Merit asked before casually sipping her water.

Merit wasn't trying to start another argument, but she felt like she could still speak candidly with Murphy. The damage had already been done and she didn't think it could get any worse.

"That's what you think of me now?" Murphy scoffed.

"You can't deny that your head is halfway up his behind and he has a pretty big one."

Murphy and his gang had been trailing Bellamy like a bunch of baby ducks following their mother. They couldn't make a move without him. Anyone with eyes could see the mechanics of their group hierarchy. Bellamy was the head and everyone else was the bottom of his shoe.

"It's a step up from your ass," Murphy quipped.

"Really? Have you seen my butt lately?" Merit said, looking over her shoulder.

"I mean, it's nothing to write home about," Murphy said with a shrug. "Now, Bellamy…Have you seen him bend over?"

"Yeah you're right," Merit agreed.

At least, this conversation was able to have a light undertone. Merit really wanted to move on from this stagnant spot in their friendship, but Murphy had to be willing to talk about what was really happening. She hoped she would be able to get through to him this time.

"Okay, enough about butts," Merit said, steering the conversation back on topic. "The point is you're acting differently. This isn't the kid that I grew up with on the ark."

"You're right. That kid was weak. You gotta go where the power is, sweetheart," Murphy said, turning his back to Merit. He was back on the prowl for more innocent campers to harass.

Merit had failed again. She never saw Murphy as a weak person, in fact, she thought he was always the stronger of the two. There were countless times where she leaned on him and relied on his strength to get by growing up on the ark. It was his strength that initially got her through her father's death. Murphy held her broken pieces together and those pieces came crashing down the day he was sent to lock up.

Going back to her work, Merit rounded the corner where she saw Bellamy talking to a group of about five campers. She overheard him say something about needing food and that they would assemble a group to go on a hunt. Just as she turned her back to continue working on the wall, she heard his gruff voice call out her last name. Merit reluctantly walked over as Bellamy was giving out orders.

"Murphy you stay here and guard camp. Murdock, you come with us. It's about time you pulled your weight around here," Bellamy said.

"I'll only scare off our prey with my big mouth," Merit grumbled. Her eavesdropping had gotten her pulled into more work.

"This time, you're going to work for your food."

The group set out on their quest for food and came across two different sets of tracks. Bellamy split the group up so they could follow both leads. Merit and Bellamy would investigate one set while the others would follow the second set of tracks, in hopes of doubling their dinner profits. At least, if one of them came up empty handed, there was still hope of the other group finding something.

Merit was dreading being alone with Bellamy but hunting with him was surprisingly tolerable, mostly because he was being really quiet. There was no back-and-forth banter or insults flying and not once in those few hours did he try to convince Merit into taking off her bracelet. Merit didn't take his silence as being friendly as she figured Bellamy wasn't too thrilled to be alone with her either. He was probably only being cordial so she would keep her mouth shut.

"I think this trail has gone cold," Bellamy said, crouching down and inspecting the ground around him.

"Great," Merit said with a deep sigh. "I just took an afternoon stroll with you and I didn't even get dinner out of it."

"Yeah and I just brought you out here because I enjoy your company," Bellamy said, rolling his eyes.

"Why did you bring me out here anyway? Aren't we mortal enemies or something?"

"We wouldn't have to be if you weren't so damn annoying," Bellamy answered, standing and continuing to survey his area. "Besides, you need to learn how to hunt. You're not going to keep leeching off of my kills."

"So, you are still hung up over the panther incident," Merit started.

"Merit," Bellamy whispered, suddenly freezing in his place.

"That wasn't even your kill. I heard you would've been minced meat if it wasn't for Wells," Merit huffed, casually tossing her knife up in the air and catching it.

"Would you shut up and look," Bellamy said, pointing to a wild boar that was hiding away in some nearby foliage. "Split up. Try to drive it into my direction."

Without another word, the pair separated into a formation to ambush the boar from both sides. Bellamy had his trusty ax in hand and was readily prepared to split that wild boar's skull. Before Merit could get close enough to scare the animal, it started squealing and ran off further into the woods.

"Damn it!" Bellamy said in frustration. "We almost had it."

Merit noticed the rumble of thunder and the crack of lightning but the sky was clear and there was no sign of rain. She turned over her shoulder to see a thick orange cloud approaching while Bellamy was still raging over their loss.

"Bellamy," Merit said backing away. She was pointing towards the fog that was closing in on their position.

"You were right about your big mouth."

"Bellamy! We need to run, now!" Merit exclaimed as she tugged on the back of his shirt.

Bellamy, finally noticing the approaching fog, heeded Merit's words and the pair began to run as fast as they could away from the mystery mist.

Bellamy led Merit to safety in the coverage of a nearby cave.

"What the hell was that?" Merit asked, pressing herself against the farthest wall from the cave entrance.

"I don't know but it doesn't look good," Bellamy said, breathlessly.

"So what do we do?"

"We can't risk going out there. We stay here until it clears," Bellamy stated.

This is just what Merit needed, to be trapped in a cave with the bane of her existence because of some strange killer fog. The ground was getting better and better at throwing those curveballs and Merit was striking out every time.

After being stuck in the cave for more than a few hours, the fog still wasn't showing any signs of clearing and night was beginning to fall.

Merit and Bellamy maintained their distance from one another and kept conversation to a minimum.

"Looks like we're stuck here for the night," Bellamy said, trying to find a comfortable spot on the rocky cave floor.

"That's just great," Merit said, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them tightly. She had resorted to a seated fetal position in an attempt to shield herself from the chilly night air.

"We should huddle together," Bellamy suggested. He only had to notice the look of sheer disgust in Merit's eyes to realize how ridiculous this offer probably sounded. "For body heat," he stressed.

"No, no, and hell no," Merit all too enthusiastically declined.

"Are you that repulsed by me?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Merit said, almost bursting at the seams with laughter.

"If you want to freeze your ass off all night because you're too damn stubborn for your own good then be my guest," Bellamy jeered.

Merit was poised to allow her pride to get in the way of comfort, but there was one thing she couldn't stand more than Bellamy and that was being cold.

"Fine…just don't touch me," she grumbled.

Bellamy eased closer to Merit until they were sitting shoulder to shoulder.

"Here," Bellamy said, taking off his jacket and holding it out to Merit.

Merit was reaching for the jacket when she remembered the last time that Bellamy had offered her something.

"Nope, I know where this is going," Merit said, retracting her hand away from the jacket.

"I'm not asking for anything in return," Bellamy said, draping the jacket over Merit's shoulders.

"What about you?" Merit asked surprised. She was hoping that this act of kindness wouldn't come back around to bite her in the ass.

"I'll be fine," Bellamy said, crossing his arms and leaning his head up against the hard stone wall. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. "So…"

"Don't talk to me."

"You really just want to sit here quietly?"

"It worked for us earlier," Merit said, closing her eyes.

Bellamy was best served in small doses and as curious as she was to see what made this guy tick, Merit had more than the recommended dosage of Bellamy for the day.

"Murdock…Murdock," Bellamy pondered quietly. "As in James Murdock?"

Merit's eyes popped open at the sound of her father's name. Bellamy was eyeing her with curiosity.

"He was my father," Merit answered hesitantly, rocking back and forth restlessly in her seated fetal position.

"I worked with him when I was a cadet. He was a nice guy…a good guy," Bellamy emphasized.

"Didn't stop him from getting floated," Merit muttered under her breath. "I thought I told you not to mention him."

"Why is it so hard for you to talk about him?"

"Why does it matter? You don't see me bugging you about your mother," Merit answered, guardedly.

"That's because I refuse to let my mother's death be in vain."

"And what makes you think I'm not doing the same? Just because I'm not handling it your way doesn't mean I'm not handling it," Merit said, springing from her sitting position. She started pacing back and forth.

Bellamy was once again confronting Merit about her father. She hardly knew the guy yet he was constantly digging into her personal life whenever the opportunity presented itself. If his motive for the incessant questioning was to get a rise out of Merit then his tactics were working.

"Then why are you so against what I'm doing? I don't understand it," Bellamy queried intensely, rising from his place on the floor. "Both of our parents were wrongly executed but you want the same people that enforce those laws to come down here. People like me and you mean nothing to them."

"I'm not willing to put innocent people in danger for my own selfishness."

"Murphy told me you planned to just bail the minute we landed. Is that still the plan if The Ark lands? Are you just going to abandon everything you worked so hard to build?"

"If I have to," Merit said somberly, halting her agitated stride.

Bellamy's question was a sobering one and Merit's answer surprised even herself. She hadn't come to the ground expecting to be connected with a community. She was growing attached to the camp and its inhabitants and if The Ark came down, she would have no choice but to leave it all behind. With everything that's happened, taking on the world solo didn't seem so favorable now.

"Why are you discussing my business with Murphy anyway?" Merit said, shifting the subject to something less depressing but equally important. Merit had apparently been the topic of conversation between the two guys on more than one occasion.

"Just trying to figure you out."

"So what do you have on me so far?"

"You're clumsy, uptight, and stubborn. You're into martial arts, your favorite color is green, and you love your father."

"I'm not clumsy, you prick, but wow Murphy told you all that," Merit said with raised eyebrows. She was surprised that Murphy's jaw was still attached with how much his mouth had been running.

"No. Anyone can figure out the first three by being near you for more than five seconds," Bellamy said, moving to face Merit. "And anyone who gets that upset when someone brings up their dad must feel strongly about them. Besides, I knew your father and he talked about you all the time. I could tell he really cared about you," he took a slight pause before continuing, "Sometimes, I can't help but think if your father was there that night when Octavia was discovered things could've turned out differently."

There was the smallest quake in his voice when he spoke the last statement. His once blunt and harsh tone took on that of a gentler nature. Bellamy was looking at the ground reluctantly but when he looked up there it was again, that elusive smile. A smile that was so soft and sincere it shocked Merit out of her socks.

Oh, Bellamy was good. He was real good. That expression, those words, that voice; boy was he charming and he had Merit right where he wanted her. When Bellamy made Merit's heart race it was typically out of pure anger but, this time, was different. Her palms were sweating, her stomach was in knots, and she felt out of breath even though she was standing still.

 _"Get a grip, girl!"_ Merit thought to herself. She was after all standing face to face with Bellamy Blake, the best friend thief, the callous leader of their chaotic new world order, the smug jackass who had been causing trouble from the moment they landed, her sworn enemy. What was she thinking conjuring up any feelings towards him other than disdain? It was impossible to have positive feelings and Bellamy Blake in the same equation.

"You think playing on my sympathy is going to get me weak in the knees?" Merit snorted.

"Well…is it working?" Bellamy said, taking a confident step towards Merit, his dark brown eyes locked into a deep gaze.

Merit responded by tangling her slender fingers into his dark waves and pressing her lips hard against his. They pulled away long enough to catch their breath and before furiously kissing again.

Merit pushed away from Bellamy's strong embrace once more.

"I can't. We shouldn't," she panted.

"It's your call," Bellamy said breathlessly.

Merit didn't have enough time to mentally punch herself or question her behavior, or sanity for that matter, before she was once again wrapped up in the warmth of Bellamy's arms. Their attempts at resisting each other ultimately failed and resulted in the pair falling as a unified heap to the ground. Two bodies intertwined in skin and earth.

* * *

Merit awoke the next morning to find herself covered underneath Bellamy's jacket and t-shirt. Lifting up the jacket, Merit saw her topless torso and let out a long exasperated " _why_ " in her head. The self-inflicted mental pummeling would start now that the act had already been committed. She really just slept with Bellamy Blake, the same pompous jerk she had been constantly complaining about. His powers were unending. She was supposed to beat the guy up not bang him. Her hormones seemed to have overridden her ability to think logically.

Bellamy was standing at the entrance of the cave with his back turned to her. The morning light illuminating the parts of his shoulder blades that weren't entirely shrouded in the murky mixture of dirt and sweat. Merit tried to quietly grab her shirt while Bellamy wasn't looking but he quickly noticed her stirring.

"I thought you'd never wake up," Bellamy said, peering over his shoulder at Merit. "The fog is clear. We should head back to camp."

"Right," Merit said, sliding her shirt over her head then reaching for her pants.

"Aren't you missing something?" Bellamy smirked while holding up a pair of black underwear between his index and middle finger before tossing them over to Merit.

Merit caught the underwear and noticed her bare wrist.

"Where's my bracelet?" she asked, quickly dressing herself. She panned back and forth anxiously between her wrist and Bellamy. Finally, she followed Bellamy's eye line to the ground where the shiny metal wristband was lying in the dirt.

Here's to another moment of weakness at the hands of Bellamy Blake but, this time, it cost Merit her wristband.

"Either you're a really heavy sleeper or I just really wore you out," Bellamy snickered.

"You asshole!" Merit said, balling up the t-shirt that once covered her and launching it at Bellamy's head. He caught it and laughed victoriously as he pulled the shirt over his head.

He played her hard and Merit felt like a fool. Bellamy had cleverly succeeded in using his own sob story, in combination with the strong feelings tied to Merit's father, as a ploy to gain her sympathy. He fed her a load of garbage and convinced her it tasted good. He was an impressive actor and it was easy to understand why the others fell for his trickery so often.

On the trek back to camp, Merit was still trying to process the events that had transpired just a few hours ago. The mental beating she was dealing out to herself began to subside when she looked to reason with the situation instead.

Bellamy had gone through a ton of trouble to enact such a detailed plan all for a wristband. He could've, in the least, omitted half of the plan by just waiting for Merit to naturally fall asleep before snatching the wristband. Merit didn't exactly make the first half entirely difficult since she was the one who initiated the contact. Bellamy wasn't exactly the type to turn down such an offer, so it was possibly just an added bonus for him. Still, Merit had every chance to cease their romantic encounter but she didn't. It wasn't that she wanted Bellamy with her entire being, but she would be in denial if she said she didn't want him in that moment. With all of the stress presented in their new earthly environment, she was practically aching to relieve some much-needed tension and Bellamy happened to be around at the opportune moment.

Merit decided the most painless way to deal with the steamy encounter as a simple exchange and one-time occurrence. They both got what they wanted, they each served a purpose for the other, and yes her bracelet was gone but there were still plenty of others with functioning wristbands. There was absolutely nothing to freak out about.

Losing her wristband wasn't the worst thing that could've happened. At least, he had to work for it. _"And boy_ _did he work for it…"_ Merit thought as she caught herself drifting back into Bellamy land. _"Ok, it wasn't that great"_ Merit reasoned, dragging her mind from the gutter. She had experienced a minor slip up and it was time to move on, simple as that.

"So last night" Bellamy started.

"Will never happen again and if you tell anyone–"

"You'll kill me?"

"With my bare hands," Merit assured.

"Glad we could come to a civil understanding," Bellamy sighed.

"Just be happy your devious little plan worked."

"Plan?" Bellamy asked, innocently.

"Yeah, the one where you stole my wristband."

"The wristband was just an afterthought," Bellamy said with a snide grin. "It's not my fault you sleep like a rock."

"You're so full of shit it's coming out of your ears," Merit replied with an eye roll.

Bellamy was trailing a few paces behind Merit, just to the point where she could look over her shoulder and meet his gaze. She had turned just for a moment, for the slightest glance at her travel companion when she heard the rustle of leaves from above.

"Look out!" Bellamy cried, pushing Merit from behind. He had narrowly saved her from being pounced on by a grounder that was stalking them from the trees.

Merit stumbled forward, her foot catching an unearthed rock on the way down, and hit the dirt hard. She had fallen face first into the gritty soil. It had only been a few seconds but it seemed as if things were happening in slow motion. For that brief moment that she hit the ground, her hearing was muffled and her vision went blurry, but there were clear signs of an ongoing struggle in the background. She could hear Bellamy's pained grunts and screams resonating from behind her.

When she was finally able to roll onto her back, she saw Bellamy fighting off what was undoubtedly a grounder.

The man was large and wore heavily camouflaged clothing that consisted of various animal skins and fur while his face was cloaked behind a bone mask. He was frightening, to say the least.

It was honest to say that Bellamy wasn't winning this fight. The grounder had him pinned up against a tree with a giant wooden club to his throat. Bellamy was using every bit of his strength to keep the grounder from strangling him to death, but his body was giving out. Merit could see Bellamy's face slowly start to turn blue as the grounder increased the pressure against his throat. She had to act now or Bellamy was going to die.

Brushing across the dirt around her, Merit's hand found its way to a medium sized rock. She gripped the rock and chucked it full speed ahead. It made contact with her target, the back of the grounder's skull, leaving a nasty bloody gash. The impact of the stone, however, hardly phased the big brute but it was enough to make him release Bellamy from the deadly choke.

Bellamy had fallen limply to the ground and was gasping for air, but the grounder wasn't paying him any attention. Instead, his attention was averted to Merit, who had the unfortunate position of becoming the new target of the deranged foe.

Merit was still scrambling to pick herself up from the ground when the attacker charged at her, swinging his mighty club with great force. Merit was able to dodge it, weaving underneath the club and into a prime close range position on the grounder's sideline. There was a weak point in the grounder's armor at the neck and Merit took advantage of it, unleashing a flurry of chain blast punches and elbows into his neck and then snappily moving away from him.

She had to stay on the move if she had any chance of surviving. Relying on her speed and agility was the best option when facing off with such a large opponent. She couldn't risk getting caught up as one good strike from the grounder was probably enough to put Merit to sleep for all of eternity. Her only hope of gaining the upper hand was getting him to overexert his energy on swinging and missing until she could find an opening.

The grounder swung his club again and again and each time he missed. Merit's plan was working. The grounder was growing exhausted with each failed strike. His attacks became much slower giving Merit ample time to launch counterattacks. She threw more punches, more elbows, and knees. She was constantly moving her feet and never becoming a stationary target. After a devastating kick to the groin, the grounder doubled over, leaving the back of his neck exposed. Merit administered a harsh elbow to the grounder's neck and swept his foot out from under him. The enemy dropped to the ground, losing his grip on his weapon in the struggle.

The club had rolled just out of Merit's reach and she needed it if she ever planned on finishing her foe off. He was much too strong to take on with just her bare hands. Even now he was still conscious, groaning in pain and clutching his nether region, but showing no sign of quitting.

Knowing that he could get up at any moment, Merit had to move fast as giving this opponent any breathing room would be a huge and potentially detrimental mistake. Without turning her back to her fallen opponent, Merit took a quick shuffle step backward towards the club. As soon as she squatted down to secure the club, the grounder latched his meaty hand onto her ankle. He yanked her to the ground below and began dragging her towards him. Merit clawed her hands into the damp earth in order to prevent him from dragging her any further. She let loose kick after kick into the grounder's face but he still wasn't giving in. He had a tight grip on her legs and pulled with brute force until Merit was pinned beneath him. He grabbed onto her neck, easily enclosing its circumference with his thick hands, and began to choke. Merit desperately tried to break the choke, tucking her chin and clawing at his death grip, but to no avail. In a last ditch effort, she aimed her muddy fingers towards his eyes and went for the gouge.

The grounder was wailing in pain, but his grip was relentless and Merit feared she didn't have the power to finish the job. She was quickly running out of air, her energy was spent, and her vision was going black. Merit heard a loud thud and felt the pressure release from her throat, air once again filling her lungs. The grounder was lying unconscious next to her and Bellamy was standing over her, holding the club that once belonged to the grounder. He dropped the weapon before stooping down next to Merit who was experiencing fits of coughing.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy asked, placing a comforting hand on Merit's shoulder.

"I'll be fine," she said hoarsely, rubbing her tender throat.

"Let's get out of here," Bellamy said, lifting Merit to her feet. She cringed and grabbed her ankle. "What's wrong?"

"I think it's sprained," She hissed in pain. She must've been running off of a burst of adrenaline and it was finally wearing off.

"Don't worry. I got you," Bellamy said, draping Merit's arm across his shoulders. The wounded couple then continued their weary journey back to home base.


	3. Chapter 3

After a grueling hike, Merit and Bellamy reached the familiar wooden gates of their camp. Their safe return was met with many worried stares and calls of rejoicing from concerned friends. Octavia ran to the side of her battered older brother while Murphy dropped everything he was doing as soon as he saw his best friend limp into camp.

"What happened?" Murphy asked frantically, rushing towards his friends. He took Merit's free arm and placed it over his shoulders to support her.

"Be careful. Her ankle is sprained," Bellamy cautioned. He had carried Merit for the long trek home and he probably didn't need Murphy's assistance at this point in time.

"It's cool, I got her," Murphy replied, placing a guiding hand around Merit's waist.

Bellamy reluctantly released Merit from his aiding embrace and into Murphy's arms. He observed as Murphy guided Merit to a seat, paying close attention to the wandering hand that seemed to inch from Merit's waist and drop occasionally to her hip.

"Are you going to tell us what happened?" Octavia asked, impatiently. She was looking at her brother with an expression of distress, earnestly fearing for his well-being.

"We were attacked," Bellamy responded, plainly. His attention was elsewhere and he was giving his baby sister fleeting glances, essentially staring past the young brunette.

"Are you okay?" Octavia questioned, sensing her brother's indifference. She couldn't tell if he was even listening.

He was acting oddly reserved for someone that had just been ruthlessly attacked and almost killed. Octavia attributed his unresponsiveness to shock, but if she knew her older brother at all then she knew that he wasn't one to freeze in the face of danger. The reasoning behind his absentminded behavior had to be deeper.

"Hello, Earth to Bellamy," Octavia said, snapping her fingers twice in front of her zoned out sibling.

"O, I'm fine," he replied. He gave Octavia's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and pressed his lips tightly together.

What Octavia thought to be a vacant stare plastered across her brother's face was actually a fixed gaze. She noticed Bellamy, not so discreetly, monitoring the interaction between Murphy and Merit.

"How are you holding up?" Murphy asked. He had ushered Merit to one of the many torn out drop ship seats that littered the campground.

"I'm fine, Murphy," Merit answered weakly.

She was the exact opposite of fine; her throat was raw, her ankle was painfully swollen, and her head was throbbing. The journey home had depleted the last bit of energy she had reserved, leaving her completely exhausted.

"No, no you're not," Murphy said, kneeling in front of his beat up friend. "Let me look at you." He carefully examined a few scrapes on Merit's face before grabbing a wet cloth to dab at the wounds.

"How's my mug," Merit asked, wincing at the sting of dirt being cleaned from her facial injuries.

"That's a face only a mother could love," Murphy teased.

"I think my mother missed the memo." Merit let out a raspy chuckle.

"Luckily, you've got me to put up with that face of yours," Murphy said with a chipper grin.

Bantering with Murphy seemed to make the pain in Merit's head and ankle melt away. Joking was their way of healing and dealing with life's unfortunate circumstances and Murphy always knew just what to say to tickle Merit's funny bone.

Staring into Murphy's smiling eyes made Merit feel an immense amount of comfort. She felt at home and unharmed in the warmth of his presence. This was a feeling that had gone astray since the pair landed on the ground, only appearing in random passing bursts. It was that nostalgic feeling that Merit had been so longing for to return, a feeling of familiarity, peace and protection. A feeling that only family could give you. Even if it was just for the moment, Merit had her old friend back and it felt amazing.

"I'm no doctor, but I think you'll live," Murphy added. He was rubbing Merit's arms and shoulders to warm her up. "How'd you make it through last night? You must've been freezing."

Merit laughed awkwardly in response, remembering her and Bellamy's steamy exchange. Her face burned red with embarrassment at the very thought of their secret rendezvous. She could only imagine the gagging noises Murphy would make if he found out that Bellamy had been the one to keep her warm all night. There were some experiences that didn't need to be shared among friends, or anyone for that matter, and this was one of them.

"Murphy," Bellamy interrupted, helping Merit dodge an extremely awkward bullet. "Find Clarke and tell her to come to my tent."

Murphy nodded in compliance and took his leave, searching for Clarke in the direction of the dropship.

Octavia was watching closely as Murphy made his way down the dirt path, making sure that he was nearly out of sight before giving Bellamy signaling nod. Bellamy and Octavia moved towards Merit, closing the gaps in between them by forming a tight triangle.

Octavia made sure that Murphy was well out of range before she spoke, "Something needs to be done about Murphy."

"What do you mean?" Bellamy asked, furrowing his brow and folding his arms across his chest.

"He tried to kill Jasper while you were gone," Octavia revealed.

Jasper, who was severely injured, had been wailing like a howler monkey on its deathbed for at least a full 24 hours. Anyone within a ten-mile radius of camp could probably hear the poor kid dying. His unrelenting cries of pain were driving the other campers mad with fear. No one in the camp was getting any sleep and many were driven to the edge with the thought that their future held the same fate as Jasper's.

"No," Merit said, shaking her head in denial. "He was probably just acting tough. He wouldn't actually kill anyone."

Merit was sure that a seriously sleep deprived Murphy was capable of threatening to put the hollering Jasper out of his misery, but he couldn't possibly go through with such a cruel act.

"Are you kidding me?" Octavia said in disbelief. "You know Murphy better than anyone and you've seen firsthand how crazy he's been acting."

"I don't know, Octavia," Merit said with a heavy sigh. "I just don't think he would go that far."

Perhaps Murphy was indeed just acting, merely putting up an incredibly well-crafted front to seem utterly villainous. The fact that he had gotten into more than one violent physical altercation and urinated on some poor unsuspecting guy's back wasn't exactly helping prove his innocence. Murphy had been nothing short of a bully since landing on the ground and that was fact. Merit may have been giving her longtime friend too much credit, but she didn't want to believe the worst about him.

"He's a loose cannon," Octavia warned.

"I'll handle it," Bellamy asserted.

"How?" Octavia persisted, not satisfied with the answer received.

"I'll keep an eye on him," Bellamy emphasized.

"Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you when he ends up killing someone," Octavia said, throwing her hands up in the air and backing away from her brother.

"Just stay out of trouble. Got it?"

Octavia raised an eyebrow at her brother before turning her attention to Merit. "Feel better soon, Merit." Octavia turned her back to the pair and returned to the drop ship to check on Jasper who was steadily recovering.

Bellamy squatted down in front of Merit with his back facing her and said, "Hop on."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking you to my tent so you can get some rest."

"What? Why?" Merit asked in surprise. She didn't expect Bellamy to start treating her with courtesy simply because they spent one night together.

"I have a big job for you," Bellamy disclosed.

"More work?" Merit said with a groan. "Back to being a hard ass, I see."

"Shut up and get on already."

Merit climbed onto Bellamy's back, gently wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders, being careful to avoid the bruises that marked the front of his throat. Bellamy lifted her effortlessly into the air and carried her down the short muddy path to his tent.

Bellamy entered the tent, forgetting about the two young women who had been previously sleeping there and probably patiently awaiting his arrival. The girls rejoiced at the sight of Bellamy but their excited expressions soon changed to ones of distaste once they noticed Merit clinging to his back.

"What's going on?" one girl asked.

"And who is she?" the other chimed in.

"She's injured and I need to put her down," Bellamy said, shifting Merit's weight around on his back. "Now would you mind giving us some privacy?"

The young ladies weren't thrilled with Bellamy's explanation or his orders, but they followed them and cleared out of the tent.

Bellamy took Merit over to the edge of his bed where he intended to drop her off. He was crouching down so she could disembark when he felt her grip tightening around his neck.

"Merit," he croaked. "You're choking me!"

"I am not using that bed," Merit said, clutching onto Bellamy for dear life.

Bellamy moved away from the bed and let Merit plant her feet on solid ground before asking, "Why?" He grimaced as he rubbed his tender throat.

"You expect me to sleep there when you've been having kinky threesomes on that thing. Nuh uh, no way," Merit said, waving her hands in protest. There was no telling what bodily fluid horrors lurked among those blankets. She would need a black light and the largest can of anti-bacterial spray before she would even consider lying on that bed.

"I didn't do anything with them…Well, except for huddling together, you know, for warmth," Bellamy said, choking back his laughter. He had been telling the truth, but it was highly amusing watching Merit squirm.

"Yeah and we both know what that entails," Merit said, hopping on one foot towards the exit. "I'm going to the dropship. You can keep this little fantasy freak show to yourself."

Bellamy scooped Merit up and cradled her in his arms before she could make it out of the tent.

"Put me down right now," Merit objected.

"Fine," Bellamy said, placing Merit over the bed and dropping her. He laughed seeing her twist and turn in a failed effort to free herself from the pile of blankets all while hurling a slew of obscenities in his direction.

The pair had been so absorbed in their teasing that neither noticed that Clarke had entered the tent behind them.

"Am I interrupting something?" Clarke asked, giving Bellamy and Merit a questionable stare.

"No," Bellamy said, immediately straightening up his face and posture. "I'll be outside."

Bellamy left the tent while Clarke checked the status of Merit's ankle.

Clarke examined Merit's ankle, noting that the lack of bruising was a good sign, and confirmed that the injury was a mild sprain. She wrapped the ankle with an elastic band to keep it stable and supported while elevating it on a rolled up blanket. Clarke recommended that Merit not participate in strenuous activities to prevent further injury, assuring Merit that she would make a full recovery with a few days of rest.

Bellamy returned to the tent once Clarke exited and took a seat at the end of the bed near Merit's propped up foot.

"What's the diagnosis?" he asked.

"Mild sprain. Clarke wants me to stay off of it for a few days."

Being immobile, for possibly the next week, wasn't Merit's ideal course of treatment but she had to comply or face the risk of making things worse. Putting unnecessary pressure on her ankle could result in a torn ligament and there would be no fixing it with their limited medical resources.

"I wanted to talk to you about what you did earlier," Bellamy started. "How you fought that grounder. I want you to teach the others."

"You mean almost getting killed? That'll do them a lot of good," Merit huffed.

"You can teach them how to defend themselves."

"I don't know, Bellamy," Merit said doubtfully.

Merit was honored by Bellamy's proposition and the fact that he thought she was skilled enough to instruct the others. Teaching the camp members self-defense tactics was definitely a smart idea and would prove to be a valuable asset for their protection in the future. However, Merit wasn't sure that she possessed the wisdom and patience required to guide them as students in such a refined art.

There were stark differences between learning martial arts and then applying it in real life situations of danger. Fighting wasn't about tricks or ego or pummeling ten people at once like some old school kung fu movie. When applied in life or death situations, it was purely about survival, assessing the situation and knowing whether to stand and fight or run away. It was about being in tune with your body and abilities because knowing yourself meant that you didn't have to know your opponent. On the ground, fighting had to be about killer instinct. You had to be prepared to take your opponents head off or die. If Merit was going to teach the others how to fight then they had to understand the intricacies of the art as well as the seriousness of the threats they faced on the ground.

"I saw you struggling and I just sort of reacted thoughtlessly," Merit confessed.

"That reaction saved my life," Bellamy said, placing a hand on Merit's leg.

"If not for you, I would've been dead too so...thanks."

Bellamy had, in fact, saved Merit's life just as much as she saved his.

There was a long pause in their conversation while Merit contemplated her decision. She was looking down at her lap, quietly asking her deceased father for guidance in the matter. She needed every bit of his essence to assist her if she was going to take on such a responsibility.

Her father's teachings were the lessons that had once calmed her tumultuous spirit and she could feel his quiet strength engulfing her now. She could hear his voice echo in her mind, but this time, it wasn't his painful last words that plagued her. This time, it was words of encouragement and affirmation, leading her to accept the challenge.

"I'll do it," Merit decided. She looked up from her trance to see Bellamy softly smiling back at her.

"Good. I'm going to need you at full health," Bellamy said, rising from his seat. "You should sleep here."

"With you?" Merit asked dumbfounded, her eyes growing the size of saucers.

"Not unless you want me to," Bellamy said with a raised eyebrow. "I was planning on sleeping in the drop ship until you were better."

"Yeah, of course," Merit said, wringing her hands. "I mean to the drop ship, that is. Sleeping there is, uh, it's a good idea."

"I'll be there if you need me," Bellamy said, pushing back the tent door. "Get some rest."

Merit awoke a few hours later to the sound of crickets and the rustling footsteps of the night patrol. The morning sunlight that once permeated the thin tent walls gave way to the moon and the night shone through by way of campfire and lantern light.

After brief bouts of tossing and turning, Merit's restless spirit refused to return to its slumber. Looking at the tent door, Merit contemplated getting up and taking a night stroll while most of the camp slept. That idea was quickly dashed by the image of an angry Clarke appearing over her shoulder and dragging her forcefully back to the tent by the ear.

 _"Looks like it's just me and you,"_ Merit thought as she peered down at her bandaged foot and wiggled her toes.

Not even a minute later, Merit heard the whoosh of the tent door opening and saw Bellamy poking his head inside from behind the curtain.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I can come back later," he said.

"No, it's fine. Come in," Merit said, propping herself upright.

For once, she was pleased to see Bellamy. It was almost strange how the two had come to a silent truce over a near-death experience, but she was glad that they did. At least with his company, she wouldn't have to spend the remainder of the night talking to her bulbous ankle.

"Surprised to see you awake," Bellamy said, placing his pack on the floor.

"Ever been so tired that you can't sleep?"

"You just need to relax."

"Know any good bedtime stories?" Merit said, patting the empty spot next to her.

"I know a lot about Augustus," Bellamy said, taking a seat on the bed next to Merit. "Octavia and I would listen to our mom read about Roman history and mythology for hours."

"Tell me more about this Augustus." Merit shifted to her side and tucked her hands underneath her head like a pillow.

Bellamy recited Augustus' history with such precision it was as if he had the exact book his mother read to him stored inside of his head. His lips would curl into the slightest smile when he recounted tales that made him especially nostalgic and his speckled cheeks were glowing flushed pink under the dim lantern light. It was possible that the story of Augustus not only thrilled him because of the details but because of the sentimental ties that connected it to his family.

"Here's this kid who finds out, at 17, that he's inheriting an empire." Bellamy explained with complete amazement. "In a forty year reign, he not only expanded the empire beyond its borders but he developed a wealth of innovations for his people; from tax reform to a courier system, roadways, and even police and fire-fighting services. Not to mention he ushered Rome into an era of relative peace, Pax Romana, which was at one point thought to be a miraculous act."

There were quite a few parallels between the young rebel king and the Roman emperor. Bellamy was this young man who had taken on the immense responsibility of leading a community of teen delinquents and building a utilitarian society from the ground up. Under Bellamy's short reign, he had built shelter and a perimeter wall, set up a water filtration and dispensing system and successfully implemented a patrol as well as hunting and gathering parties. Although, his social ethics needed work, camp functionality was on the rise because of his leadership. He wasn't exactly guiding their new settlement into an era of peace but he still had plenty of time to refine his vision of this unseasoned civilization. As the saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day.

"You're Augustus," Merit yawned sleepily.

"What was that?" Bellamy said, breaking his impassioned rant abruptly. The only response he received was the soft sound of Merit's stable breathing. "Merit, are you awake?" He whispered, turning to his side and looking down to find Merit peacefully snoozing.

* * *

Bellamy smiled to himself and watched Merit sleep for a moment. She was out like a lightbulb, the sounds and movements of the outside world becoming inaudible to her slumbering ears. When Bellamy said that she slept like a rock, he meant it. She didn't even stir when he shifted his weight and stood from the bed beside her. After enduring such a tiresome day, Bellamy figured that Merit deserved to sleep soundly, but if she drooled on his pillow, he would surely give her a hard time about it.

After brushing a few stray strands of hair away from Merit's face, Bellamy exited the tent, leaving her to sleep the rest of the night away undisturbed.

Bellamy left the tent only to find Octavia waiting outside for him. She was standing cross-armed and tapping her foot.

"What are you doing," she asked.

"Minding my own business. Something you clearly aren't doing," Bellamy answered snappily. He picked up a brisk pace towards the dropship and Octavia was following closely behind him.

"I mean, what were you doing in there at this hour," Octavia said, pointing emphatically towards the tent.

"Let me get this right, you're asking me why I was in my own tent at this time of night?"

"So you want to play it that way?"

"I have no idea what you're on about," Bellamy said, continuing his stride up the dropship ramp.

"Fine," Octavia said, placing her hands on her hips. She drew in a deep breath before loudly announcing, "You have a crush on Merit."

There was a small group of campers gathered around the fire that took notice of the commotion, turning their probing stares toward the brother and sister duo.

Bellamy scrambled towards Octavia, pulling her away from the dropship and the curious eyes that fell upon them.

"Are you trying to wake the entire camp up?" Bellamy said in frustration.

"You like her," Octavia repeated.

"I don't know where this is coming from."

"Don't play stupid with me. I see the way you look at her."

"Yeah, like she's a thorn in my side," Bellamy said, irritably rubbing the back of his neck.

"Bellamy-"

"I'm letting her use my tent just until she's recovered. That's all there is to it," Bellamy deflected. "So drop whatever plans you have going on in that sneaky little head of yours."

Octavia's incessant digging into Bellamy's romantic life would prove fruitless because the juicy details she sought just weren't there. He had fully convinced himself that his feelings for Merit were purely casual. The ground wasn't exactly an ideal platform to build a fruitful relationship and Bellamy wasn't about to let his heart get in the way of his head.

"Fine," Octavia agreed, only saying what her older brother wanted to hear. In reality, her plans weren't even the tip of the iceberg.

* * *

The following morning, Merit awoke from some of the most restful sleep that she had gotten in her entire stay on the ground. Bellamy's tent was the premier when it came to camp living as he had hoarded some of the best luxuries for himself. He had the closest alternatives to a comfortable bed and warm blankets. Not to mention, he had the most spacious tent of anyone living on the premises. It was safe to say that the king's suite did not disappoint.

Merit rolled over in the makeshift bed, giving her arms and legs a good stretch before sitting up. She reached over for her boots and slipped them on, noticing that the swelling in her ankle had already begun to subside.

Rolling out the kinks in her neck, she remembered Bellamy's gravelly voice lulling her to sleep with his fervent retelling of Augustus's history and it made her smile.

The more she delved into Bellamy's character, the more she realized he wasn't a complete jackass. Sure he had stolen her wristband but she was guilty of committing worse crimes for the sanctity of her family. Still, Bellamy wasn't without his charms; he cared deeply for his family, he was a strong leader, a fighter, and a Roman history aficionado. Spending time with him only revealed a relatable and striking personality that Merit felt drawn to.

Merit was still sitting on the edge of the bed and smiling into space like an idiot when Murphy burst into the tent.

"Bellamy-" Murphy paused when he saw Merit sitting on the bed. With his eyebrows furrowed he asked, "Where's Bellamy?"

"I don't know. Drop ship maybe." Merit shrugged and finished tying her boots before standing to stretch once more.

Murphy looked perturbed as he ran his fingers through his greasy hair.

"What are you doing here, Merit?" he sniffed, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose.

"Well, good morning to you too."

"So I'm Bellamy's whipping boy but it's okay for you to screw him," Murphy said crossly, shaking his head with disgust.

Merit had to rewind Murphy's accusations in her mind to make sure that her ears weren't playing tricks on her. The abrasiveness of his words shocked her like a splash of icy water and that shock was probably the only thing keeping her from knocking his teeth into his head for shaming her over her sexual decisions.

Merit took a breath to gather herself before responding, "I'm giving you a one-time pass because I just woke up and you are obviously out of your fucking mind."

Since they made it to the ground, Merit and Murphy's friendship had started to slowly crumble and it was drawing dangerously close to the final straw.

"And if I was screwing him it'd be none of your damn business," Merit said, storming past Murphy and out of the tent.

Just like Murphy knew exactly what to say to make Merit feel better, he also knew how to get under her skin. Murphy used his words like weapons and when he was feeling particularly moody or persecuted, he made sure his words cut deep. Words were his defense mechanism and lashing out at Merit was his way of protecting himself from getting hurt.

There was no telling what Merit did this time to warrant one of Murphy's verbal attacks. Her sleeping in Bellamy's tent was somehow bothersome to him in a way she couldn't fathom. This wasn't the first time that Murphy had wrongfully unleashed his anger onto Merit, but she was really getting tired of being his scapegoat.

Merit was so absorbed in her frustration with Murphy that she hardly noticed Bellamy cross her path until he nudged her with his elbow.

"Finally awake, Murdock? I could hear you snoring all the way from the drop ship," Bellamy joked.

"Well your Augustus fanboying put me to sleep," Merit replied, playfully punching Bellamy in the shoulder.

"If you tell anyone about this-"

"You'll kill me?"

"With my bare hands." Bellamy echoed a warning that Merit had given him once before.

"Your secret's safe with me," Merit assured. "I think I like this Augustus guy. Seems pretty cool in a way…I wouldn't mind hearing more about him sometime."

"I'll stop by later to check in with you." Bellamy half smiled and nodded before continuing toward his tent.

Merit turned and watched him go; her movement was like an involuntary reaction but she was drawn to him like a magnet. She hadn't even realized that Bellamy was the object of her dream-like gaze until Octavia obstructed her vision.

"Enjoying the view?" Octavia commented.

Octavia had caught her red handed, leaving Merit with two options: deny or run away, the latter being much more difficult considering the state of her ankle.

"Yeah, just look at those trees. What is that, evergreen?" Merit said, giving possibly the most unconvincing performance of the century. She wasn't a good liar and it showed in her nervous body language, from the quiver in her voice to her shifty eyes. If Octavia would only grab her hands she would feel the perspiration seeping through Merit's palms.

Since option one was a failed strategy, Merit decided to go with plan B and hobble away as fast as her injured ankle would allow her.

"What's the deal with you and Bellamy?" Octavia asked boldly, giving chase and easily keeping up with Merit.

"Nothing."

"So you're both acting totally weird for no reason."

"Us agreeing not to kill each other means we're acting weird?" Merit asked, avoiding all eye contact with Octavia.

Octavia stopped suddenly and made a face like the wind had knocked been out of her. "Oh my gosh, you slept with him."

Octavia, who had somehow acquired professional private investigator skills on the ground, was able to easily sniff out the clues and piece them together to form a conclusive theory.

"What? I didn't say that," Merit said startled, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head at the accuracy of Octavia's guess.

"More than once? Oh wow, gross."

"Octavia, shut up," Merit said, rushing towards Octavia and covering her mouth.

Octavia let out a muffled, "I knew it," behind Merit's hand.

"It was only once," Merit confessed, releasing Octavia from her muzzle. "Now can you quit bugging me?"

"You like him don't you?"

"I don't like him," Merit said, pressing two fingers to her temple. "Hell, we just started being cordial with each other."

Like him? Okay, there was possibly the smallest inkling of like for Bellamy in Merit's body, but she had only just begun to know him on a likable level. The pair was finally on good terms and Merit didn't want to mess that up by bringing something as complicated as romantic feelings into the picture.

"And the adoring stares?" Octavia continued.

"Just part of your extremely vivid imagination."

"Merit, you have to tell him," Octavia urged.

"No way in hell."

"Why not?" Octavia sighed, placing a hand on her hip. She couldn't decide who was more difficult; her brother or Merit.

"Because there's nothing to tell, Octavia," Merit said, growing more frustrated with the conversation.

"You don't have to be afraid of having feelings for my brother. Take a risk, give it a chance," Octavia said, throwing her hands out. "Really, what do you have to lose?"

There were two problems with Octavia's philosophy; the first being that they were on the insanely dangerous Earth and the second being that her brother was Bellamy Blake. Merit had every reason to be fearful of the limitless situations of misfortune that could occur with those two variables.

In theory, if Merit was so bold to express her feelings of interest for Bellamy one of two things could happen; she could be rejected or accepted. Even with the small chance of her feelings being requited, there was still the age old question of: "where do we go from here?" Were they supposed to miraculously fall in love and run away together once The Ark came down? Fight the grounders and die together in a blaze of glory? Grow old and live happily ever after? These scenarios sounded closer to a literary work of fiction rather than reality.

Merit had already lost too many valuable pieces of her life in the face of adversity and opening her heart to Bellamy could only lead to unnecessary heartache. Despite Merit's sheepishly growing feelings for Bellamy, the prospect of fostering a romantic relationship with him was not only ludicrous but impossible. In respect to matters of the heart, the apparent risks seemed to outweigh the prospective gain.

The earlier girl talk with Octavia left Merit feeling a tad wound up over Bellamy, but she still found herself impatiently counting down the minutes until dark hit. She was actually looking forward to the moment when Bellamy would appear from behind the tent door and she felt sort of silly for it.

Merit shut her eyes and rolled her shoulders in an attempt to relieve some of the stress that was afflicting her.

"What's wrong?" Bellamy asked, quietly entering the tent.

Merit's eyes shot open at the sound of his voice. Bellamy was much earlier than she had expected, as the sun had just barely tucked away its last light, giving rise to the enchanting white light of the moon.

"It's nothing," Merit said quickly. "Just feeling a little cooped up."

"Shoulders bothering you?"

"A little."

"It just so happens that I'm really good at giving massages," Bellamy said, rubbing his hands together.

"I don't think massaging your own ego counts."

"Very funny, smartass," Bellamy said plopping on the bed next to Merit. "Give me a shot?"

"Fine, but keep your hands above the waist," Merit said, pointing a finger of warning towards Bellamy's nose.

Once he agreed to the terms of service, Merit shrugged her jacket off and laid down on her stomach. Bellamy placed his weathered hands against the bare skin of Merit's shoulders and started to rub, exhibiting a surprisingly light touch. The contrast between his warm calloused hands against her smooth skin created a friction that seemed to melt away the tension in Merit's knotted back.

"I guess, I'm not so repulsive after all," Bellamy said, smoothing his hands across Merit's delicate shoulder blades.

"Okay, maybe you're the smallest, tiniest bit less repulsive than I first imagined."

"Really?" Bellamy said, halting the massage. "Only the smallest bit?"

"Goodnight, thanks for the massage," Merit said, rolling onto her back and shutting her eyes. There was no way that Bellamy was going to sweet talk her into spilling her feelings for him.

"I'm not letting you off that easily," Bellamy said, climbing over Merit and hovering over her on all fours. "Are you sure it was only the tiniest bit?" Bellamy's lips were softly caressing each of the black and blue marks printed across Merit's neck, admiring their matching battle scars. "So was that a little or a lot?" he said in between pecks.

"Just above a little," Merit giggled. "Okay, that tickles."

"I think I've found your weakness," Bellamy said, sliding his hands up Merit's sides and mercilessly tickling her ribs.

"I hate being tickled." Merit could scarcely form a complete sentence in between fits of laughter.

"So, I'll stop when you tell me how much you like me," Bellamy said, stopping his attack and allowing Merit to catch her breath with a short break.

"I never said I liked you," Merit said, playfully swatting at Bellamy's hands. "Besides, I think the question was whether or not you were still repulsive."

"Minor details. You get the point." His hands were poised and ready to continue his assault.

"Okay, okay," Merit said, latching onto Bellamy's wrists and holding his hands at bay. "I think you're mildly less annoying than the day that I first met you."

"That's all?"

"Yes, now stop trying to tickle me before I knee you in the balls." Merit still was laughing but her threat held weight. Bellamy, fearing for the safety of his family jewels, complied and rolled onto the bed next to Merit. "I will say that it's nice to have someone take my mind off of our impending doom for a little while."

"You're pretty distracting yourself," Bellamy said, locking eyes with Merit for a moment that seemed to last an eternity.

Bellamy had these piercing eyes that sent lightning shooting up Merit's spine any time he looked at her. He struck a chord that resonated deeply within her. From the way he gazed upon her affectionately to the way her skin relented to the warmth of his fingertips, every moment they spent together felt unabashedly powerful.

"I should get back to the dropship," Bellamy said, never once taking his eyes off of Merit.

"Stay," Merit said, grabbing hold of Bellamy's hand. She inhaled deeply, trying to steady her quickening heartbeat when she felt his fingers interlace with hers.

Merit wasn't sure if this small gesture was an acknowledgment of their feelings for one another, but it opened a floodgate to her emotions that she wouldn't be able to easily close.


	4. Chapter 4

The days passed by quickly in Bellamy's company and although Merit's ankle was fully healed, she remained a permanent fixture within his tent. The routine stayed the same; they would handle their daily duties, but once night fell they slipped back into a world that was all their own. The pair would spend their sleepless nights sharing what they thought to be the secret to life, telling stories, or just quietly lying in each other's arms. The nights didn't seem so long and arduous sleeping next to each other.

The connection that Merit felt with Bellamy wasn't purely physical. She felt that they were akin in spirit. Both had hearts that were hardened by the plentiful adversities of life and they understood why having a tough exterior was so important in survival. They found common ground by standing together in a world where the odds were stacked against them.

Bellamy was undoubtedly growing on Merit. Each night he would appear, working his dark magic, and then every morning he would leave with a little piece of Merit's heart. He had taken residence in her head and heart, occupying every waking moment until his name was practically scribbled in capital letters across her brain. She could scarcely make a move without being reminded of the little things that she liked about him; like the way he would try to hold in his laughter when she told a lame joke or the way he scrunched up his face when she walked her long fingers across every individual freckle that bridged across his nose. Keeping Bellamy off the brain was becoming a day-to-day chore.

Although the late night romps persisted and Merit's feelings for Bellamy continued to grow, the pair never explicitly stated that they were an item. Their meetings remained a secret to the other campers, save for Octavia, and their public appearances were very business oriented. They kept the details of their budding relationship very private and shrouded in the stillness of the dark.

Each night usually followed the same pattern; Merit would sneak into Bellamy's tent when no one was looking and wait for him to return once he finished his final round of patrol. However, this night was a little different.

Upon slipping into the tent, Merit found a note addressed to her lying on Bellamy's bed. Written neatly on an old dusty piece of paper was a message directing her to a destination. Bellamy wanted to meet her at the butterfly zone, the new age's answer to a lover's lane. It was a radioactive make-out hill covered in luminescent blue butterflies. There was only one reason why the hormonal campers took a trip to the butterfly zone and it was never because they had honorable intentions.

Merit tapped her fingers repetitively against her sides and the nerves danced like tiny fairies in her stomach. It would've been more accurate to say that the little imps were river dancing on her intestines. Pondering Bellamy's motives for dragging her all the way out here instead of meeting her in the privacy of his tent had her stomach in knots. She had been putting up a valiant fight in the battle for possession of her heart, but Bellamy was closing in on a victory and tonight could prove to be the final round.

A hand snaked its way around Merit's waist and held her in a close embrace from behind. She could recognize Bellamy simply from his touch. His body temperature always ran hot and his warmth thawed her icy skin.

"Late for your own date? Just like you Bellamy Blake," Merit said, turning to face Bellamy.

"So that's what this is?" Bellamy replied, immediately nuzzling his face into the crook of Merit's neck and kissing it repeatedly.

"You tell me since you are the one that invited me," Merit said, leaning away from Bellamy and pushing him away by the chest.

"Are you feeling okay?" Bellamy asked, placing the back of his hand on Merit's forehead. "Because I'm pretty sure you're the one who invited me."

Bellamy dug into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled up wad of paper. Merit snatched the paper from his hands and opened it to find a message signed with her name at the bottom. She compared it to the one she had received, two halves of the same dirty beige paper written in identical handwriting.

"I didn't write this," Merit insisted.

"Neither did I."

There was only one person who was so closely invested in their romantic fate and this set up had her fingerprints all over it.

"Octavia," they said in unison.

They'd been bamboozled and now that the evidence was in plain sight it was ridiculous that they hadn't figured it out sooner. Octavia had been trying to pen them into fairy tale love story from the moment that she suspected romantic feelings were brewing. She had taken it upon herself to forge a happy ending for her brother and his potential love interest.

"You couldn't even recognize your own sister's handwriting?" Merit asked outraged. She was vigorously shaking the note in front of Bellamy's face.

"It's been awhile. Give me a break," Bellamy said, plucking the paper from Merit's hand and balling it up again. He dropped it to the ground before trampling over it with his boot. "And what's your excuse? Don't tell me you actually believed that I dragged you all the way out here to ask you to be my girlfriend."

"How stupid do you think I am?" Merit asked with a nervous laugh.

 _"Really stupid. Extremely stupid. How could you be so stupid?_!" Merit was mentally smacking herself in the head. She hadn't expected Bellamy to ask her to go steady, but she hoped that maybe he would genuinely voice his feelings for her.

"Octavia has these crazy ideas about how love should work. She thinks love can overcome circumstance," Bellamy sighed. "Those ideas didn't apply on The Ark and they sure as hell don't apply down here."

"Well, we can't all be Mr. brooding pessimist."

"Call me what you want, but a relationship is the farthest thing from what I want right now," Bellamy explained. "Not with the way things are down here. It would never work."

"Of course," Merit said while scratching her head. "I mean, I know that."

Merit's ideals had once matched these same sentiments. She knew the dangers and responsibilities that they faced on the tough terrain that was the ground. She knew that there were more important issues to focus on rather than love and relationships. She understood the consequences of growing attached to someone like Bellamy and even with all of the facts in place, Merit was still fairly disappointed in his revelation. Her brain was telling her that her emotional reaction was highly illogical but her heart was feeling the sting of Bellamy's words.

"I already have enough on my plate without having to deal with the added drama of a relationship," Bellamy continued.

"Right, wouldn't want to be dramatic," Merit said, turning away from Bellamy and starting on the path back to camp. She didn't want Bellamy to know that she was hurt but the tremor in her voice was enough to alert him that something was amiss.

Bellamy grabbed her wrist and stopped her from moving forward.

"You aren't falling for me, Murdock?" Bellamy asked half joking and half serious. His lips quivered uncomfortably between a grin and a frown.

Merit didn't turn to face him or say a word. She had gone utterly cold towards Bellamy's advances.

"Merit…Look me in the eye and tell me you aren't."

She wanted to be cold and uncaring. She wanted to look him directly in the eye and tell him that she felt nothing for him, that he meant nothing to her, and that every moment they spent together held no significance. She wanted to callously lie to his face, but she knew that if she caught one of his infamous glances her facade would fall apart.

"I can't," Merit said, nearly choking on her words.

"I never meant for things to go this far," Bellamy said full of remorse. "I thought we were just having fun."

"Yeah okay, well fun's over," Merit said, breaking away from Bellamy's grasp. "I'll grab my stuff from your tent."

She left Bellamy standing alone in the field of butterflies. He called after her but she still didn't give him a second glance, fearing that his expression would only be an additional knife to the gut.

Merit needed a swift and clean break from Bellamy if she wanted to move on gracefully. She couldn't rewrite history but she wanted to put it in the past as quickly as it had happened. She had set herself up for the standard case of unrequited love and she had to handle the damage control by cutting ties and burning bridges. It was just another loss at the hands of Bellamy Blake but this time at the expense of her heart.

* * *

Since the incident at the butterfly zone, Merit had been taking every measure to avoid Bellamy. What was once deep conversations and midnight cuddles turned into awkward exchanges and regretful stares. On the off chance that they did speak it was always straight and to the point and purely work-related, never bringing up personal concerns or friendly matters.

Merit was putting her best foot forward when it came to coping with her heartache and having minimal contact with Bellamy was definitely speeding up the healing process. However, it was still a very difficult process to endure and she was also lamenting the loss of her best friend.

Murphy hadn't spoken to her in days. When their paths crossed they would pass by each other like ghosts. They were both steadfast in their grudges and Merit wasn't going to budge unless Murphy made the first attempt to apologize. Still, it was disheartening to have to pretend like someone that once meant the world to her didn't exist.

Merit filled her day with various tasks to keep her raging mind at bay. She tried to stay busy by training the others, practicing ceaselessly, and focusing her energy through meditation. Staying active was the only way to combat her depressing thoughts because the very moment that she became idle, everything that bothered her came rushing back. This made night time particularly unbearable as she could scarcely find a moment of peace to lay her head down to rest.

Merit's sleeping arrangements seemed to change every night, bouncing from tent to tent and the drop ship, but nothing seemed as soothing as sleeping in Bellamy's arms. She had grown so accustomed to lying next to him that sleeping anywhere else felt wrong. She missed being engulfed in his earthy scent, feeling his soft breath on the nape of her neck, and the way that his rhythmic heartbeat lulled her to sleep. It was frustrating to have grown so attached to Bellamy in just a few days' time and then having to wean herself off of his magnetic presence just as rapidly.

It was another cool night and Merit sought refuge from the wind chill aboard the dropship, hoping to catch at least a few hours of sleep before she started her long day of distractions. She exerted so much energy on her daily activities that her exhaustion allowed her to shut off her insomniac mind and doze off relatively quickly.

Merit awoke a few hours later, beating the rising dawn and feeling more restful than usual. She felt warm and fuzzy all over and opened her eyes to find a pair of arms enveloping her like a cuddly blanket. Looking through sleepy eyes, she realized that she was nestled cozily in Murphy's arms.

"Murphy? What're you doing?" Merit said, jumping in surprise.

"Relax," Murphy said, throwing his hands up in the air. "I know what a wimp you are when it comes to the cold so I decided to help you out last night."

"Sorry. I just thought…Uh, I thought you-" Merit was squeezing her temples and stumbling over her words. She had honestly thought that Murphy was Bellamy but she didn't have to heart to tell him.

"Thought I was trying to take you to pound town?" Murphy joked. "Hate to burst your bubble, but you're not really my type, Murdock."

"No," Merit said, taking a deep breath and letting out a small sigh. "I just didn't expect to see you."

"Look, I know things haven't been the best between us and that's mostly because I'm a giant screw up," Murphy started hesitantly.

"I forgive you, John," Merit said promptly. She didn't need to hear the rest of his apology to accept it. "Just get your shit together and keep it together."

"I don't deserve you."

"You're probably right," Merit teased, resting her head against Murphy's shoulder. "Why were you so mad at me anyway?"

"I get territorial when people start getting too close to my best friend," Murphy admitted.

"Aw, I knew you loved me."

"Whoa, whoa, I was talking about Bellamy," Murphy smirked. "I saw him first."

"He's all yours," Merit shrugged. "He's probably more interested in you anyway."

"That's because I'm the cute one."

"The cutest."

Suddenly they were razzing each other, cracking jokes, and laughing like nothing had ever gone wrong between them. With all of the trouble that Merit was facing, she wanted her best friend back. She needed Murphy by her side.

"Hey, John."

"What?"

"I missed you," Merit said, hugging Murphy tightly around the neck.

"I know…Me too," Murphy grumbled. "Now get off me, lady."

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

"I'm not saying it again."

"Oh really," Merit said, swiftly turning her bear hug into a rear naked choke.

"I said I missed you too," Murphy said, speedily tapping out against Merit's arm. "That's what you call excessive force."

"I didn't even lock it in, you big baby," Merit said, ruffling Murphy's hair before sliding down the wall and sitting cross-legged next to him.

"Tell that to someone that didn't spend a majority of their childhood being your punching bag."

"That is so not true."

It was actually very true but most of the time Murphy was literally asking for it and he wasn't exactly a worthy sparring partner. Anytime Merit's father taught her something new, she couldn't wait to run down the hall and show off to her childhood pal. An even younger and more naive Murphy, who desperately wanted to be a ninja, would volunteer to be the test dummy. Mixing irresponsible kids with martial arts was a recipe for disaster and the results were a few unfortunate incidents.

"There was that time you almost broke my arm," Murphy recounted.

"You asked me to show you how to do an arm lock."

"What about the time you almost roundhouse kicked me through a wall?"

"Okay, now you're being dramatic," Merit snickered. "But I did kick you pretty hard."

"You were screaming your head off but I couldn't understand what you were saying because I blacked out from the pain."

"I ran crying to my dad; John is dead! John is dead!" Merit could hardly finish her sentence because her laughs were spilling over into every word. "He was totally convinced that I had finally killed you."

"Pretty sure I went into the light but it spat me back out. Good times," Murphy chuckled.

Merit and Murphy spent most of the wee hours of the morning reminiscing while the other campers were still off in dreamland. Although they tried not to disturb their sleeping cohorts, it was difficult to contain their laughter while recalling these joyful days of yore.

Merit and Murphy were still reliving their childhood memories with howling laughter and tear streaked faces when Bellamy tossed back the curtain that covered drop ship entrance and came marching in. He was clearly disgruntled as his brows were furrowed so closely together that they could've formed a unibrow. He turned his irate attention to Merit and Murphy who were slumped over in a puddle of their own tears and giggles.

"Is there a reason you guys are being so loud right now?" Bellamy sassed.

"Is there a reason you're even awake right now?" Merit shot back.

It was within Bellamy's ominous character to rear his ugly head as soon as Merit had gotten a moment's relief from his tyrannical rule over her mind. He wasn't going to allow her to forget about him so easily.

"Keep it down," Bellamy ordered. "Some people are still trying to sleep."

Either he had taken it upon himself to add "defender of sleep" to his many job titles or he was just being a killjoy, a proverbial wet blanket dripping with angst. If he wasn't having fun then he might as well burn the entire camp down with his fiery rage. The adorable Augustus fanboy had disappeared and cruel king Bellamy had reemerged.

"Someone obviously woke up on the wrong side of the campfire," Murphy murmured.

"Seriously, what crawled up his butt?" Merit huffed under her breath.

"I don't know but it's never finding its way out."

"Even if it did reach the surface it'd still have a long way to go."

The two friends couldn't help but cackle at the jokes they made at the expense of Bellamy's rotund hind end.

"I can hear you," Bellamy growled in irritation.

He had been standing there the entire time while Merit and Murphy mocked him. They didn't even give him the common courtesy of leaving the room or turning his back before they started their heckling.

"Shit, he has really good hearing," Murphy mumbled.

"I think we're just really bad at whispering," Merit corrected.

"Are you done?" Bellamy asked, folding his arms across his chest. He waited for the childlike giggling to subside before he continued, "Murphy, come with me. We have work to do."

"Duty calls," Murphy said, taking his place next to Bellamy.

"Murdock," Bellamy barked. "Since you're awake, I want you on patrol until it's time for self-defense drills."

"Whatever," Merit replied nonchalantly.

All traces of the Bellamy that Merit had fallen for seemed to vanish in a moment's notice. He was just as aloof as the first day that they had bumped heads and you could feel the frost radiating off of his cold demeanor. Merit couldn't help but imagine that she was, in part, responsible for his sour attitude.

It was time for Merit to put whatever beef she had with Bellamy behind her and get on with the day. She would wrap her unsettled feelings for her short-lived love interest in a hard day's work.

After a few hours of patrol, Merit began working with a good number of the delinquents on self-defense training. She used various martial arts and kickboxing methods to teach them basic punches, kicks, and evasive maneuvers. She made sure to incorporate some light conditioning in their sessions to maintain the campers level of physical fitness.

"Self-preservation," Merit said, standing before her group of students. "It's one of your most basic instincts. Follow it."

She was in the middle of teaching when she noticed her favorite angry brute stomping in her direction, still in a foggy mood.

"What?" Bellamy asked grumpily.

"Huh?" Merit said confused.

"What do you want?" Bellamy reiterated, clearly wearing thin in patience.

"From you? Nothing," Merit said, turning her attention back to her trainees. She called out for them to give her ten jab, cross, roundhouse combos followed by ten seconds of straight blasts.

"Octavia said you needed me for…something," Bellamy finished circumspectly. As his words came together, he realized he'd been tricked once again by his little sister. His epiphany came all too late, even though he was aware that Octavia had remained resolute in her attempts to mend things between him and Merit after the failure of her first plan.

"You fell for that one again. I see you're a slow learner," Merit taunted. "But since you're here, I could use your help for this next drill."

"I don't have time for this," Bellamy objected.

"It'll only take a minute," Merit said moving Bellamy into place. "All you have to do is stand right there."

Merit pointed out a girl with three long French braids that was practicing hard in the front row. She was one of Merit's most promising students and she had the heart of a warrior.

"Watch your stance, Monroe," Merit called out to the young woman. "If your stance is too wide or too narrow, it'll be easy to knock you off balance. Like this."

Merit briskly swept Bellamy's foot out from under him and pinned him to the ground beneath her. He was trying, unsuccessfully, to squirm free from her clutches.

Merit had wanted to toss Bellamy around for weeks now and boy did it feel good to release some pinned up aggression by slamming him into the dirt. A broken back in exchange for a broken heart seemed like a fair exchange.

"Now I have him right where I want him and I can bust him up," Merit continued.

Bellamy's uncomfortable wriggling ceased all of a sudden and he was rigidly still. Merit looked upon his placid face and felt the familiar heat of his skin creep up on her. He displayed the same gentle expression that he had given her the night that he grabbed onto her hand and interlocked his fingers with hers. The same striking gaze that made her breath get caught in her chest and her palms perspire. It was the infamous stare that she had been so desperately trying to avoid because it made her want to give in to him.

The campers had all stopped their drills and were awkwardly observing as Merit and Bellamy shared a halt in time.

"Take five, everyone," Merit said, shaking herself from Bellamy's enchantment.

She picked herself up from the ground and watched as her trainees dispersed across the campground.

"Is there something you need to say to me?" Bellamy asked standing and dusting himself off.

"I already said what I needed to say."

Bellamy drew in a breath as if he was going to start a long monologue but instead he just sort of nodded and skulked away in defeat.

Merit didn't know what Bellamy expected her to say. He was the one giving her those dreamy moon eyes that suggested there were things left unsaid. Besides, she had practically told him that she had feelings for him that night at the butterfly zone. It was safe to say that their communication skills left much to be desired.

After punching, kicking, and sweating out much of her aggravation, Merit ventured into the tent that held the camp's water reserve. She found Nathan Miller inside taking a break of his own.

"You missed a good workout today," Merit greeted.

"I was on guard duty," He said, filling a clean metal cup full of water before handing it to Merit. "Maybe I can take you up on that private lesson."

The connotation of Nathan's words would sound very flirtatious to unwitting ears, but their discussion was merely friendly in nature. At one point in time, Merit had honestly offered to give Nathan one-on-one instruction. There was no underlying meaning or subliminal message signaling a hookup, but their conversation could've been taken the wrong way depending upon who was eavesdropping.

Before the friends could get another word in, Bellamy was barging into the tent. He was right on time for his five o'clock interference, reminding Merit of his presence when she had finally forgotten him for all of two minutes. It was like he had a sixth sense that alerted him whenever he wasn't continually sprinting laps across her mind.

"Miller, maybe you could watch the wall instead of chatting it up with Murdock," Bellamy commanded.

"I'm on it," Nathan replied compliantly. "I'll catch you later, Merit."

Bellamy's eyes followed Miller out of the tent and then snapped back to Merit. He eyed her with a tight-lipped expression.

"Don't," Merit cautioned.

"I didn't say anything," Bellamy shrugged.

"You didn't have to," Merit said, returning her clean water cup to the stack. "I have an idea, how about you stop following me around?"

"I'm not," Bellamy argued. "Everything isn't about you, Merit."

"That's exactly what this is about. You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me either," Merit scoffed, brushing past Bellamy and moving towards the exit of the tent.

Bellamy pulled her back towards him, spinning her into his arms. His voice was quiet and steady, "Merit, you know that I care about you."

"I don't know that, Bellamy," Merit said, pushing away from him. The emotional pain she was experiencing was reflected in her sad eyes. "You never made it very clear."

"You know I can't. This isn't the time or place," Bellamy gulped. He was struggling to continue as if the words were caught in his throat and he had to pull them out one by one.

"I get it, but don't expect me to just wait around for you."

Merit rushed out of the tent and took a deep breath, as the earth spun around her.

Bellamy had, in so many words, told her that he did have feelings for her but he had no intention of acting on them. In other words, he wanted all of the rewards of a relationship without any of the responsibility. If his only motivation for revealing this information to Merit was to drive her crazy, then he was wildly successful.

Merit wasn't exactly sure what to do with this information besides let it flounder like the remainder of the feelings she had for Bellamy. His little revelation hadn't made their situation any better, in fact, it only served to extend Merit's healing process. Now she had to deal with the fact that he actually felt something for her, but he couldn't commit to a serious relationship with her. When she was finally starting to make progress in getting over him, Bellamy threw her entire world back into shambles.

She needed time to clear her head and she couldn't do that where Bellamy could continually disrupt her peace of mind so, Merit decided to journey back to the old bunker she found on the first night.

The sun was just beginning to set, leaving a magnificent trail of orange and purple across the evening sky, as she reached the vault door. She climbed down the latter to find the space was already well lit with plenty of candles. Someone had been there recently or they were still there.

Merit cautiously navigated the bunker, drawing her homemade knife from her pocket and preparing to attack any enemies that may have been lurking within. She approached a closed door at the back of the room. There was a soft light emitting from the gap where the door and the floor met. Merit noticed a dark shadow casting on the floor as if someone was standing on the other side. With her knife at the ready, she kicked the door in hard and moved to the side in case her attacker decided to spring out of the doorway. It was dead silent and the loud crash of the door didn't spark any reaction from whoever might have been inside.

Merit slowly and carefully eased into the room. Her eyes were darting left and right, surveying the entire grid. The room was a small bathroom and it appeared to be empty, but Merit knew better than to only rely on her eyesight. Her survival instinct was telling her not to drop her guard until she was certain that she wasn't in danger and she had a creeping suspicion that she wasn't alone.

A hand shot out from behind the door and grabbed her by the shoulder. She latched onto the arm and twisted it, slamming the perpetrator into a wall and placing her knife at his throat. The movements happened so rapidly that the motions resembled a blur in a time-lapse photo. Merit had barely enough time to stop herself from jamming her knife into the creeper's artery before she realized it wasn't a grounder. It was Finn.

"Finn, you scared the shit out of me," Merit breathed, releasing her frightened compatriot from her hold.

"That was intense," Finn said, straightening out his shirt.

"No shit. I almost killed you!"

When Finn heard Merit climbing down the hatch, he ran into the bathroom to hide because he thought she might have been a grounder.

"What are you doing here?" Merit continued.

"Same as you, I imagine," Finn started. "Escaping the humdrum of camp life for a while."

"I didn't think anyone else knew about this place."

"So far it's just me and you. I call it the art supply store," Finn said, grabbing a few colored pencils from a glass jar and stashing them away in his jacket pocket.

"Mind if I crash here tonight?"

Finn shook his head before saying, "I'll give you some time alone. See you back at camp."

He climbed up the ladder and shut the door tightly behind him, leaving Merit alone with her thoughts.

Instead of going straight to bed, Merit decided to explore the bunker a little more thoroughly. She found a bunch of bins packed full of the owner's personal belongings. There was a box full of children's toys and Merit came across a superhero action figure in her rummaging.

The toy was faded and worn toting a red cape. It looked just like the one she had given Murphy on his seventh birthday. She was so determined to procure that toy that she begged her father to help her save up a week's worth of rations just to trade in for that glorified piece of plastic. It was worth every missed meal to see Murphy's face light up when he received his precious gift.

Merit smiled, remembering how she and Murphy used to play "the last man on earth" and the action figure was their protagonist. That was until they flushed him down the toilet in hopes of actually sending him to the ground. He didn't make it too far as he got lodged in the waste vacuum backing up the entire Alpha station sewage system. The main lavatory in Alpha Station smelled like an open sewer. Even then, Murphy took the blame for their mischievous deed. It was a smelly but humorous memory that Merit cherished dearly because it reminded her of how strong her and John's bond was.

She took the action figure and stuffed it in her pack knowing that Murphy would appreciate the nod toward simpler times.

* * *

The next morning Merit rose in good spirits. She pulled the action figure from her pack and gave it a mini high five before placing back inside. She couldn't wait to see the look on John's face when she showed him that their little hero had been resurrected from his watery and odorous grave.

Merit returned to camp to find the overall undertone of its inhabitants was rather somber. It wasn't odd for camp morale to be down with the circumstances they were faced with but teenage rebels always found something to be excited about. Merit shrugged off their gloom and doom attitudes and bopped along happily in search of her best friend.

"Murphy, get your ass out here," she called out, poking her head underneath the tent that he usually slept in. It was empty.

She continued her quest, searching for Murphy around his usual haunts and ducking her head into several tents, but she couldn't find him anywhere. Anytime she asked another camper of his whereabouts they gave her ambiguous looks and answers. Their body language showed deceit as they cowered away from her and her intuition told her that something was wrong.

Merit started to search more frantically, digging through tents and calling out for Murphy relentlessly. She was going to turn the entire camp upside down just to find him.

"Merit stop," Bellamy yelled as he came rushing towards her. "We need to talk."

"Where's Murphy?" Merit asked anxiously. Her fists were clenched and she was breathing heavily.

"He's not here."

"Well, where is he?"

"Please, just come with me and we'll talk about it," Bellamy said, calmly placing an arm around Merit's shoulders.

"No Bellamy," Merit said, shaking his arm away. "Tell me what's going on, now."

Merit's gaze was fixed intently on Bellamy's mouth just waiting for the wrong words to spill from his pursed lips.

"We had to banish him," Bellamy admitted apprehensively.

"That-That's a good one," Merit said with a maniacal laugh.

Bellamy's stone-faced expression was serious and unchanging. Merit looked to the other campers for confirmation that this was all just one sick joke, but no one was laughing and most of them kept their weary eyes planted on the ground. Bellamy was the only one brave enough to make eye contact with her and reveal the truth.

The reality of the situation hit Merit like a sledgehammer to the chest.

"Are you crazy?!" Merit raged, grabbing Bellamy firmly by the shirt collar. "He's as good as dead out there!"

"You weren't here last night. You didn't see what happened," Bellamy tried to explain. He grabbed Merit's wrists and pushed her hands away from his face.

"I don't care!"

"This is better for everyone, Merit."

"Better for you," Merit said, wrenching free from Bellamy's grasp. She started walking hastily towards the camp's main gate. "I'm going after him."

"No, you're not," Bellamy said, blocking Merit's path.

"Get out of my way," Merit roared. She was very close to punching Bellamy in his smug face.

"Merit doesn't leave this camp. Got it?" Bellamy called out the order to his guardsmen.

Bellamy sentenced her best friend to exile and tried to control her all in the same breath.

Merit's fury was brewing like a seething storm. She could feel the anger rising in her chest and boiling her blood. She tapped into a rage that she had long since locked away deep inside the darkest caverns of her body. Everything and everyone was red, shiny crimson red.

In one fell swoop, Merit had removed the blade from her pocket and placed it dangerously close to Bellamy's jugular.

"Merit no!" Octavia wailed, lunging towards Merit and her brother.

"Everyone just back off!" Merit exclaimed, squeezing the knife tightly in her hand and increasing the pressure on Bellamy's throat.

"Please don't do this," Octavia pleaded, freezing in her place.

"It's okay, Octavia," Bellamy said coolly. He didn't seem too worried that a mere slip of the wrist could've ended his life. "She's not going to hurt me."

Merit knew that she was holding Bellamy captive but all she could see was the face of the man who sentenced her father to death, Marcus Kane. She could hear his voice and feel his artery pulsing beneath her blade. Kane had even uttered the same words when she held him at knife point.

Marcus Kane was the reason that Merit was on the ground. Her crime was attempted voluntary manslaughter and Marcus was the victim. She sought vengeance for her father's death in the form of Marcus' murder. She wanted his blood for what he did to her father, for the way he ruined her family.

Marcus was right and Merit couldn't follow through with her premeditated task. All of her wrath, loathing, and resentment had nearly pushed her over the edge but her father's dying words were her saving grace. As much as she despised Kane, she couldn't kill him because of what her father had said.

Sometimes, Merit still struggled with the accuracy of her decision, suppressing the lingering thought that letting Kane live was actually the mistake, but she knew this was untrue. Her father hadn't raised her to be a killer and with Kane's blood, she would've brought disgrace to her father's good name.

Merit's vision started to clear and the luminous colors of the earth began to fill in the background. She saw everyone's faces staring at her, pale with fright. She looked down and saw that she was holding Bellamy in a compromising position.

Realizing it was her hand that was wielding the knife at his throat, Merit slowly removed the blade and tossed it far away from her. Her hand shook uncontrollably and she closed it into a tight fist, clutching it close to her chest with the opposite hand.

"I'm sorry," she panted. It felt like the air was being sucked from her lungs and she was stricken with shame. "I'm so sorry."

Merit felt her skin heat up like she was running a fever of 102 and she struggled to swallow as her mouth became dryer than the Sahara desert.

Bellamy stood before her but his face didn't look quite right. His facial features seemed to droop like they were melting under the scorching heat of the sun. The strong trunks of trees seemed to bend and wobble in the breeze behind him until all the pigments of daylight came crashing together like a kaleidoscope. Then it was pitch black.


	5. Chapter 5

Merit was running as fast as she could. The glinting moonlight illuminated the trail as her feet pounded against the gravel. Her chest heaved up and down and the persistent intake of air made her mouth dry. It was becoming difficult to differentiate between the thump of her heartbeat and the clunky yet dexterous footsteps of her pursuer. She could see the tall shadowy figure looming just over her shoulder and no matter how hard she pushed herself, she just couldn't outrun him.

Merit turned suddenly and pressed her back up against a tree, hoping the stalker would zoom past her in his haste. She quieted her breathing and listened as attentively as she could over the pounding of her heartbeat. It was disturbingly quiet except for the ghostly howl of the wind. The sound of fallen leaves crunching under the force of boots went mute. Not even a single twig snapping could be heard. All of the sounds of nature fell chillingly silent and the menacing figure that hounded her seemed to vanish into thin air.

Merit let out a shaky breath and a shiver crept down her spine as she peered cautiously around the thick tree trunk, searching for her attacker. She was drenched in perspiration from the extensive chase and she wiped it away from her brow. She could feel the excessive sweat dripping down her back and sliding down her nose. The stream seemed so profuse that it was beginning to cloud her vision and she continuously wiped her face with her sleeve.

A branch cracked in the tree above causing Merit to turn her attention skyward. When she looked up, she felt sticky beads of liquid drip against her cheek. She wiped her face once more and looked down at her hands only to realize that they were covered in a sanguine fluid. She had been wiping away blood the entire time. It was trickling down on her from the tall tree overhead. She quickly switched her view back to the stretching limbs of the tree when Murphy's lifeless body came crashing down on top of her.

Merit shrieked as she fought to push the corpse away from her. His ghastly expression was nose to nose with her and his cold blue skin rubbed against her face as she struggled to squirm free. Murphy's pale body seemed to weigh a ton and she strained to overturn him. It was like holding up a cinder block with a blade of grass. All she could do was scream as Murphy's body flayed on top of her and his hollow gaze met hers.

If she couldn't move Murphy then moving herself was the only other option. Merit turned over, placing her back towards Murphy, and clawed her hands into the damp earth. She pulled with all of her might to finally free herself from the maimed shell of her deceased friend. She scrambled to get on her feet, taking a hard look at the damage done to the dearly departed. He was disemboweled, his guts spilled from the open cavity that was once his stomach.

Merit desperately wanted to run but it felt like her feet were rooted to the soil. It seemed as if the earth was holding her hostage so that she could wallow in the unfortunate fate of her friend. The world seemed to freeze in place, leaving her with no choice but to take in every excruciating detail. The trees no longer swayed and the wind no longer howled. The light of the moon seemed to turn from a luminescent yellow to a dull gray. The white of Murphy's eyes seemed to expand under the dreary light and Merit couldn't draw her eyes away from his cold gaze. She felt trapped in this moment of tragedy.

Suddenly, she felt a searing pain in her chest. She could hear her heartbeat slowing to a lull as if it was counting down its final beats. Merit took a labored breath, gasping for air before coughing up spurts of blood, and touched her sternum. Her fingers found the tip of an old rusty blade and she realized that her chest had met the cool iron of her attacker's sword. Before she could confirm this assumption with a downward glance, Merit was collapsing to the ground and drawing her last breath. Her body waxed cold and the last thing she saw was Murphy's dead eyes staring back at her.

Merit's eyes shot open and her muscles tensed as she searched her surroundings. Her eyes darted around the room until they came across a familiar pair of muddy black boots and a navy blue shirt that rested casually against a drop ship seat. Recognizing that she was safe and sound in Bellamy's tent helped relieve some of her stress, however, realizing that she was only experiencing a nightmare didn't completely shake the discomfort that she felt. That dream reminded her that Murphy was still out there all alone and she had to find him before it was too late if it wasn't too late already.

Bellamy was sleeping peacefully next to Merit with an arm wrapped guardedly around her. This was done purposefully, as a protective measure to keep her from sneaking off in the middle of the night. Bellamy was a light sleeper and if she moved he would know. Merit was hoping, by some sort of miracle, she would be able to escape without waking him. She stretched and eased away from him, never lifting his arm but sliding carefully from beneath it. She moved quietly towards the end of the bed where her feet finally met the floor and then stood. Before continuing forward, Merit looked back at Bellamy to make sure she hadn't disturbed the human motion sensor. He didn't budge.

After gathering her things, Merit poked around in Bellamy's belongings until she found a large flashlight. She grabbed the light and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Bellamy questioned. The fatigue was evident in his voice as it cracked when he spoke.

A startled Merit turned back around to find that Bellamy's eyes were still closed. Unsure if he was actually awake or just talking in his sleep, she decided to ignore him, hoping that he would return to his slumber. She took another step towards the exit.

"I said where are you going?" Bellamy repeated.

"I have to pee." Merit's statement came out sounding more like a question.

"And you need your pack for that?"

"I'm not discussing my latrine habits with you."

"Merit, put my flashlight back," Bellamy said, finally opening his eyes. He sat up and pushed the covers away from his bare torso.

"Fine," Merit said, returning the light to its rightful owner. "But I'm still leaving."

"You're not going to look for Murphy especially after you fainted," Bellamy protested. "You need to rest."

"I didn't say anything about Murphy." Merit took a long pause before continuing, "I'm not proud of the way I acted earlier and I would never- I would never hurt you, Bellamy." For Merit, this meant in all senses of the word whether it was physically, mentally, or emotionally. "But I can't sleep next to you pretending that everything is okay."

"I'm not asking you to pretend. I'm asking you to stay."

Hearing these words leave Bellamy's lips was oddly less satisfying than Merit had imagined. Her dissatisfaction was mostly due to the fact that she was still stewing over Murphy's expulsion from camp without her notice. They were the right words just at the worst possible time.

"I honestly need some space. I hope you can respect that," Merit said before leaving the tent.

Leaving Bellamy's side was disheartening, but sticking to him like glue wasn't going to help Merit get over her feelings. Falling for a guy like Bellamy was complicated enough without having him banish her best friend into grounder territory and time apart was just what she needed to heal. Playing house with him would only result in more hurt feelings.

Although Merit had been truthful about needing to go separate ways with Bellamy, she hadn't been so truthful about other things. She may have eliminated Murphy from their conversation, but she was still fully determined to set out in search of her best friend.

Merit walked towards the campfire and watched as the flames flickered, glancing over her shoulder every so often to make sure that Bellamy wasn't spying on her from his tent. She discreetly observed the guards from her spot at the fire pit, watching as they marched back and forth from their posts on the wall. The guards' main focus was on keeping threats from getting in rather than keeping the campers from getting out, which worked to Merit's advantage. The night patrol was negligent when it came to awareness and it would be fairly easy to slip by them if timed precisely.

Merit made her way to the gate. She didn't even have to sneak since the two young men that were supposed to be watching the main entrance decided to stop and chat between routes. She walked right up to the gate and placed her hand on it when someone stopped her from behind.

"Where do you think you're going?" Nathan said, tapping Merit on the shoulder.

"Stay out of this, Miller," she said, turning to face him.

"If I let you go outside of this wall Bellamy is going to kick my ass."

"And what do you think I'm gonna do if you try to stop me?" Merit asked, placing her hands on both hips.

"You make a valid point," Nathan said, rubbing his chin. "Listen, I won't try to stop you but I am asking you not to go."

"Murphy's my family. I can't just give up on him."

"So you go out there alone without any weapons. You find Murphy and take on a bunch of grounders by yourself. Now, you're both dead and what did that accomplish?"

The frightful night terror flashed in Merit's mind when Nathan spoke and remembering the images of Murphy's eviscerated body made her stomach turn. Nathan was exhibiting great judgment in accordance with the situation, unfortunately, Merit's sense of logic was nowhere to be found. No matter the risk, going to look for Murphy was the only option and the right thing to do in her mind.

"I have to try," Merit concluded.

"I hate to say it, but he's probably already de-"

"Please just- I need to do this, Miller," Merit interrupted. She knew what Nathan was going to say and she didn't want him to finish his statement. She had to root out all sources of negativity and be optimistic in her search. She didn't want to throw in the towel before she put her best foot forward.

"Fine," Nathan sighed, resigning himself to Merit's risky decision. "Just come back in one piece."

Merit nodded. "Cover for me if Bellamy comes looking?"

"I'll do what I can. Take this," Nathan said, handing his flashlight over to Merit. She took the light and thanked him before slipping through the gate.

Merit started to carve out a path in the woods, dipping between the trees, as the moon shone down on her. She hadn't been out for more than ten minutes when another nuisance interrupted her mission.

"Hey," Octavia called out. "What're you doing?"

"Seriously, do you ever sleep?" Merit said, looking back at Octavia. "Keep it down would you?"

"Please don' tell me you're going after Murphy," Octavia said, catching up to Merit.

"Fine, I'll tell you something else."

"Merit, I'm serious."

"And so am I. I need you to hear this," Merit said, stopping in her tracks. "I don't expect you to forgive me for what I did earlier but I'm sorry. I promise you, I would never actually hurt Bellamy."

"I know," Octavia smirked. "It's because you love him."

"I don't- Okay, I'm leaving," Merit said, giving up before she could finish her argument. Refuting Octavia's claims would only prove futile and engaging in a lengthy debate about love didn't fit into tonight's schedule.

"You can't go alone."

"You sure as hell aren't coming with me."

"I know these woods," Octavia asserted in an attempt to persuade Merit that she was a worthy travel companion.

"And I know your brother, who will have a testosterone driven heart attack if anything happens to you," Merit said, rotating Octavia back towards the direction of camp. "Get back to camp."

Once Octavia was taken care of, Merit continued on in her quest for Murphy. She wasn't a tracker but she used what little knowledge she had to look for any clue to his whereabouts. Murphy was resourceful in his own right and she hoped that he would leave some kind of hint behind, knowing that she would come looking for him. Murphy was a survivor and Merit was sure that he was still alive somewhere out there.

Her best guess was to check the fresh water sources first since water was essential to survival. There was no way that Murphy could've gone a full twenty-four hours without breaking for water. If he stopped to resupply at the main watering hole then there was a chance that he could've left something useful behind to tip Merit off on his location.

She surveyed the area, shining the light against the pebbles that lined the stream. The mild currents of the river lapped peacefully and the moonlight sparkled like crystals on the surface of the water. The area seemed clear and calm, leaving no signs of the missing suspect.

Merit continued her search along the shore, advancing towards the rock faces that covered the hillside. That's when she came across a small dark piece of material floating on the edge of the riverbed. She grabbed the ragged piece of cloth and examined it underneath the light. It was a piece of the band from Murphy's jacket. He had been there and hopefully not too long ago.

Merit dropped the cloth onto the ground where she noticed a single set of footprints. If they were Murphy's tracks then it meant that he was alone and there was no immediate sign of a struggle. Merit hastily followed the prints up the ridge when she heard a scream echo not too far off in the distance.

Moving towards the sound she came upon the glow of torch light emanating from a circle of trees. Merit clicked off her flashlight as she approached the flickering light and the source of the agonizing screams. It was Murphy and he was surrounded by four grounders. They had him pinned to the ground with a spear in his leg. He let out a tortured groan as they twisted the weapon deeper into his wound.

Merit clenched her fists as she watched from behind a large tree trunk while the ruthless group of grounders questioned Murphy. Whenever he gave them an answer that wasn't good enough they would pluck the spear from his leg and jam it back in. They wanted information on the location of the sky people's camp and Murphy wasn't giving up any details. He was going to get himself killed and Merit had to do something to stop it.

Getting into a fight with four grounders was pretty much asking to be killed, but a well-placed distraction might offer Murphy enough time to escape. Merit turned to her trusty old friends, a small pile of rocks, to run a little interference. If she could toss a few into the trees, the sound might be enough to divert the grounders' attention away from Murphy. When Merit grabbed two rocks from the pile she set off a mini rock slide, sending the other stones tumbling down the steep incline behind her and turning the grounders' attention in her direction instead. Three of the grounders went to check out the noise while one stayed behind to guard Murphy.

Merit cursed under her breath and clung to the tree as she frantically searched for a place to hide. If she stayed where she was, they would most likely find and kill her. Running before they had the opportunity to see her was just as risky but seemed like the lesser of two evils as they couldn't kill what they couldn't catch. She took a step from behind the tree and looked over her shoulder to gauge the distance between her and the grounders. The glance lasted less than a second, but when she turned her head back to its forward position she was face to face with Bellamy.

He placed a hand over her mouth before pulling her into the cover of the thick woodland brush. Their eyes met, both wide with fright, and Merit slowly removed Bellamy's hand from her mouth. Their heavy breathing seemed to sync in the moment. Then all at once the panting ceased as the dark shadows of the three grounders advanced on their position. Merit's grip tightened against Bellamy's hand as they both held their breath hoping that they would go unnoticed.

"What've we got here?" said one of the grounders. He was standing closest to Merit and Bellamy's hiding spot. He could've reached out and touched them if he only pushed back the dense leaves that concealed them.

A spear came careening into the bush, missing Bellamy's foot by mere inches. He bit his lips and closed his eyes before eyeing Merit with a distressed expression. Both of their eyes shifted to the ground below where they saw a small hare being dragged away at the mercy of the grounder's spear.

"Caught a snack," the grounder said, plucking the hare off the end of his spear and raising it into the air. The three grounders circled back, returning to their fourth member, and continued their assault on Murphy. One grounder knocked the poor boy unconscious before slinging him over his shoulder and disappearing over the ridge.

"Bellamy," Merit breathed. "We have to follow them."

"No, we don't," Bellamy whispered. "You're gonna get us both killed."

"Murphy is still alive."

"But for how long?"

When this night couldn't get any more complex, a silver flash came shooting across the night sky. It was a ship that came rocketing into the atmosphere like a fireball. Burning streaks of orange and red trailed after it as it crash landed on the earth.

"What was that?" Bellamy asked breathlessly.

"It has to be from The Ark."

"Here's the deal. I'll stay back and follow the grounders-"

"I'm coming with you," Merit cut in, pushing back the brush.

"No," Bellamy objected, pulling Merit back into hiding. "I'll follow them, but only if you promise to go back to camp."

"Bellamy-"

"We can't do this by ourselves," Bellamy said, squeezing Merit's shoulders. "Merit, promise me."

"Fine," Merit acquiesced, feeling a bit of her spirit break with her compromise. She had gotten so close to getting Murphy back and she didn't want to give in, but Bellamy was right. They needed help and whatever came down on that ship could be just what they needed.

"No one goes after that pod until I get back."

Merit returned home to find the entire camp awake and up in arms over the fallen ship. They were organizing search parties to go out and hunt down the pod. All they needed was Bellamy's order to move out.

"You're alive," Nathan said, immediately hugging Merit. This action caught both parties off guard and made Merit blush. "Uh…Where's Bellamy?"

"He's still out there," Merit replied. "He wants everyone to stay put until he gets back."

"What if the grounders beat us to the punch?"

"It's too dangerous, Miller. Call off the search."

Nathan put in the order for everyone to stand down. The antsy delinquents unpacked their things and went back to their tents, awaiting the sunrise to shed light on tonight's mysteries.

In the morning, the camp welcomed a new arrival. Her name was Raven Reyes, a top notch Zero-G mechanic aboard The Ark and also Finn's girlfriend. What the campers saw blasting across the sky was the old wreck of a pod she rigged in order to escape to Earth. She came down from The Ark baring grim news; the council was getting ready to cull 300 citizens in another frail attempt in prolonging the lifespan of the ever dwindling air supply. Merit was instantly impressed by Raven's keen intellect and resilient attitude. It would have been a pleasure making her acquaintance if circumstances weren't so dismal.

Even with the reveal of such dreadful news, Merit couldn't have been more relieved to see Bellamy's dirty freckled face appear at the front gate. She practically stayed up all night wringing her hands and worrying not only about his safety but the status of Murphy. She anxiously waited to hear Bellamy's findings, but all of her inquiries were put on pause in light of a new issue.

Trouble had to be brewing since Bellamy was once again exhibiting his signature foul mood. He seemed to be bothered by something, perhaps Raven's surprise appearance, and his scowl was especially fierce. While most of the campers gathered to greet Raven, Bellamy opted out of the usual pleasantries and introductions. Clear signs of his vexation showed as he actively avoided the entire situation, Merit included.

Bellamy walked past her without even mentioning their prior pact. He didn't even offer her as much as a hello or a passing glance. His focus rested solely on rounding up a small group of campers to help him in yet another mission.

"Did you find where the grounders were keeping him?" Merit asked, trailing after Bellamy. He continued gathering campers without acknowledging her question. She followed him halfway across camp before she even got one word out of him. "Bellamy, I'm talking to you."

"I'm busy," Bellamy finally replied.

"You didn't follow them did you?" Merit accused. She couldn't believe that Bellamy was dismissing her so easily after they explicitly made a deal. She gave Bellamy a few moments to give her a solid answer but one was never received. "I should've known better than to trust you."

The puppet master had once again pulled her strings. Bellamy exploited her confidence in him by using it as a means to control her. Dealing with his lack of respect for her feelings was growing tiresome. Merit was gearing her tongue up to hurl a few choice words in Bellamy's direction when he spoke again.

"I was too late," Bellamy said with a nervous gulp. "I didn't want to upset you."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sorry." Bellamy was trying to cushion the blow by subtly addressing the subject, but he was essentially saying that Murphy was dead.

Merit felt her spirit wilt as Bellamy's regretful apology met her ears. Every ounce of vitality seemed to drain from her body as she fought back the tears. Nothing felt real now that she had to exist in a world without her best friend. More than sad, she was extremely numb as she stood frozen in place absorbing the fact that Murphy was really gone.

"Merit," Bellamy said, cautiously extending a hand towards her.

"Don't- Don't touch me," Merit said, jolting from her position and away from Bellamy. He looked at her uneasily, probably expecting a repeat of her previous manic episode. Merit pulled herself together just enough to say, "I'm good. I'll deal."

"If you need to talk-"

"I don't," Merit cut in sharply. She had shared enough with Bellamy and he only seemed to make things worse. She didn't care about his sentimental act; she only wanted to find out what fresh hell he had unleashed onto the earth this time. "What's with the roundup?"

"This meathead stole my radio," Raven interrupted. That was only a mild description of what the young rebel king had actually done. Bellamy severed the cables that connected the radio to the pod before throwing the hunk of wires and metal into the river like a Frisbee, leaving the entire unit inoperable. Not to mention, he carried out his entire devious scheme while Raven was unconscious with a gaping head wound.

"Shut up," Bellamy said pointedly to Raven. "I took the radio. I'm helping get it back. End of story."

"Why would you do that?" Merit asked outraged.

With all of the wristbands fried, Raven's radio was the only hope in contacting the Ark and Bellamy ruined that. Not only did the delinquents need help from The Ark, but citizens of The Ark needed a sustainable place to live. At this point, it was in everyone's best interest to get that space station to the ground as soon as possible.

"I can't explain."

"I can," Raven sneered. "What's the matter, shooter? Scared to tell your girlfriend what you did?"

"I'm not his girlfriend," Merit corrected firmly.

"Lucky you," Raven laughed under her breath.

Merit met Bellamy's sharp frown with a searching gaze. "What's she talking about Bellamy?"

"I shot Jaha," Bellamy confessed. His jaw clenched as he looked Merit woefully in the eye. "He's not dead, but if the Ark comes down I will be."

Merit could see the weight of Bellamy's destructive decision manifest in the darkest part of his irises and she empathized with him. The burden that he had been carrying for weeks was literally breaking him down. He was so good at hiding his affliction, but Merit could see the pain slowly eating away at him. It was like a crack in a broken mirror, traveling and splitting off in several directions before shattering the fragile glass completely. This made her heart ache even more for him and her feelings became that much more conflicted.

Merit understood the reasoning behind Bellamy's heinous acts, but she also understood why his actions were wrong. Rallying the delinquents, stealing the wristbands, and destroying Raven's radio were all part of a self-centered ploy to exonerate himself from his crime. In protecting himself, he put hundreds of other innocent people in danger. She wanted to curse him and brand him as an egotistical megalomaniac, but she also felt sympathy for him. She too was guilty of attempting to take the life of a high-ranking official and she did it of her own free will. Merit had to find out the hard way that revenge was a selfish act and unfortunately for Bellamy, he was currently learning that tough lesson.

"Let's move out," Bellamy commanded, turning his back to Merit. Her heart sunk in her chest as he walked away.

Merit watched as Bellamy and the small group of delinquents disappeared beyond the camp wall. She hadn't noticed how still she was standing until she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder. It was Monty.

"I couldn't help but overhear and I wanted to say I'm sorry about Murphy," Monty said, patting Merit softly on the back. She only smiled weakly in response. "I know it's not much but if you need some privacy, I'm willing to give up my tent."

"I couldn't let you do that," Merit quickly refused. She was touched by Monty's offer but it felt like too much to ask for.

"I insist. Besides, I'm bunking with Jasper now."

"Thanks, Monty."

"So, here are the keys to your brand new home," Monty said, dangling a set of invisible keys in front of Merit's face. "Let me show you around."

He pushed back the white and red tarp and ushered Merit inside of the small tent. It was just like every other ordinary tent around camp, cramped and dull but a definite step up from the sky box.

"Let's see, amenities include a nice dirt floor and a comfy cot," Monty said, pointing out each feature as he explained it. "The foundation of this home is made of sticks so, it will blow over in the event of a storm. I hope you have insurance. The walls are thin which means you get to hear the calming sounds of nature and screaming teenagers while you're trying to sleep. We also have this wonderful ambient lighting system called a lantern."

Merit let out a small laugh as Monty demonstrated how to use the super advanced technology of a handcrafted lantern. She appreciated his kindness and his playful attempts at raising her spirits. It reminded her of the way Murphy would use his unique sense of humor to cheer up whenever she was down and out.

"This concludes our tour of la maison de Monty. Please enjoy your stay," Monty said with a bow.

"You're a good friend Monty."

"I'm sure Murphy thought the same about you."

Talking about John felt very bittersweet. Thinking on the positive aspects of their friendship brought Merit a great sense of warmth, but knowing that she would never be able to share those moments with him again was the worst possible pain, similar to how she felt losing her father. However, this ache felt even more intense than she remembered. She didn't want to remember and she didn't want to relive the agony.

Every day seemed like a new battle with a bigger demon, but Merit couldn't afford another breakdown. As absurd as it sounded, she decided that she was going to let her psyche bypass the entire mourning process. She was going to move so fast that the pain wouldn't be able to catch up with her. In this world, she had no other choice than to cope while being productive. This meant continuing on in her daily duties while pretending to have control over her emotional strength.

Later that evening, the small search group came back with the missing radio. It was completely waterlogged and Raven couldn't fix it in time to warn The Ark to stop the culling. Instead, she came up with an idea to launch specially crafted flares into the sky hoping that someone aboard the Ark would see them before it was too late.

The campers gathered together to send up their wishes and prayers alongside the rockets, hoping that the signal would save their families and neighbors. Merit joined the group, spotting Bellamy's face standing out amidst the crowd like a shining beacon. He was standing next to Clarke and they watched as the bright red flares blasted off into outer space.

"Can we wish on this kind of star?" Clarke asked.

"I wouldn't even know what to wish for," Bellamy replied.

"I would," Merit added softly. The volume of her voice was hardly above that of a whisper, still her words managed to find their way to Bellamy's ears and he noticed her crestfallen demeanor. She tore her eyes away from the spiraling flares to catch Bellamy's despondent gaze. She returned his glance briefly before returning to her tent.

Merit closed her eyes as she reclined against the tattered cot and repeatedly told herself, " _just get through day one_." Fighting against her emotions was a losing battle, but if she could convince herself that the subsequent day would be better than the current one then she stood a better chance of enduring. So far, she wasn't doing such a bang up job of staying distracted as her grieving mind kept digging up old visions of Murphy.

Merit sat up from the cot, exhaling deeply and giving her arms a good shake before reaching for her pack. She started to unpack the various knickknacks from her bag; a canteen, her knife, a bag of rations, random scraps, and finally that plastic little hero. Staring at that faded action figure brought all of those pleasant memories of her childhood best friend back and she lost it. Everything she tried so desperately to hold back came pouring out in the form of salty tears. She buried her face in her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably.

Twenty-four hours earlier, Murphy was there holding her and laughing with her. They had finally made amends, getting back to the place that made their friendship so special, and now he was gone. She blamed herself more than anyone for his untimely demise. She had failed him as a friend. It was her obligation as his adoptive family member to look out for him whether he wanted it or not. Her constant badgering was the thing that could've kept him alive.

"Merit," Bellamy quietly called out over her whimpers. He was standing tentatively at the entrance of the tent, unsure if he should move forward in his attempts at comfort.

Hearing Bellamy's voice was enough to bring Merit's mournful cries to a stop. She turned away from him as she scrubbed away her tears with the hem of her shirt. She almost felt ashamed to let him see her so broken up.

"You really don't understand the meaning of space," Merit sniffled. "Get out."

"I know you're pissed at me, but that doesn't stop me from caring about you."

"Well, maybe you could be caring from afar."

"Look, I'm sorry," Bellamy said, slowly edging over and stopping a few inches in front of her.

"For what?"

"For banishing Murphy. For not respecting your feelings. For everything," Bellamy sighed as he took a seat beside Merit who was still trying to hide her evident sadness from him. "I don't want you to go through this alone."

"I don't really want you here right now but I don't want you to leave either," Merit choked through her tears. Bellamy seemed to be the source of part of her hurt but oddly enough, she still wanted him around. He held both the cause and cure for her pain in his hands.

"So which is it?" Bellamy said, tilting Merit's chin towards him and looking into her glossy eyes. He wiped away a falling tear from her cheek with his thumb. He gradually leaned in stopping just short of Merit's lips.

Merit closed her eyes, parted her lips and let out a shaky breath as Bellamy gently nuzzled against her. Her pulse quickened as she anticipated feeling his supple skin against hers then their lips clashed in a passionate kiss. The connection felt electric as his lips nimbly traveled down to her neck and chest. Every kiss Bellamy planted against her skin was exhilarating and she wanted nothing more than to be fully immersed in his entire being. Everything she had belonged to Bellamy now, she gave it up to him enveloped in their moment of sheer ecstasy as their bodies melded together in harmonious bliss.

She awoke the next morning wrapped in his arms, exactly where she wanted to be,however, a subtle emptiness crept its way back into her heart. Bellamy alleviated her despair for the night, but the feeling of euphoria he gave her was only a transient visitor. She had been silently lying there in a daze for the past hour, trying to understand her hollow emotions. When she finally decided to stir, Bellamy pulled her close and pressed his lips to the back of her neck.

"Surprised to see you awake at this hour, especially after last night," he breathed into her skin, brushing his lips across the top of her shoulder.

"About that," Merit started uneasily. She pried herself from Bellamy's embrace and began to dress herself. "Last night felt..." She lingered for a moment trying to figure out the proper words to describe her feelings.

"Different?" Bellamy cut in. "I've never felt closer to you than I did last night." There was a delicate sincerity in his tone that Merit had never heard before. "I know we've had a rough start, but I think we can make things right."

Merit's heart stopped in her chest because she knew that Bellamy wasn't going to like what she had to say. "What I said before about needing space...It still stands."

"Quit screwing with me, Murdock. It's way too early for jokes."

"I'm being serious."

Merit watched as Bellamy's face sunk from its state of lightness to a sullen stare. "You do realize that everything about last night defies what you're saying?"

"It was one night, Bellamy."

"That's all it was?" Bellamy huffed as he rose from the bed. He pulled on his trousers and zipped them up before standing face to face with Merit. "So last night meant nothing to you?"

Merit's eyes were firmly fixed on the ground. "It meant something," she said hesitantly. Bellamy displayed a brief expression of relief when hearing Merit's confirmation as if he knew the punchline to this bad joke was just around the corner. "It made me realize that any feelings that I thought I had for you are now gone."

Merit was displacing her feelings of melancholia on Bellamy. Grieving made everything feel surreal and cold. Grief sucked the color from flowers and made them wilt. It drained the light from the sun, moon, and stars. It made desires of the heart seem irrelevant and unattainable. It took the world's beauty and turned it into ash in Merit's hands.

In actuality, last night meant everything to Merit. It was more than giving in to the temptation of a one-night affair. The passionate moment they shared was more meaningful and more intense than the first time. The affection that Merit felt for Bellamy was bigger than lust or desire and it magnified tenfold. Bellamy said and did all the right things. Everything was right, but it felt right for all the wrong reasons.

Merit couldn't stomach using her best friend's death as the catalyst to start a relationship with Bellamy. She was using Bellamy as a crutch to mask the pain she felt from losing Murphy. All of her hurt was there hiding beneath his skin, on his fingertips, and between his lips. She was clinging to him because she wanted comfort in a way that only he could provide. She found minor relief in his touch, in his kiss, and in the late night love escapades but those things would never give her freedom. If she agreed to Bellamy's terms now, he would be nothing more than a tool for her misery and she would never be able to truly love him the way he deserved to be loved.

"Merit, I'm ready for this, for you. It's what I want," Bellamy quavered, his voice sounding more gravelly than usual. "Tell me I'm not alone in this."

It pained Merit to look at Bellamy as she saw his final plea break in his eyes. The final shard of his internal mirror came tumbling down.

"I'm sorry," she said firmly, never breaking his gaze.

"Don't be," Bellamy said, snatching his shirt from the ground. He sounded incensed and just when Merit figured he would storm out he voiced his final words. "You know, I believed you when you said you would never hurt me. Joke's on me."


	6. Chapter 6

Merit felt a thick knot forming in the pit of her stomach so hefty it could make her knees buckle. She thought her quivering legs would surely cave in as she watched Bellamy turn his back to her, but somehow she managed to stand her ground. As soon as he was out of sight, she clutched her stomach and gasped for air. It felt like she had been holding her breath for the entire conversation and Bellamy's confession had literally knocked the wind out of her.

Bellamy's words served as a wakeup call, tripping alarms and sending signals to every nerve in Merit's body. They cut through her like the blade of a sharp dagger, carving deeply into her chest until they settled their way into her heart and made permanent residence inside of her rib cage. Just when Merit thought she couldn't feel any more pain, Bellamy's words dug into her and reminded her that she was alive.

When she told Bellamy that she would never hurt him, she didn't think he actually understood the deeper implication of her words. She figured Bellamy would play his usual detached and apathetic role while quickly forgetting the minor details of such a conversation. Her words would certainly get lost in obscurity, never to resurface again. When in all actuality, Bellamy took her words as a promise.

Merit thought she was being strong by hiding her vulnerability, but Bellamy had proved her wrong by placing all of his cards on the table. For once, he wasn't hiding the way he felt behind a fist or a snarky attitude. He exposed all of the soft, raw scar tissue that lined his insides to Merit's willing eye. Bellamy trusted her enough to finally reveal his true feelings and she repaid him by taking his acknowledgement and stomping on it.

The way that she treated Bellamy with such crass disregard made Merit feel full to the brim with regret. She let her sorrow negatively influence her decision making process when she should've been honest in her grieving. Bellamy was fully capable of understanding her stance if only she would've taken the time to explain it to him. Instead, she used her words to chop him down and send him packing. Without Bellamy, there was nothing left for her in the sky or on the ground and by telling him that she didn't have any feelings for him, she sent away the last person that she truly cared for.

Merit wanted to apologize and tell Bellamy that she was wrong, but she wasn't sure if she could face him after being such an insensitive jerk. She watched day turn into night as she weighed the decision in her head and untangled the knots in her stomach. It took her an entire day to even muster up enough confidence to look in Bellamy's direction, but she knew that he deserved to hear the truth.

By the time Merit had decided to follow through with her apology it was already getting late and many of the campers were getting ready to turn in, all except for Bellamy. He had been on watch for at least a full eight hours and didn't show signs of yielding. After such a frustrating morning, he was probably being twice as committed to his duty because staying busy meant staying distracted.

On the way over, Merit stopped by the rations storage bins to grab a small bag of mixed nuts and seeds. She figured that Bellamy hadn't eaten much all day on account of his tireless work efforts and she hoped that the food would serve as a peace offering. When she turned around to head in Bellamy's direction he was already blowing past her like the wind.

"Bellamy," she called out, grabbing hold of his arm. He stopped for a moment, placing his hands on his head. He looked worried. "What's wrong?"

"I can't find Octavia. Have you seen her?" Bellamy asked anxiously.

"The last time I saw her was-" Merit stopped short remembering that Octavia had followed her over the wall.

"What? What is it?"

She sighed and clenched her eyes shut knowing that this wasn't going to end well. Bellamy was going to completely freak out when she told him. "She followed me the other night."

"What?" Bellamy said, his eyes growing in size.

"But I sent her back to camp. We weren't far." There was no way that Octavia could've gotten lost less than ten minutes away from camp, but if something bad happened to her, Merit would never be able to forgive herself. "She has to be here."

"She's not here, Merit. I've looked everywhere."

"Okay, try to keep a level head. We'll get to the bottom of this," Merit said giving Bellamy an encouraging pat on the back. She could see him slowly breaking apart at the seams and it was only right for her to be supportive in his time of need. She had literally just lost someone who was incredibly important to her and she didn't want Bellamy to have to suffer through that same pain.

"If you would've stayed at camp this would've never happened," Bellamy snapped, pushing Merit's hand away. He was pacing back and forth and spinning in circles like he didn't know which direction to go. Octavia was his responsibility and he'd sooner raise hell than have her harmed.

"I'm trying to help, but this isn't my fault."

"Like hell it isn't," Bellamy bellowed. "You should've just listened to me."

Merit was desperately trying to repress her growing anger but Bellamy was making it extremely difficult. She knew that she had to put Octavia's safety above her own feelings, but at the same time she hated being Bellamy's scapegoat. He was lashing out at her for more than just Octavia's disappearance and she was sure of it. Octavia going missing simply gave him the opportunity to pour out any leftover anger he was withholding with full justification.

Merit understood his frustration, but she certainly wasn't going to sit back and let him berate her for something she had no control over.

"Don't blame me for something you started," Merit countered. "I wouldn't have left if Murphy was still here."

By Bellamy's current irrational sense of logic, he could've just as easily been held accountable for Octavia's disappearance as well as Murphy's death. If the chain of unfortunate events was to be traced back to its original source, all lines would stem back to Bellamy.

"Murphy is dead because of a decision you made." Merit's voice quivered as the anger steadily rose inside of her, injecting itself like venom into her bloodstream.

"He would've been dead a lot sooner if it were up to me," Bellamy spat. "Just be grateful I didn't kill him myself."

"Maybe you should be the grateful one," Merit shot back. The words left her lips so fast that she hardly had time to process the cruelty that encased them. Her hand twitched as she remembered the feeling of Bellamy's bare throat pulsing under the pressure of her knife. She literally had his life in the palm of her hand and a mere flick of the wrist could've ended everything. Mentally reliving the experience made her sick with nausea and she immediately regretted her words.

Merit had come to offer Bellamy an apology and the whole situation had gone up in flames in a matter of minutes. The indecisive pair couldn't seem to coordinate their fickle feelings and, once again, an attempt at patching up their troublesome relationship had only served to dig them into a deeper hole.

"Someone looking for me?" Octavia said appearing from thin air. She had probably gone over the wall again except this time Bellamy took notice.

Octavia's reappearance had defused the argument, leaving the two participants in an awkward standoff. Merit and Bellamy looked at each other sheepishly, realizing that they had gone too far in their dispute, but it was too late to take back their words of malice. The damage was done and even in their sheer guilt neither party seemed opened to apologizing at this point.

"Everybody, look!" Monroe shouted, ending Merit and Bellamy's stalemate. She was pointing up at the night sky where a glittering meteor shower erupted.

Camp was bustling with chatter as the delinquents clambered out from their tents and gathered together to view the natural phenomenon.

"The signal failed," Clarke called out frenziedly.

It wasn't a meteor shower that Monroe pointed out, but it was the bodies of the deceased Ark citizens returning to the ground. Despite the delinquents' strong efforts, the flares didn't work and more than 300 innocent souls had been culled from the Ark.

"This is your fault!" Raven yelled, pushing Bellamy hard in the chest.

"I helped find the radio, now back off," Bellamy cautioned as the accusing eyes of the group fell on him.

"And what're you gonna do if I don't?" Raven's fist clenched into a tight ball as she stood toe to toe with Bellamy. Finn noticed the fist forming and quickly grabbed it to stop his girlfriend from throwing a punch.

Merit could've easily joined in on the indictment, telling Bellamy that he was to blame for the loss of those lives, but she didn't. Stealing Raven's radio had unforeseen and unfortunate consequences; however, those deaths were not a direct result of Bellamy's actions. Those 300 deaths were set into motion by the corruption present aboard the Ark and the council was solely responsible for them.

"He didn't know this would happen, Raven," Merit said stepping in between the two hotheads. "So let's just calm down."

Hoping that Bellamy and Raven would have a civil confrontation was like placing two raging bulls in an iron cage and expecting them to play nice. With so much madness going on, a fight to the death was the last thing anyone needed and allowing Bellamy and Raven to face off would only further contribute to the discord that afflicted their camp. What this place needed now more than ever was cooperation.

"Three hundred people are dead because of him," Raven brashly reminded.

"And more will die if you don't fix that radio," Merit added, trying to get Raven to focus her energy where it was most important. There were still lives aboard the Ark that were worth saving and Merit hoped that Raven would use her anger to fuel those efforts instead of using it to bash Bellamy's skull in. "They're counting on you. We're all counting on you."

Raven swallowed her pride and nodded in agreement with Merit before deciding to walk away from the situation.

"What are you standing around for? You all have jobs to do," Bellamy commanded, effectively dispersing the rubbernecking campers.

"Here," Merit said turning to Bellamy and shoving the pack of rations into his hand. "You should eat this. You're even more of a grouch on an empty stomach."

Bellamy balled up the small pack of nuts in his fist and crammed it into his jacket pocket. "I don't need you defending me," he said.

"I wasn't," Merit corrected. "What you did was really selfish, but it doesn't define you. What matters is how you come to terms with your actions. Are you ready for that?"

Bellamy opened his mouth like he was going to speak but no words came out. His mouth just hung slightly open and for once he didn't have an answer.

"Didn't think so," Merit said walking away from him.

It seemed like no matter how upset she got with Bellamy she just couldn't quit on him. No matter how much she wanted to walk away it was like they were tethered together and any time she strayed too far she got dragged back in. Perhaps, it was because when she looked at him she didn't see a villain, a monster, or even his mistakes, but she saw herself.

Through Merit's eyes Bellamy was someone who wore his misfortune like a suit of armor so he could claim invulnerability to the things that could potentially hurt him. She saw him as someone who hid his problems underneath protective covering when, in reality, his heart was constricted with pain and his spine hunched under the weight of his responsibilities. She saw him as someone, like herself, who was just trying to do their best with the hand that they were dealt and if there was a way back for Merit then there was surely one for Bellamy too. Giving up on him, in a way, felt akin to giving up on herself.

As immensely frustrated as Merit was with Bellamy, she somehow found her feet turning in the dirt and circling back towards him.

"You know, I came here to apologize to you," she started.

"An apology is not what I want from you," Bellamy swiftly interjected, an air of hunger radiated from his eyes. He looked down at Merit, knowing what he really wanted was standing right in front of him, within arm's reach, yet still unattainable. He moved in closer to her, leaning in just until his mouth was near ear level. His lips just grazed her ear lobe as he murmured, "You know what I want. Are you ready for that?"

He repeated the same question that she had for him knowing that she would fail to give him the answer that he desired.

Merit felt her lips tentatively forming around the word "yes" as Bellamy's husky voice resonated in her eardrums. It was strange how he didn't even have to lay a hand on her to make her vibrate in her skin and she quickly found herself surrendering to his allure. Once again, she yearned to taste his lips, to be wrapped in his skin, and to feel his heart thumping fervently against hers as their bodies flowed together.

"Bellamy," Merit whispered, after swallowing hard.

"No. No explanations. This ends now," Bellamy breathed. "Yes or no?"

Merit was very close to following lust down that dark spiraling path where she would be engulfed in such a pleasure that would lead directly to inexplicable amounts of pain. She remembered how amazing it felt being with Bellamy. How his kiss made her forget about her troubles, how his touch made her focus only on him, and how his body gliding against hers sent waves of sheer satisfaction speeding across her skin. Then she recalled how fast those feelings disappeared once the act was completed. How that bottomless void formed deep inside of her, how despair left dark shadows in her mind, and how she hurt Bellamy with the callous things she said. Then she remembered it was wrong. She would get her fix and then she would feel better until she didn't any more. That's not what she wanted or what Bellamy deserved.

"I can't," she said, biting her lip after voicing the rejection.

"Thought so," Bellamy said backing away from Merit. The way he looked at her with utter disappointment made her feel small. "Stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

Merit let Bellamy leave her sight without pursuing him. Chasing after him with explanations would probably only further complicate things by making moving on that much harder. If space was what Bellamy wanted then she was going to respect his decision.

Merit retreated to her tent hoping to find some solace after the harrowing discussion. The amount of ups and downs one person could experience on the ground in only 48 hours was daunting and she was completely drained after so much commotion. She shook her head and rubbed the back of her neck as her eyes fell upon the plastic action figure that was tossed into the dirt.

 _"_ _It's been a tough couple of days, Murphy,"_ she thought as she picked up the tiny superhero and brushed the grime off of it. She was stuffing it back into her pack when Octavia came barging in.

"You Blakes could stand to learn a thing or two about privacy," Merit asserted as she watched Octavia blaze through her tent with no sense of personal space.

"Were you and Bellamy fighting because of me?" Octavia asked, comfortably planting herself on Merit's cot and completely ignoring the comments about privacy.

"That's just the tip of the iceberg," Merit said taking her pocket knife out and fidgeting with it. She used the point to clean the dirt from under her fingernails. "Where the hell were you anyway?"

Octavia looked around suspiciously and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anyone." By anyone she probably meant Bellamy and mostly Bellamy.

"Fine, spill it."

"I met someone."

Merit laughed. "What's new?" she asked sarcastically.

This was no surprise as Octavia was always sneaking off to canoodle with some cute prospective love interest. Last time Merit checked, Octavia's most recent boy toy was Jasper. Although, she wasn't exactly pining over him the way he was over her.

"He's a grounder," Octavia admitted uneasily.

"Oh okay," Merit said casually. Octavia wasn't laughing, but this had to be one big joke and Merit decided to play along. "And by grounder you mean the same ones that have been trying to kill us? That must be a match made in heaven."

"He's not like the others." Octavia sat up from the cot, meeting Merit with an expression that was serious and solid as stone slate.

"Look, Octavia," Merit said grabbing the youngest Blake by the shoulders. "I'm tired, I want to go to bed, and this joke isn't funny."

"It's not a joke."

Apparently this romantic grounder boyfriend wasn't just a figment of Octavia's imagination. His name was Lincoln, a highly skilled grounder warrior and, according to Octavia, a kind spirit who was also poetically artistic. She even had physical evidence, in the form of a journal, to prove it. The worn book included drawings of Octavia and their camp, along with a tally of 100 markings; a few were scratched off for the ones that died.

"I'm gonna say this once, so listen carefully…Are you crazy?" Merit blurted. "He's probably just using you to get to the rest of us."

Playing "Romeo and Juliet" with a grounder had bad news written all over it. This Lincoln knew far too much about their camp, from the exact location, to their numbers, and their resources. It was unnerving to know that he had been watching them so closely without anyone noticing him. For all Merit knew he could've been a grounder spy, taking the information he acquired back to his people so they could use it to slaughter the sky people's camp.

"If he was everyone would've been dead by now," Octavia reasoned. "I trust him."

"Yes, of course because thinking with your vagina is great. It's worked wonders for me so far." Merit's tone was sardonic and bewildered.

Trust him? How could Octavia trust one of their sworn enemies? She must have mistaken a grounder's arrow for Cupid's because Octavia had fallen completely off her rocker.

"Merit."

"I know, I know. You're being serious," Merit said squeezing the bridge of her nose. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because nothing should stop you from being with the person you love."

Octavia was using her relationship as proof that love could beat circumstance. While Merit and Bellamy were using the ground as their excuse to not be together, the ground had brought Octavia to, what could potentially be, true love. It was an example of what happens when you give in to circumstance and roll with the punches.

It was a wonder how someone who grew up in seclusion could be so knowledgeable about love and then Merit realized that Octavia had been subject to the greatest love of all, sacrifice. Octavia's mother and brother showered her in unconditional love as they literally laid down their lives to protect her. Octavia wasn't nearly as boy crazy and naïve as others pegged her to be. She simply understood love on a higher level than most had ever experienced.

"Merit, do you love my brother?" Octavia asked seriously.

Merit sighed knowing that the "L" word would rear its ugly head at some point in this conversation. "If by love you mean, 'do I want to strangle him 100% of the time?' Then yes, I absolutely love your brother. Now get out of my tent," Merit said, pointing Octavia towards the exit.

Love was too strong of a word for Merit's ragged mind to process. She couldn't quite convince herself that love was the feeling that she had for Bellamy. At the same time, she couldn't deny that she associated his face with the word either. It would explain why she always felt so connected to him and frightened of him all at once. She knew that falling in love was an even harder road to walk down and quite frankly she was afraid because she had lost everything she had ever loved. Her father and Murphy had both been taken from her prematurely and she wasn't sure if her heart had the strength to hold up to ever losing Bellamy.

* * *

Time passed by quickly and before Merit could blink another week had flown by. She was living each day on fast forward just trying to stay ahead of the trials of daily life. Sometimes she felt like she was drowning as violent waves crashed down on her, dragging her further out to sea. Other days she felt like she was lazily floating along with the current. Whether she was feeling overwhelmed or coping successfully, Merit maintained a low profile while she continually grappled with the death of her best friend and the deafening silence between her and Bellamy.

Grieving the loss of Murphy still had its ups and downs, but time was slowly healing the wound. She knew that crying over Murphy wouldn't bring him back, but she couldn't ignore his passing either. Merit was still figuring out how to find the right balance between the two. She missed him like hell and she always would, but she wanted to use his memory as a source of power rather than sadness.

Then there was Bellamy. Sneaking glances at him turned into common practice because, once again, they weren't speaking to each other. It wasn't the usual awkward evasions and minimal conversations this time. It was cold and deliberate to the point that they hardly ever even crossed paths. In the event that they were in close proximity of each other, Bellamy wouldn't even acknowledge her presence. He wouldn't even give her direct orders any more, sending his demands to her by means of Miller or Clarke. As much as playing the invisible girl sucked, Merit respected Bellamy's wishes of keeping a distance from one another. It was a necessary precaution if either of them intended to move on.

Outside of Merit's internal woes, camp life seemed to pick up over the course of the next week. Raven was able to fix the radio and set up a complete communication system. Thanks to her, the delinquents were able to maintain contact with the Ark through audio and video transmissions. For the first time in weeks, the campers had the opportunity to reconnect with their loved ones and see their faces while the Ark council was able to relay important information to the ground. Most of the campers were relieved to find out that the Exodus ship, stocked full of aid and reinforcements, would be launching in a few days' time; however, this didn't mean good news for everyone.

With the Exodus ship landing came the promise of much needed support and supplies, but it also came with strict obedience. All the harsh rules that had been done away with would come back in full force and the society that the delinquents worked so hard to build would be overtaken. The authority and freedom would literally be snatched from their hands.

This also meant bad news for Bellamy. Sure the rest of the delinquents were supposedly getting pardoned of their crimes, but he wasn't part of the deal. Merit couldn't imagine the council letting Bellamy off after shooting the chancellor and fleeing to the ground. His punishment would surely be severe. If they didn't lock him up for life they would surely sentence him to death and Merit wanted neither of those things for Bellamy.

Merit watched as Bellamy and Clarke made their way to the front gate, headed towards some new and important mission that would surely risk their lives. Even with the high probability of never returning from outside of those walls, Merit couldn't bring herself to be the first to break the silence. She could only look on from afar, offering up a quiet prayer that he would return safely. Then, for the first time in over a week, Bellamy looked back at her over his shoulder. His expression read like an apologetic goodbye. He adjusted his rucksack over his shoulder before turning and exiting through the wooden gate.

Merit almost went after him until she heard Miller call out to her from the comms tent.

"Merit, you're up," Miller said. "Kane wants to talk to you."

"Tell him to go screw himself," Merit replied.

This was the third time today that Kane had asked to speak with her. Merit didn't know what he wanted and more importantly, she didn't care. For that matter, Marcus Kane could take whatever useless words he had to say to her and shove them up his crotchety stiff ass. She would fare better without having to hear his voice or lay eyes upon his treacherous face ever again.

"He said it's about your mom," Miller added. This simple statement was enough to spike Merit's curiosity.

The relationship that Merit shared with her mother, Marley Murdock, was rocky to say the least. Merit wasn't exactly the daughter that her mother had always wished for. Not only was Merit an unplanned pregnancy, but she was also born into this world a rough-and-tumble little spitfire when Marley always wanted a prim and proper princess. Marley also seemed to really resent the fact that Merit favored the father, James, over her.

Merit could remember her mother's scowling face looking down at her with such displeasure whenever she would come home covered in scrapes and bruises from hard days of play and practice. Marley would always try and discourage her from learning martial arts, saying how fighting was barbaric and scolding her for participating in training activities with her father. As a child, Merit never understood what she was doing wrong, but as she grew older she realized that her mother was punishing her simply for being herself. There was just something that Marley saw in Merit that she apparently couldn't stand to look at.

Their relationship continued its rapid decline until it just ceased to exist. Once Merit got locked away, her mother never even made the effort to visit her. She wasn't worried about her then and Merit couldn't imagine her mother suddenly becoming concerned now that she was on the ground. She didn't have the slightest idea of what Kane could possibly say about the woman, but she had to find out.

As soon as Merit entered the communications tent she saw Kane's face staring back at her from the tattered screen. She hadn't come face to face with him since the day she tried to kill him and seeing him now made her queasy. She sat down in front of the video monitor and placed the microphone headset over her head, but she didn't speak.

"Wow, you look more and more like her every day," Marcus said with a slight smile. He was talking about her mother.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Merit scoffed, averting her eyes from meeting Kane's. It still didn't feel right to look her father's murderer directly in the eye. "Where is she anyway?" Merit inquired in regards to her mother. The woman had gone AWOL for nearly two years and she didn't even have the decency to show her face on video chat.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." The monitor tiled and glitched, distorting Kane's face. He crossed his hands, placing them on top of the desk in front of him. He went on slowly and cautiously dragging out his statement, "I regret to inform you that your mother volunteered for the culling."

Kane's unfortunate announcement was met with silence. There were no words, no inquiries, and certainly no tears from Merit's end. She only stared blankly at the screen taking in the fact that her mother was one of the bright falling stars that had been returned to the earth. She witnessed her own mother's funeral without even realizing it.

Marcus started to speak again, "I tried to stop her-"

Merit got up from her seat, removing her headset midsentence, and walked away from the monitor. Kane called to her as she left the tent, but she had no desire to hear his explanation or further details. Marcus Kane was the cause of all of the death and destruction in her life and Merit was sure that this time was no different from the others.

She wouldn't shed a tear for her mother; neither would she mourn the loss. Her mother never gave her anything to grieve over. In fact, she thought her mother was a coward, someone who took the easy way out instead of facing up to her mistakes. All Merit ever wanted from her mother was the truth and Marley chose death over coming to grips with her own flesh and blood. The only disappointment Merit felt now was from questions that would go unanswered.

That night Clarke and Bellamy returned from their expedition with guns and blankets. Merit was probably more excited about the blankets because even though they needed the firepower, the concept of guns in the hands of teenage criminals was sort of terrifying. Some of these imbeciles could hardly be trusted with a twig, let alone, a military grade rifle loaded with live ammunition. All they needed was one excuse to start blowing each other's brains out; however, Merit trusted that the camp leaders would maintain control by keeping a tight lid over the situation. In fact, Bellamy immediately started gun training the following day.

The new acquirements and advancements seemed to increase camp moral for the next couple of days which set the perfect tone for the upcoming holiday, Unity Day.

Campers gathered around the comms system as the Ark's Unity Day festivities played back over the monitor. Chancellor Jaha was giving his annual phony baloney speech, smiling while lies seeped from his lips as he took credit for everything that the delinquents had worked hard to establish. He sent them down to the ground as one hundred expendable lives, expecting them to be a failed experiment. They managed to stay alive without his help and now he was giving himself a big old pat on the back for the success of their survival.

The comms system signal went down after Jaha's speech, transmitting nothing but gray fuzz and white noise. Merit was glad when transmission was lost, sparing her from suffering through more drivel and even though the radio went down the celebration continued on the ground.

Monty was able to whip up a special batch of booze which he deemed "Unity Juice" and the delinquents downed it as they reveled in their last few nights of freedom. The sounds of generic drumbeats echoed through camp as a few delinquents drummed away on empty containers, providing background music while the campers danced, chatted, or engaged in traditional social drinking games.

It was a nice change of pace to see everyone totally enjoying themselves for once, but Merit couldn't bring herself to join the party. She never really had the heart for Unity Day, even more so now that her head and heart couldn't find unanimity. Her life was exactly the opposite of harmonious and today was just another day on the ground. She would be just fine sleeping straight through Unity Day and that's exactly what she intended to do.

She was heading back to her tent when Jasper stopped her.

"Merit, are you down for a little drinking game," Jasper said shaking his aluminum cup and sloshing spills of moonshine to the ground. He was steadily bridging the gap between sober and intoxicated. "Paranoia? Or perhaps would you rather?"

"No thanks," Merit declined. "That stuff will burn a hole in your stomach."

This "Unity Juice" was cheaply distilled whiskey that tasted like rubbing alcohol. It was probably equivalent to drinking straight up gasoline and would, without a doubt, have someone with a weak stomach puking their guts out. This meant Merit.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Jasper continued. Bellamy happened to walk by while Jasper was trying to be persuasive, so he decided to use him as a bargaining chip. "Bellamy is playing," he slurred, draping his arm around Bellamy's shoulder and pulling him in close.

"No, I'm not," Bellamy said, wincing at the pungent odor of alcohol on Jasper's breath and pushing him away so he could breathe some air that wasn't flammable.

Merit hadn't been this close to Bellamy in almost two weeks and it was even harder to ignore his existence in such close proximity. She kept shooting him timid glances, drawing her eyes away every few seconds as to not get caught. They hadn't actually spoken since he gave her that ultimatum and Merit desperately wanted to break the ice. Maybe a little liquid courage would be just the thing to help loosen the tension.

"Look it's easy. Just watch first then you can join in," Jasper instructed.

In paranoia, one at a time, the participants whisper a question in the ear of the person next to them. The person asked must answer that question aloud for the rest of the group to hear; however, the answer to the question has to be the name of someone else who is also playing the game. If any participant wants to know what the question was then they have to drink. If no one wants to hear the question then the person that answered aloud has to take a shot instead. The point of the game was to, in good fun, expose paranoia among its players all while getting them completely smashed.

After being presented with a gameplay example, Merit joined in on the fun as she received her first question from Monty. He leaned over and whispered his question into her ear.

"Miller," she answered without hesitation, raising her eyebrows twice. The question being: who do you think is the most confident?

"Oh, Merit. I already know how you feel about me," Miller said with a wink. "It can only be something good, so I'll pass on this one."

"Dammit, Miller," Merit said lifting the cup to her lips. She was hoping that a good bluff would trick him into taking a shot, but she received a much more unexpected reaction instead.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Bellamy snatch a small silver cup from the surface of the shoddy table. He flinched, tightening his grip around his cup as he nearly drank from it, but he stopped himself abruptly.

"I thought you weren't playing," Jasper reminded.

"I'm in, but only for one round," Bellamy agreed, narrowing his eyes and giving Nathan a once over with a vigilant glare.

Five rounds later Bellamy was still stuck in the game and keeping a watchful eye over any interaction between Merit and Nathan. After a couple of shots his inconspicuous surveillance was becoming obvious and Merit took quick notice of it. He wasn't even trying to hide it anymore, letting out loud, throaty scoffs and rolling his eyes anytime the pair would laugh or joke together. Merit was starting to think that mixing Bellamy and alcohol together was a bad idea because it had totally unleashed his inner green-eyed monster.

When the next question came around for Bellamy, Merit was shocked to hear her name leave his lips. She didn't drink. She froze, forgetting that they were even playing a game. All the drunken chatter seemed to dissipate into the background as she heard Bellamy address her for the first time in days.

"Is it just me or is it getting kind of heated between these two?" Jasper whispered to Monty and Monty replied with a nod. "I want in on the drama," Jasper said before quickly knocking back his shot of moonshine. He nearly strangled on his drink when Bellamy murmured the question into his ear. "Okay, so let's play something else!"

"I'm done playing games." Bellamy slammed his cup down and staggered away, taking a minor spill on his way out.

Merit took off after him, following him as he stumbled into his tent.

"What do you want now?" Bellamy groaned as he slipped his jacket off and dropped it carelessly on the ground. He fell back onto the bed and let out a yawn.

"I wanted to talk to you," Merit said picking Bellamy's jacket up from the dirt. She dusted it off before neatly folding it and placing it in the seat of a chair. "But maybe I should just go."

Merit turned towards the exit thinking that perhaps, now wasn't the best time to engage Bellamy in deep conversation. Not only was he drunk, but he also seemed fairly irritated.

"Don't," Bellamy called out as he sat up in his spot. "Don't leave."

Merit gave him a weak smile as she crouched down in front of him. "I know you wanted me to stay away from you," she started warily.

"Screw what I said. It was stupid."

"I'm sorry," they both said in unison. The unanimous apology released some of the pressure that was bearing down on each of them.

"Do you think we could…maybe start over?" Merit asked hesitantly, unsure of whether Bellamy would be open to this proposal.

It was a relief to see Bellamy's face brighten up as her words met his ears. A familiar sparkle returned to his eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time.

"Of course," Bellamy replied, nudging Merit's chin upward. He looked down at her with a flushed smile and then he hiccupped. The pair shared a warm laugh that completely dissolved any remaining chilly tension.

"Friends?" Merit asked, extending her hand to Bellamy.

"Friends?" Bellamy repeated and his voice cracked. For a brief moment, his expression hinted at confusion as his eyebrows rose and the corners of his smile dropped just the slightest. "Yeah…Of course," he agreed, shaking Merit's hand.

They both let out a sigh of relief and Bellamy pulled Merit up from her stooping position on the ground. She sat on the bed next to him.

"Are you gonna remember this tomorrow or should I make you sign a blood contract where if you violate it I get to lop your head off?"

"I'll remember. I'm not that drunk," Bellamy said with a chuckle.

If Merit would've known how smoothly this conversation was going to go, she would've gotten Bellamy drunk much sooner.

"Well," Merit started as she stretched out across Bellamy's bed. "I think we've tested the relationship theory and proved that it is indeed a crock of shit."

"Think things would've been different if we met in the sky?" Bellamy asked as he reclined next to her.

"Nope."

Bellamy seemed surprised by the speed of Merit's response. "Why's that?" he queried.

"Murphy proposed to me when we were five."

She failed to mention that the proposal came only after the fact that Murphy found out that Merit was actually a girl.

There was a time when Merit's grubby little hands may have found their way to a pair of her mother's sewing scissors which she, in turn, used to give herself a botched haircut. Due to her painfully short locks, Murphy was under the impression that he had been playing with a little boy for the first two months of their friendship. At an age when most girls where considered to have cooties, Murphy was dismayed to find out that he'd been fraternizing with the enemy, but at the same time he realized that girls weren't so bad.

The memory was fresh in her mind as if it had happened yesterday. Merit could still hear young Murphy's squeaky voice telling her how she wasn't nearly as gross as other girls. Then he tied a string around her finger and made her pinky promise that she'd marry him when they got older. They'd been best friends ever since.

"Sounds like he's got a soft spot for you," Bellamy chimed in after hearing the complete story.

"Once we got older he would always say his proposal was just a ploy to own the rights to half of my toys," Merit said with a giggle. "He's always been a little shit, but I loved the kid. Still…love him." She finished with a heavy sigh.

Talking about Murphy in past tense made his absence all too real and she wanted his spirit to live on within her.

Bellamy turned to her, staring at her with a long sullen face. "Merit, I wanted to tell you something."

She waited, gazing back at him with ample curiosity and an utterly gentle smile.

"I um- I talked to Jaha," Bellamy said, stumbling over his words. "He pardoned me."

"That's great, Bellamy," Merit said with excitement. Her mouth stretched into a bright grin.

Bellamy didn't seem nearly as thrilled about his exoneration as Merit was. There seemed to be something that was still weighing on him, something that he was holding back.

"You know, I thought about running. Almost followed through with it," he admitted.

The day that Bellamy and Clarke found the rifles was the day he planned to run and never look back. When he found out the Exodus Ship was coming down, he thought his only option was to leave behind the people and things that he cared most about. With Octavia constantly rebelling against him and the current state of his relationship with Merit he figured no one would miss him anyway.

"My mom used to always say 'slay your demons' and I couldn't even face mine," Bellamy continued. "I thought about what you said about coming to terms with my actions. I needed to hear that."

Merit owed Bellamy a lot more credit than she had given him. He was a good listener and now he was showing that he had taken her words into account.

"Wish I could follow my own advice," Merit said as she thought about her own situation. There were still plenty of things that she struggled to come to terms with. "You wanna know something about me?"

"What is it?"

"I tried to kill Kane," Merit confessed, finally revealing to Bellamy her reason for being jailed.

She had been holding onto this secret for a long time and she only ever shared it with one other person, Murphy. Now, she wanted to show Bellamy that she trusted him enough to reveal this side of herself to him. Bellamy had exposed his wounds and scars to her, in good faith, and now it was her turn.

"Because of your father?"

Merit nodded. "Kane used to make a lot of personal visits when I was a kid, usually when my dad wasn't home. He always seemed so nice, bringing me little gifts and helping me with my homework. Then my mom would send me off to play with Murphy. I never thought anything of it until I was older." Merit looked over at Bellamy to find him eyeing her intently as if he knew what she was going to say next. "Kane and my mother were having an affair."

Merit screamed at her mother, asking her how she could so easily betray the man she loved. Her mother's only answer being a hard strike across the face. The guilt that her mother felt from her adulterous acts had finally caught up with her and Merit figured that was her reasoning for volunteering for the culling.

"I remember my dad picked me up early from class the day he found out. He sat me down, told me he loved me and I knew something was wrong. The next time I saw him he was being floated."

Merit saw something change in her father in that very moment. It was like the world stopped because the woman that he loved didn't love him anymore. She felt like he gave up and part of her believed that he wanted to die.

"I've never been so angry before. Angry at Kane. Angry at my mother. But most of all I was angry at my father for leaving me." Merit swallowed hard. "But I have to forgive him. I'm trying to, anyway."

"You're doing just fine," Bellamy assured.

With each word Merit spoke, it felt like she was removing a heavy cement layer from her chest. Revealing every little troubled piece of her past to Bellamy was a liberating experience. She felt so light that she could literally float away like a balloon.

"And losing Murphy was just like, okay it's happening again. And I wanted to be mad at you, but I couldn't," Merit confessed. "The truth of the matter is, I'm tired of good things being taken from me…I don't want you to be next."

Bellamy smiled and stroked her cheek. "You don't have to worry about that."

They looked at each other for a long time. She had just poured her entire being into him, the good, the bad, and the ugly, yet he stared at her like she was a jewel.

Merit knew what was coming next and if she kissed Bellamy now, she would never be able to leave his side.

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it before removing it from her cheek. "I'm gonna hit the sack." She got up from the bed and walked to the door. She stopped for a moment, glancing over her shoulder as she pushed the tent curtain back. "I'm glad you stayed." She left the tent.

"Who I would want to spend my last night on earth with?" Bellamy mumbled to himself, referencing the earlier paranoia question that ended the game. "None other than Merit Murdock."

* * *

It was a perfect morning. The sky was clear, the birds were chirping, and Merit had never been in a better place with Bellamy than she was now. Making up with him put her mind at ease and gave her heart a feeling of lightness. The sun seemed to agree with her good mood as it cast its radiant light down on her. She breathed in the crisp morning air and a sense of optimism washed over her as she thought about their fresh start as friends. It was refreshing to finally be on solid ground with Bellamy and she wasn't sure what the next step would be in their relationship, but she had a positive outlook.

Even the normally dreary morning patrol felt lively today. Everyone was in good spirits and joking around despite the mass amounts of alcohol consumed during the prior night.

"So, we all saw you hit up Bellamy's tent last night," Miller said nosily. "Did you get laid or did he pass out on you?"

"Shut up, Miller," Merit said, playfully jabbing at Nathan. "He could probably keep it up longer drunk than you could sober."

"You just got burned," Monroe chimed in.

"To the third degree," Sterling added, peering over Monroe's shoulder.

Nathan griped and groaned over the dig at his manhood while the other three erupted into laughter.

"Murdock," Bellamy growled, interrupting the banter. He was standing cross armed with a rifle draped over each shoulder as he motioned Merit over from her spot on the wall.

"Uh oh, someone's in trouble," Nathan teased, nudging Merit with his elbow.

Merit bit her bottom lip anxiously, knowing that Bellamy only called her by her last name when he was in a bad mood. Either he heard what she just said or he was pissed because he probably woke up with a splitting headache of a hangover that was partly her fault.

She walked over to Bellamy already on the defensive. "I didn't do it, I wasn't an accomplice, and I had no idea about it," she said counting off on her fingers.

"You're not in trouble," Bellamy assured with a small smile. "You're behind the others in gun training so I'm taking you out for a little practice."

She had missed most of the lessons on account of Bellamy starting them when they weren't speaking.

"Oh, sweet!"

She followed Bellamy into a small clearing just outside of camp. There was a short line of stumps leftover from the wood they harvested for their camp wall and Bellamy set up a few items to use for target practice.

He stepped back, handing one of the rifles to Merit. "First thing's first. You need to learn how to handle this beast."

"How's this?" she asked, holding the rifle up.

"It's great…if you want the recoil to knock you on your ass," Bellamy smirked. "Your dad taught you how to fight but not how to hold a gun?"

"I'd say it was one of his better decisions."

When Merit's father wasn't at work he always kept his gun locked away. In his philosophy, a gun should always be the last resort and he never wanted Merit around such unbridled power. She was never allowed to touch it and for good reason.

"I can't say I disagree, but you'll need more than your fists and feet to survive out here," Bellamy said. "Follow my lead."

He lifted his weapon, wielding it in perfect form, and fired off two shots. Both of his shots hit their mark with precision aim. It was a miracle that the chancellor survived because Bellamy was a damn good shot.

"That's a hard act to follow," Merit said lifting the rifle once again.

"Don't worry. I'll guide you."

Bellamy stood behind Merit, placing his arms around her and adjusting the rifle into peak position. Even now being in Bellamy's arms felt right and Merit couldn't help but smile to herself as he walked her carefully through each step.

"Anchor it against your shoulder, eye down the scope, and finger off the trigger until you're ready to fire," he explained.

"How's my form, Sergeant Blake?"

"It's-uh- It's good," Bellamy snickered. "Really good."

Merit rolled her eyes, noticing the suggestiveness of her words all too late. "You know I can still toss you to the ground from this position, right?"

"I know." Bellamy's tone was sly and flirtatious. "We've been in this position at least twice already."

"Screw you."

"Oh right. That's exactly what we were doing."

Merit could've turned as red as a tomato. She set the rifle down and covered her burning red cheeks.

"Are you embarrassed?" Bellamy said turning Merit towards him. She was hiding her face behind her hands, but he could still see her ears turning increasingly red.

"No."

"Then let me see your face." Bellamy took hold of Merit's wrists and began to gently pry them away from her face. She wasn't budging. "Wow, was I that good?"

"Bellamy, shut up!" Merit exclaimed as she grabbed onto his lapels and buried her face into his jacket.

Bellamy let out a hearty laugh as Merit ducked her head into his coat, nuzzling her blushing face against his chest.

"Just zip it up because I'm never coming out."

Bellamy looked down adoringly at the wriggling bulge sheathing itself in his clothes. Seeing Merit get all bashful was probably one of the cutest things he'd ever laid eyes on. "I guess I found your other weakness."

"What?" The sound of Merit's voice was muffled beneath Bellamy's clothes.

"Me."

As much as Merit wished for this statement to be false it was the honest truth. She wasn't sure what kind of spell Bellamy had cast on her, but it was causing her to act in a way that she never had before. All of the resistance she had built up to his advances was suddenly fading and if she wasn't careful she'd find herself back at first base, falling headfirst into Bellamy's trap. It was a vicious cycle.

"Don't flatter yourself," Merit said trying to hide the nervous shake in her voice. She came out of her hiding spot to find Bellamy staring back at her. Seeing the softness of his expression made her want to poke her head back into his jacket like a turtle, but she was stuck in his gaze. "This isn't very friendly behavior. Maybe I should've made you sign that contract." She pursed her lips before shifting them uneasily and scrunching her nose.

Bellamy didn't say anything for a moment, but his hands found their way to the small of Merit's back as he closed the ends of his jacket around her and held them in place.

In a calm and steady voice he said, "Is it wrong if I want to be the kind of friend that gets to hold you, kiss you, and go to bed with you every night and then wake up with you every morning?"

Merit couldn't speak. She just hugged Bellamy tightly as his words made their way through her mind and heart, replacing the old words of hurt and animosity.

She would've had to be made of stone to not feel anything for Bellamy and in that moment she felt something powerful growing inside of her, something that was gradually scratching its way to the surface. It was small at first like a young flower bud, but increasingly the petals began to stretch forth and bloom into a full blown bouquet. Love, it was love that Merit felt blossoming inside of her.

Bellamy held her there. Not taking her silence as a yes or a no and not giving her an ultimatum. He just held her. "The offer's on the table…whenever you're ready."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay, everyone. I hope you're all starting the new year on a good note. Thanks for your patience.

* * *

As Bellamy held her there, Merit could only think about how she felt a sense of belonging in his warm embrace and how much she never wanted him to let her go. She wished to remain wrapped in his able arms where it was safe and secure, to always be covered in the skin that she now trusted to guard her deepest secrets and fears, and to be eternally held by the hands that were strong enough to carry her burdens yet gentle enough to wipe away tears and mend wounds. In this moment, as she felt every piece of herself aligned with every piece of Bellamy, Merit stood before him bare, defenseless, and ready.

Merit was ready to acknowledge her feelings for Bellamy, to admit that he was the one thing she wanted most in this greatly imperfect world. She was prepared to stand by him in a world of dank darkness, grit and death, a world where they were constantly fighting just to see another day. She wanted to fight beside Bellamy and to wake up each day that they survived and be thankful to see his face. She was willing to choose him over fear of death, fear of tomorrow, and fear of longevity.

Every bone in her body was poised to accept his offer, yet she was still plagued with the smallest uncertainty. It whispered in her ear, buzzing around like a pesky mosquito, and planted seeds of doubt. It told her that loving someone might be easy, but expecting to be loved in return was a fool's errand. It reminded her that love meant vulnerability. It meant relinquishing a significant part of herself – a part that she worked hard to protect – to someone that could possibly give her nothing in return. In handing over her heart to Bellamy, Merit would lose the ability to protect herself if he ever decided to abuse it.

As the voice of uncertainty grew from a wispy murmur to a raging chorus, Merit felt Bellamy slightly tighten his embrace around her. The drumming of his heartbeat quieted the voice and sent it fleeing into obscurity. Their breathing synced as Merit melted into him and suddenly she wasn't so afraid.

Bellamy was looking up at the sky and Merit was looking at his mouth, desperately wanting to indulge his lips in a sweet kiss. She moved in slowly, her eyes locked on the curves and points of his cupid's bow, stopping only when he spoke.

"Is that the Exodus ship," Bellamy asked. "They're early."

Merit reluctantly tore her eyes away from him and turned them to the sky. She saw a bright light flash followed by a silver streak. The bulky metal structure was careening toward the ground at a rapid speed, much too fast for a safe landing. The parachutes didn't even deploy as the spacecraft maintained its momentum. Its trail ended in a fiery explosion as the ship crashed behind a tall pair of mountains, leaving a thick cloud of gray smoke in its wake.

Merit and Bellamy quickly returned to camp, gathering a small team before setting off to assess the crash site.

The area was in desolation, nothing but a burning pile of charcoal and rubble. The explosion cleared the area of any forestry while the surrounding trees burned black with orange embers. Severed limbs, charred skeletons, and crackling flames were scattered across the rocky terrain. The Exodus ship had been reduced to random stacks of mangled metal and components. Everything was demolished. There was no help, no supplies and no survivors.

All of the support that was promised to the delinquents – doctors, engineers, farmers, and guardsmen – was gone. No one was coming to save them.

With their solemn hopes of rescue completely dashed, the small group of campers had every right to leave the dismal scene behind, but they didn't. Knowing that Clarke's mother was supposed to be a passenger aboard that ship gave them good reason to stick around and search for any explanation as to why it crashed. After all, they only had each other now and perhaps, they would be the only family that Clarke could rely on.

Merit knelt down, brushing away the debris in search of the ship's black box. She picked up a fragment of the ship and it nearly turned to dust in her hand. She rubbed the soot between her fingers, the scent of smoky earth permeating her nostrils as she surveyed the area. Everything was so badly damaged. How was she supposed to find anything in this destruction? A shiver crept up her spine as she realized that they were practically standing in the center of a cemetery.

While Merit felt badly for the many souls lost in the crash, there was also a piece of her that wished for Kane to be on that ship. It was her sheer resentment and malice, formed by this age old grudge, that hoped his skin burned and bubbled in the fire until it was melted away from muscle and bone by the intense heat. That his skeleton was blackened and scorched until it disintegrated into a fine ash. And that those ashes would be swept away by a strong gust of wind and transported to a place where no one would ever find his remains to mourn his death, where his soul would never escape the raging fires of hell.

Merit glanced at Clarke for a moment, noting the differences between them. Here was a young woman that was just seeking answers for her mother's tragic death while Merit was having foul thoughts of retribution. Kane's death at the expense of hundreds of innocent lives wasn't worth it and Merit would choose his survival if only it meant that Clarke would get to see her mother again.

She stopped her excavation of the wreckage and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers, trying to purge the negative thoughts from her mind. Suddenly, she felt a hand grip her shoulder. Merit turned to find Bellamy staring down at her, brows delicately furled together as he studied her face.

"Something the matter?" Bellamy asked.

"It's nothing," Merit replied, standing and wiping the dirt from her hands onto her pants.

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"Oh great, do I have something face?" Merit responded coolly, dodging Bellamy's call for concern. Her nonchalant joking wasn't convincing and by Bellamy's raised eyebrows, Merit could tell that he wasn't amused with her evasive response. "Look, I'll tell you later. Let's just finish up here."

Bellamy nodded, showing a bit more satisfaction with Merit's answer. Then he turned his attention back to examining the crash site.

Their search of the Exodus ship wreck ended when Raven happened upon hydrazine, highly unstable and extremely flammable rocket fuel, gushing from one of the ship's components. After demonstrating its highly volatile nature – by throwing a rocket fuel covered chunk of debris into a small fire and setting off a large blast which nearly singed off Bellamy's eyebrows – she called for everyone to clear the area immediately to avoid the instance of injury or, even worse, death. The campers heeded her warning, making swift tracks back to home base.

Upon reaching the front gate, the other campers went ahead while Merit and Bellamy lagged behind.

"My tent or yours?" Bellamy asked, suddenly turning to Merit and beaming down on her with those chocolate brown eyes.

"What?" She was caught off guard by his bluntness.

"So you can unload whatever was on your brain back at the crash site."

"Oh…um…your tent," Merit said, scratching the back of her head and digging her boot heel into the dirt. She looked down at her feet, once again feeling bashful under the heat of Bellamy's gaze.

After the earlier interruption, she figured this meeting would give her the perfect opportunity to tell Bellamy how she really felt.

"I'll see you after patrol then," Bellamy said, tilting his head ever so slightly to try and meet Merit's line of vision. He nudged her chin upward so that she was finally looking into his eyes.

Merit nodded vacantly, the strong urge to press her lips against Bellamy's hastily returning as she stared back at him. Not being able to fight the impulse any longer, she planted a quick peck against Bellamy's lips. She pulled away to find him softly smiling.

"I'll…uh…see you later." Merit tugged at her jacket sleeve as she backed away, a stark red blush stinging her cheeks. She managed to bump into someone in her backward walk. "Sorry," she said, turning to find Connor rushing toward Bellamy.

"Bellamy! There's something you should see," Connor called out. "He's- it's on the dropship." He gave Merit a skittish glance as he clutched his rifle. He seemed leery of her presence, as if he was carefully choosing what information he exposed in front of her.

Merit took note of Connor's suspicious behavior and trailed closely behind as Bellamy followed the lanky young man to the dropship.

Connor noticed her following and turned to stop her. "Just Bellamy," he said, forcefully holding his rifle out in front of her to bar her from going any further.

"I just want to know what's going on," Merit replied, ignoring Connor's frail attempt at intimidation.

"Unless your name is Bellamy, you should mind your own business."

"Jeez, Connor. When did you grow a pair?" Merit jeered with a raised eyebrow. Connor's blatant attempts at stopping her gave her an even greater impression that he was trying to hide something from her.

"Merit," Bellamy cut in. "Wait here. I'll be back in a minute."

"Fine." Merit crossed her arms and tapped her foot as she watched the two men enter the dropship.

Within seconds, she could hear yelling resonating from behind the thin dropship curtains. She could clearly discern Bellamy's raspy bellow above all of the clashing voices. He was undoubtedly angry and by the sound of the heated debate, someone's life was in grave danger.

Merit pushed the curtain back to find the source of the growing commotion and then she saw him, a young man who was cowering on the floor as he stared down the barrel of Bellamy's fully loaded rifle.

"Murphy?" The name shot off of Merit's tongue, cracking like white hot lightning and echoing in her ears. The room seemed to shake as she stared at what should've been an apparition sitting in front of her. This couldn't be real. Murphy was dead and Bellamy had told her so, yet there he was in the flesh. "Murphy!" Merit cried again, throwing herself at his feet. She took his battered face in her hands as tears formed in her eyes.

Murphy was covered in bloody wounds to the point where he was almost unrecognizable. His eye was swollen shut and his fingernails were ragged and peeled from the nailbed. His clothes were torn to shreds and his hair was matted full of red clay, probably from the mixture of dirt and blood. The grounders brutalized him, leaving him a mutilated shell of his former self.

There was screaming and guns were being pointed, but all Merit could see was Murphy. He was broken, but he was alive and that was more than she could've asked for.

"Merit, get out of the way," Bellamy shouted, not removing the crosshair of his rifle from Murphy's fragile frame.

"Bellamy, I said no," Clarke broke in, pushing Bellamy's rifle aside. She kneeled down next to Merit and placed a tender hand against her arm. "Merit, I need to examine him."

"I'm not leaving him," Merit replied, tears streaming down her face. She clutched Murphy close to her while gently rocking him back and forth.

"It'll only be a minute," Clarke assured. There was sincerity in her clear blue eyes that gave Merit a moment's relief.

"I'll be right back. I promise," Merit said, looking Murphy firmly in the eye. He gave her a small nod, promising her that he would be okay.

Merit got up from her spot, shaking her head accusingly at Bellamy as she exited the dropship. He followed her outside, grabbing gently at her arm only to receive a swift slap across the face.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Bellamy roared while holding his cheek.

"You deserve a lot worse than that!" Merit said, pointing at Bellamy. She tried to steady her hand, stretching her fingers so that she could resist the urge to ball her hand into a fist. Bellamy deserved her wrath. He deserved to have his lights knocked out, his teeth chipped, and his lip split in two, but she just couldn't do it. "You told me Murphy was dead!"

"I never said that," Bellamy said, shaking his head back and forth. "I never said he was dead."

Technically, this was the truth as he never actually stated that Murphy was dead or that he had actually seen Murphy's death with his own two eyes. However, he surely implied that Murphy was dead without ever actually saying it, which was still a sneaky and underhanded way of skirting the truth.

"I trusted you."

"Merit, I had to get to that pod," Bellamy admitted with much shame.

Bellamy never stuck around long enough to actually see Murphy's death and he never planned to. He created the deal as a ruse to get Merit out of the way without ever having any intention to uphold his end of the bargain. As soon as that pod came falling from the sky, it became his first priority and he had to get to it before anyone else did. At that time, he was more obsessed with stopping the Ark from coming down rather than with being honest.

"I trusted you," Merit repeated, this time more incensed, as tears clouded her vision. "And you lied to me."

"If I told you the truth you would've never stopped looking for Murphy. You would've gotten killed."

"You used me."

Merit felt manipulated. From the beginning, Bellamy had used his wiles to get other people to do exactly what he wanted and she was stupid enough to fall for it, for him. This entire time he had her heart in his hands and he was just toying with it, repeatedly squeezing it but never completely crushing it until now.

"I was protecting you," Bellamy countered, shadows of his former self-centered ego reemerging. Somehow, he thought he had the right to defend himself as if he had committed some sort of noble act. He didn't seem to understand how lying about someone's death was cruel and not protective.

Merit looked at Bellamy with more heartache than disgust, still unbelieving that he would go along with such a drawn out lie. How could he do this to her with good conscience? She had been so broken up over Murphy and he stood by her, watching her grieve and offering her comfort, when he could've ended her pain at any moment. He let her suffer when he knew the truth.

Bellamy's tone softened as he felt Merit's anguish cast down on him. "I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you," he stammered. He was desperately trying to explain himself, but no explanation would ever be good enough to justify his actions. He was grasping at anything he could to convince Merit to forgive him. "Merit, I'm not that guy anymore."

"Just stop it! Stop lying," Merit said in exasperation, feeling that Bellamy would say anything to try and sway her. She knew all too well how believable Bellamy's performances were and he was currently putting on the show of a lifetime. His misty sad eyes and penitent expressions nearly had her playing right into his hands. "And to think I was falling in love-" Merit blurted, the _v_ curled on her tongue and made a quick roundabout as she stuffed the word back into her throat. She bit down hard on her bottom lip to the point that she nearly tasted blood, regretting that she let the word slip from her lips.

Bellamy stood there stuck, the corners of his mouth sinking into a somber frown. His skin turned pale like his blood ran cold and air no longer pervaded his lungs. He didn't blink, he didn't breathe, and he didn't speak.

Merit couldn't look at him as her own shame and anger consumed her. She was mad at herself for not heeding that voice of uncertainty, for there was much truth and foreboding within it. It was much too late to listen to it now as her worst fear manifested in front of her. She had given up her power to Bellamy and he had no sooner given her pain for it. The worst part was that she would let him do it again because she loved him. This was the consequence of surrendering to an unfair love.

"I just got you back," Bellamy said, finally moving to latch onto Merit. His hands shook as he held her in place. His lips quivered as he spoke again, a transparent sadness darkening the timbre of his voice, "I can't lose you again. I won't."

Merit stood there for a moment absorbing the regret settled deeply in his eyes before wrenching away from him and returning to the dropship.

She wanted to fall to pieces, to crumble into dust in her humiliation, but she had to be there for her best friend. She had gone without him for long enough, so she returned to Murphy's side with tears for Bellamy still falling from her eyes.

Clarke was finished with Murphy's examination and she left the two friends alone. Merit sat next to Murphy, staying quiet for a moment as she took his hand in hers.

"What happened, Murphy?" she asked, finally ready to listen to the story that she never cared to hear from Bellamy's point of view. Sure she had heard things, mostly random ramblings in hushed voices because no one wanted to talk about Murphy in front of her after her angry outburst. She also never asked either, knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold the account of someone else above that of her best friend. After all of this time, she had never heard the full story of his banishment.

"They blamed me…" Murphy started slowly. He looked tired and dejected as he clutched his stomach. "For Wells' death." Merit grabbed a wet cloth, dabbing cautiously at his many wounds while he continued. "They dragged me, beat me, and strung me up to hang. Then Bellamy kicked the crate out from under me."

Merit stopped for a moment, faintly wincing at Murphy's disclosure.

"But it wasn't me, Merit," Murphy said grabbing Merit's hand and halting her from tending to his injuries. "I didn't kill anyone. I just wanted them to put the blame where it belonged."

Murphy seemed to leave out the part about how he incited an angry mob to indict the actual killer and how he hit Bellamy in the head with the biggest hunk of wood he could possibly find, merely because Bellamy tried to stop him. He also omitted the part where he threatened Clarke at knife point until Charlotte, the actual murderer, agreed to turn herself over to him. Bellamy wouldn't let the young girl hand herself over and the whole thing ended in tragedy as she threw herself off of a cliff so high there was no bottom in sight, just a murky abyss of fog and shadow.

"I'm sorry. I should've been here to protect you," Merit said. She felt like she deserved partial blame for Murphy's plight, like she could've done more to protect him. If she hadn't been so invested in Bellamy she would've been there for her friend when he desperately needed her. "I went after you, Murphy. I saw the grounders attacking you and I couldn't save you," Merit sniffled as she wiped away her tears on her jacket sleeve.

"Look," Murphy said pressing his forehead against Merit's. "Look at me. There was nothing you could've done." He sat back for a moment, writhing against the wall. "And if I ever go missing again, don't you dare risk your ass looking for me," he said with a labored breath. All of a sudden, he began to cough violently. Then he was doubled over in pain as blood sprayed from his mouth and covered the floor in a dark shade of red.

"Someone help!" Merit cried as she tried to calm Murphy's wild fits of coughing.

Clarke entered the dropship with crimson tears dripping from her eyes. "Merit, get away from him," she said with urgency.

Merit jumped up, quickly backing away from Murphy. She could see that he and Clarke were suffering from the same sickness.

Soon after, two more boys entered the dropship exhibiting similar symptoms. They were coughing uncontrollably as blood dripped from their noses and mouths. Whatever plague Murphy had brought with him, it was highly contagious and spreading like wildfire.

Bellamy, hearing the cries for help, came running into the dropship as well. His eyes were large as he scanned the group of people in front of him. "What the hell is going on?" Bellamy said, noting the blood red tears staining Clarke's cheeks.

"Biological warfare," Clarke stated.

The group soon found out that the grounders let Murphy loose with a virus to infect the sky people. It was some type of hemorrhagic fever that sent blood shooting from orifices and body temperatures sky-rocketing. Still, they knew little of the disease, its repercussions or how to cure it.

"Did you know about this?" Bellamy said turning his attention to Murphy and grasping his rifle will harmful intention. "Does it make you feel good that you put your best friend in danger?"

"I didn't know, Bellamy. I swear." Murphy was trying to reason with Bellamy, but he was much too weak to defend himself.

"Tell us what you know. Now!" Bellamy demanded.

"Just leave him alone," Merit said, placing herself between Murphy and Bellamy's rifle. She felt woozy, losing her balance as she stood.

"Merit…" Bellamy's eyes grew even larger as he spoke her name.

Merit wiped her nose, feeling a thick stream of liquid secreting from her nostrils. She looked down at her hand to see the blood smeared across her fingers.

"Shit," she breathed, realizing she could be the next casualty to this mystery illness.

"I swear, if she doesn't recover from this-"

"Bellamy, she'll be okay," Clarke interrupted, trying to bring some order to all of the chaos. "But right now we need to round up anyone who's had contact with Murphy and quarantine them."

"Fine," Bellamy agreed hesitantly. He looked back at Merit who had sunk to the floor in sudden exhaustion.

"I'll keep an eye on her," Clark emphasized, urging Bellamy to leave the area to avoid sickness. With much reluctance, he finally did.

The sickness hit Merit fast. Her head throbbed and her muscles ached. Her body quickly overheated and she stripped off her jacket as sweat poured from her pores. She was lying on the floor as the room spun around her, feverish hallucinations of her mother and father's faces haunting her as her vision went dark.

She woke up hours later in a fit of violent coughs. It felt like she was drowning, like liquid was filling her lungs. Murphy was by her side in a matter of seconds. He rolled her onto her side and blood spurted from her mouth, relieving some of the pressure she felt in her chest.

"I got you. You're okay," Murphy said patting Merit on the back. "Red is a good color on you, but let's get you cleaned up." He wiped away the blood from her face with a damp cloth.

"I don't want to die, Murphy," Merit wheezed. The coughing started to subside and her breathing steadily returned to normal.

"Are you kidding me? You're way too stubborn to die," Murphy said, squeezing Merit's hand. "You're gonna be fine."

Murphy filled Merit in on Octavia's findings about the sickness and also her warning from the grounder community. The good news was that the virus usually passed on its own without need for medicine. The bad news was that the grounders used the illness as a means to soften the battlefield and with the sky people's defenses successfully weakened, the grounders planned to attack at first light. The campers were approaching dire straits as those that were immune and those that were already feeling better, scrambled to nurse their sickly comrades back to health, but there wasn't nearly enough time to prepare them all for battle.

Death was waiting around every corner and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop it now. If Merit was going to die tomorrow, then she was glad to be able to see her best friend's face one last time.

"I have something for you," Merit said, staring at Murphy through heavy eyelids. "Look in my pack."

Murphy grabbed the backpack, rummaging through it until he came across the action figure sporting the red cape.

"Where'd you find this?" he asked, astonishment flashed in his eyes and a small smile tugged at lips.

Merit closed her eyes, soaking in that precious image of her friend. Seeing his face now was even more satisfying than the first time. "Found it in a bunker. Remember from we were kids?"

"How could I forget? You gave me one just like it." Murphy had an air of calm about him as he fiddled with the toy and for a moment he didn't look so broken. He walked the little figure up Merit's arm, stopping just at her shoulder as he let out a heavy sigh. "You were one ugly kid."

Merit laughed weakly, coughing and holding her stomach. "Don't make me laugh, dipshit."

"Sorry. Sorry," Murphy cooed as he sat next to Merit on the floor. He lifted her head and placed it on his lap. Then he began to softly stroke away the stray curls that clung to Merit's perspiring forehead.

"Besides, you were the one with a lisp," Merit reminded.

At the start of their friendship, Murphy may have thought Merit was a boy, but she couldn't quite understand a word he was saying because of his speech impediment. Still, she thought he sounded unique, cool even and the way he spoke wasn't enough to stop her from befriending him. John was just the kind of different that Merit was drawn to. He was always special and always exceptionally himself.

"Fuck you. I had to take speech classes," Murphy jested.

Even though their bodies were damaged and stricken with injury, they laughed. They were fully aware of their impending doom – even more terrified than the day that they came down to Earth and shaking on the inside – yet they laughed. They used their suppressed and airy chuckles to cover their fear and to dry their tears, affording themselves just one moment to be thankful to be together again.

"I'm glad you're here," Merit finished.

"Me too."

Just then, two boys carried Bellamy in and placed him on the floor. The sickness had finally caught up with him.

Merit watched as Octavia tended to her older brother. She had never seen Bellamy look so fragile before. He seemed frightened as he gripped his sister's hand in his. He was deathly pale and blood spatters dripped down his chin. Even though she felt betrayed by Bellamy's actions, she still hated to see him in this state. She wanted to close her eyes, to rest, and sleep away her own ailments, but she couldn't take her eyes off of him.

Murphy had gone off to do his rounds, giving Octavia a break from her nursing duties and leaving Merit alone for a few hours. In those few hours, she hadn't shut her eyes, except to blink, as she watched over Bellamy's sleeping figure.

He hadn't moved in hours and just as she was beginning to worry, he jolted from his sleep. Murphy was there to offer him water which Bellamy wouldn't so kindly receive. It took Clarke's gentle suggestion for Bellamy to finally accept the beverage. The pair talked for a brief moment before Clarke made her way over to Merit.

"Hey, are you feeling better?" Clarke asked.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"I'm getting there," Clarke sighed. "Mind keeping an eye on him for me?" She nodded towards Bellamy. "He'd rather die than let Murphy help him and I need to check on the others."

"I don't think I should," Merit replied.

"Please, I could really use your help."

Even though Clarke was sick, she hadn't been able to get much rest. She was too busy wearing herself thin, running back and forth trying to take care of everyone else.

Merit gave Bellamy a tentative look before giving Clarke a nod of approval and allowing her to return to her nursing duties.

Merit approached Bellamy and sat next to him, turning her body to the side so that her back was facing him. She could hear him breathing hard behind her.

"We need to talk," Bellamy started.

Merit didn't bother to turn and face him. "It can wait."

"We might not get another chance."

Finn and Jasper were currently on a mission to plant a homemade bomb on the bridge that linked the sky people's camp to grounder territory. If the plan failed, they'd all be dead in a matter of hours.

"I don't want to die knowing that you hate me," Bellamy continued, placing his hand on Merit's shoulder.

Merit didn't hate Bellamy at all. Her feelings were the exact opposite. Her disappointment in him was even greater because she loved him, because she trusted him. She believed in him and he let her down.

She finally turned to look at him with a weighty glare. "How could you do this to me?"

Bellamy looked exhausted, dark circles inhabiting the area beneath his eyes while trails of blood streaked his sallow complexion. Merit was sure she didn't look much better as dried blood crusted in the corners of her nose and crevices of her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Bellamy stated.

"When does sorry just become another word, Bellamy?"

There would come a point in time when an apology wouldn't make things better. Hearing the words of repentance without seeing the actions lacked meaning and every time Bellamy did something good, it was only to overshadow the really bad thing he had done.

"What I did was wrong, but I can't change that now." Bellamy paused for a moment to catch his breath. "I really tried to tell you…that night on Unity Day."

He had every intention to tell Merit the truth, but after hearing her heart-wrenching memories of Murphy, he got cold feet and told her about his pardon instead. She seemed so happy when he revealed the good news to her. So happy, in fact, that she finally opened up to him and revealed a deep secret of her own. They had gotten so close and he couldn't bear ruining everything they had worked so hard to accomplish.

"The way you looked at me…I didn't want to lose that," Bellamy panted. He was still so overwhelmed with the virus, but he was pushing through it just to plead his case. "I realized that I would do anything to always have you look at me that way."

"I can't do this right now," Merit said, shaking her head. The tears were building up behind her eyes, getting ready to spill. Bellamy always said the right things to capture her heart and she couldn't prevent herself from falling into his trap if she continued to listen.

She stood to walk away from him, but he held onto her hand.

"Merit, please…" Bellamy said. He stood up next to her, lacing his fingers with hers. "I promise this will never happen again."

"You're right. It won't," Merit said, clasping tightly onto Bellamy's hand. Her lips trembled into a brief smile and a tear fell from her eye. "That's because I will never make the mistake of trusting you again."

Even with Merit's harsh pledge, Bellamy maintained his hold of her hand. "This isn't over."

"Yes, it is."

Merit released Bellamy's hand from hers, watching as it fell limply by his side.

If only Bellamy would put himself in her place, it wouldn't be so hard for him to understand her position. Bellamy would go to great lengths to ensure his sister's safety and if anyone ever threatened that security he wouldn't be so quick to forgive them. Merit saw firsthand just how angry he was after hearing that Octavia had followed her over the wall and she was sure if Octavia had truly disappeared, Bellamy would've given her hell for it. This was the same sentiment that Merit held in regards to Murphy. He may not have been her blood relative, but she still considered Murphy family and she would do anything to protect him.

With dawn quickly approaching, Clarke began to gather everyone into the dropship. It was their only stronghold against the grounders, but it wouldn't keep them out for long.

Merit found her way back to Murphy. He was leaning up against the wall, watching her as she departed from Bellamy. They both went to the dropship's door, observing as the rest of the campers retreated inside of the metal walls.

"What was that about?" Murphy asked, referencing the fuss between Merit and Bellamy.

"Since we'll probably be dead within the hour, I'm going to be honest with you," Merit said, fidgeting with her fingers. She took a deep breath and looked at Murphy timidly. "I was…sort of…falling in love with him."

Murphy let out an overly dramatic gasp. "Dear God, Merit. You caught feelings?"

"Shut up, Murphy."

"Listen, Mer. I may be criminally insane, but I'm not oblivious," Murphy said, wrapping an arm around Merit's shoulders and pulling her in close. "I know you and you've always been a sucker for a big dumb brute."

Murphy noticed the late night rendezvouses, the lover's quarrels, and all of the affectionate glances. He knew when his best friend had an interest in someone and he was mostly upset because Merit didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" Murphy continued.

"I don't know," Merit said, hugging Murphy around the waist. "I guess I was just afraid of what you'd think."

"Well, I think you can do better."

"I'm not sure I can," Merit muttered, glancing over at Bellamy who was helping wrangle the campers into the dropship.

A thundering boom went off and a gray mushroom cloud erupted into the sky, signaling that Finn and Jasper completed their mission. The bomb worked to thwart the grounders attack, leaving the campers safe for an undetermined amount of time while the grounders regathered their forces. The bomb may have worked to deter the grounders for now, but an all-out war was inevitable. It was only a matter of time before they returned with a counterattack and the delinquents had to spend every waking moment preparing for that battle.


	8. Chapter 8

Camp suffered a few casualties following the grounder fever debacle – adding Connor and Derek to their deceased – but most had fully recovered from the virus within two days. Murphy was also quickly recovering from his injuries while he worked vigilantly to regain moral standing within camp.

Merit was immensely proud of her friend as she watched him try to peacefully reconcile the damage he caused and restore the relationships he had broken. He was pulling his weight around camp by not only helping, but volunteering to undertake some of the most tedious daily chores that no one else cared to do. He was exhausting every bit of effort in his body to prove to everyone that he wasn't a villain, that there was goodness inside of him, and that people could change. Nothing pleased Merit more than to see her best friend flourish, to watch as he rose above adversity and took his first steps on the road to absolution with strength and humility.

Merit could've borrowed some of Murphy's compassion as she wasn't being so merciful in her journey to forgiving Bellamy. Bellamy was unwavering in his belief that he could fix things and he took every available chance to repent for his transgressions, but Merit shot him down each time he tried. She was freezing him out with the cold shoulder and even flat out ignoring him as he struggled to regain her trust. Still, the guy just wouldn't give up and when apologizing wasn't enough, he was constantly trying to show her how remorseful he felt, yet nothing seemed to penetrate Merit's solid state of resolve.

It was morning, the third morning in a row that Bellamy would vie for her forgiveness. The sun had just begun to peek through the gray haze that darkened the sky and Merit was on early watch with Harper. She looked down from her position to find Bellamy right on schedule for his morning atonement.

"Harper, take five," Bellamy said, calling the young woman down from her post. He took her spot next to Merit. He held a small bag of rations, juggling it in one hand as he stared at Merit. "Breakfast?"

"I'm not hungry," she replied dully.

"You should eat something," Bellamy said, stuffing the bag into Merit's jacket pocket. "Can't fight grounders on an empty stomach."

Merit sighed, lifting her weapon and looking down the scope to survey the surrounding woods. She tried to focus her energy on the task at hand to stifle the frustration she felt toward Bellamy.

"You look good holding a gun," Bellamy smirked, trying to use his charm to lighten the mood. His attempt fell flat and Merit still didn't respond. Bellamy took a deep breath, realizing that he wasn't getting anywhere with his methods. All he had left was sincerity and he hoped that Merit would hear him out. "I know it's going to take time, but I hope you can trust me again," he said softly.

Merit lowered her weapon and turned to Bellamy. "It's time to move on," she said impassively.

She loved Bellamy, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to trust him. If he would lie about someone being dead then there was no telling what else he would try to cover up. It was unsettling, to say the least, to put her faith into someone with such a dishonest past. She wasn't sure if her heart could tolerate another let down of such magnitude.

"Merit-"

Bellamy's next words were drowned out by the panicked cries of "Fire! Fire!"

Merit and Bellamy turned to see the smokehouse go up in flames. Knowing that Murphy, Octavia, and another boy, Del, were working away in that smoker, they dashed over to help extinguish the fire. However, their efforts weren't enough to save their friends and their food.

The intense fire ravaged through all of the food, leaving not one edible scrap behind. The smokehouse was home to all of their protein. It was where they preserved and stored their meat which was the bulk of the food that they counted on for nourishment and nutrition. Everything was burned beyond repair and they would sooner starve if they did nothing about it.

Clarke and Bellamy decided that it was best to spare any available campers to go out and hunt while the rest stayed behind to prepare for any incoming grounder attacks. They would go out in pairs, one gunner and one hunter equipped with a spear. Bellamy insisted that the bullets were only for grounders and not for capturing food as they didn't have the ammunition to waste. All hunting parties were expected to gather the bare necessities and return by nightfall. No goofing off, no exceptions, and no excuses.

Merit figured those strict rules would be a tad hard to follow with Murphy as her partner. They always seemed to find a way to mess around. He was her partner in crime, the Clyde to her Bonnie, and even with the danger lurking outside of the walls; she was relieved to get to spend some time with her close companion. It wasn't every day that someone came back from the dead and Merit wanted to make up for lost time.

She approached Murphy who was diligently sorting through the remainder of the food resources stored on the dropship.

"I know how much you enjoy playing with nuts, but it's time to go," Merit said with a cheeky grin. "Let's go, partner."

"I'd love to, but I don't think prince charming is going to let me leave his sight," Murphy said in reference to Bellamy.

"Since when do you listen to Bellamy?"

"Since you fell in love with him," Murphy snapped back with a quick crack of his own. His playful tone turned serious as he continued, "Look, I need him to trust me again and he's not going to do that if I get you in trouble."

Merit agreed with Murphy albeit with a heavy heart. "I'm proud of you, John."

"Yeah, yeah. Stuff it," Murphy drawled.

Murphy was doing everything in his power to carve out a new name for himself and Merit didn't want to screw that up for him. She had to respect his wishes even if that meant finding a new and less entertaining partner.

When Miller came strolling into the dropship, Merit realized that he would be the perfect stand in for Murphy. He was a smartass and he was good with a gun, while Murphy was only one of those things. If trouble arose, she would at least have a fighting chance with Miller. The only guarantee she had with Murphy was that they would both die laughing.

Just as Merit went to speak with Miller, Bellamy appeared. They made brief eye contact as their paths crossed, Bellamy making his way to the small camp model he had created to work on battle strategy. He was leaning over the 3D diagram and scanning it with a concentrated expression, but Merit could tell that he was just pretending to be busy to cover up his eavesdropping.

"Be my partner?" Merit asked Miller.

He gave her a quick nod. "Sure. I'll grab my gear."

"No way," Bellamy interrupted, immediately looking up from his work. "You're not taking my best gunner off the wall."

"You're just as good, so fill in for him," Merit argued.

Bellamy crossed his arms and clenched his jaw. "Find someone else."

"I'll feel a lot safer with him watching my back."

Bellamy rolled his eyes before agreeing. "Fine. Just be back before dark," he reiterated.

Merit nodded as she grabbed a spear. She and Miller left the dropship to start their search for food.

As soon as the pair was out of sight Murphy spoke. "Talk about awkward," he huffed, combing the hair out of his face with his fingers. "Walked in on them sucking face last night. I guess it's safe to say if the tent's rockin, don't come knockin."

"Why are you talking to me?" Bellamy growled in irritation.

"Just talking out loud," Murphy shrugged before returning to his work. A sinister smirk spread across his face as he watched a clearly flustered Bellamy stomp out of the dropship.

As Merit trekked through the forest with Miller, she was reminded of the first hunt she went on with Bellamy. How they walked silently side by side for hours only to come up empty handed, how they spent the night trapped in a cave hiding from acid fog, and how one night changed their entire perceptions of each other.

She was reminded of all of the firsts they shared on that night. She remembered the freedom she felt in kissing Bellamy for the very first time, the invigoration that she received from feeling his bare skin against hers, and the way her heart nearly burst seeing him in danger. Then she realized that those rich feelings of excitement hadn't changed since then. Merit would've never imagined how much Bellamy would change her life after spending one night together and suddenly she missed him.

Merit was absentmindedly twirling her spear around like a baton, enamored by the nostalgia she felt in these woods when she heard her stomach growl. She placed a hand on her abdomen as her hunger pangs continued to make her stomach grumble. Then she felt the lump protruding from her jacket pocket. She shoved her hand into the pocket, fishing out the culprit and saw that it was the rations that Bellamy had given her earlier.

She let out a deep sigh, realizing that no matter where she looked, she was constantly reminded of him. No matter how much she tried to deny Bellamy, her heart always went crawling back to him.

"Merit, look out!" Miller yelled, breaking her from her stupor.

She turned her head mere inches just to look at him and an arrow grazed her face. She wailed in pain, holding a hand over her cheek, knowing that she would've suffered much more than a scratch if Miller hadn't called out to her. She wouldn't have lived to know the stinging ache of her small injury.

Merit ducked down in her place to avoid the instance of more flying arrows as Miller shot for the trees. A grounder riddled with bullet holes dropped at her feet.

Miller grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the ground. "We have to go. Now!" he shouted.

The pair took off in a full sprint through the forest. They were much too far from camp to run all the way back, so they desperately sought after refuge. Merit noticed a familiar cave in their path and pulled Miller into the cover of the rocky fortress.

"You saved my life," Merit whispered breathlessly.

Her back was placed firmly against the wall while Miller's hand pressed against the solid stone behind her. They were both breathing heavily, riding the intense wave of adrenaline as their chests heaved against each other. Merit's eyes fell on Miller's lips as she felt them silently calling out to her. Her hand gripped tightly on the waist of his jacket as she began to slowly close the small gap between them. Miller tilted his head slightly, signaling that he was willing to accept her offer. Then she kissed him, soft at first, but harder and deeper as the length of the kiss extended.

Then she saw his face. She saw his dark hair and his olive skin that was dotted with freckles. She saw his deep brown eyes that were merely a window to his vast and complex soul. She heard his voice and felt the husky bass of his tone vibrating in her ears. She felt the warmth of his skin and was reminded of the comfort of home. His scent flooded her nostrils and she remembered how he smelled like the earth after it rained. She saw Bellamy and everything that she loved about him.

She broke away from the lusty kiss, realizing that it was an empty endeavor and she felt nothing. "I'm sorry," Merit said dipping underneath Miller's arm and separating herself from him. "I shouldn't have done that."

Miller was handsome. He was brave and outspoken, witty and humorous. He was a fighter and a survivor. He understood what it was like to have a father in the guard and to be ashamed of being a criminal when his father was in such an honorable position. Miller was almost a direct reflection of Merit as they shared many traits, struggles, and disappointments. He was everything she could possibly want in a partner except for one thing; he wasn't Bellamy.

"Heat of the moment," Miller shrugged. "No hurt feelings here."

"I'm really sorry," Merit stressed. Miller was still her friend and she didn't want to do anything to hurt or mislead him.

"Merit, we're good," Miller assured. "I get it. You're into Bellamy." He looked incredibly at ease as he spoke, never once losing his cool demeanor. "Look, if you plan on telling him about this at least give me a heads up. That way I'll have a head start."

They looked at each other and laughed, although Merit wasn't sure it would be so funny if Bellamy actually found out.

"We should get back to camp. It'll be dark soon," Miller finished.

They returned to camp just in time. The sun had gone down and they were one of the very last hunting parties to return.

Merit was greeted by Murphy who was working on cleaning the day's seafood catches.

"What's for dinner?" Merit said, leaning up against Murphy's ramshackle work table.

"Some type of ugly fish," Murphy replied, dangling the gutted sea creature in front of Merit's face. "Fuck if I know."

"Right. Didn't you fail earth skills?"

"Fuck off, Merit," Murphy snorted. "Your ass is gonna be on the fire pit next."

Merit chuckled. "I'll put my gear away and help you finish up."

"Don't bother," Murphy said, skewering a few of the fish. "Loverboy was looking for you earlier. Should probably see what he wants."

Merit let out a deep sigh and nodded hesitantly, knowing that she would have to face Bellamy at some point, but she was trying her best to postpone the unavoidable.

Merit wanted to be honest about what she did as well as being truthful about her feelings, but her anxiety was riding high as she wasn't sure how Bellamy would react. He had every right to be pissed with her and even though they weren't officially in a relationship, lines could still be crossed. She knew Bellamy's feelings for her and it would probably crush him to find out that she was interacting affectionately with someone else, especially as he was working earnestly on convincing her to forgive him. She may have ruined everything with one silly moment of weakness.

She trudged to Bellamy's tent, hopeful that he would understand her, yet still prepared for the worst. However, she would never be fully prepared for what she would witness.

She pushed back the tent's curtain to find Bellamy and Raven engaged in a passionate kiss. She stood there for less than a second, but it felt like forever as she watched the man she loved in the arms of another woman. Either she was too quiet or they were just too engrossed with each other to notice her, so Merit decided to leave. She didn't make a scene or cause a fuss. She didn't freeze in fear or boil with anger and she didn't stop them. She just walked away.

Bellamy's arms were wrapped around Raven. His hands travelled up and down her back until they gripped firmly around her waist as their lips clashed against each other.

She appeared in his tent moments earlier fuming about how Finn and Clarke weren't back yet and how she was trying to move on. Move on. Those words rang in his head as he thought about what Merit said to him earlier that morning. Then Murphy's words about Merit and Miller snaked their way into his ear, fogging up his sense of clarity. Merit had moved on and he deserved the same courtesy. With the opportunity currently presenting itself on a silver platter, Bellamy thought he should seize the moment.

As he kissed Raven, he was trying to forget about Merit. He wanted to forget how her kisses tasted sweeter than honey. How her smile was the sun to the dark gray clouds that often hovered over his head. How she nuzzled into him on cold nights like a cozy blanket and slept like a rock. How she challenged him with her wit and made him consider his actions. How everything about her made him want to be a better person. In all of his forgetting, he was only digging up more thoughts of Merit.

Bellamy was desperately trying to convince himself that he didn't want her, that he didn't need her, and that he wasn't falling head over heels in love with her, when in reality; he could hardly sleep without her next to him. Merit was who he wanted to be with and no amount of pretending could change his heart.

Bellamy pushed away from Raven. "Raven, I can't do this," he panted. "I'm sorry."

He grabbed his jacket and jetted out of the tent.

Merit scurried over the wall, walking aimlessly into the forest as one of the gunners yelled after her. She ignored him, following the short trail that led to the familiar glen covered in butterflies.

The glowing monarchs seemed to dance as they glided in midair, fluttering from tree to tree. Merit followed them until they led her to a tree with a nicely curved branch suited for a natural hammock. She climbed the tree, seeking refuge in Mother Nature's beauty, and hunkered down against the branch.

Musings of the shared kiss between Bellamy and Raven plagued her mind and suddenly she began to understand her father's feelings of dejection from the day that he caught her mother with Kane. Seeing the person she loved in the arms of another was painful. She wanted Bellamy to save all of his kisses for her, to be the only object of his affection, and to be the only one to make him happy.

She wasn't angry with Bellamy, but with herself. He was only doing what she told him to and now she was stuck wishing that she could take back her words.

Merit heard the light patter of approaching footsteps. She looked down from her perch to find Bellamy below her.

"Merit, what're you doing out here?" Bellamy asked. "It's too dangerous."

"How'd you find me?"

"Sterling said he saw you wandering around outside of the wall." He approached the tree, placing his hand against the trunk. "I took a wild guess. Seeing as this is the spot of our first date."

Merit chuckled softly at Bellamy's sarcasm, knowing that by first date he meant the time that Octavia had tricked them into meeting up. It was the first time that Merit recognized her romantic feelings for Bellamy and their first major squabble as he rejected her. They had come a long way since then, but Merit was afraid that history was about to repeat itself.

"Now come down from there so I can get you back to camp," Bellamy said, offering Merit his hand. She took it as she climbed down from the tree.

Merit stood in front of Bellamy, still holding tightly onto his hand. He pulled against her grasp, trying to lead her back towards camp, but she didn't budge. She was trembling, shivering in her skin as the nerves sent cramps contracting within her stomach, but she had to do it. She had to tell Bellamy what she did and be prepared to lose him forever.

"I kissed Miller," Merit said, wasting no time to be temperate in her admission. The confession shot out like ripping off a band aid.

"Come again?" Bellamy questioned with raised eyebrows.

"I kissed Miller," she repeated, this time much slower. She took the time to enunciate each syllable as she studied Bellamy's face. "And the entire time I wished it was you."

Bellamy was quiet, his face placid as his lips parted to let out nothing but air. He inhaled deeply as he gathered his thoughts to speak. "I tried to listen to you," he started slowly. "I tried to move on…so I kissed Raven." He paused for a moment and took Merit's other hand in his. "Kissing her only made me realize how much more I wanted to be with you."

Merit closed her eyes and let out a breath, trying to hold back the grin that tugged at her lips. She felt so relieved that she nearly burst into laughter. They had literally put each other through hell, only to experience the same epiphany that would, in the end, lead them back to each other.

"I knew about the kiss, Bellamy, but thanks for being honest with me."

"Are you mad?"

"No," Merit replied, finally letting the smile creep across her lips. "I'd kiss Raven too if she asked me." The pair shared a warm laugh and Merit relaxed the tension in her shoulders. "What about you?" she asked, searching for any sign of anger rising within Bellamy, but he was surprisingly composed.

"Mad? No," Bellamy said calmly. He spun Merit around and pulled her into a tight hug from behind. "I'm furious," he growled playfully, burying his face into his favorite spot on Merit's neck. Bellamy cleared his throat before going on, "Since we're being honest…was he a good kisser?"

"Was Raven?"

"Don't try to change the subject," Bellamy deflected. "Tell the truth. Did he slobber all over you? Try to eat your face off?" He placed his lips against Merit's earlobe as he made repetitive slurping and smooching noises. "Did he try to use tongue? Oh God, don't tell me."

The hands that encircled Merit's waist began to mercilessly tickle her ribs.

"Bellamy, stop it," Merit giggled as she squirmed in his arms. "I will still knee you in the balls."

"You sure know how to turn a guy on." Bellamy released Merit from his tickle torture hold before revealing yet another secret. "Well guess what? I knew about you and Miller too."

"What?" Merit stuttered in surprise. "How?"

How could Bellamy possibly have known about the kiss when it happened away from camp? Either Miller had immediately gone back to tell him or Bellamy was psychic and neither of those scenarios was very probable. Something just wasn't adding up.

"Murphy said some things- Look, it's not important."

Merit was still confused by Bellamy's disclosure. Murphy was still at camp when the kiss happened so there was no way he could possibly know either. The only other option was that Murphy had led Bellamy into a trap, a sneaky trick set up to get he and Merit to turn on each other. Merit knew that Murphy didn't favor her feelings for Bellamy, but she never imagined that he would go as far as trying to sabotage their relationship.

Bellamy pulled Merit back into his embrace, releasing her from her thoughts, as he continued. "What is important is that we're here together now." He kissed Merit on the forehead as he rocked her gently in his arms. "I told you this wasn't over."

Merit held onto Bellamy as tight as she could, content in the fact that he hadn't given up on her. "What I said before…when we fought about Murphy…I meant it."

"What? That you'll never trust me again?"

"No…The other thing. Before that."

"I'm not sure what you mean," Bellamy said with a dumbfounded expression, feigning ignorance.

"Don't play with me," Merit responded, not buying into Bellamy's unwitting act. He knew exactly what she meant and he probably just wanted the satisfaction of hearing her say it again. He wanted to hear her say that she was in love with him. "I don't expect you to feel the same way or say it right away, but I just thought you should know…" she rambled, avoiding the subject.

"Merit, are you through?"

"Yes," she squeaked, gazing up at Bellamy. The forest lights projected hues of blue and purple against his face, the shadows sharpening his jaw line and facial structure. She had never seen him look more ethereal, more like a heavenly creature, and more like his inner aura was shining brilliantly from beneath his skin.

"I think I've been falling in love with you since the moment your clumsy ass bumped into Octavia," Bellamy smirked. "I always had an idea of what love was, but I never believed it existed until I met you."

Merit kissed Bellamy, first showering him in gentle, heartfelt pecks and then steadily increasing into firm, ardent kisses. Each kiss exemplified the joy she felt in hearing Bellamy's tender confirmation.

"Can we call it official now?" Bellamy asked breathlessly, finally receiving a quick break from the onslaught of kisses.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Merit teased, draping her arms around Bellamy's neck and pressing her forehead against his. "What if we don't know how to stop fighting?"

"I can't stay mad at you," Bellamy sighed against Merit's lips. His hands journeyed down her waist, following the curve of her hips and back up again. "Besides, fighting will totally be worth it if you always kiss me like this when we make up."

Bellamy met Merit's lips in yet another fervent kiss. Jubilant tongues met to communicate the elation that words could not possibly convey, their moment of rapture drowning out the inherent dangers that encompassed the world around them.

"I really hate to interrupt," a voice echoed from behind the trees, promptly ending the make out session.

The pair scanned the area to find Octavia approaching them. A huge smile stretched across her face as she spoke, "Like really, really hate to interrupt."

"Don't make a big deal out of this, O," Bellamy groaned, rubbing a hand over his face.

Merit laughed seeing the younger Blake so happy for her older brother, knowing that Octavia was content in finally getting her wish.

"I'd totally squeal about this, but we have a big problem," Octavia said. "Clarke, Finn, and Myles still aren't back yet. We're going to look for them."

The group of three had gone out earlier to hunt and never returned. Octavia, Raven, and Monty were starting to get worried and they had good reason to be. Merit knew that the trio could've run into trouble just like she and Miller had and going after their friends was the best way to ensure their safety.

"Let's get back to camp so I can gear up," Merit said eagerly. She felt Bellamy tug on her hand.

"I need you to stay here."

"Don't try to start babying me just because we're together now."

"That's not it," Bellamy stressed. "I need you to keep an eye on Murphy."

Bellamy insisted that he still didn't trust Murphy enough to leave him unsupervised. Merit being the only person that Murphy would listen to was the appropriate choice to stay behind.

Instead of arguing, Merit took this as a good opportunity to confront Murphy about his devious little plot. With Murphy working so hard at being the nice guy, Merit was shocked that he would do something so sneaky, but she also knew that Murphy was wary of her involvement with Bellamy. He didn't have to approve of their relationship, but he was going to have to learn to respect it.

Merit stalked onto the dropship to find her old cohort taking a peaceful break in one of the do-it-yourself hammocks.

"Murphy, get your ass up," Merit barked.

"Oh hey, Mer-" Merit overturned the hammock, dumping Murphy onto the floor before he could finish his sentence. "What the hell's wrong with you?" Murphy said picking himself up from the floor and rubbing his possibly bruised behind.

"What did you tell Bellamy about me and Miller?" Merit cut directly to the chase, not giving Murphy any time to formulate a well thought out excuse. He'd better start talking fast and with good reason if he wanted her to go easy on him.

"I may have embellished a little," Murphy said, scratching the back of his head. There was an air of indifference in his voice. "You know, something about you two making out. My memory's a little foggy."

"How'd you know that I kissed Miller?"

"Wait, you actually kissed him?" Murphy asked in disbelief. He let out an emphatic cackle as he slapped a hand against his knee. "So technically I didn't lie. I just predicted the future."

Murphy didn't know at all. He had made the entire thing up just as Merit suspected. He created a hoax with the motive to rile Bellamy up enough to get him to do something stupid, something that could jeopardize his standing with Merit. All of the talk about getting Bellamy to trust him was just for show, a mere cover up for the conniving head games he intended to play.

Merit grabbed Murphy's nipple and twisted it. "You sneaky little shit!"

Murphy yelped, jumping backward away from her, and placed his hands over his chest. "Back off, Murdock! You're not going to bully me when I was only looking out for you."

"You baited Bellamy."

"And he bit hard. Not my problem," Murphy shrugged. "I was just trying to show you what kind of guy he is."

Merit was stalking Murphy as he circled around the hammock. They were playing a game of cat and mouse as Murphy tried to keep an obstacle between him and his predator.

"Yeah. The kind of guy that I want to be with," Merit argued.

"Oh God, Merit. Listen to yourself," Murphy sneered. He stuck out his tongue and made over exaggerated gagging noises before meeting Merit with a serious gaze. "Bellamy is a coward and a fake and I will expose him for what he really is."

"That's not fair, Murphy."

"What's not fair is how he treated me," Murphy spat. He raised his voice, biting on his words full of spite.

It was clear that Murphy was still harboring much disdain for Bellamy and Merit couldn't blame him. Bellamy was acting under mob mentality when he committed the heinous act of leaving Murphy to hang. That didn't excuse him from what he did, but just like Murphy; Bellamy was working eagerly to atone for his offenses.

"Well maybe you should talk to him about it instead of using me to get back at him," Merit suggested. She only wished to find a way for the two most important men in her life to coexist. However, Bellamy and Murphy both had egos larger than their heads and hoping that they would come to a civilized agreement was akin to waiting for pigs to fly.

"Yeah cause we'll just bro hug it out and things will be all better," Murphy retorted. "Get a grip, Merit."

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you. Instead of supporting me you're just trying to destroy things," Merit said in frustration. She didn't want to be on the receiving end of any more of Murphy's schemes. She expected much better from her close friend. "Bellamy has changed. I thought you did too."

"So you're taking his side over mine, now?" Murphy's anger was growing and Merit's words struck a sour chord within him.

"There are no sides, John."

"One day you're gonna have to choose, Merit," Murphy snapped. "And when that day comes, I hope you remember that you were my friend before you were his girlfriend." Murphy stormed out of the dropship, leaving Merit with a mouthful, a trail of sobering words that she would've never considered.

Murphy presented her with a dilemma that she would've never thought to be relevant. Would she ever be able to remain neutral in a situation that pitted her best friend against her significant other? Could she measure loyalty in ways of time or feelings or titles? Murphy had been there since day one, her lifelong friend and Bellamy was someone new, but someone she loved with her entire heart. It would be damn near impossible to put one above the other. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind, hoping that she would never be put in such a critical situation.

It was late when the small rescue team returned from searching the woods. Unfortunately, they didn't come back with Clarke and Finn, but instead, a severely wounded Myles. The missing group had gotten attacked by grounders, Clarke and Finn taken against their will. Merit also noticed that the rescue team had returned missing a member of its own. Monty was gone; they had lost all contact with him and his whereabouts were unknown.

Bellamy was struggling to hold himself together as the camp members appeared to be dropping like flies. His worries were sinking camp morale as he openly raged about how Clarke, Finn, and Monty were probably dead and everyone else was next if they didn't work harder and faster. He was losing his people and his mind in his strenuous efforts to maintain authority and camp organization.

As much as Bellamy tried to be a sound leader, Merit realized that the delinquents needed Clarke just as much as they needed him. She could see that Bellamy was making hasty decisions without the presence of his co-leader and the weight of solely managing this many teenagers was becoming more than he could handle. The stress was crippling him, eating him alive, and rendering the logical part of his brain useless. Clarke was definitely the more level headed of the two and the camper's relied on her leadership to balance out Bellamy's abrasive techniques.

"Bellamy, we should look for our friends," Merit reasoned. "I can go. I can do it." She knew it was a dangerous task, but it was a risk worth taking.

"No one is leaving this camp," Bellamy snapped. "The grounders are just waiting to pick us off."

"I know you're freaked, but you can't lead with fear tactics," Merit continued. "How is anyone going to fight when they're too busy shitting themselves?"

Bellamy was scaring everyone. He was yelling and roughing people up when they committed a mistake. Everyone was already tired, practically running on fumes, and adding mass amounts a fear on top of exhaustion was a recipe for defeat. Preparing for the unavoidable grounder attack was important, but the camper's needed strength and confidence if they were ever going to survive. They needed a fearless leader who was going to rally them together, a leader who would make them feel like warriors, and Bellamy couldn't be that if he was going out of his mind.

Bellamy let out a long breath and grabbed Merit's hand. "I need you here. I need you safe," he said, regaining a bit of his composure. "If you're out there then my head is out there."

Merit understood that Bellamy was already struggling to focus and the last thing he needed was for another person to go missing. She agreed to stay behind and get back to work, although; it still left her feeling quite uneasy to know that her friends were out there and most likely in danger.

After working on the minefield for several more hours, another camper relieved Merit from her duties. She retreated to Bellamy's tent, slipping off her boots and sliding into his bed for a quick nap, knowing that he would be there to wake her up after his patrol. Hours later she woke up alone, realizing that is was morning and that Bellamy never made it to the tent. He probably stayed up all night, burning the midnight oil, just to maintain camp security.

Merit poked her head out of her tent to find camp a flutter, a feeling of great anxiety infusing the air. No one was working and they all stood about fretfully chattering. The grapevine was buzzing with ramblings of a hostage situation with Murphy and Jasper's names floating around on the breeze.

Merit looked for Bellamy and found him standing in front of the dropship; the big sturdy door which was usually open was now closed. Bellamy was talking on the radio, an arm folded across his chest and a pensive expression etched on his face.

"What's going on?" Merit asked apprehensively.

"Murphy is holding Jasper at gunpoint," Bellamy replied. He'd been on the walkie-talkie having a standoff with Murphy for the past few hours, calmly trying to convince him to let Jasper go, but nothing was working.

Murphy had finished off Myles, suffocating the defenseless kid with a plastic bag and Jasper caught him in the act. Murphy was handing out fresh vengeance to the ones that participated in his hanging and Jasper had only gotten in the way. Murphy had made a wrong turn and his road to absolution quickly turned into a fast lane to retribution.

"Just let me talk to him," Merit pleaded, knowing that her friend was acting on rage and not thinking clearly. She hoped she could talk some sense into him and not only save Jasper, but save her friend from suffering through another disaster.

Bellamy handed her the walkie-talkie and she pushed the button, "Murphy…John, listen to me." There wasn't a response, just static. "You can come back from your mistakes."

"Merit, stay out of this," Murphy finally replied. "This is between me and Bellamy."

"I get it. You're mad and you have every right to be, but you don't have to do this," Merit said. "I'm asking you not to do this." Murphy was silent on the other end.

Octavia ran up howling about how she was going to kill Murphy if he even touched one hair on Jasper's head, which prompted Bellamy to reveal his secret plan. He informed his fiery sister and Merit that Raven was currently underneath the dropship and working diligently to get the door open. Until then, Bellamy was doing everything in his power to keep Jasper alive.

Bellamy took the radio back from Merit and attempted to make contact with Murphy again. "How about we make a switch?" he offered. "You let Jasper go and I'll take his place."

Merit looked at Bellamy with wide eyes, slowly shaking her head. She grabbed his arm. "I won't let you go in there." She didn't want anyone to get killed, not Murphy, not Bellamy, and not Jasper. There had to be a better way to go about this, but she was grasping at thin air.

"Murphy will kill you," Octavia added, staring at her big brother with much worry.

"I have to do this," Bellamy stated. He seemed calm as he observed his sister and Merit's fretful expressions.

"Only Bellamy comes in," Murphy replied. "If anyone else comes near this door, Merit included, I'll put one in Jasper's leg," Murphy continued with a stern warning. "10 seconds!"

Murphy's voice counted down in the background as Merit retained a tight grip on Bellamy's arm. He didn't say anything, probably not wanting to risk speaking any final words. He gave her a look that didn't want to say goodbye, but one that wanted to leave her with the hope that he would return alive.

With 5 seconds left, Bellamy gave the radio to Octavia and went into the dropship, Jasper taking his place on the outside. Then the door closed securely behind him.

Merit was so full on fear she thought she would vomit. Her heart ached for her best friend who seemed to suddenly lose his way and for the man that she loved, who was willing to put his life in danger to save his friend. The fate of two very important men held in the balance and she didn't want either of them to get hurt.

Merit snatched the walkie-talkie from Octavia's hand. "Murphy, don't do this," she pleaded. "This isn't who you are."

"I told you this moment would come. Time to pick a side," Murphy spat.

"Murphy if you hurt him, I will never forgive you," Merit vowed. It was a response purely based on emotion and panic. She always told Murphy that she would forgive him as many times as he needed to be forgiven and she just broke that covenant with her declaration. With those words Merit seemingly swore her loyalty to Bellamy. She should've chosen her words more carefully, knowing that Murphy was in such a ragged state of mind. He wouldn't take her proclamation so lightly, it would be considered betrayal.

There was radio silence for about ten seconds before Murphy transmitted his next message. "Octavia, if you give Merit the radio again, I will shoot your brother."

Octavia pressed her lips together, placing a hand on the walkie-talkie and another on Merit's back. She took the radio from Merit with zero resistance, both parties realizing they had to keep their emotions in check if Bellamy was going to survive.

Murphy was steadfast in his vendetta and Merit could see that now. He wasn't going to let Bellamy walk away and that door had to be opened before he had the chance to follow through on his threats.

Suddenly gunshots rang out from inside the dropship. Merit looked at Octavia with dread in her eyes and Octavia was already screaming her brother's name into the walkie-talkie. Bellamy's voice resounded from the other side, stating that it was just a misfire and that he's okay, but he needed Raven to hurry up. He didn't sound scared, but there was a sense of alarm and urgency in his tone that was readable even across the radio transmission.

Jasper appeared from the back of the dropship, ordering the gunners to line up as Raven cracked the component to open the door. Seconds later the dropship door started to creak open and the gunners began to move in, taking cautious steps toward the spacecraft.

Merit swallowed hard, knowing that the delinquents would not have mercy on her friend and she begged them not to meet him in a hail of bullets, but no one seemed to listen. She ran ahead, unarmed and unafraid of what Murphy could possibly do to her. The air got caught in her chest as she entered to see Bellamy hanging lifelessly from a noose. He was unresponsive as she shouted his name.

Jasper held Bellamy by the legs, releasing the suffocating pressure on his throat and giving him room to breathe. Octavia unhooked the seatbelt that was holding her brother up, successfully releasing him from his hanging position. Merit untied the noose from around his neck as they all coaxed him to breathe and waited anxiously for him to take his first breath of air.

By this time Murphy had already fled to level two of the dropship, locking himself in.

Bellamy's body finally jerked from its limp state and he gasped for air. He barely gave himself a moment to recover before he was flying off the handle, ready to inflict some retribution of his own onto Murphy. He went for the ladder, climbing it while growling Murphy's name and all of the ways in which he was going to enjoy killing him.

"Bellamy, wait!" Merit cried.

"Murphy! It's over!" Bellamy yelled, ignoring Merit's pleas and ramming the hatch door with his shoulder.

Everything was moving so quickly, jumping from one extreme to another and Merit could hardly think clearly. She was trying to save two guys who were both hell bent on killing each other.

Merit ran outside when she heard an explosion sound off. Murphy had used what was left of the gun powder reserves to blow a large hole in the back of the dropship, which he used to escape. Merit went to the back side of the dropship, watching as Murphy fled into the forest and suddenly her feet were moving just as fast as she sprinted after him.

She could hear Bellamy calling out after her and she looked back at him for a moment. He was staring at her from the hole in the dropship wall and she could see his figure getting smaller the further she ran and the closer she got to Murphy.

"Murphy, stop!" Merit yelled. She looked over her shoulder and noticed the dropship had gotten lost in the array of trees.

Murphy halted in his place, slowly turning to look at Merit. "I told you to stay out of this."

"I can't let you leave."

"You're not going to stop me and I sure as hell can't go back"

"We can figure this out," Merit said breathlessly. Murphy tried and almost succeeded in killing Bellamy, yet here she was trying to help him. She was just holding onto the fact that he was still the boy she befriended so many years ago on the Ark. Underneath all of the battle scars, he was still John.

"I can take you some place safe," Merit continued, remembering the bunker that she frequented in her early days on the ground.

Murphy looked around hesitantly before nodding.

They walked silently as the sun set on the horizon before them. Merit wasn't sure what she should say to her friend. Her spirit was torn between being upset with him and wondering what went wrong. Murphy broke the silence before she could.

"How could you, Merit?" he sniffed. "How could you take his side over mine?" He was hurt and emotionally exhausted, the pain igniting like a fire in his eyes.

"It's not like that," Merit replied, feeling Murphy's disappointment weigh down on her.

She hadn't seen her friend look this miserable in years. The tough and destructive Murphy persona seemed to dissipate and the precious John from long ago appeared. She saw the John who cried for hours in her arms when his father was floated. She saw the young boy who came running to her the day that he found his mother dead in a pool of her own vomit. She saw the boy who was left scarred and orphaned by misfortune, the boy she always fought to protect, but this time she let him down.

"You were the last good thing I had in my life and Bellamy took you from me," Murphy said, keeping his eyes on the ground beneath him. His hair hung in his face, but Merit didn't have to see the tears to know that they were there, streaming down his cheeks.

"Look, I'm here now and I'm going to help you. I'm going to keep you safe."

Murphy stood there shaking his head, constantly fighting against Merit's words of assurance.

Suddenly, Merit could see torch light emanating from behind him. It was one faint light at first, but it grew into more as the flames spread across the forest. She knew it was grounders.

"Murphy, we have to go now," she whispered.

Murphy looked over his shoulder to see the looming lights coming closer. "Merit, get out of here," he said in a low voice.

"No."

He finally looked up, meeting Merit's gaze with bloodshot and teary eyes. "I won't let you die because of me."

"I'm not leaving you," Merit asserted, grabbing onto Murphy's hand. The torch light seemed to draw closer with every word they spoke.

"Get the hell out of here!" Murphy hollered, wrenching free from Merit's grasp. "I don't want you here, so just leave dammit! And take your stupid doll!" He removed the action figure from his jacket pocket and threw it at the tree behind Merit; the head snapped off on impact.

The lights moved even faster toward their location upon Murphy's outburst.

Merit didn't have time to respond as Murphy pushed her hard, knocking her over into a large bush. Then he ran off in the opposite direction, shouting as loud as he possibly could, "Hey assholes, over here!" The torch light followed Murphy and strayed from Merit's position.

Merit crawled out from the brush and saw the lights fading into the distance. She couldn't hear Murphy's voice ringing throughout the forest anymore and she cried knowing that he sacrificed himself so she could get away. She scrambled to pick up the broken pieces of the action figure as tears blurred her vision. Murphy was gone and once again she failed at protecting him.

Merit winced, standing from her spot on the ground, realizing that she had once again sprained the same ankle as before. It was getting dark and she would never make it back to camp in this state, especially since she sprinted after Murphy without any equipment. She was much closer to the bunker, so she carried on with her journey, waiting until daylight to return to her people.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Sorry for the lack of updates recently. It's been a tough couple of months but I'm working on writing when I can. I hope you've all been well. I have lots of new ideas and inspiration for this story so hopefully, I'll be able to make good on them. Thanks for sticking around and reading. Sending love and light to all readers and reviewers!

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Merit poked her head out of the bunker hatch, peering cautiously at her surroundings from the small opening. The warm morning sunlight beamed down on her face and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees. It was quiet, peaceful as any morning on the ground could possibly be, yet something felt amiss.

The silence didn't feel like nature's early salutation or the promising start of a brand new day. This eerie tranquility felt like the calm before the storm. It was the animals returning to their burrows, the tree limbs bending in the wind and waving their final goodbyes. It was the sun shining, bright and hot, knowing it would soon tuck itself away and surrender to perilous darkness. It was the thought that this quaint and still morning could, very quickly, be overcome by a downpour so strong, it would wash away the world as she knew it.

Merit was unnerved, to say the least, and she had every right to be worried as in recent days, the grounders had become more active. The enemy group was slowly preparing an attack, retaliation for the bridge bomb. They had already taken Clarke, Finn, Monty…and Murphy. Murphy was gone again.

Even though Murphy felt betrayed by Merit's actions, he still risked his life to save hers, distracting the grounders to send them as far away from her position as possible. Part of Merit knew that Murphy only denied their friendship to get her to abandon him, but she also knew that the hurt he conveyed was very real. She wasn't sure if Murphy was dead or alive, but she was almost certain that he had been captured again. She only wished for the chance of his survival, the narrow opportunity to mend fences, but at this point, her outlook was very bleak.

There was already a change in the wind. A slight chill permeated the crisp morning air and it sent a tremor down Merit's spine. Despite the sun's height in the sky, it felt cold. Perhaps it was the quiet terror of ambiguity accounting for the chill in the air. It was the creeping fear of imminent danger breathing its icy breath down her neck and raising goosebumps across her forearms. It was the terror of paranoia, the feeling of being stalked by a silent, ghostly menace that was waiting to sneak up on her at any moment.

Merit looked around anxiously, quieting her weary steps across the forest floor and desperately wishing she was back in the safety of camp.

Getting home on a busted ankle was going to be a long and taxing journey. She couldn't put full weight on her foot without searing pain shooting halfway up her leg which meant quick maneuvers were out of the question. Merit was in no shape to run into trouble, practically meat for the beast if she was caught in the open. She could only be lucky enough to dodge the grounders' stealthy attacks on so many occasions and today, the odds were stacked highly against her.

Merit tried not to think about dying here, alone in the forest, as she limped slowly across the soil. She set her mind on getting home to her friends, to Bellamy.

Merit's head whipped around when the sudden sound of clicking stones broke through the placid calm. She stopped briefly, watching the trees closely before quickening the pace of her broken down shuffle. She was hopping, dragging her foot across the dirt while trying to ignore the pain. The noise could've only been the scurrying of a forest critter, but Merit didn't want to take any chances as she tried to distance herself from the direction of the sound.

Feeling not quite alone, Merit moved as fast as her injury would allow as she constantly peered over her shoulder. She felt like she was being hunted, the predator stalking its prey until they were in prime position for an ambush.

In a motion that was lightning quick, even too fast for Merit's dexterous reflexes, she was snatched into the dense foliage. A strong hand wrapped securely around her mouth, effectively muffling her horrified wail, and an arm held her in place. Merit twisted in her captor's arm to see he was a grounder. He wore heavy gear and black war paint shrouded his dark eyes. He was tall with brown skin, an athletic build, and a low-cut Mohawk. His brow was strong and furrowed while his chiseled jaw was tightly clenched. And though his face was fierce, he didn't have a particularly threatening persona.

While he was a grounder, the man didn't hold Merit hostage at the end of a weapon. He was controlling her limbs, holding her just tight enough to where she wouldn't do something stupid. If he wanted to kill her, he could've done it already without revealing himself. Instead, he was hiding her.

Merit didn't struggle against the man's grip as they stayed hunkered down in their spot. She just waited and observed, unsure of where to fix her eyes as they darted from the grounder to the forest in front of them. The man was watching, waiting in anticipation for something. He kept his eyes straight in front of him, never once turning to engage Merit. He was quiet, extremely still, and supremely focused.

Seconds later, a group of mutated men, all clad in red and black armor, crossed directly into the forest trail. Merit had never laid eyes upon anything like these monstrous and frightening men. Lumps and horned flesh protruded from their mangled faces while their cheeks and noses were adorned with bulky metal piercings. They were wild, hooting loudly and wielding massive, sharp swords, as they stampeded through the area.

When the group was well out of sight, the man removed his hand from Merit's mouth and released her from his grip.

"You're friends with Octavia," he whispered, finally turning to Merit. His expression softened and his eyes glinted with gentle compassion. "I'm Lincoln."

Merit's eyes grew large as she stared back at the man. When she hadn't been entirely sure if Octavia was only pulling her leg, she now knew that the feisty brunette was telling the truth. Octavia's grounder knight in shining armor was real and if he had only been fictional, Merit would've found herself in a world of trouble right about now.

"Merit," she greeted shakily.

"Merit, we have to go. It's not safe here," Lincoln cautioned.

Merit's new ally led her safely to his home, a well-hidden cave beneath a rocky mountain face. The red clay walls were covered in drawings, a charcoal sketch of the nuclear destruction being the biggest depiction and taking up the most wall space. There were stacks of books, journals, and trinkets scattered about while animal skins lined the stony ground below.

"What were those things?" Merit asked, stepping slowly and carefully around Lincoln's cave.

"Reapers," Lincoln started. "I was running from them when I was leading Clarke and Finn back to your camp."

"Clarke and Finn are alive?"

The last thing Merit had heard of her two compatriots, they had been abducted in a grounder attack. It was a relief to know that her friends were still alive.

Lincoln nodded as he took off his heavy overcoat and tossed it on the floor.

"What about Monty?" Merit continued expectantly.

"I'm sorry but I don't know him," Lincoln replied.

Merit felt her heart sink. She was hoping that Monty had made it back to camp too and he was there beside his friends, his family.

"I noticed you were limping," Lincoln said, cutting through the short, sad silence. He pointed toward a large flat-topped rock as he continued, "Take a seat and I'll take a look."

"Thank you," Merit said, seating herself.

While Lincoln had saved her life and revealed himself to be a friend, Merit still felt a bit tense. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, but she had never actually spoken with a grounder before. She had only gotten into dangerous scuffles with them after being attacked more than once. She didn't know what to expect when, for the length of their stay on the ground, the delinquents had been dehumanizing the grounders. They only saw them as violent and war driven creatures, when in reality, the grounders were no different from their sky dwelling counterparts. They were all just human beings doing what they believed was necessary to survive.

Lincoln removed Merit's boot and sock, rolling up her pant leg to get a better view of her ankle. He let out a small sigh and then pressed his lips tightly together. Merit didn't have the heart to look herself and from Lincoln's response, she could tell it was bad. She tried to avert her mind from the extent of her injury because if she focused too much on it, she would never make it home to her friends.

"I can't do much for you here, but this will help with the swelling," Lincoln said, packing Merit's ankle with an herb paste before bandaging it.

"Whatever gets me back to camp," Merit shrugged. She would take whatever treatment gave her the best chance of getting home.

"Camp?" Lincoln started regretfully. "It's too late for that now."

Lincoln informed Merit of the incoming grounder attack. The all-out war they were waiting on had finally come to fruition and the first soldiers had already been deployed. Scouts were everywhere, guarding the delinquent camp, prepared to kill anyone who approached or left the walls. No one would be able to make it past them alive.

Upon hearing this unfortunate announcement, Merit's immediate response was to think about Bellamy. She didn't want the last time she saw him being over her shoulder as she was chasing after her best friend. She had hardly taken the time to make sure that Bellamy was completely okay after nearly being hung to death by Murphy, yet she ran after her cohort without hesitation. Now she was kicking herself, knowing that she should've been more careful, more calculated, and more considerate of Bellamy's well-being. Running on pure emotion had landed her in another sticky situation and now, there was a good chance she would never see Bellamy again.

Merit shook her head. She couldn't accept this, wouldn't accept this. There had to be a way to get back to Bellamy and she wouldn't stop until she was by his side.

As she snapped out of her moment of discouragement, Merit noticed Lincoln was hurrying around the room and packing things into a small knapsack.

"What are you doing?" Merit asked.

"I'm leaving," Lincoln answered, not bothering to halt his mad dash around the room. "If you want to survive, you should do the same."

"You can't just leave," Merit said, pushing herself up and standing firmly in her place. "What about Octavia?"

"She made her choice."

"And if you really love her, then you made yours too."

Merit's statement wasn't only about Lincoln and Octavia, but it was about her and Bellamy. It was the realization that being in a relationship meant that it wasn't solely about her anymore. It was a partnership and by loving him, Merit had silently agreed to be there for him through thick and thin.

Lincoln finally stopped and dropped his bag on the floor. He stood still in his place for a moment, Merit's words striking a chord within him. He slowly turned to Merit, meeting her with solid eye contact. "We have a better chance under the cover of dark," he said. "We wait for nightfall."

Day couldn't turn into night fast enough and if Merit's ankle would've allowed her to pace, that's all she would've done for the past six hours. Instead, her mind ran when her feet couldn't with thoughts of making it back to her friends alive.

When the pair was finally gearing up to set out on their return mission, Finn appeared. He was rushed into the cave in a panic, looking for coagulant for Raven. She had been shot, on account of Murphy's earlier rampage, and was suffering internal bleeding.

Merit's prior fears were realized as Finn informed the pair that the war was already well underway. The delinquent troops were holding the grounder fleet at bay with their limited ammunition, but their front line wouldn't hold forever. Their key to success rested in the hands of one woman, Raven.

Raven had hatched an ingenious scheme to cook the grounders with the dropship's rockets, but they needed to buy her more time to execute her idea. This led Finn to bring up the idea to use the reapers – the mutated, cannibalistic men who were the enemy of the grounders. Merit had only seen the reapers once, but that was more than enough to know that this plan was bordering insane. How were they supposed to place their bets on a deranged group of men that are driven by violent aggression, that are wildly uncontrollable, and that don't respond to reason or logic?

"This is crazy," Lincoln said.

"Just crazy enough that it might work," Finn responded. "We have to try."

Lincoln let out an agitated groan before agreeing, "Fine. I'll go with you." Although it was a ridiculously dangerous idea, Lincoln didn't have a better plan. They were short on time and options and the reapers were their best chance of causing a distraction. "Merit, you should stay here until-"

"No way," Merit cut in hastily.

"You won't be able to keep up."

"I'm not staying here. Not while my friends are fighting for their lives," Merit protested. She would rather die trying to make it back to camp than give up.

Lincoln rummaged through the small kit he had given Finn. He pulled out a small vial and handed it to Merit. "Drink this," he said. "It's a pain reliever. It's strong, _really_ strong and it's not without side effects."

That vial contained a powerful opioid. There was no telling how Merit's body would respond to a drug of that strength. There was the possibility of extreme drowsiness, nausea, and vomiting, not to mention allergic or fatal reactions to a substance she'd never taken before.

"It'll numb the pain, but you could do more damage to your ankle by putting pressure on it," Lincoln warned.

Throwing caution to the wind, Merit downed the contents of the tube without hearing the rest of Lincoln's spiel. She knew the possibilities, the hazards, and dangers, but in this moment, the gain outweighed the risk. She was going to do whatever it took to get home, even if it only meant being able to see Bellamy one last time.

"We don't have much time. Move fast and stay together," Lincoln finished.

The trio scurried through the dark forest until they came to a ridge where Lincoln brought the group to a full stop. He made Merit wait there while he and Finn went the rest of the way, leading the reapers back to Merit's position. He wanted to give her less of a journey and more time to allow the medication to become fully active. He promised to come back for her, but left her with the stern warning _"Be prepared to run."_

Every passing minute that Lincoln and Finn were gone felt like wasted time. Merit couldn't stop her anxiety from spiking through the roof. Her pulse was skyrocketing, her breathing was shallow and quick, and her stomach was in knots. She kept telling herself that she just had to see his face. She just had to know that Bellamy was okay and every second she spent away from him was like an eternity in purgatory.

Merit looked towards the heavens, hoping on a whim and a prayer for the safety of the love of her life when she saw The Ark fall from the sky. The large space station was splitting up into several sections. While some of the breaking parts exploded into fireballs in mid-air, others slowed while their thrusters fired, guiding them to safe landings on the ground. When the delinquents were sure that the giant hunk of metal had finally run out of air, suffocating its remaining inhabitants, here it was, making it's final journey to the ground.

Lincoln and Finn returned, running at full speed just as Lincoln cautioned. The two men stopped for half a second at the sight of the falling space station but knew they didn't have time to spare over inquiries. By this time, the medicine had already started to take effect and Merit lost track of the aching sting in her ankle. She joined the team, taking off into a sprint beside her friends.

The group ran as fast as they could under the white moonlight, luring the ravenous crowd of reapers toward the main path to camp. When they finally arrived, the trio found the gully flooded with grounder warriors. The group had made it just in time as the massive grounder infantry was advancing like a swarm of ants on the camp's main gates. Upon hearing the hoots and hollers of their sworn enemies, the grounders turned their attention to the reapers and engaged them in ferocious combat.

Merit looked on in awe as the grounders and reapers clashed in a blur around her. The warriors danced around like flashes of cracking lightning, banging their swords together with ardent battle cries. She couldn't tell if they were moving extremely fast or if her sprint was slowing down to barely a jog.

Merit could no longer feel the pain in her ankle, but she also couldn't see straight as she zipped into one of the foxholes behind Lincoln and Finn. She stopped for a moment, losing her equilibrium and sense of direction as Finn's back merged seamlessly with the midnight blues of late evening.

"Finn," she mouthed, her tone coming out as more air than vocal vibration.

Merit lagged behind as her vision continued to warp the images of her surroundings. She couldn't even tell if Finn and Lincoln were still in front of her anymore as the scene took on a graying undertone, the landscape blending together into obscure and cloudy colors.

Merit gripped onto the dirt wall, trying to steady herself as she lost her footing. She lurched back and forth, feeling like she was rocking on unsteady seas, and her stomach tumbled vigorously with nausea. Falling to her knees, Merit felt the suffocating surge of vomit rising in her throat. She gagged, holding her stomach as the red medicine came spewing out, coloring the ground below her.

Her energy was depleted and her body gave way. Merit fell over in a heap, breathing heavily as her senses faded in and out. She laid there, feeling the gritty dirt against her skin, and listened to the sounds of battle reverberate in the background. She could hear screaming, deep guttural yells, over gunfire, explosions, and metal clanging. All of the noises started to fuse together until they formed a unanimous, deafening, high pitched ring.

Merit couldn't move, she couldn't stand, and she could hardly hold her eyelids open as she lost all control of her motor functions. In the middle of a raging war, she could only lie face down in the dirt.

A hand tugged at the back of her jacket, flipping her onto her back. Her head was lifted from the ground, a hand supporting it by lining the nape of her neck.

"Merit! Merit, are you okay?" The sound was subdued, but the alarm in the tone of voice was apparent.

Merit struggled to keep her eyes open, to let her vision adjust enough to make out the face behind the voice. Dark hair and soft eyes started to become more visible in her sight.

"Bellamy?" she asked weakly.

"I'm here," Bellamy answered quickly, dusting some of the dirt away from her face with his thumb. "I'm gonna get you to the dropship."

He lifted Merit onto her feet, draping her arm across his shoulders, and hauled her out of the foxhole. When they emerged from the other side, they found their camp in chaos and ruin. The grounders had taken the front gate and the delinquents were being slaughtered left and right. Their camp allies had already begun to fall back, retreating to the safety of the dropship.

"We'll never make it," Merit panted.

"Just hold on," Bellamy assured.

Bellamy pulled Merit through the bedlam, hoping that they could just make it to the dropship without engaging in combat. They had hardly taken three steps when a grounder stepped in front of them, cutting off their path. Miller provided cover fire from the dropship ramp, shooting the grounder and clearing the path so that the couple could move forward.

No sooner than the pair was able to take another step, Merit felt a hand rip into her hair and tear her away from Bellamy's grasp. She was flung to the ground below, receiving a face full of dirt before she even knew what hit her. When she rolled onto her back, a huge boot pressed into her chest, crushing her ribcage and pushing the air from her lungs. She was sure she heard her bones crack under the weight of his foot and she whimpered as tears seeped from the corners of her eyes. The grounder lined up his blade with her right eye socket, but when he thrust his sword back, Bellamy lunged forward, tackling the warrior to the ground.

"Merit! Get out of here!" Bellamy growled as he wrestled with the grounder, but his fallen partner was too disoriented to heed his cries.

It was like a flashbang grenade had gone off right next to her ear. Shrill pitches blared in her eardrums and once again, her vision became distorted. She managed to roll over onto all fours and when she turned her head, Finn was racing in her direction.

The young man tried to help Bellamy fight off the gargantuan man, but they were still no match for their opponent.

Bellamy was able to gain the upper hand, if only for mere seconds, just long enough to yell, "Finn! Get Merit out of here!"

Merit was in and out of consciousness as Finn pulled her from the ground. She could only hear the sound of heavy breathing and, occasionally, an exhausted grunt left Finn's lips as he pulled her through the forest. She felt her heels dragging in the dirt as they tried to move faster and farther away from camp. Soon, both of their bodies crashed to the ground, Finn cushioning Merit's fall by placing his torso beneath hers.

It was dark and quiet again. Breath, there was the feeling of the steady rise and decline of her chest, but that sense was swiftly joining the others in going numb.

"Stay here," Finn said. The sound was muffled and thin like a whisper on the wind. "I have to find Bellamy."

There was the feeling of earth scratching against the bare skin on her hands and face. Finn was covering her with something, concealing her with stray leaves and severed branches.

 _"I'll come back for you"_ were the last words that Merit heard before the rapid sound of her heart beating flooded her eardrums. Bright colors painted the inside of her eyelids and she felt light, lifted, as her mind went dark and drifted from the outside world.


	10. Chapter 10

"Merit…Merit, can you hear me?" A voice called out.

A hand tapped the unconscious young woman's cheek, shaking her awake. Merit's eyes sluggishly rolled open to see a shadowy figure looming over her. The person stepped back, allowing the sun to cast its light upon her face and the brightness stung her eyes.

"Abby," the voice called out again.

"Merit, sweetheart, if you can understand me, I need you to nod," the woman said, kneeling down next to Merit.

Merit nodded feebly.

Her whole body ached but she was becoming more coherent as the powerful pain reliever ran its course and slowly, Merit was able to recognize the woman's face. It was Dr. Abigail Griffin, Clarke's mother, the woman that everyone believed passed away in the Exodus ship crash. She was there, leaning over Merit's beaten figure with concern radiating from her cool eyes.

"We need to get her on her feet," Abby continued, addressing a couple of guardsmen. The two men lifted Merit from the ground, supporting her by draping her arms over their shoulders.

Merit winced, squeezing her eyes shut, as she balanced her weight against the two guards. Her legs wobbled like gelatin and while her head throbbed viciously, her vision was gradually beginning to clear. As she squinted through the sun's rays, she noticed another man standing before her. Marcus Kane.

Merit was standing face to face with the man that she blamed for turning her life upside down. Marcus Kane was the man who wrecked her family, the slithering snake that was responsible for her father's death, and the legendary dark shadow of her past that she was constantly running from. Here stood the man that she wished death upon, day in and day out, but she didn't have the guts to carry out the act with her own hands, though she tried. Merit was finally confronted with the very reason that she welcomed the escape to an irradiated Earth rather than ever taking her chances on The Ark and she wasn't sure how to handle it.

The last time she had laid eyes upon Marcus, he was standing poised and watching haughtily as she was dragged to lockup in handcuffs. Minutes before, he had invited her to a private meeting, where she had tried and failed in attempting to slit his throat. Merit was enraged, crying and screaming as the guards tossed her into a cell, vowing to repay Marcus for his treachery if she ever lived to see his face again. Today was a different day and she was a different person. She had grown up and made positive progress in healing, in laying this grudge to rest, but even after two years of not seeing Marcus in person, the sight of his puckered up, arrogant face still made her blood boil.

"Merit-" Marcus started. He was quickly interrupted by a mean right cross connecting with his jaw, the force from the punch splitting his bottom lip.

Merit threw every ounce of remaining energy into that strike, collapsing onto the ground in her exhaustion. The guards that once held her up turned to her with shock batons at the ready.

Her reaction was stupid, purely based on raw emotion. She could've lost her right to be pardoned all over a simple punch because she was still pissed about a man she could never bring back from the dead. Was it worth it? Probably not, but it sure as hell was satisfying. Still, no amount of pain she could inflict on Marcus could ever match the agony he put her through, but it was a start.

Marcus clutched his jaw, wagging it from side to side as he grimaced in pain. He wiped the blood from his lip and looked down at the glossy red tint staining his fingertips. He appeared angry as worry lines creased his forehead and his brow furrowed tightly together, but when he looked up at Merit, he called the guards off.

Marcus took a breath, wiping his fingers on his pants as he squatted down next to Merit in the dirt. He looked her over before speaking slowly and precisely, "Merit, what happened here?" His voice was calm, maintaining a sound level of focus and composure as if Merit had never even touched him.

Merit remembered the massacre that had taken place a few hours ago at the delinquents' camp. She saw Bellamy fighting for his life as he grappled relentlessly with a deadly grounder warrior. She had no idea if he made it out or if anyone did, for that matter. She had to put her disgust with Marcus aside for the benefit of her friends, whose fates were still undetermined.

"We were attacked," Merit groaned. Her voice was raspy. A burning ache inflamed her parched throat, making it difficult to speak. "The others…" she continued faintly.

Merit pushed herself up from the ground, trying to stand on her own, and was reminded of the damage done to her ankle. "Ow!" She let out a painful yelp and stumbled forward.

Marcus stood, quickly catching and holding her up. "Slow down. We'll find them," he assured.

Having Marcus lay his hands on her, made Merit's skin crawl. Quickly pushing away from him, she freed herself from his grasp, balancing on one leg until the two guards returned to serve as stand-in crutches.

"We're here now," Marcus finished.

He was with a convoy of Ark citizens – men and women that had survived the crash landing from the sky. They did it; they survived the hazardous circumstances of The Ark and completed their final journey to the ground. Families and loved ones would be reunited, more resources would be made available, and the delinquents weren't outnumbered by their grounder counterparts anymore. Help had finally arrived but Merit was worried their arrival had come a little too late.

Marcus turned to Sinclair, The Ark's chief engineer and Raven's mentor, and spoke. "Take Merit back to Alpha Station and get her to medical."

Marcus split the search party into two teams, one following him while the other returned to home base with Sinclair.

* * *

The fallen Alpha Station had been renamed Camp Jaha, the giant metal structure serving as everyone's new home. Although the area was in ruin, scattered with crash debris, the surviving council members were working adamantly to rebuild the society that they had left behind on The Ark. A high-tech, electric, perimeter fence was in the works while tents and living quarters had already been pitched, and guards and able-bodied citizens were watching every corner of the new encampment. Restoring civilization to the ground was their main priority and camp was already beginning to flourish.

When Merit was carried into camp, people were standing around, anxiously awaiting the return of their loved ones. Families met their arriving members with love and affection, showering them with hugs and kisses in gratitude for their safe return, but there were no happy greetings for Merit. There were no deep embraces or warm welcomes because there was no one waiting for her. She scanned the crowd for a familiar face and couldn't find one. She seemed to be the first of the delinquents to reach Camp Jaha.

Merit was taken to the tent designated for medical where Jackson, one of The Ark's best medical officers, would examine her. The new head wound, as well as her negative reaction to the pain medication, ended up being the least of her worries. The real trouble lied within her ankle injury. While the swelling had gone down, the surface area of the boney structure had turned into a muddy array of purple and blue. Jackson was worried that a ligament had been severely damaged, but there was no way to be completely certain without a proper MRI. The best he could do at this point in time was dress it with a new support band and offer Merit a single crutch to walk with.

"At least it's still attached," Merit sighed as Jackson turned his attention to her head wound. She half figured her ankle would be hanging on by a thread at this point, so her diagnosis was better than expected.

"That might change if you don't learn to rest," Jackson said. He suspected that the injury hadn't fully healed after the first sprain and if Merit wanted to recover then she had to take the doctor's orders seriously this time around. "You're going to have to stay off of it," he added, taping down a piece of gauze over the small gash on Merit's forehead.

"For how long?"

The doctor hesitated, eyes circling around the room as if he didn't want to answer. "Four to six weeks. Maybe longer if you keep pushing your limits," he admitted hurriedly, running his words together.

"No way," Merit objected. "That's an entire month."

Stay off her feet for an entire month while her friends were still missing? That was going to be damn near impossible. Merit would never be content with just sitting around and hoping that her friends would evade harm's way. She already missed the most important battle they faced on the ground and she couldn't let her friends down again. Now was the time to take action, not sit on her behind.

"I'm not saying you have to be bed ridden, but you _cannot_ under any circumstances participate in any strenuous activities," Jackson stressed. He wanted Merit to know that this was the best and safest course of treatment for her condition. "You need to keep the weight off of this foot as much as possible."

This meant no running, no jumping, no fighting, and certainly no long hikes through the forest to search for the missing delinquents. Merit was greatly disappointed and letting her friends down hurt more than her injury. She knew that she couldn't help them in her current condition and as much as she hated the notion, following the doctor's orders was her only option.

As Jackson was discharging her, a new wave of patients was being rushed into the medical area, one of them being a scrappy young man who the guards could hardly get to lie down on the improvised stretcher. He was apprehensively surveying the area as he was carried over to a cot where he finally took a seat and quit squirming around.

Merit immediately hobbled over to the injured young man and hugged him tightly.

"Murphy," she breathed, her voice catching in her throat. Murphy seemed shocked at first, but slowly, Merit felt long arms stretch around her, embracing her in warmth and relief. Together, they let out a collective sigh and collapsed into the hug, holding each other close for a moment.

Merit pulled away, taking a good look at her friend. Once again, the frail young man was covered in an assortment of bloody wounds, beaten down but never completely broken.

"Are you okay?" Merit asked, thankful that her close friend had escaped the jaws of death for seemingly the hundredth time.

"I'll live," Murphy replied with a weak smile.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't mention it." Murphy quickly interrupted. He grabbed Merit's hand and squeezed it. "Let's just bury the hatchet for now."

Merit nodded, knowing that now wasn't the time to rehash yesterday's news. There would be another time to clear the air, but there were other pressing issues that needed solving too.

"Where is everyone?" Merit queried.

Murphy told her that the dropship was empty when he arrived, aside from Raven. She was on the brink of death, which Murphy was, unfortunately, responsible for, but managed to survive. They regrouped with Bellamy and Finn when the rescue convoy found their location.

"Where's Bellamy? Is he here?" Merit asked anxiously, cutting Murphy's story short. She was so relieved to find out that Bellamy was alive, but she needed to see his face. She had to be sure.

"Kane arrested him."

"What? Why?"

"For bashing my skull in," Murphy disclosed. He kicked his feet up, stretching out on the cot with a shrug. "Can't say I didn't deserve it."

While Murphy was able to make peace with Raven, he was still on the outs with Bellamy. It was safe to say that Bellamy wasn't so quick to forgive Murphy for his murderous rampage but Merit couldn't focus on their feud at the present time. She could only be thankful that they were both still alive.

The medical tent was buzzing, as the few doctors and assistants rushed around to the growing amount of patients. Murphy was next on the list to be examined as Jackson approached him. Merit took this as her cue to leave since she was only taking up valuable space in the already cramped infirmary.

Before leaving, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the broken pieces of the action figure and handed them to Murphy. "Just because it's broken doesn't mean it can't be fixed," she said.

Murphy received the tattered pieces of the object of their friendship, placing the head and body in separate hands. He didn't speak but offered Merit a slight nod, knowing that their relationship still needed mending.

"I'll wait for you outside," Merit finished.

She waited for about thirty minutes until she saw two guards rush into the tent. When they reemerged, they were dragging a handcuffed Murphy from the medical zone. Merit trailed the guards, curious to see where they were taking her friend. She followed them inside Alpha Station, to an old office area that now served as lock up. Merit peered around the corner, watching as the guards stopped in front of a room and opened the thick metal doors. As they pushed Murphy into the room, Merit could see Kane and Bellamy from the open doorway. She shuffled as fast as she could toward the room but was stopped by the two guards at the entrance.

"You can't go in there," one guard ordered, stepping in front of Merit like a human shield.

"Please, I'll only be a minute," Merit pleaded, forcefully pushing against the guard. Bellamy was right on the other side of this door and she couldn't let anything stop her from seeing him, not again.

As the guard reached for his baton, Marcus cut in, "Let her in," he commanded. The guard stepped back, finally allowing Merit to enter the room.

Marcus was standing, cross-armed, between Merit and Bellamy. He looked down at the young woman expectantly, as if he was awaiting an apology or if she was there to speak with him.

Merit didn't even really see the older man, her vision solely focused on the rebellious young man standing at the opposite end of the room. Their eyes caught immediately and Merit couldn't stop her feet from scrambling towards him as she moved around Marcus's body like the wind. She grabbed onto Bellamy and felt his arms snugly embrace her. She only pulled away to passionately press her lips against his in what felt like a long overdue kiss.

"I thought you were dead," she whispered against his lips. She felt a tear roll down her cheek.

"I thought you were too," Bellamy replied, letting out a shaky yet relieved breath.

Bellamy's dark waves were limp and greasy while his face was covered in newly acquired crescent abrasions that had only just begun to scab over. Even in his torn up state, Merit couldn't tear herself away from him. She was simply grateful to feel his skin against hers and to be in his presence once more.

Merit cupped his face in her hands and nuzzled against his nose. "Are you okay? Did you go to medical?" Joyful tears continued to flow from her eyes.

"I'm fine," Bellamy cooed, wiping away the falling tears from Merit's face. "What about you? Are you-"

"That's enough," Marcus hastily interrupted the sweet homecoming, motioning for the guards to move in. "Have Mr. Blake cuffed and have Merit escorted to my office," he ordered.

The guards separated the reunited couple, grabbing Merit by the arms and roughly shoving Bellamy into a small corner of the room while securing his bonds to a metal column.

"Let go of me," Merit barked as she struggled against the guards' hold on her. She turned to Marcus but he wasn't looking at her. "You son of a bitch!" she shouted as she was dragged from the room.

The guards took Merit to Marcus's office where they locked her inside before standing watch on either side of the door.

"Dammit," Merit huffed, slamming her fist into the backside of the door.

She took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth, gathering herself as she looked around the room. It was small and cluttered, the few items in the room tousled around in the landing. There was a desk at the center with a chair on either side and Merit took a seat.

She sat there waiting for the new chancellor to arrive, pondering what he could possibly want from her. She thought maybe he had changed his mind, revoking her pardon, and planned to finally punish her for her crime. Whatever the reason, it couldn't have been good because the name Marcus Kane was synonymous with bad news.

About half an hour later, the office door slid open and Marcus stepped into the room, finally arriving to confirm or refute Merit's claims. He stood stiff, hands crossed behind his back, as the door closed behind him. His posture was tense and upright as he walked towards Merit and seated himself across from her, at the head of his desk.

"I'm pleased to see you've been cleared from medical," Marcus started. He made the effort to make direct eye contact with Merit, but she didn't return the gesture. He looked down at his hands, folding them on the table in front of him. "We have much to discuss."

Merit wasn't surprised by Marcus's impudence. Even though she had nearly killed him two years ago, he didn't lack the nerve to meet with her in a private setting because of his arrogance. He didn't believe she could kill him then and his attitude obviously hadn't changed in the past couple of years. Marcus was either really stupid or extremely overconfident and Merit was convinced he was both.

"You can't keep Bellamy locked up in there," Merit said, completely ignoring Marcus's attempt at being cordial. There was no need for small talk and she didn't want to speak with him any longer than was necessary. There was only one thing they needed to discuss and that was Bellamy. He was the only thing keeping Merit in this room, the only common link between the two of them.

"Mr. Blake broke the law and he's suffering the consequences," Marcus said sternly as if he were reciting from the book of law. He probably had every component of the Exodus Charter memorized to the point that it was emblazoned on the inside of his forehead. "There are rules now and you are all expected to follow them or face due punishment."

Merit rolled her eyes at Marcus's hypocrisy. He loved to be in a position of power, to be a strict enforcer of the law, but Merit knew that Marcus would never hold himself accountable for his own corrupt behavior.

"You were given a second chance but that doesn't mean it can't be taken away. If you're going to stay out of trouble, you should think twice about involving yourself with his kind," Marcus added indignantly.

"And what about your kind?" Merit quickly snapped back. "Someone should've warned my mother about you."

Marcus was silent, only staring at Merit with quiet resolve. Her dig at the authenticity of his character didn't seem to affect him as much as his insult toward Bellamy affected her. He had no right to negatively judge Bellamy when he was capable and guilty of committing far worse offenses. Merit couldn't understand how he could remain so calm when he was literally clawing his way beneath her skin.

"Look, if you're going to sentence me then just get it over with," Merit bellowed, growing tired of being in close proximity to Marcus. It was like being in the shade of a dark and dingy shadow. The air in the room felt dense and muggy and the heat of anger was steadily rising in Merit's cheeks. She would take her punishment if only it meant being as far away from Marcus as possible.

"I'm not here to sentence you."

"Then what do you want?"

"This is about your mother," Marcus said, pausing for a moment. His tone was sober and careful as he continued, "Her final wishes."

"If that's the case then you can save it," Merit said, rising from her chair. "Because frankly, I don't care."

It was hard to believe that the woman who hardly included Merit in her life would care about her after she was dead. As far as Merit was concerned, her mother never gave two shits about her and impending death wasn't going to suddenly change that.

If Marley would've only waited a few more weeks, she could've made it to the ground. She would be the one speaking with Merit, not Marcus. She would've had the opportunity to make things right, to answer Merit's questions and offer her closure, but instead she chose death. Marley _chose_ to volunteer for the culling and now, Merit was expected to be open to receiving a postmortem message relayed from her father's murderer? That wasn't going to happen, not a snowball's chance in hell.

Merit grabbed her crutch and headed for the door.

"She made me promise to look after you," Marcus confessed.

"What?" Merit stopped for a moment, letting out a low laugh under her breath at the unbelievable statement.

Marcus rose from his chair as he continued, "And I intend to keep that promise to her."

"Don't bother," Merit quickly objected. Her mother was even more clueless and oblivious than she had first imagined if Marley ever expected Merit to follow through with this idea. "If you think you owe me something just because you were screwing my mother, you don't."

Merit wanted no part of her mother and Marcus's secret affair. If Marcus owed her anything, it was an apology for taking her father away from her prematurely. She wanted Marcus to grovel, to get down on his knees like the scum he was and beg her for forgiveness. Until then, she wanted nothing to do with him.

Merit's hand reached for the door mechanism but when she pushed it, the door didn't slide open. She pushed it two more times, harder with each failed attempt, realizing that Marcus had locked her in.

"Unlock this door. Now," Merit ordered, slowly turning over her shoulder to glare at Marcus.

"I can't," Marcus replied calmly. "Not until you hear me out."

"In case, you didn't hear me the first time-"

"Your mother also wanted me to tell you the truth," he cut in, raising his voice over the volume of Merit's. "The truth about your father."

Merit froze, her mouth hanging open in mid-sentence. Her breath caught in her chest and she shook in her place. She watched as Marcus pulled a thick file folder from his desk and slid it across the table.

"Please, sit-"

"No. Tell me, now," Merit demanded, edging closer to the desk.

"It's all here," Marcus said, tapping his index finger against the folder. For once, he seemed a bit uneasy as Merit could see a thin veil of sweat glistening across his forehead. She had never seen him so nervous before, so perturbed. "You sit and I'll talk," he added, a thick and audible gulp following his statement.

Merit stood still for a moment, eyes fixed on the folder. She was afraid, afraid of what was beneath that weathered manila covering, but she had to know what secrets her father was hiding from her. She sat down, nervously placing a hand on the desk. Kane gave her a slight nod and Merit's hand crawled toward the file.

She took the folder and rifled through it. There were baby pictures, ultrasound images, test results, and a birth certificate.

"What's this?" Merit asked.

"Marley and I were together long before she met James and long before you were born," Marcus recounted. "Your mother, she always wanted to get married, start a family but I…I couldn't give that to her. I couldn't take on that responsibility. Not in my line of work." Marcus made his way around the table, taking a seat on the edge of the desk and went on with his story, "James gave her the life she always wanted but it meant nothing without love."

Marcus was implying that Marley wasn't in love with James and never had been. Although James was able to make Marley's dreams of family life come true, those dreams fell short because she never wanted those accomplishments with him. She wanted that life with Marcus.

"So we continued to see each other..." He paused briefly when he noticed Merit cringe. While her eyes were attentively searching through the folder, her ears were engaged and listening to Marcus's story.

"She tried, for years, to get pregnant with James. She couldn't," Marcus continued. "Until one day, she did."

She recognized the face of the growing baby girl in the photos; it was her. There were pictures from every major life event and every birthday, from the minute she was born until she was a teenager. There was the chubby cheeked, curious toddler, exploring the world for the first time on her own two feet. Then, there was the mischievous 5-year-old with the horrendous do-it-yourself haircut on her first day of kindergarten. Next, was the young adolescent, proudly displaying the gift she had procured for her best friend and there was also the angst-ridden preteen that refused to smile for photos because she hated being in front of the camera, the quick-tempered teen who hid her insecurities behind physicality and sarcastic remarks. Finally, there was her birth, the first time she opened her little eyes to come face to face with the woman who carried her for nine months.

There was her mother, Marley, lovingly cradling the tiny infant in her arms. She was still in the maternity ward, sporting a hospital gown and despite her exhaustion, a small smile etched across her face. She seemed pleased, even happy, with the new life inhabiting her arms. Merit couldn't recall her mother ever looking this joyfully at her.

Staring at the photograph, Merit never realized how much she looked like her mother until now. From the almond shaped, brown eyes, to the curve of her pout, to the thick curls that spiraled from her crown, and even the cut of her cheeks bones – she resembled her to a T. She had all of her mother's looks and none of her rigid personality.

Merit stopped when she reached the birth certificate and carefully read over it. "Merit Murdock," she read aloud. She had gotten so swept up in old memories that she had nearly forgotten Marcus was in the room. She looked up at him skeptically and asked, "Why do you have this?"

Marcus sifted through the papers, finding the one he was searching for and placing it on the top of the pile. "Marley asked me which last name to put on your birth certificate."

Merit was confused, not understanding why her mother would ask Marcus such a question. His story, these images, this paperwork – none of it made sense.

"What're you trying to say?" Merit asked in vexation.

She looked down at the paper that Marcus unearthed. It was the printed results of a DNA paternity test.

Marcus stood, distancing himself from Merit by placing the desk between them. Merit finally made eye contact with him when he spoke, "James always thought you were his but your mother, she was always convinced you were mine."

Marcus's words seemed to echo around the room, his revelation bouncing off the walls and reverberating in Merit's mind.

"I told her I didn't want a DNA test because as far as I was concerned, you weren't and would never be my child," Marcus stated. Although his words seemed spiteful, his tone was controlled as if he was merely stating facts.

Merit's hands shook as she tried to focus on the paper in front of her. Her name was underneath the label of "child" while Marcus's name was written beneath the tag "Alleged Father." She didn't understand the numbers and words written in the chart beneath their names, but she clearly understood the fine print at the end of the page: _the probability of paternity is 99.999%._

Merit jumped up from her chair, dropping her crutch and knocking over the stack of images. The papers scattered across the table and gently floated to the floor.

"You really expect me to believe this?" she exclaimed, her heart thumping in her ears.

Marcus backed up, grabbing what documents he could before they hit the floor.

"On The Ark, no one could ever find out that I had a child from an affair but down here, things can be different," he explained. Merit searched his face for a hint of a joke but Marcus was very serious. His nerves were shot as small beads of perspiration dripped from his forehead. He held the paper up that Merit had pushed away from her. "Merit, I'm your biological father."

"No!" she yelled, snatching the paper and balling it up in her fist. "You killed my father!"

Merit turned to the door, banging on it frantically.

The guards on the other side opened it, thinking that another attempt had been made on the new chancellor's life. As Merit tried to blaze out of the office and past the guards, they grabbed her, securely scooping her up and holding her in place.

"Let go of me!" she shouted.

Merit was fighting against the guard's grip, violently thrashing and wildly swinging her arms against their forceful restraint. She caught one of the guards with a hard elbow as she jerked her arm backward. The guards responded by increasing their use of physical force, one of them grabbing her arm and twisting it behind her back. They overpowered her, pinning her to the ground and placing a knee in the crook of her back to keep her there.

She heard Marcus ordering the guard to let her go but it was too late. Merit felt electric volts course through her body like fire, shocking her until she passed out.

* * *

When Merit opened her eyes, she was lying on a bed and staring at the dark gray ceiling of one of the apartments in Alpha Station. Her eyes searched the small room and she didn't recognize the living quarters. The room was fairly bare besides the bed and a few storage bins that were stacked in a corner. The guards must have brought her here after so rudely shock lashing her until she was unconscious.

Merit sat up slowly, feeling her head spin as she inched her way to the edge of the bed and placed her feet on the floor. She reached her hand into her jacket pocket and felt the crumpled up wad of paper but didn't take it out. She knew what it was but she hoped she was just having a vivid hallucination, a dream produced from the side effect of the drug she had taken the prior night. Unfortunately, it wasn't a nightmare or even some sick elaborate joke. This was her life.

Merit wished she had never opened that file, unleashing the contents of Pandora's Box into her world. All the questions she sought answers to, didn't even feel worth it anymore. She would've been better off leaving her grudges in place, remaining in the dark of ignorance where she still believed that James was her real father. Living a lie somehow felt better than living this screwed up truth she was now experiencing.

Marcus was insane to think he could just waltz into her life, claiming to be her biological father and she would just welcome him with open arms, especially after what he put her through. Why did he suddenly feel like coming clean if he never wanted her to begin with? This had to be another one of his tricks, a hoax or a sneaky plan that would somehow work to his benefit.

Merit grabbed the paper from her pocket, needing to take another look at the results to truly be sure she hadn't been deceived. She unfolded the paper, smoothing over the wrinkles with the palm of her hand, and read over the text again. There were the supposed results that confirmed she shared DNA with the one man she hated most and none with the man she loved dearly. In this case, blood wasn't thicker than water and she would never acknowledge Marcus as her family, as her father, no matter what a piece of paper said.

As she sat there ruminating, she saw James Murdock's face. She saw the kind eyes that would always watch over with such care and affection. She remembered the flare of his lips and how they would curl into the brightest smile that could light up even her darkest day. She thought of the heavy brow that when furrowed, could strike the fear of God into her heart, but when softened, was the closest thing to a warm ray of sunshine she had ever experienced on The Ark. She heard his voice, smooth and rich like crushed velvet, that would make simple conversation, as well as stern lectures, sound pleasant. These were the features attributed to the man she called dad since the moment she could speak.

 _"How can he not be my father?"_

James was the man who raised Merit, who taught her valuable life lessons with his wisdom, who held her when she cried, and who loved her unconditionally. He was the one who – even after long hours on the clock – would come home and be excited to spend time with her, watching their favorite Bruce Lee flick, even though he'd already seen it a million times over, or helping her with a school project. He was a man who spent abundant time and effort in protecting his daughter and her dreams, diminishing himself if only it meant building Merit up. James Murdock was the man that deserved to be called her father.

 _"How can all of this be one big lie?"_

She saw James standing there in the airlock after he murmured his final words about forgiveness. Is this what he meant? And if it was, how could he look at her every day, knowing the truth, and never say anything? Just when Merit thought she had found her way toward absolution, she found herself knee-deep in an even dirtier can of worms. She was nowhere near forgiveness but she undoubtedly felt anger, so much anger toward their deceptive actions. She would never forgive any of them – not James, not her mother, and certainly not Marcus – for keeping such a huge secret from her.

 _"Never."_

For a moment, Merit felt like she had taken James's place in the airlock. The walls felt like they were closing in on her as the air was sucked from the room. She was slowly suffocating in her thoughts.

Merit sprang from the bed, grabbing her crutch as she headed for the door. She had to get out of that room or she was going to lose her mind.

* * *

It was nighttime, the moon casting its white light in the halls of Alpha Station. Merit strolled around the Space Station, trying to clear her troubled mind when she heard her stomach rumble. She hadn't eaten in nearly twenty-four hours and decided to search for dinner in her wanderings.

Soon enough, Merit stumbled across the new cafeteria area. It was an open tent on a small plot of land just outside the main space station. A few metal tables and rickety chairs were set up so the Camp Jaha residents would have a place to eat and socialize out in the fresh outdoor air. Merit grabbed her food from the merchant, trying to enjoy her meal and the scenery, but she mostly ended up picking at it dissatisfied.

As she was forcing the food down, Finn joined her at the table with two drinks. He slid one in her direction. This was the first time she had seen him since their daring escape and she was glad to see that he had survived.

"I'm breaking Bellamy out," Finn whispered, focusing on his drink. He looked from side to side, making sure that there were no ears listening that could foil his plan. He continued cautiously, "Me, Monroe, and Sterling – we're going after the others."

This was just the task that Merit needed to get her mind out of the gloomy place it was in. It was the perfect way to put her mind and body to good use.

"When do we leave?" Merit asked excitedly, leaning in across the table.

"You're not coming," Finn replied. "You hardly made it past the reapers the other night."

Merit groaned, knowing that her tagging along would only serve to slow the group down. She took the drink and downed it in one shot, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Your ankle will never heal at this rate. You have to stay here," Finn finished.

Finn was right but that didn't change the fact that Merit felt a sense of responsibility for her friends' safety. Upon landing, Merit had every intention to ditch the delinquents and forge her own journey, never expecting that those journeys would ever become intertwined. She had grown so close to this group of people and she cared a great deal about them. There was Octavia, who had extended the first branch of friendship toward her. Then, there was Monty, who had comforted her in times of great heartache despite his own struggles. There was also Nathan who paralleled her personality like no other, all while giving her a good laugh. Merit considered each and every one of them part of her family and she hated that she couldn't do anything to help rescue them.

"Make sure Bellamy comes back in one piece," Merit said solemnly. She barely got to spend two minutes with him, just enough to know that he was alive and well, but she understood he had to leave again.

Finn nodded.

"How's Raven?" Merit inquired.

"Strong as ever," Finn replied with a soft smile. It wasn't a joyful grin but it was laced with a hint of despair.

The tenacious young mechanic survived spinal surgery without anesthesia and the bullet that was pressing against her spine was successfully removed. However, Raven was left with nerve damage in her leg, leaving her unable to feel anything below her left knee.

While Finn and team geared up for the rescue mission, Merit decided to check up on Raven who was recovering in medical.

Merit navigated through the medical tent, making her way to the separated area where Raven was resting in privacy, away from the other patients. Even beneath the dim lantern light, Merit could see that Raven's normally bronzed face was extremely pale. The young woman looked exhausted, deep circles encompassing the space underneath her eyes.

"I thought I told Abby no visitors," Raven said, turning away from Merit. There was something forced about the usual grit in Raven's voice, a small tremble shaking her tone.

Merit slowly approached the cot that Raven was lying on, hearing muted sniffles coming from the mechanic's direction. Merit didn't speak, she just went to Raven's bedside and wrapped her arms around her.

"I don't have time to cry," Raven said through gritted teeth, fighting back the tears that crept their way into the corners of her eyes. "Not while our friends are out there."

Raven didn't want to seem selfish. She didn't want to put her own needs before those of the group but her tears were an amalgamation of all her frustrations and she couldn't stop them from spilling out.

Merit felt the cool droplets wetting her forearm and hugged Raven a little tighter. "You have time. You owe it to yourself," Merit said softly.

"I'm not weak." Raven's voice quivered, the tears finally winning and completely breaking through.

"I know."

It was evident that Raven was the strongest person in the entire camp and Merit empathized with her. Raven had endured more than her fair share of struggles in the sky and on the ground, but she always persevered. She grew up, despite having a neglectful and absent mother, to be the youngest and brightest person in her field of work. She was intelligent, pure genius if you asked Merit, saving the delinquents behinds on several occasions with her brilliant mind. She was strong-willed and selfless, using all of her strength and expertise to escape to the ground on a pod she refurbished herself just to make it down to the love of her life and save the lives of 300 Ark citizens. Raven put in all that hard work, only to survive a rough landing on the Earth and find out that her boyfriend was cheating on her. Even then, she tried to make it work, but when she found out Finn just didn't love her anymore, she let him go because his happiness mattered that much to her. She risked her life more than once to save her friends and was shot in the back for her efforts. Her bravery awarded with the loss of the use of one of her legs. No matter how tough or bleak the outcome seemed; Raven never quit. But even the most powerful and resilient person needed to know that they were loved, that they were worthy, that they were special and Raven was all of those things and so much more.

Raven sobbed, wailing sorrowfully and releasing all of her pinned up pain while Merit kept her arms tightly wrapped around her. Merit wanted to be there for Raven, to be her shoulder to cry on because not only did Raven need this hug, but Merit needed it too.

Their worlds were changing and life was readjusting. Everyone had to find new ways of fitting in, of coping, and although their environment seemed safer, more troubles only seemed to arise. Merit was fearful of what was to come and Raven's fallen tears felt like more than enough mourning for the both of them.

* * *

Merit spent the next few days keeping Raven company while keeping her mind off of her own worries. She would show up right when visiting hours started, appearing in Raven's medical tent with an old deck of playing cards she had salvaged from one of the storage bins in her room. The young ladies occupied their time with nonsensical games of _War_ , _Bullshit_ , and the tried and true _Go Fish_ , making up several rules as they went along when they had forgotten the necessary gameplay guidelines. This led to plenty of cheating accusations, as well as impassioned cries of _"this is how our ancestors played it!"_ but more importantly, it led to a few much-needed laughs. This time spent with Raven was more than a distraction for Merit, but it was a form of healing that both women desperately needed.

Merit would only return to her own quarters when her friend had fallen fast asleep. Although Raven seemed to be sleeping more soundly with each new night, Merit wasn't having the same success with her sleep routine. She would come home to a cold and empty apartment and lie awake for hours just being haunted by her thoughts. Closing her eyes just wasn't enough to turn off her racing mind as she alternated between tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling. Night would fall and when the new day had risen, Merit hadn't slept a wink.

Now, it was morning and her bloodshot eyes were, once again fixed on the cold gray ceiling. Her body was spread out in a wide X, her hands hanging limply over the edge of the bed as she blinked lackadaisically. It should've been illegal to be this tired and still not be able to sleep peacefully.

A knock on the door came to interrupt her frail attempt at drifting off into dreamland. Merit rose, listlessly sliding her foot across the cold floor, to answer the door. She cracked the door open and peeked through the slender opening. The last person she wanted to see was standing on the other side.

"I'm leaving camp," Marcus started. "I'm not sure when I'll be back."

The new chancellor was leaving on a mission, more grounder peace talks in an effort to get the missing delinquents back.

Merit didn't say anything, staring at the dirt caked around Marcus's combat boots rather than looking at his face. She didn't care where he was going or if he ever came back and there was only one reason she hadn't immediately slammed the door in his face.

"If there's anything you need-"

"I'm fine," Merit responded coldly.

Marcus nodded slowly, letting out a heavy sigh and then he began to walk away.

"Wait," Merit called out after him. Marcus stopped, quickly turning to face Merit again with a hint of optimism in his raised brows. "Who else knows?" Merit queried quietly.

"Abby," he answered simply. "She performed the test and analyzed the samples."

Merit shut the door on Marcus after hearing his response, closing her eyes and sliding down the backside of the door until she reached the floor. Only three people knew about her relation to Marcus and she wished to keep it that way. She echoed his earlier sentiment of her being his daughter, as far as Merit was concerned; Marcus wasn't and would never be her father.

* * *

It was days before Merit saw Bellamy again, Clarke being the first to return with news about the missing forty-eight delinquents. They weren't held captive by the grounders but in a military base, Mount Weather, which was the delinquents' original destination before their dropship was thrown off course. Mount Weather was still inhabited by people, people who had advanced technology and also harvested the grounders to use their blood to treat their radiation sickness. Clarke was afraid that their friends would be next.

When it rained, it poured and the storm only had only gotten more powerful as the bad news seemed to pile up. The usually pacifistic Finn went on a shooting spree, killing eighteen unarmed grounders in his rampage. He snuck into a peaceful grounder village under the misinformation that this clan was holding their friends hostage. Murphy was there to see the whole thing up close and personal, trying to stop Finn from massacring young and old people alike but he failed. And now both of the had to stand before the judgment of the council.

Camp activity was stable for now, the main focus shifting toward freeing their friends from the fortress of Mount Weather, as well as preparing for retribution for Finn's unprovoked attack. The council was just waiting for direction from their chancellor as Marcus still hadn't returned from his trip. Although it was quiet now, Merit knew this stability wouldn't last for long; it never did, but she wanted to take this time to be with Bellamy.

Moments together were going to be few and far in between and she wanted to spend as much quality time with him as was humanly possible.

* * *

Although they had been given separate living quarters, Bellamy wasn't going to sleep anywhere else, than beside Merit, on his first night at camp. After playing Rambo in the wilderness for three days straight, he returned to Camp Jaha only to be thrown into yet another whirlwind. He spent the day making preparations and talking strategy, but now he was finally allowed a moment to rest, to breathe and settle in.

Bellamy slid off his jacket, rotating his shoulders as Merit helped him pull the sleeves away from his arms. He only just realized that the two of them hadn't had a leisurely conversation since Unity Day, every day after that had been overcome with such madness. With everything that had happened and the coming chaos that was going to inevitably ensue, Bellamy was simply delighted to see this beautiful woman's face and bask in the strength of her aura, but that didn't mean he didn't have issues weighing on his mind.

Merit rubbed his shoulders, melting away the knots in his back with a quick massage as he spoke, "You didn't seem to give it a second thought."

"What?" Merit asked confused.

"When you ran after Murphy," Bellamy went on. "You hardly hesitated on my behalf."

While Bellamy understood Merit's close relationship with Murphy – which is why he so diligently tried to tolerate the obnoxious young man – he expected her to be considerate of his feelings as well. Their relationship was still very new; the first committed and serious romantic interaction for both parties, and Bellamy didn't want it all to go down the drain because of miscommunication. They both had to understand that this was a partnership and they had to be thoughtful in terms of how their actions would affect the other person.

Merit stopped the massage, nervously biting her bottom lip as Bellamy turned to face her.

"He's always going to come first, right?" Bellamy acknowledged. He wasn't angry, but this was something that he'd been holding onto since the hanging incident on the dropship.

"Like Octavia does?" Merit argued, abruptly stopping her hands from kneading Bellamy's shoulders. She placed a hand on her hip and slightly tilted her head to the side.

"That's different."

"It isn't."

"Octavia didn't try to kill you," Bellamy reasoned, mentally awarding himself two points for coming back with such a speedy and rational rebuttal.

However, Merit was just as quick-witted with her argument. "Who tried to kill who first, Bellamy?"

Bellamy's face hardened and his jaw tightened, the lightness of the conversation quickly evaporating. He knew it was going to be impossible to come to an agreeable conclusion in this debate.

"Look, I'm sorry," Merit swiftly apologized. Winning an argument wasn't worth reopening old wounds when she never wanted to argue to begin with. She placed a hand behind Bellamy's neck, staring adoringly into his dark eyes before continuing, "We finally have five minutes to ourselves, so let's not make a big deal about it." Merit pressed her lips against his in a long, indulgent kiss. "I missed you," she sweetly murmured.

"Sure," Bellamy huffed with a small smirk, rubbing the back of his neck. He was doing his best at playing aloof, although the kiss had nearly left him breathless, weakening his knees and sending a rush of tingles vibrating over his skin.

"Do you know what I went through to make it back to you?" Merit jested, playfully poking Bellamy in the ribs. "I collapsed in a puddle of my own puke for you."

"And guess who was there to pick you up out of said vomit?"

"Touché," Merit said with a nod. She began to move away from her beau but was quickly pulled back by a set of strong arms wrapping securely around her waist.

Bellamy could no longer hold onto his indifferent act and gave in to the bubbling urge to be close to Merit again. He buried his face into her neck, kissing it repeatedly and earning a few giggles from his favorite girl. The sound of her voice was music to his ears and the softness of her skin, silk against his fingertips. He couldn't deny himself the pleasure of, once again, being in her company.

"I could use a long shower," Bellamy sighed gruffly, looking down at Merit with suggestive fervor in his eyes.

"We have running water again, thanks to Sinclair, but it's cold," Merit revealed, gently running her fingers through Bellamy's thick hair. "No temperature regulation yet."

"It's fine. I'll keep you warm," Bellamy replied with a raised eyebrow. "Help me get cleaned up?"

Merit took off her jacket and tossed it on the floor behind her, a balled up piece of paper fell from the pocket but she didn't seem notice. Bellamy's eyes fell on it as he glanced over her shoulder. Merit made her way into the small bathroom adjacent to the bedroom and more clothes came flying out from the door frame, landing on the bedroom floor as the sound of running water echoed throughout the room.

Bellamy chuckled, bending down to pick the piece of paper up. He didn't think much of it as he unfurled the substantially creased stationary and his light expression turned solid as he read it.

"Hurry up. It's cold in here," Merit called out, snapping Bellamy out of his concentration.

"Uh, I'll be there in a minute," Bellamy stuttered, stuffing the paper into his pants pocket.

Bellamy was sure he wasn't supposed to have seen this sensitive information but if it was true...if Marcus Kane was really Merit's biological father, why would she keep that from him? He wanted to give Merit every opportunity to reveal this information to him in her own time, but he wasn't sure how long he could harbor such a weighty secret without confronting her about it. Bellamy had to know the truth and why she was hiding it from him.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Thank you to all those who continue to read and those who have reviewed. Your interest and feedback are much appreciated. A new original character will be introduced in this chapter and if you review, I'd love to hear your first impression. Let me know whether you like him, hate him, are skeptical, curious or indifferent. All impressions are valid. Also, let me know how you would react if you were in Merit's position. Thanks and take care!

* * *

This was the first night in Camp Jaha that Merit wasn't sleeping alone. Bellamy was soundly snoozing beside her, his soft breath cascading down the back of her neck as they rested together. She was back in her safe place, snugly nestled beneath the covers and engulfed in the warmth of Bellamy's arms. She was secure, surrounded by comfort and love, yet sleep still evaded her.

Every time she attempted to close her eyes, she would be plagued by Marcus's admission. She would see his face and hear his voice, cringing as the words "biological father" fell from his lips and echoed across her cavernous mind. Marcus had taken the title that Merit had considered sacred and warped it into something so profane. Father, the term of endearment she had once bestowed upon the single person she loved most in the entire universe, was now void of meaning.

Merit couldn't stop herself from shuddering as she twisted restlessly in Bellamy's arms.

"Still awake?" Bellamy suddenly asked with a yawn.

Merit tried her hardest not to disturb her sleeping partner with her constant tossing and turning, but somehow Bellamy still seemed to sense her state of mental distress.

"I can't sleep," Merit responded. "Sorry for waking you."

"It's okay." Bellamy let go of Merit and rolled onto his back, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better look at his significant other. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just go back to sleep."

More than feeling ashamed, Merit didn't want to drag Bellamy into another one of her messes. He already had the weight of the world resting on his shoulders without her constantly unloading her heavy baggage on him. There was no need for Bellamy to add Merit's mixed up family issues to his, already, long list of worries and in order to keep his stresses at a minimum, Merit decided to hide the truth.

She didn't believe that this was a harmful lie or that she was concealing vital information from her partner. She saw this as a safeguard, a way of protecting herself by keeping her familial connection to Kane a secret. Merit only wished that she could forget the horrible truth and there would be no sweeping it under the rug if the truth continued to spread.

"Nothing doesn't keep you awake this late at night," Bellamy acknowledged.

When it came to sleep, Merit was queen. She could probably sleep on a bed of nails and nap right through the apocalypse if she was tired enough. Merit knew that Bellamy was aware of this fact as he often joked about her sleeping habits, teasing that he had once seen her fall asleep before her head even hit the pillow. Something had to be weighing heavily on Merit's head and heart to keep her awake this late into the night and no amount of pretending would be able to hide that from Bellamy.

"So what it is?" Bellamy pushed himself up into a seated position, clicking on the small lantern beside the bed as he waited for an answer.

Merit was slow to speak, her breathing short and shallow as she parted her lips. She stared stoically at the wall in front of her, her voice seeping into the room as a soft whisper. "Everything is going to be different now."

"What do you mean?"

"I wanted The Ark to come down," Merit continued, turning over onto her other side so that she was facing Bellamy. Her eyes meandered around the room before finally falling onto him. "I just didn't think I'd be here to see it…To see him."

"Kane," Bellamy confirmed.

"It didn't feel good…and then he called me into his office." Merit stopped herself from continuing, feeling her throat lock up. She was unable to force the words from her own lips. There was this fear of hearing the harsh truth in her own voice, the delusion that maybe if she didn't say it aloud, it wouldn't be real.

Bellamy adjusted his position and pulled Merit into a close embrace against his chest.

"What happened?" he asked.

Merit was silent and she grew stiff in Bellamy's arms.

"Merit, what happened?" Bellamy asked again, the level of concern and insistence growing in his gravelly tone. "Did he hurt you?"

"No. No, I'm okay," Merit assured. "It was about my mom and her final wishes." She looked up at Bellamy and then she quickly looked away. She started again, stuttering as she went along. "It's just-I never told you, but my mom died the culling."

Bellamy's face dropped. "I'm sorry…I could've stopped it."

"It wasn't your fault," Merit insisted, remembering this was a sore subject for her partner.

Bellamy already felt partly responsible for the tragic event that had taken place aboard The Ark and Merit didn't want those feelings of deep guilt to resurface over a decision that her mother made.

"She volunteered," Merit finished.

"What? Why would she do that?"

"Beats me," Merit said with a shrug. Though she feigned indifference, the sudden sadness in her voice grew more apparent with each uttered word. "Either she felt really guilty for what she did or…she decided death was better than seeing me again."

While Merit never had an established relationship with her mother, allowing that statement to roll off of her tongue still left a burning ache deep within her belly. It was the longing for a genuine connection to the woman that housed her in her body and nurtured her in the womb for nine months. It was the fact that they shared blood, but not hearts. It was the realization that, before Merit was even old enough to remember, her mother had once looked down on with adoration, but something changed that. It was the pain of never knowing what that catalyst was because her mother willingly chose death over reconciling with her on flesh and blood.

As Merit rested against Bellamy, she felt the steady rise and fall of his sternum abruptly stop. She wondered if he was holding his breath because the severity of her words shocked even him, that somehow, he felt the same fiery ache develop in the pit of his stomach.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up," Merit went on, feeling guilty that her discomfort had been transferred to Bellamy.

Bellamy inhaled deeply and Merit felt his torso expand beneath her, his breathing returning to a steady pace again.

"Merit, you can always talk to me," Bellamy gently assured. "You never have to apologize for that."

Merit was thankful for Bellamy's support and while the gesture was a supremely kind one, talking was the last thing she wanted to do. She couldn't even wrap her mind around the agony she was experiencing, let alone shape her lips to properly communicate it. The more she tried to speak, the more of a burden she felt like she placed on herself and on her partner. And Merit never wanted to feel like another weight placed on Bellamy's already encumbered back.

"Right now, I really just want you to hold me tighter," Merit murmured.

She buried her face into Bellamy's chest and felt his arms lock around her lower back as he planted a kiss on the top of her head. There was the feeling that the tighter Bellamy's grasp was around her, the less room there was for her thoughts to constrict her and for a little while, she felt relieved.

* * *

It had been two days since the council cleared Finn of his crimes and although things seemed quiet, the entire camp was on edge, waiting in anticipation for the grounders to retaliate. Once again, another attack seemed inevitable and citizens and guards alike were working around the clock to maintain camp safety. It almost felt like they had never even left the dropship as relations with the grounders continued to spiral out of control and a vast majority of the delinquents remained in the dangerous confines of Mount Weather.

There was still no sign of Kane and in his absence, Abby was left in charge, but being The Chancellor and the head of medical was quite the balancing act. Her ruling left much to be desired in the remaining delinquents' eyes and they didn't believe she was doing enough to ensure the safety of their captive friends. In light of Abby's neglectful reign, the delinquents decided to take matters into their own hands.

Every day there was planning, plotting, and scheming up a new way to get their missing friends back, even if it meant moving against the stand-in chancellor. Bellamy seemed to be the antsiest of the bunch, the ringleader, as he constantly spearheaded these gatherings. He was completely committed to guaranteeing the safe return of his people.

Wanting to be a supportive friend and significant other, Merit forced herself to attend every secret meeting. She would sit right beside Bellamy, watching as he tediously studied the map of Mount Weather that Clarke had sketched up. She was there each day, silently observing as the group pooled their resources, trying to find a satisfactory lead and form a coherent plan of action.

Merit hardly realized how upsetting these meetings were until she heard Bellamy speak about finding a way into Mount Weather. She knew that when he did find a way in, she wouldn't be able to go with him. With her ankle hardly progressing in its recovery and her current state of mental disarray, she was unable to contribute to the group effort, be it physically or mentally. Her lack of a constructive offering left her feeling discouraged and useless.

Merit didn't even notice how great her frustration was until she got up from the table mid-conversation without as much as an "excuse me." She didn't make a peep or offer a second glance as she left the group and marched across the dirt path to Alpha Station.

She didn't hear Bellamy's questioning calls or realize that he was chasing after her until he slid into the front door of their apartment behind her.

"What's wrong?" Bellamy asked, shooting Merit an inquisitive glance.

"Nothing," Merit huffed, as she plopped down on the bed. She caught herself sounding more agitated than she wanted to come off. She ran a hand across her forehead as she snuck a peak at Bellamy's displeased expression. He was giving her his famous look of disapproval, the tight-lipped pucker and cross armed glare that conveyed his dissatisfaction and disbelief without saying anything at all.

"No. We're not doing this nothing bit again," Bellamy sternly asserted.

"Bellamy, I'm fine."

"You're not," Bellamy swiftly cut in, kneeling down in front of Merit. "I think I've known you long enough now to know when you're lying to me."

"I'm just frustrated, okay?" Merit stood up and walked to the other side of the room. She started to pointlessly occupy herself by sorting through the storage bins in the corner, attempting to thwart her growing irritation. "I want to help and I can't. All there is to it."

Her frustration stemmed from so much more than her current state of uselessness. There was the inability to rely on her physicality due to her ankle injury, there was the winding mystery that was her parents and the web of lies they spun. And on top of all of that, there was the sudden and extreme fear of being separated from Bellamy.

Bellamy's hands felt like the only things that were holding Merit together and as his grasp loosened, she felt little pieces of herself slipping away. He was so absorbed in this Mount Weather mission and rightfully so, but gaining access to the mountain meant that the couple would have to be apart.

Merit could never voice this fear to Bellamy because she understood how irrational and selfish it was. She was feeling unreasonably needy in a time of great danger for, not only, her friends but the entirety of Camp Jaha and quite frankly, it was silly. This didn't change the fact that Bellamy had easily become her coping mechanism since she landed on the ground and, as much as she tried to come off as strong, Merit really relied on him in times of vulnerability. She hated feeling this weak, this helpless and she hated to think that she could become a liability, a hindrance to Bellamy's progression.

"So can we just drop it now?" Merit added.

"No," Bellamy said, standing from his crouched position and slowly wedging his hand into his pants pocket. "Why didn't you tell me?" he suddenly inquired. His intonation was delicate, not coming off as accusing or reproachful, but legitimately concerned.

"Tell you what?"

"Kane…" When Bellamy removed his hand from his pocket, he pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper. He unfolded it and then held it up. "He's your father."

Upon hearing Bellamy's words, Merit immediately stopped her senseless rummaging and turned to face her partner. Her eyes widened as they locked onto the piece of paper, the paternity test results. She hastily shoved her hand into her jacket pocket, realizing that the paper was really gone and that her eyes weren't deceiving her.

"Why are you going through my stuff?" Merit snapped, quickly moving toward Bellamy and snatching the test results from his hand.

"I wasn't. You dropped it when you took off your jacket the other night."

"So you just read it?" Merit continued defensively, feeling that Bellamy had violated her privacy. "You could've just left it alone or returned it to me."

"I didn't think it was going to be a big deal," Bellamy argued. Although the volume in his voice elevated as Merit's did, he still remained calm. "I never expected to find out that Kane is your father."

"His inability to pull out in time doesn't make him my father. He didn't earn that title," Merit scoffed.

As far as Merit was concerned, Marcus was merely and unfortunately just a sperm donor. The only man that she had ever called father was still very much deceased.

"Merit, this isn't a joke."

While Merit's prior statement seemed to have a comedic undertone, she was angry, bitterly angry.

"You think I don't know that?" Merit thundered. "You think I appreciate my entire world being turned upside down?"

This isn't the truth she wanted to discover and looking for answers only served to shatter the entire illusion of her life. Now, she was spiraling down an even darker black hole than she had initially imagined.

Merit stalked back and forth across the room, growing more enraged with every frantic stride.

Bellamy moved toward Merit slowly, reaching for her hands. "I know you're upset and you have every right to be," he said, grabbing hold of Merit's wrist and inching his hand into hers. He intertwined his fingers with hers, wanting her to slow down, to calm down, and to focus on him. "But it's going to be okay."

Merit stopped long enough to pull free from Bellamy's gentle hold.

"He gave me up!" Merit yelled.

She stood still for a moment, breathing heavily as she allowed the statement to sink in. It seeped into her skin, finding its way into her bloodstream and pumping venom into her heart. Merit's face twisted into an infuriated scowl as the anger reached its peak.

Merit let out an anguished cry as she unleashed a wild haymaker on the stack of bins next to her, knocking a couple of them over in her rage. She grabbed one of the remaining storage bins and flipped it over, spilling books, blankets, and clothing onto the floor. When she reached for the next container, Merit never even noticed the jagged piece of metal jutting from the wall. She didn't even feel it tearing into her knuckles until Bellamy shouted at her.

"Merit, stop!" Bellamy bellowed, quickly grabbing her hand and restraining her.

Merit's hand was deeply lacerated down to the whitest of flesh but she had gone completely numb to the pain. And just as the blood began to pool and pour out of her wound, tears formed in her eyes.

Her rage transformed into pure sorrow as she turned to Bellamy, gazing at him somberly. "My own father gave me up," Merit sobbed. "And no one loved me enough to tell me the truth."

Was she so loathsome that the two people that created her couldn't find it within themselves to love her? Was she so unlovable and unworthy of Marcus's affection that, until now, his status and reputation had been worth more than his own child?

What hurt more than knowing that her biological father never wanted her, was the fact that the truth had only been revealed after so much death. Her mother was dead. James was dead. And for all Merit knew, Marcus might as well be dead too. It seemed as if they had to wait until the most drastic situation occurred to finally come clean when honesty seemed like the easiest option.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as Merit melted into Bellamy's arms and relinquished her struggle to him. The pair sunk to the floor as Bellamy cradled Merit in his arms. He wrapped a clean t-shirt around her fist to stop the bleeding from her fresh injury. He rocked her back and forth, softly soothing her and tucking the top of her head beneath his chin as he applied pressure to the wound.

In minutes, the t-shirt was soaked through and it was evident that Merit needed medical attention, so Bellamy escorted her to the infirmary. Thankfully, Abby was there to meet them and immediately took care of Merit herself.

"What happened?" Abby asked, examining the deep slash.

Merit stared blankly ahead with heavy eyelids that hardly moved to blink. She kept quiet as Bellamy looked anxiously between her and Abby.

"She uh…She cut her hand on a piece of metal," Bellamy said, speaking on behalf of Merit.

"She's going to need stitches," Abby informed as she sterilized the gruesome cut.

Bellamy nodded quickly, turning his gaze back to Merit whose eyes were completely bloodshot and void of emotion. Her sallow complexion and arid stupor made her seem more like the walking dead than the rambunctious young woman that he was so familiar with. She looked like the personification of the white flag waving in the wind like she had completely given up.

Bellamy sat there throughout the entire procedure, observing his partner with an expression of utter worry. Merit didn't flinch once. Her cold and ghostlike demeanor never changed, not at the sight of the needle and not during the ten times the sharp point entered and exited the thin skin of her hand. Merit didn't budge until her wound was completely closed.

Abby was making sure that the stitches were secure and covering the area with a bandage when Merit finally acknowledged her presence.

"Do you always lie for your patients?" Merit drawled listlessly.

Abby halted briefly, tilting her head curiously as she met Merit's hollow stare. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"You knew he was my father," Merit clarified bluntly.

Abby shot Bellamy a hesitant glance and asked, "Would you mind waiting outside?"

Bellamy let out a stiff sigh and looked his girlfriend over for a reassuring sign. Merit gave him a slight nod in reply to his searching gaze.

"Okay," Bellamy said, gently squeezing Merit's knee before exiting the tent.

Abby made her way to a water basin and began to wash her soiled hands. Her back was turned to Merit as she spoke, "Marcus must've told you."

"He said you were the one that analyzed the DNA test."

"I did," Abby acknowledged frankly. She shook the water off of her hands and grabbed a clean cloth to dry them on.

"So why'd you keep quiet?" Merit questioned.

There were three people that knew about Merit's familial connection to Marcus – Abby, quite possibly, being the only one still living – yet everyone kept their lips sealed. If Abby had this dirt on Marcus, Merit wondered why she never used it against him.

"It wasn't my place to interfere." Abby's phrasing was staggered by a heavy sigh. "There are patient confidentiality agreements-"

"Or maybe you were just afraid," Merit callously interrupted. "Although, I never took you for the type to be scared of Marcus."

Abby turned speedily over her shoulder and tightly pursed her lips, clearly a bit perturbed by Merit's statement. Her shoulders tensed for the briefest moment before they fell back in line and she smoothed her hands down the front of her jacket.

"Merit, James was my friend," Abby countered firmly, quickly regaining her composure. She was so placidly calm and put together, so poised and precise, speaking in the patronizing way that only a doctor could. It was the bedside manner, the attitude that Merit was her patient and not her friend in this moment.

"Then why didn't you tell him?" Merit continued her confrontation, raising her voice in frustration. "If he was your friend then how could you just lie to him?"

"How do you think he found out?" Abby finally seemed flustered as the information flew off of her tongue. Her jaw clenched and a strand of hair hung raggedly in her face. "I _couldn't_ lie to him."

James knew. He knew that Merit wasn't his daughter by blood and he knew about Marley and Marcus's affair long before he actually let Merit in on the big secret. Merit couldn't begin to grasp where the lie ended and began. There were so many twists and turns that she didn't understand and everyone was either too dead or too cowardly to explain it to her.

"How long?" Merit looked down at her bandaged hand and noticed it was shaking.

"It's not important."

"How long did he know, Abby?" Merit snarled.

"You were probably four years old," Abby started cautiously, shaking her head back and forth. "I told him a few days after the results came back."

Merit sprang from her seat, knocking over the tray of bloody tools Abby had been using on her. Bellamy rushed into the tent at the sound of the metal clatter, barely having enough time to survey the scene as Merit brushed past him.

"Merit! Slow down!" Bellamy called out, chasing after her.

Merit let out a low and exasperated growl as she felt the pain in her ankle sneak up on her. The sharp ache wasn't enough to slow her march as she stormed across Camp Jaha. More than anything, she wanted to leave this place, to be as far away from it and the shady past it contained, as possible.

Finally catching up with her, Bellamy grasped her hand in his and tugged on it.

"I know you're angry, but you can't keep flying off the handle like this." He kept his voice low as they continued down the hall toward their apartment. His brow was soft and the corners of his small, pink lips turned downward as he held tightly onto Merit's hand. "You don't sleep, you hardly eat. I'm worried about you."

Merit was quiet once again as she and Bellamy slipped into their quarters.

"Merit, please talk to me," Bellamy begged. And even as Merit's hand fell slack in his grip he never let go.

Merit's head whipped around suddenly like a light bulb had clicked on, illuminating her mind with a bright idea. Her eyes seemed to quiver with unsettlement under the artificial lighting.

"Bellamy, let's just leave," Merit proclaimed. "We don't have to stay here."

She wanted to start over, leaving behind the long trail of lies and horrors that followed her from the sky to the ground in exchange for a new beginning. She wanted to be in a place where she would never have to see another familiar face or be reminded of the past that plagued her. She wanted to wake up and be a different person, with a new name, that no one knew. She wanted to be the girl that was excited to set off on the ground on her own, the craving for an isolated and new journey swiftly returning.

"Where are we gonna go?" Bellamy asked. His question wasn't one that he actually expected to receive a sound answer to. It was more so to prove Merit wrong, to show her that her current state of thinking was highly irrational.

"Anywhere is better than here." There was clear desperation in her voice and a teary gloss coated her red eyes.

Bellamy's face receded further into a dejected and disappointed frown. "Merit," he started softly.

"Don't! Don't say my name like that," Merit angrily interjected, finally pulling away from her boyfriend.

She hated the way Bellamy sounded right now. It was the same way that Abby had spoken to her like she was the misguided patient.

"Our friends are still trapped in Mount Weather," Bellamy reasoned. "You'd just leave them?"

"I didn't say that. I…I just can't stay here, Bellamy." Merit plunged her face into her hands. "I should've run," she sniffled, referencing her original plan upon landing on the ground. "I should've run and never looked back."

"You don't mean that," Bellamy stated sternly. He pulled Merit's hands away from her face, but she was clenching her eyes shut. "Look at me."

Merit shook her head in refusal.

"Look at me, Merit," Bellamy reiterated. His tone was forceful but not angry as he pulled Merit closer to him. He watched Merit pop her eyes open, wet with tears, at his command. "You can't keep running away from your problems. I won't let you." He pressed his forehead against hers. "We're going to get through this together. I promise."

Merit nodded and wrapped her arms around Bellamy in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "That was stupid. I'm being so stupid."

"It's okay. You're okay," Bellamy softly cooed.

Bellamy was right and Merit was apologetic in regard to the way that she reacted. Once again, she had failed at bottling up her emotions and Bellamy was always at the receiving end of her outpouring of disappointments. She felt embarrassed by her behavior, thinking that it must've been difficult for Bellamy to be with someone as sensitive as her. In good conscience, she couldn't keep putting him through pointless drama.

It wasn't going to be easy but Merit knew that she had to get her emotions in check, for her friends, for Bellamy, and for herself. She wasn't a special case as everyone was carting around their fair share of misfortune. And just like everyone else, she had to grin, bear it and carry on. There was too much at stake and she wouldn't put her loved ones in danger because of her own personal dilemma.

Merit worked much too hard to gain this little slice of peace and she wouldn't let it be stripped away in a moment's notice at the behest of a single man. Her friends didn't deserve the extra turmoil, Bellamy didn't deserve the backlash, and Marcus didn't deserve such a victory.

* * *

The following morning, Merit decided she would skip out on the routine delinquent meeting for her own sanity and for Bellamy's as well. Together, they decided it was best for her to separate herself from situations that overwhelmed her until she could get her head back on straight.

Merit had to engage in healthful practices if she ever wanted her mind and body to converge at a point of stability, so while Bellamy was hard at work, Merit promised she would make the effort to do something productive – whether it was clearing her mind through meditation, gentle stretching activities, or remembering to eat.

Today was an early morning meeting, so Merit decided to grab breakfast while Bellamy was out taking care of business.

On her way home from the mess hall, Merit noticed a guard standing beside her front door as she strode down the long Alpha Station hallway. The man was tall with a slender frame yet still very athletic in his build. The sides and back of his jet black hair were shaved in a neat undercut while the length of his wavy crown hung limply in his face. He seemed fairly younger than a majority of the other guards that Merit had come across in her time on The Ark. She had never seen him before but somehow, the structure of his face had a slight familiarity.

The guard spoke when Merit approached, "Good morning, Ms. Murdock. I'm Parker." He stuck his hand out, but Merit didn't shake it. "Parker Shumway."

Although Merit didn't recognize the young man's face, she surely recognized his last name; it was one she couldn't forget. Parker shared the same last name with the former commander of the guard and Merit was sure that the corrupt officer was an aid in the death of James Murdock. He was also the same disgusting scumbag that used Bellamy as a pawn in his plot to murder Chancellor Jaha.

"Son of Commander Shumway?" Merit questioned smugly.

"At your service," Parker replied with a nod.

The ex-commander didn't survive long enough to make it to the ground. After Bellamy turned him in, he was imprisoned and supposedly committed suicide by slitting his wrists with broken glass. Even though the situation reeked of foul play, Merit couldn't find an ounce of sympathy within her heart to feel sorry for him.

"Hmm…your father was a dick," Merit added aloofly.

"And if I'm correct, then so was your father," Parker fired back without hesitation. His voice was smooth and calm with a hint of sass sharpening his tone.

"You're wrong," Merit corrected, raising her eyebrows as she reached for the door handle.

There was no way in hell she was going to involve herself with the likes of a Shumway. That family name was far too tarnished to ever get entangled in.

"I wasn't talking about James." A snide grin crept across Parker's full lips. "I meant your _real_ father."

Merit removed her hand from the doorknob as her head snapped around, giving Parker her undivided attention. She was taken aback by his boldness.

"James is my real father," Merit stated, her tone and face hardening.

"I think we both know that's a lie," Parker chuckled.

"What did you just say?"

When Marcus had assured her that Abby was the only other person who knew about their relationship, this creep appeared like a demon from the shadowy depths of hell ready to stir the pot, just begging to get a rise out of her.

Merit's gaze narrowed into a glare but the guard didn't seem nearly as shaken as she was.

The young man kept his posture tall while his hands crossed behind his back, maintaining an air of dignity about himself. He cleared his throat. "Listen, I think we got off on the wrong foot. Perhaps, if your manners weren't completely atrocious-"

"What the hell do you want?" Merit barked, wanting to kick this arrogant jerk's teeth in.

"Relax. I was sent to keep an eye on you."

Merit rolled her eyes and let out a puff of air, guessing that Kane must've ordered him to look after her while he was gone. At this rate, the entire camp was going to find out if he just kept wagging his jaw.

"I don't think that's necessary," Merit said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Doesn't matter what you think, an order is an order," Parker shrugged. "Get used to this face because you're going to be seeing a lot more of it."

Then like an angel from heaven, Bellamy appeared, shedding his divine light on Parker's dim and murky aura by interrupting the conversation.

"Is there a problem here?" Bellamy asked, grabbing Merit's hand and interlacing his fingers with hers.

"No, just on official business," Parker said, scrupulously looking Bellamy up and down.

Merit immediately felt the tension increase and the male testosterone levels rise as the two men stared each other down. Bellamy's chest was more puffed up than a pigeon and Parker's posture grew all the more rigid if that was even possible.

Parker's grin slowly began to widen as he made eye contact with Bellamy as if a realization had struck him.

"Well, if it isn't Bellamy Blake," Parker said, a huge phony grin stretching from ear to ear and revealing his pearly whites. Parker's canine teeth seemed especially sharp as he ran his tongue against his front teeth. He pinched his chin between his thumb and index finger, still standing proud and erect in his guard uniform as he went on, "It's been awhile. Still picking up trash?"

"No, but I don't have a problem taking it out," Bellamy replied with a smirk.

"I see you've gained a sense of humor. I like that," Parker quipped. "Well, I should be going. See you around, Merit. Blake."

"Parker." Bellamy sent the young man off with a hardened glare of his own.

Merit saw Bellamy roll his eyes as they both watched Parker walk away. As they entered their apartment, a collective sigh filled the air and the couple looked at each other inquisitively.

"What was that about?" Bellamy asked.

"I'm not even really sure," Merit shrugged. "Just one of Kane's goons checking in on me, I guess. You know him?"

"We trained together as cadets," Bellamy revealed. He raised his brows and placed his hands on his hips. "Didn't like him then and sure as hell, don't like him now."

Merit let out a small laugh. "What'd he do to you?"

"We were always in competition with each other and he always beat me by an inch. He was the top of our class, one step ahead of me just because he was the commander's son," Bellamy recounted. "Now, he's the big guard on campus and I'm just…nothing."

"Don't say that," Merit said, nudging Bellamy's chin and pushing his face towards hers. "You're brave, you're caring, and you're a leader. And you never needed some fancy uniform to prove that."

Bellamy smiled and graced Merit's lips with a quick peck.

"I came to talk to you," he started, the corners of his smile dropping just the slightest. "Abby is sanctioning a mission. I'm going."

Raven, who had recovered and gone back to work with the help of a leg brace, figured out that Mount Weather was jamming their communication signal. The mountain was the reason that the range on their walkie talkies was so terrible and also why they were having trouble getting in contact with other fallen Ark stations.

The point of the mission was for recon, to seek out the radio tower that was running interference and destroy it if the area was safe enough. However, Bellamy and Octavia had other plans. While the rest of the team was distracted, the siblings would sneak off and find a way into Mount Weather. Their first priority and only mission was finding a way to rescue their friends.

"Well, I'll just be here…being here…" Merit said, a heavy sigh following her statement.

The moment that she feared was coming to pass and Merit was doing her best to hide that all-encompassing dread. Bellamy had only just promised her that they would get through this vexing time together and now they were splitting up. Merit wasn't sure how she would fare without him.

"Hey," Bellamy said softly, hugging Merit around the waist. "Chin up." He gave her another kiss on the lips but this time held on a little longer. "I'll be back."

"I know." Merit bit her lip in reluctance. "Just bring our friends home."

While Bellamy was more than capable of taking care of himself, Merit still worried. Part of her believed in him and the other part of her knew that things always found a way to go wrong on the ground. Though, her biggest worry seemed to be separation. Merit wasn't sure when they would see each other again and she was more afraid of herself and how she would behave without Bellamy around.

* * *

The day was long and monotonous. It was hard for Merit to stay occupied when neither Abby nor Jackson would clear her to be assigned to work. Without medical clearance, no one was willing to risk giving her any type of job. Sinclair wouldn't even humor her with the menial task of sorting nuts and bolts, immediately sending Merit packing when she came begging for any engaging activity he could offer her. For most of the day, Merit was reduced to hopelessly wandering around camp like a lone drifter or being sequestered away in her room.

Once nightfall finally hit, Merit left the confines of her room just in time for dinner, but as soon as she stepped one foot outside of the front door, she was intercepted by Parker.

"Evening," Parker greeted. "Time for dinner already?"

"What're you doing here?" Merit groaned in annoyance.

"It's my job. Remember?" Parker reminded. "Just because you don't see me, doesn't mean I'm not watching."

"Congrats. You just made yourself sound extremely creepy."

Merit continued down the hall, making her way toward the cafeteria as Parker trailed a few steps behind her.

"Believe me, I'd rather be out there patrolling," Parker scoffed. "But I don't have a choice and neither do you."

 _"What a pain in the ass,"_ Merit thought to herself, already growing tired of seeing Parker's face.

Why would Marcus send someone to keep an eye on her? He couldn't possibly believe that she was incapable of looking after herself after he sent her to lock up and then, subsequently sent her to the ground as an expendable test subject. What exactly did he think Merit was going to do that needed constant supervision and why was he suddenly so worried about her well-being?

If this was Marcus's stale attempt at being an overprotective dad then Merit wasn't amused. Not only was his guardianship unnecessary but it was also unwanted. Marcus was years late, missing out on life's most unfavorable moments when Merit really could've used some parental guidance. Now, his efforts felt contrived and inauthentic and Merit failed to understand how this pseudo-fatherly act benefited either of them. She just wanted Marcus and his little bloodhound off of her back and out of her life, for good.

When Merit reached the mess hall, Parker was still following her. He grabbed a metal tray and lined up behind her, clipping at her heels as they loaded their plates with the night's worth of rations. Once they both finished picking up their food, they sat down at a table, Parker sitting directly across from Merit.

Merit jabbed at the mystery meat on her plate, trying to guess what animal was on the menu today. She couldn't tell if it was boar or elk or some freaky combination of both, but all three options were equally unappetizing, along with the side of slightly charred wild onions.

Merit speared the meat onto the end of her fork before lifting it to her mouth and tearing into it with her teeth. The cut of the steak was tough, overcooked and gritty from being roasted for too long over an open flame. It wasn't a gourmet meal but it was sustenance and Merit's taste buds had grown accustomed to the lackluster menu items by now.

Merit eyed Parker with a questionable glance as she watched the young man neatly cut his slab of protein with his pocket knife, turning it into perfect little portions fit for easy consumption. Even in these rank conditions he still tried to exhibit manners as he ate his meal piece by piece, wiping his mouth with a clean cloth after every few bites.

Merit washed down her meal with a gulp of whiskey, but it wasn't the alcohol that left a bitter taste in her mouth. It was Parker. Everything about him rubbed her the wrong way. From the way he ate his food, to the way he spoke with a metallic tongue and carried himself like a flowery prince – Parker had an aura of peculiarity radiating from his presence. Perhaps it was the fact that his prim and proper attitude was such a rarity these days that it was mildly unsettling for someone like Merit who had lived on the ground for over a month.

Parker looked up from his plate and caught Merit staring. Merit didn't turn away but continued to gawk at him through narrowed eyes.

"Can I help you?" Parker asked, furrowing his brow.

"Actually, you can," Merit started. "I'd really like to enjoy my dinner alone, so would you mind putting your face somewhere besides my line of vision?"

"Your table manners aren't exactly making this meal any more appetizing," Parker sneered, wrinkling his nose and curling his top lip in disgust. "But I thought if we're going be seeing each other more often then we might as well be cordial. So…In the spirit of starting over, I'll let you ask me anything." Parker placed his fork and knife down and folded his hands on top of the table. "Go ahead, anything you want to know."

While Merit wasn't, in the least bit, interested in growing more acquainted with Parker, she decided to humor him, if only for sheer entertainment.

"Bellamy mentioned that you two were cadets together," Merit commented.

Parker nodded. "How cute? He talks about me," he said mockingly.

Merit shifted her lips in irritation. She raised an eyebrow as she went on, "So, how did it feel riding your father's coattails to get to where you are now?"

"Hm." Parker tapped his index finger against his chin. "I imagine it feels the same as being a corrupt, hypocritical little criminal just like your father."

"I'm nothing like my father," Merit shot back. She twisted anxiously in her seat, realizing that she had just admitted that Marcus was her father. She meant to say that she was nothing like Marcus but it was too late to catch herself.

"So which one is it? Marcus or James?" Parker derided. He let a scornful chuckle slip from his lips as he swirled the moonshine around in his cup.

Merit rolled her eyes, not entertaining Parker's sarcasm with a response.

"Well at least we have one thing in common," Parker went on. "Because I'm nothing like my father either," he added soberly. He went back to poking around at the neatly portioned food on his plate but never lifted the fork to eat. "I'm a lot smarter than him, that's for sure. I'd never get an imbecile like Bellamy Blake to do my dirty work," he huffed, referring to Bellamy's failed attempt at murdering the former Chancellor, Thelonious Jaha.

"Watch your mouth," Merit cautioned. Her tolerance for Parker's snarky remarks hastily vanished as the young guard insulted Bellamy's intelligence. "Or you'll be eating your next meal through a tube."

Parker grinned, pressing his lips together as if he was fighting back the urge to laugh. He couldn't contain himself, allowing a soft giggle to slip through the cracks that soon erupted into a full-blown cackle. He laughed so hard that tears started to form in the corners of his eyes.

"Right," Parker sighed, trying to catch his breath. "You're weak in the knees for the lame brain. Blake is a real tough guy, letting his girlfriend fight his battles for him."

Merit stared at Parker stone-faced, folding her hands and placing them beneath her chin to keep them occupied. Parker had no idea how much she wanted to sock him directly in his skinny little neck. He wouldn't be laughing when she hit him so hard that he regurgitated his Adam's apple. Maybe then he would think twice before allowing Bellamy's name to disrespectfully grace his tongue.

Merit squeezed her hands tightly together and though the temptation was strong, hitting a guard simply wasn't worth the risk.

Parker straightened out his posture and wiped away a stray tear from his watering eyes as he spoke, "Anyway-" He was quickly interrupted by Murphy joining the table.

"You will not believe the shit I saw cleaning the latrine today," Murphy chattered as he pulled up a chair and joined his best friend. He plopped his plate down, not even bothering to use his fork as he picked up the hunk of meat with his bare hands. "I mean literally. That wild boar from last night did not sit well with someone."

Merit couldn't fight back the smile as she noticed Parker's mortified expression. She was certain that she had seen his fair complexion turn a shade of pale green as Murphy recounted the tale of his custodial work, not leaving out any of the gruesome details.

Parker wiped his hands on his cloth napkin, stretching his neck to the side as a visible shudder climbed up his spine.

"I'll just excuse myself," Parker said, picking up his tray and utensils as he stood from the table.

"Leaving so soon?" Merit asked with a triumphant smirk.

"I've lost my appetite." Parker quickly retreated, placing a hand over his mouth as he scurried off.

Just like old times, Murphy had appeared at the right moment, rescuing Merit from enduring an excruciating social interaction. She couldn't ask for a better friend with better timing.

Merit was happy to see Murphy as they hadn't spent much time together since the day they had both arrived at Camp Jaha. While she was dealing with her familial troubles, Murphy was keeping busy with his new job. He had been assigned to work in janitorial services as his societal contribution to the camp.

"I hope you don't mind cleaning up puke because I think you just made him lose his dinner," Merit jested.

"Who was that anyway?" Murphy asked.

"Just a minor nuisance. Thanks for scaring him off."

"Glad I could help." Murphy continued to pick at his food. "Almost thought he was Bellamy from a distance. You know, since you two are practically glued at the hip. Where is the old ball and chain?"

"Finding a way into Mount Weather…hopefully."

Bellamy had set out on his mission at least nine hours ago and Merit hadn't stopped worrying since the moment he left. She hated not being by his side, not knowing where he was or what dangers he was facing. How many close calls with death would Bellamy encounter, how many people would he hurt and how many would hurt him before he made it back to her? Then there was the question of _if_ he would make it back and that was one too frightening to mentally linger on.

"Lovebirds separated at last," Murphy remarked. He knocked back his shot of moonshine and when he slammed his glass back down on the table, his eyes landed on Merit's bandaged hand. He pointed at it. "This looks new. You good?"

"I…I'm alive," Merit said, forcing a smile. She shook her head as she pressed her fingers to her temple. "This place is just driving me crazy…er."

"I know what you mean. The more trash I see, the more compelled I feel to kill," Murphy quipped. He grabbed Merit's glass, downing the neglected whiskey inhabiting her cup. "I've got to get out of here."

"Well, we're both stuck here, so let's make the best of it," Merit suggested. "What do you say we go back to my place and shoot the shit? I have an amazing view of the best wall in all of Alpha Station."

"I have a better idea." Murphy pulled out a flask and wiggled it back and forth. He managed to snag the bottle of booze while cleaning the cafeteria earlier in the week. "I figured this is compensation for all of my hard work," he smirked. "So what do you say we have some real fun?"

The pair settled into a back corner of Camp Jaha, tucking themselves away behind the metal structure of Alpha Station where the guards wouldn't seek them out. Merit and Murphy took turns, passing the bottle back and forth after taking a swig of the bitter alcohol. It wasn't long before the bitter taste was washed away with an artificial sweetness.

When the alcohol took effect, it brought with it a sweetness that polished the marred reality that Merit lived in. It made her laugh with fervor in the dead of night. It made roses bloom from her wounds and turned the humdrum prattle of camp into beautiful music. There was no worry about tomorrow or Bellamy or Marcus. Merit's mind was solely focused on the moment; it was just her, her best friend, and the evening sky. And she never wanted to come down from this high.

She wanted to live in this moment, bantering with her dear friend as they jumped around and belted out the lyrics to their favorite songs. They solidified their friendship, carving their initials into the chipped paint of Alpha station. And when they were worn ragged and tired, they collapsed onto the ground beneath them, observing the night sky as they rested on their backs.

Murphy was chuckling to himself, hands resting on his chest as his eyes fixed on the glittering canopy above him.

"Can you believe we used to live up there?" Murphy drawled. He was drawing something in the sky, or perhaps playing connect the dots with the stars, as his finger traced around in midair. "We escaped that hunk of junk just for it to fall out of the sky and follow us down here."

As Merit looked up at the sky, she was reminded of her old home, of a simpler time when life made sense. Then, she remembered the ache that not even alcohol could numb and was reminded that the temporary bliss she was feeling wasn't real. It would soon fade away and when it did, she didn't want to come crashing down with it.

Merit looked at Murphy. He was still displaying a faint smile while Merit's face changed. She gradually lost the smile and the bubbly effervescence that the liquid euphoria had given her until her expression was wooden.

"What if I told you that my family wasn't who I thought they were?" Merit felt her lips moving faster than her brain as she confided in Murphy.

As Murphy rolled over to face her, his soft smile didn't disappear. "I would say it doesn't matter because I'm your family too." He grabbed Merit's hand and proudly held it up in the air. "And I always will be."

The bond Merit shared with Murphy felt stronger than any blood relation could. Even when they encountered rough waters, they always found a way back to each other because that's how family works. They persevere. They fight for each other, they support, they protect and when things go awry, they forgive, but most importantly, they love. Merit always had this relationship with Murphy and it was a wonder that she seemed to have a much more valuable connection with someone she didn't even share DNA with.

That seemed to always be the case – James, Murphy, Bellamy, and the rest of the delinquents had easily become her family even though they shared no blood relation. Merit never had to ask them or hear them proudly decree it, but she just knew they were. She saw the concept of family in their selfless acts, in the way they spoke candidly with her, and in their consoling eyes when they looked at her. And just because they weren't born from the same bloodline didn't make them any less of her kin. Perhaps, Merit was putting too much value on blood when loyalty seemed more relevant in deciding what separated strangers from family.

"James isn't my real dad," Merit admitted suddenly.

Murphy didn't say anything as the gentle grin finally vanished from his face.

Merit dug in her pocket, removing the paternity test. "These are the results of a paternity test," Merit announced. The confession didn't feel so forced, this time, the whiskey loosening her tongue and allowing the words to trickle out. "This single sheet of paper proves my relationship with my real father."

Before Merit could continue, Murphy cut her off. "It's Kane," he said calmly.

"What? How could you know that?" Merit queried as she popped up into a seated position.

"It's not that I knew but I thought there might've been a chance."

Murphy was the first person Merit went to when she had the suspicion that her mother was having an affair. When the truth was confirmed, once again, Murphy was the first person to find out.

"I never wanted to upset you, but I just thought maybe the situation with your mom and Kane went on a lot longer than we knew about," Murphy confessed. "I never thought it was actually true."

"I can't believe I was so blind," Merit whispered in disbelief. "Even you knew before I did." She pushed herself up from the ground and stood, clutching the paternity test in her hands. "James knew I wasn't his and he didn't tell me. Was this all just some sick joke, John?"

Murphy sprang up from the ground, hearing the heavy-laden grief in Merit's voice.

"Merit, no." He placed a comforting arm around his friend's shoulders and then he reached for the paper with his opposite hand, pulling it free from Merit's grip. "There was nothing fake about James's love for you. You were always his and no stupid test was ever going to change that," Murphy confidently asserted, haphazardly waving the paper around in the wind. "My old man died trying to protect me because he loved me. Your dad, James, was cut from the same cloth."

Merit felt tears forming in her eyes as she listened to Murphy's honest declaration. She knew that Murphy's father was his hero, his best friend, his everything. She knew how hurtful it was for Murphy to even think about his father, let alone speak about him, so Merit didn't take it lightly when he compared James to his own father. This wasn't some meaningless gesture or some cliché, sympathetic expression formed from the mouth of a random bystander, but it was a truthful affirmation from someone who understood and lived her pain every single day of his life. Murphy sharing these impassioned words with her meant more than anyone could ever say to her at this time.

"So screw Kane and his paternity test," Murphy continued. He tore the paper in half, shredding it into tiny pieces before tossing it high into the air like confetti. The small white pieces slowly rained down on them. "Kane never deserved you. James did."

"Thank you, John," Merit quietly sobbed.

Talking with Murphy restored a great percentage of Merit's peace of mind. There were still questions that remained unanswered but James's love for her wasn't part of that list anymore. One lie, however big it was, couldn't negate that love because it was engraved within his actions. Maybe James lied to protect her, to shield her from what he thought would hurt her. Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing. And maybe he didn't care who Merit was born from and how she was conceived because his heart had already accepted her as his own. Merit loved James and even if she was still unaware of his reasoning for withholding the truth, she was certain that he died loving her too.

After speaking with Murphy, Merit returned to her room, the alcohol rush being overtaken by the sudden need to crash. As she fumbled down the hall toward her quarters, once again, Parker was standing watch outside of her front door.

Merit had met her limit for emotional moments for the day and she was in no mood to deal with Parker's insolence. She just wanted to get inside and crawl in bed without getting worked up all over again.

"Listen, Parker. I don't have the energy to get into it with you-"

"I'm not here to pick a fight," Parker interjected. "I was trying to have a productive discussion with you over dinner until your," he grimaced, emphasizing his next word with clear cynicism. " _interesting_ friend interrupted." Parker rolled his neck and shifted his weight uneasily as he mentioned Murphy. He straightened himself out as he went on, "I wasn't sure at first, but you showed me just what I needed to see."

"What are you babbling about?" Merit asked, folding her arms across her chest. She looked from left to right, seeing that she and Parker were the only two standing in the hallway. She didn't know what he was going to do or say but she was on her guard. She didn't trust Parker in the least, but she did trust Bellamy and his distaste for the rival guard was enough of a reason to be wary of Parker.

"I haven't been completely honest with you. The truth is…I volunteered for this babysitting gig," Parker admitted.

"Why would you do that?"

Parker took a breath, sucking the air in through his teeth as he bit down on his bottom lip. "Because I need your help," he said slowly.

Merit laughed, returning Parker's earlier burst of hysterical laughter with a bout of her own. She wondered if Parker heard just how ridiculous he sounded or if his ignorance was sweet music to his own ears.

Merit stopped her giggling abruptly, returning to a serious expression. "And why would I help you? With anything? Ever?" she stressed. After his blatant disrespect for Bellamy, Parker would be lucky if Merit decided to spit on him if he ever caught fire. Helping him was certainly out of the question.

"Because we share a common interest. It's a simple exchange really-"

"Goodnight, Parker," Merit said, not bothering to let the young guard finish. She didn't care to listen to his proposal. Making a deal with a Shumway was akin to making a deal with the devil.

Merit entered her apartment and when she tried to shut the door, Parker stopped it with his foot.

"Wait," Parker called out anxiously.

"Move your foot before I break it off," Merit threatened, keeping a firm grip on the door in case Parker tried to push his way inside.

"If you help me," Parker started cautiously. Slowly, he moved his face closer to the small opening and whispered, "I will kill him." Parker's eyes shifted as he turned to glance over both shoulders and when he was sure that the coast was clear, he divulged further, "I will kill Marcus Kane."

Parker's proposition surprised Merit. She wasn't sure what to make of it but the mention of such a radical scheme made her suspicions toward him maximize. What if he was just setting her up? It was possible that Marcus was testing her, making sure that she wasn't a threat to his longevity anymore. Whatever the case was, Merit knew that she had to proceed with caution in order to protect herself. While she wouldn't offer any information or answers, Merit would listen and inquire.

"Who's to say he's not dead already?" Merit asked hesitantly.

No one had heard from Marcus in days after he disappeared into the forest, seeking out peace talks with the grounder's commander. Hope for Marcus's return was dwindling among camp inhabitants and Merit figured the grounders had probably disposed of him by now, leaving Parker's plan too little too late.

"And if he isn't?" Parker debated, raising an eyebrow. "I think you underestimate dear old dad."

"Why are you bringing this to me?"

"Because I think you despise Kane just as much as I do." Parker removed his foot from the door, figuring he had gotten Merit's full attention by now. "You did try to kill him, didn't you?"

"How do you know that?"

Parker seemed to be a little too informed when it came to classified information. Merit was beginning to wonder if Marcus had actually been the one to tell Parker of their relationship or if the young man had known beforehand.

"Let's just say my father worked your case in more ways than one," Parker replied.

Merit knew what Parker was implying. Not only did Commander Shumway have a hand in convicting James Murdock but Merit had room to believe that he also played a role in setting him up. Shumway was the one to turn in the evidence against James and Merit was sure that he was in on the setup, working hand in hand with Marcus to pull off the dastardly scheme.

"Let's refocus here," Parker said with a crisp snap of his fingers. "This doesn't require an immediate answer but if and when Kane returns, all you have to do is say yes or no," he continued. "And when he walks back through that front gate, I will personally make sure that daddy disappears without a trace."

This guy was some piece of work if he could confidently promise her that he could murder Marcus without being caught. Parker talked a tough game but he still wasn't convincing enough for Merit to buy what he was selling.

"If it's so easy for you to kill him then why haven't you done it already?" Merit continued in her questioning, trying to pull as much information out of Parker as possible. She wanted to know what this guy was about and if he was for real.

"Because I need some information that only he can confirm."

"What is it?"

Parker clicked his tongue and crossed his arms. "We can discuss details once the opportunity presents itself and you agree to help me."

Merit could tell that Parker was only going to let her in on so much of his plan until he was also completely sure she was an ally.

"Why don't you just get it yourself? You're a guard."

"Because I need someone who can get close to him on a personal level and that's where you come in."

"But we're not close," Merit reasoned.

"You're not a very good listener," Parker pointed out sarcastically as he brushed his hair out of his face. "I said someone who _can_ and you can indeed," he emphasized. "Cozy up. Fake it 'til you make it. Just do whatever it takes to get your hands on that information."

Parker seemed like he had a lot to gain from whatever this piece of information was and it must've been pretty important to pit him against Kane at such extreme odds.

"You'd really kill someone over this info? Must be pretty valuable," Merit noted.

"You're not the only one with a vendetta," Parker concluded. The demeanor of snotty prince had fallen away and the coldhearted guise of a spiteful man took over.

When Merit looked into Parker's eyes, she saw an old friend. It was the same fiery anger that made her hold Marcus at knifepoint, but the amber rage glowing in Parker's irises burned much brighter. And she was certain had it been his hand holding the blade, Parker wouldn't have hesitated to tear into Marcus's jugular. The vengeful stare signified that he would've slit Marcus's throat and washed his hands in the blood. And he would've enjoyed it.

All it took was one look, a single glimmer against the darks of his eyes, and Merit knew that Parker was serious. He was a man dead set on revenge.

The question now wasn't whether or not Merit could trust Parker with completing the deadly task she had once failed at, but it was whether or not she would align herself with him. Was her disdain for Marcus truly enough to have his blood spilled by another man's hand? Was this what she really wanted?

The only thing separating Kane from death now was a three letter word: yes.


	12. Chapter 12

Although the sun had set and risen again, twenty-four hours hardly seemed like enough time for Merit to reflect on Parker's proposal. For all she knew, Marcus was already dead and she would never get the opportunity to satisfy Parker with an answer. She figured pushing it to the back of her mind was the best option, as situations at camp escalated to new heights.

While the convoy that set out to destroy the antenna had already safely returned, Bellamy and Octavia were still missing. There was no word of their whereabouts and no contact had been made with them for well over a day. They could've found a way into Mount Weather or they could've been dead and both scenarios felt equally likely. Trouble only continued to brew with the reappearance of an old face.

When the recon team returned, they brought with them The Ark's former chancellor, Thelonious Jaha. He came bearing a grim message from the grounder commander: leave or die. The sky people had forty-eight hours to gather their belongings and bail or else the commander would send her army to obliterate their entire camp. And with only sixteen hours left, the current and former chancellors teamed up to address the uneasy camp residents with a plan of action.

It was clear, through her hesitant speech, that Abby didn't want a complete exodus of Camp Jaha, but Thelonious was pushing the agenda to leave as quickly as possible. Thelonious spoke confidently about a place, the City of Light, just beyond the dead zone. He assured that everyone would be safe there, that they'd be free to live a life of prosperity and peace there. It sounded like a splendid plan, paradise in the midst of a hell hole, except for the fact that he wasn't even completely sure if the place existed.

Merit stood next to Clarke and Finn in the crowd as they all listened to the finishing speeches.

"Following Jaha into the desert with no sure sign of survival? No thanks," Merit said. "We can't leave without our friends."

"I know," Clarke replied. "We'll find a way to stay."

Finn was quiet, staring blankly ahead before turning to Clarke and murmuring, "This is my fault."

This was the grounder's retaliation for Finn's attack on their village.

Merit looked over at her friend, sensing the hurt and witnessing the guilt in his eyes. She didn't have words for him. She couldn't tell him that everything would be okay. She couldn't tell him not to worry. And she certainly couldn't tell him that he didn't do anything wrong but she couldn't condemn him either. She stood there silent as Clarke tried to comfort the young man.

As soon as the crowd began to disperse, Bellamy appeared and grabbed Clark by the arm.

"Clarke, you need to come with me, right now," Bellamy said.

"What is it?" Clarke asked.

"Meet me at Raven's gate as soon as you can and bring a med kit." He looked over at Merit and pressed his lips together before stressing, "Just Clarke."

Merit furrowed her brows and shook her head, feeling slighted by Bellamy's instructions. He didn't even give her the option to say no to whatever harebrained scheme they were getting into and before Merit even had time to sass him with a smart remark, Bellamy had already picked up a swift march away from the area. She chased him down.

"Bellamy, what's going on?" Merit said, grabbing Bellamy by the hand.

Bellamy stopped and turned on his heels. He was rubbing the back of his neck, clearly worried.

"It's Lincoln…something is—he's not okay."

Bellamy explained that he and Octavia had come across a group of reapers in their exploits and Lincoln was one of them. They were able to subdue Lincoln long enough to transport him back to the dropship where they tied him up. Now, they needed Clarke's medical expertise to see if she could do anything to treat him.

"If Lincoln is hurt then I'm coming too," Merit said.

Lincoln had saved her life from the reapers before and if she could help in any way, she was going to, even if it meant being there just to support Octavia.

"No," Bellamy said sternly.

"I'm not sitting out this time."

Merit noticed Bellamy glancing over her shoulder at someone standing downwind. She twisted to see who he was looking at and Bellamy grabbed her by the shoulders, making her face forward again.

"You can't come, not with Parker tailing you," Bellamy whispered. "If he finds out, he'll sabotage this entire mission."

"I'll find a way to shake him," Merit argued. "I want to help."

"Merit, I don't have time to argue. If you want to help Lincoln then the best thing you can do is stay here."

Merit clenched her fists, once again feeling the frustration of being the team member to get benched.

"Hey, easy on the stitches," Bellamy said. He grabbed Merit's bandaged hand and gently opened her fist. "How's your ankle feeling?"

"It's fine. _I'm_ fine." Merit pulled her hand away from Bellamy and crossed her arms.

Despite her injuries, Merit knew that she couldn't sit out forever. Rest and relaxation just weren't the norm for being on the ground. Everything was about survival, strength, and grit. It was being "fine" in spite of personal troubles and afflictions because there was always a bigger fish to fry. It was about carrying on, continually moving forward and now, that she was actually trying, Bellamy wouldn't seem to let her do that.

Merit could tell that Bellamy was distraught but she wasn't sure if it was simply because of Lincoln or if she had an effect on his emotional state as well. Bellamy just had this look in his eyes, penetrating and wary as if he was looking at her for the first time. It was unsettling.

Merit knew that Bellamy was under a lot of stress and she didn't want to worry him because Lincoln was currently that bigger fish to fry. Bellamy needed to put his focus where it was most important and for him to do that, he had to be convinced that she was genuinely okay.

"Look, I'll have Abby check it later," Merit said. "Just help Lincoln."

"Okay. I have to go." Bellamy rubbed Merit's shoulder. Merit could hear him swallow hard as his lips curved into a half smile. "Are you going to stay mad or are you going to kiss me before I leave?"

After a quick peck, Merit watched Bellamy leave.

While the kiss seemed to help relieve her growing frustration, there was still that urge for Merit to get out there. She needed to be in the middle of the chaos again, to help her friends and be part of the team. That's where she belonged, that's where she thrived and that's where she was going to be.

Merit dipped her hands into her pockets, turning just over her shoulder to catch a glimpse of Parker in her peripheral vision. He was slowly making his way towards her and Merit had to ditch him if she was ever going to leave camp.

Merit took off into a speedy stride, cutting between the outside tents of Camp Jaha until she was sure that Parker wasn't behind her anymore. When she found Raven's work tent, she slipped inside and found the young mechanic conversing with an engineer.

"What're you doing bursting into my tent, Murdock?" Raven said playfully.

"I need a favor."

"Yeah, what's that?"

Merit pointed to her hair and said, "Get rid of it."

On top of being a skilled mechanic, Raven was also skilled with a pair of scissors, a razor, or even a knife when it came to the art of cutting hair. She would have Merit looking like a new person in no time flat and hopefully, the new look would throw Parker off of her trail just long enough for her to leave camp.

The memory of that grounder tearing into her hair and yanking her to the ground was also a constant reminder that her thick locks put her at a disadvantage in battle. Shortening them seemed to be all around beneficial.

Once Raven had finished the haircut, she stood back in awe of her work.

"Damn I'm good," Raven said, placing a hand on her hip.

"I really appreciate this," Merit said, rubbing her hands across her new lighter hairdo. "Thanks."

Raven nodded.

"If you're going to sneak out, might as well have a disguise," Raven said, tossing Merit an oversized hooded jacket.

Merit caught it before shrugging it over her shoulders and pulling the hood over her head.

"You should leave through the back," Raven suggested. "Get to the fence. I'll cut the power in exactly five minutes."

Merit looked down at her watch, noting the time, before exiting the tent.

She tried to play it cool as she kept her eyes open and her feet moving at a brisk pace. There was no sign of Parker as she weaved in and out of the tents and structures, trying to maintain a low profile. She made it to the wire fence without a hitch and with a minute to spare.

Merit picked up a stick, anxiously playing a solo game of catch as she counted down from sixty. When the minute was up she tossed the stick into the fence to make sure that the power had successfully been cut. All clear. She ducked through the gapped wires and moved toward the forest.

Merit had just hit the trees when she heard a twig snap behind her. She did an about face and found Parker casually tailing her.

"I almost didn't recognize you with the short hair but that limp really gave you away," Parker said. "Nice attempt at getting the slip on me but not good enough."

Parker walked towards Merit and she backed away from him.

"I get it, your friends are out there running amok and you're feeling a little left out." Parker furrowed his brows and pushed out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. His face quickly snapped back to that of cold vacancy. "And frankly I don't care, so let's just get back to camp."

Parker reached his hand out in an attempt to grab Merit and she blocked his grasp.

"I'm not going back," Merit said.

"I wasn't asking you," Parker snappily replied. "If those idiots want to get hurt then I can't stop them but currently, I need you alive."

Parker did a quick inward shuffle step toward Merit, this time, getting a firm grip around her wrist. Merit broke his grasp, pushing Parker back with a palm strike.

Parker laughed, looking stunned for a moment.

"I don't want to fight you, Merit-," Parker said.

"That's the only way you're going to stop me from leaving."

"You didn't let me finish," Parker continued. "What I was going to say, before you so rudely interrupted, was that I don't want to fight you but I'm not letting you leave either."

Although Merit had been adamantly insisting that she was fine, she wasn't. Her ankle was still tender and probably in no condition to fight but she was tired of sitting out. It was time to battle back against her pain. It didn't hurt that Parker, a pigheaded jerk, was her intended target.

Merit tried to keep her distance but she was at an immediate disadvantage because of her ankle, leaving Parker much more agile on his feet than her. With her handicap, Parker was able to get a hand on her collar. He yanked her forward, spinning her around and locking his arms around her in a bear hug. Then, he started to drag her backward through the dirt.

Merit began to squirm, attempting to break free, but Parker's grip was just too tight. She threw her head back as hard as she could, head butting Parker directly in the face. Merit heard him curse as his grasp loosened on her and she broke the hold. As soon as her feet firmly hit the ground, she ran as fast as she could.

She wasn't fast enough, her head butt not being enough to debilitate Parker, and like a shadow, he was already on her heels again. He grabbed her again, placing an arm around her shoulders and a hand over her mouth. Merit pried his hand away and bit down on it just hard enough to get him to let go, the taste of dirt and copper filling her mouth as she heard Parker cry out in pain.

Merit pushed off of Parker's torso with an elbow and turned. Attempting to gain some distance, Merit threw a sidekick to knock him backward. Parker blocked it, grabbing her foot before swiftly hooking her ankle under his arm. He moved in fast, sweeping her planted foot out from beneath her. In less than three seconds, Parker had Merit on her back with her weak ankle in a secure ankle lock.

"Now," Parker panted. "You can either walk back to camp or…" He tightened his submission hold, placing a bit of pressure on Merit's ankle and then quickly releasing it. "I can carry you back. The choice is yours."

Merit let her head rest in the dirt. She was breathless and ready to tap out, realizing that she was just no match for Parker in her current condition.

"I give," Merit said in defeat.

She may have failed at her great escape but Merit's defeat didn't feel like a total loss. While she had pushed past her own limitations, getting a taste of Parker's abilities was the real victory.

Parker seemed like a well-trained fighter, someone who was disciplined in his art. He was nimble, exhibiting great speed on top of well-rounded technique. He was good, perhaps a bit overconfident as he seemed to fight Merit well below his own capability.

Merit had underestimated Parker until the very last seconds of their brawl where he used a takedown of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu influence. Before that moment, she could tell that he wasn't operating at full power, perhaps underestimating Merit in her injured state as well. Not once did he reach for the shock baton that was strapped to his waist or use methods that were excessively forceful, always resorting to defensive tactics first. Parker could've really hurt her or at least subdued her early on, but he only turned to his training when he figured it was necessary and the only means to bring the match to an end.

Parker let go of Merit's ankle and offered her his hand. She took it and he pulled her up from the ground, immediately slapping a pair of cuffs on her wrists.

"Just so you don't try anything else." Parker looked down at his hand, shaking it with a grimace. "Son of a bitch," he howled. "I can't believe you bit me. Then again, I shouldn't be surprised that you would fight dirty."

The bite hadn't broken the skin but there were reddening teeth marks imprinted in Parker's fair flesh.

"It's not like I enjoyed it," Merit said, rolling her eyes.

Parker tugged on her cuffs, guiding her back toward camp.

"You know, with a bit of training," he started, "you'd make a pretty decent guard, once your ankle heals anyway."

"Not a chance in hell."

Instead of the short brawl serving as yet another agitating factor in Merit's life, it invigorated her. Her body was meant to be in motion, not cooped up in the cage that was her room or trapped behind the electric fence of Camp Jaha. She was only ever good at being physical; movement was her coping mechanism, her comfort zone, her peace of mind. When physicality seemed like her only true strength, she could no longer be content with being the person on the outside looking in on the action.

* * *

Once they reached camp, the sky began to darken. Parker released Merit and scurried off to medical, probably insisting on a tetanus shot, while Merit sought out Abby. She wanted an update on the evacuation plan and she also felt like she owed Dr. Griffin an apology.

Parker nearly snapping her ankle in two made Merit realize what an irate bitch she was being to everyone, especially those who were her allies. Most of her current pain had been self-inflicted and she felt guilty for her behavior.

Merit entered Alpha station and headed towards the chancellor's office, finding Abby busily striding down the hall with a guard by her side.

Abby was engaged in an emotional debate with Chief Guard David Miller, Nathan's father. Merit overheard Sergeant Miller's passionate but respectful plea to stay behind. He felt like Abby had made the wrong decision in opting for a total exodus and he had no intention of leaving without his son. Abby easily refused his request, not wanting to risk losing one of her best guards. She cemented the finality of her decision by ordering him to pack his things.

Merit patiently waited her turn, not interrupting the conversation even though she strongly agreed with Sergeant Miller. Even though she wanted to stay behind just as much as all of the other worried family members, she didn't come here to argue.

As soon as Abby saw Merit approaching, she spoke quickly.

"Merit," Abby said with a bit of a sigh. "I wanted to talk to you. Let's go in my office."

Abby ushered Merit into her office with a guiding hand against her back, shutting the door behind them. She gestured for Merit to have a seat on the small sofa on the side of the room, rather than at her desk, and sat beside her.

Abby didn't waste time as she spoke, "Thelonious and Marcus were imprisoned together in the grounder village. Marcus was still alive when Thelonious was let go but he's not sure what they've done with him."

Merit nodded indifferently along with this news.

Abby waited for a few moments, eyes darting across Merit's expressionless face, probably searching for some sign of emotion. Her next statement was spoken slowly and carefully, "If he makes it back, I think you two should have a serious talk. I promise, if you need my support, I will be there."

"I'm not talking about anything with him…but especially not that."

"He just wants to make things right."

Make things right? The only way that Marcus could make things right would be to bring James back from the great beyond and that was never going to happen. Nothing he could ever say and no amount of apologetic behavior would ever get Merit to forgive him.

"I could give you a long list of things that Marcus could never make right," Merit said. "But I didn't come here to talk about him. I came to apologize to you, Abby. None of this is your fault. I'm pissed with him, not with you."

Taking her anger out on everyone other than the guilty party was just senseless and emotional behavior. Abby didn't deserve the backlash but Marcus did.

"It's fine. I can understand your frustration," Abby said with a brief smile. She glanced down at Merit's injured hand. "Let me take a look at your stitches while you're here." Abby took Merit's hand and peeled back the bandage. "There's a little bit of swelling. Looks inflamed. Have you been tugging at these?"

"No, not on purpose anyway," Merit said, negating the fact that she had just been in a minor scuffle.

Merit cringed as she looked down at her stitches, her hand resembling the pieced together parts of a ragdoll. She never noticed how much it stung, how much it throbbed. All of the madness in camp had been enough to dull the pain in her aching hand until now. She wasn't sure if Parker had knocked her head on straight or what, but she felt awake and keen to her feelings when she had, most recently, been walking around like the undead.

Merit looked away from her hand, gulping down the nausea that began to rise in her stomach.

"So are we really gonna turn tail and run?" she asked, trying to distract herself from the pain of her injury.

Abby sighed as she closed Merit's bandage. "Are you going to tell me I'm making a mistake too?"

"No, because I think you already know that."

Here was a mother, so hell-bent on getting her own daughter back, that she literally fell from the sky to save her. Abby knew the fear, the longing, and the desire that these parents, her people, were experiencing better than anyone as she had just gone through the same emotions. Even with the dire circumstances, it would've been cruel and unlike her to deny these people the same opportunity at a reunion that she had.

"I want those kids home just as much as anyone else but staying here isn't worth the risk. We have to do what's best for everyone." Abby was frazzled but trying to keep it together.

"Everyone including those in Mount Weather?" Merit asked. What Abby said clearly excluded them. If she wanted to do what was best for everyone, she would cancel the evacuation and Merit hoped that Abby's moral compass was strong enough to figure that out.

"I want you to go to medical. Have Jackson rewrap your ankle so it's supported for the long journey ahead."

Merit shook her head in disappointment as she stood from the sofa. If she couldn't get through to Abby then she would at least try her hand at one final request.

"Well, since we're leaving can you call off Marcus's little bloodhound?" Merit asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Parker. That guard that's been following me around. I figured this must've been Marcus's idea before he left."

"Marcus had nothing to do with that. I assigned him to look after you," Abby stated.

"And why would you do that?" Merit tilted her head to the side, stiffening her brow in confusion.

"After your visit to medical, Bellamy-" Abby stopped abruptly as if she realized she had spilled some information she wasn't necessarily supposed to allow to get back to Merit. "He voiced concern about your current state…"

"My current state?" Merit asked with raised eyebrows. A laugh of disbelief flew from her lips. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? What did he say to you?"

"He said you weren't quite being your usual self after Marcus spoke with you," Abby admitted. She looked down at Merit's hand again. "He's just worried about you. We both are."

Merit noticed Abby's uneasy glances toward her injury and like a flash, everything clicked in her head. Bellamy's concern, Parker following her – they thought she was going to harm herself.

"You two think I did this on purpose?" Merit held up her hand. "You think that I would deliberately hurt myself?"

"I didn't say that. Bellamy said you were behaving erratically and we just wanted to rule out all possibilities."

"Here's a possibility," Merit interrupted. "I'd rather not be treated like a liability."

Worried about her current state? Not her usual self? Behaving erratically? Merit knew what all of this meant. It meant that the person she trusted most to understand her emotional turmoil was suddenly questioning her mental stability, her fear of becoming Bellamy's crutch becoming a rapid reality.

Clarke and Finn came into the office, interrupting Merit and Abby's conversation.

Clarke had just returned from the dropship, claiming that she could stop the impending attack and that the reapers were the key. She figured out that the reapers were not only under the control of the Mountain men but that they were also created by them, finding them to merely be grounders mutated by a highly addictive drug. If Clarke and her mother could cure them, then they would be able to eliminate the threat of the reapers which could serve as truce terms with the grounders. All Clarke had to do was strike a deal with the commander and the impending attack would be halted.

With this news, Abby called off the exodus order, hoping that Clarke's plan would fix things.

Mere hours after Clarke had returned, a swarm of torch light descended on camp like hundreds of angry fireflies. The grounders were preparing for their attack at first light, so timing was just as crucial to the success of Clarke's theory.

"We only have a few hours before dawn, so we have to act now," Clarke said. "Mom, Finn will take you to Lincoln while I negotiate with the commander."

"Merit," Abby started.

Merit, anticipating the same old "stay behind" speech, had her tongue sharply poised to refute it.

"Come with us. I have a feeling we'll need all hands on deck," Abby finished. She gave Merit a soft smile and nod.

Merit obliged and the group set off into the forest.

When the team of three finally reached the charred remains of the dropship, dawn was rapidly approaching.

Merit, Abby, and Finn were reunited with Octavia and Bellamy. There was also an unknown grounder present, who they soon found out was Nyko, Lincoln's friend and a healer in their community. The three of them anxiously watched over Lincoln as they awaited Abby's help.

Lincoln, who was lying chained to the floor, was going through withdrawal from the mystery drug that he had been pumped full of in Mount Weather. He was shivering, the skin of his lips was chapped and pale blue while his body was covered in a cold sweat. Abby immediately went to work on him, rustling through her medkit and pulling out a syringe.

Bellamy turned to Merit with a wide-eyed expression as soon as he saw her head peek through the hatch door.

"What're you doing here?" Bellamy asked.

"Helping," Merit said.

Abby had just injected Lincoln with a solution and within seconds, he started to violently convulse as he unleashed a flurry of painful, guttural growls. Abby called for everyone to hold him down.

Merit and Bellamy dove into action, helping to restrain Lincoln until he stopped shaking. The rise and fall of his chest seemed to halt with the convulsing.

"What's happening?" Octavia cried.

Abby quickly checked for Lincoln's pulse before confirming, "His heart has stopped." She immediately began to do CPR on the unresponsive patient as fearful gazes circulated around the room.

Merit stood back, looking over to Octavia who was trying to remain strong but was verging on hysterics. She knew that Lincoln meant the world to her friend and that Octavia was going to fight to the bitter end for him. Even as they watched Lincoln's vitality fade right before their eyes, Octavia still wasn't giving up on him.

No matter how hard Abby pumped her hands against Lincoln's sternum, breath just wouldn't fill his lungs and soon, she stopped trying to resuscitate him. Abby turned to Octavia with a regretful glance and an apology.

Octavia was in denial, trying to administer CPR herself after Abby had called it quits.

Merit saw the sorrow etched on Octavia's weary face and heard her tears echo with thunderous grief as they fell against her lover's lifeless body. And as she watched Octavia mourn over Lincoln, she looked over to Bellamy who was patiently comforting his sister.

She wondered if she would ever be capable of giving Bellamy that same level of passionate love, of loyalty. Was she good enough? Had she done enough? The doubt slowly crept in.

At that moment, Clarke had arrived with the grounder commander and her team of bodyguards. Clarke's plan had failed with Lincoln's demise and as soon as the grounders were aware of this, weapons were drawn on all sides. Swords pointed accusingly at the sky people and guns pointed back in defense, but before steel blades and bullets could clash, Abby had one final trick up her sleeve.

While the sides were pitted against each other in a standoff, Abby was able to grab ahold of a shock baton. She jolted Lincoln directly in the chest with it, using it as an improvised defibrillator, and was able to restart his heart. Lincoln came back from the dead, waking up with a gasp, in the arms of the woman that loved him.

The commander called off the assault and the sky people's lives were spared for another day, a guarded sense of relief filling the air as everyone evacuated the dropship.

Merit was limping, her breathing ragged and sweat drenching her brow as she dragged her foot. The exhaustion from the hike and her earlier spat with Parker had finally caught up with her. Pretending the pain didn't exist just wasn't possible anymore as she stumbled across the forest floor.

Bellamy was walking beside her, offering a guiding hand against the small of her back but Merit tried not to rely on him as she continued her dogged stride.

"Short hair?" Bellamy asked, taking his hand and tousling Merit's shorter tresses.

"Oh yeah." Merit had forgotten about her haircut. It was more of necessity than style but she had never even thought about Bellamy's potential reaction. "Does it look weird?"

"No. Now, I can see even more of that beautiful face." A small smirk crept onto his lips. "Although, it does make me think you're trying to impress someone."

"Or I'm just trying to avoid a repeat of the-" Merit interrupted herself with a misstep and a painful groan, feeling her ankle give way beneath her. She was able to catch herself against a tree trunk before she could take a major spill.

Bellamy was immediately at her aid, draping her arm around his shoulders to keep her balanced.

"You shouldn't have walked all the way out here," Bellamy said.

"Nothing I couldn't handle," Merit said.

"At least let me carry you the rest of the way home. You can just climb on my back."

"It's ok."

Merit slid her arm away from Bellamy's neck and patted him on the shoulder. She was huffing and puffing as she kept marching, trying to prove to herself and her partner that she could keep going. That she was still strong.

"Maybe we can take a break," Bellamy suggested. "We'll catch up with the rest of the group later."

The convoy heading back toward camp was already growing further into the distance, Merit and Bellamy falling toward the end of the pack.

"No. I can do this." Merit grimaced. "Let me do this."

Merit was hardly holding herself up, her face paling with every step she took.

"Merit, stop. You need to rest," Bellamy said. He cut Merit off, using his body to create a blockade, and forced her to stop in her place. Then, he took off his backpack and placed it on the ground at the base of a tree. "Take a seat."

Bellamy had that authoritative severity in his expression from his no-nonsense leader days. His brows were knitted together and his arms were crossed. His body language said that he wasn't going to let Merit take another step until she rested for at least five minutes.

Merit heaved a deep sigh and slowly collapsed against the tree with Bellamy's guidance. Once she was seated, Bellamy was already unscrewing the cap of his canteen and lifting it to Merit's lips. Next on his checklist was her hand, examining the stitches for signs of tampering or tearing.

"Bellamy, I'm ok," Merit said.

"You don't have to act tough around me," Bellamy said, removing a handkerchief from his pants pocket and using it to wipe away the perspiration from Merit's face. She pushed his hand away.

"I'm not acting."

"Then why won't you just let me help you?"

"Because I'm fine, Bellamy." Merit pushed herself up from the ground, using the tree trunk as leverage. " _Everything_ is fine except for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bellamy asked.

"Abby told me everything," Merit said. "I know you're the reason that Parker is following me around."

Bellamy shifted his weight and clenched his jaw.

"I never told her to send someone to look after," Bellamy said. "I just—I had to tell someone." He gulped. "The way you reacted the other day…I had to be sure that you wouldn't do anything crazy when I couldn't be there to talk you down."

"Crazy? So you do think I'm losing it," Merit huffed. That was the last word she wanted to hear uttered from his lips.

"That's not what I meant. I just didn't want you running off or hurting yourself again."

"Bellamy, I was upset. This," she pointed at her hand, "was an accident. You were there. You saw me."

"Yeah and I wasn't even sure who I was looking at," Bellamy added with an exasperated breath. He threw his hand behind his head, anxiously ruffling his hair before letting his arms hang limply at his sides. The new but glaringly familiar look returned to his eyes as he went on, "I've never seen you like that and it scared me."

 _It scared me…_

Those three words stood out. They hurt, stung something vicious, as they slowly penetrated Merit's skin like a dull knife.

"I'm sorry," Merit said, unable to look Bellamy in the eye with her apology. She swallowed hard, turning on her toes as she tried to distance herself from him.

"Merit, please don't take this the wrong way," Bellamy pleaded, catching hold of Merit's wrist.

Bellamy didn't always tell the truth but he wasn't one to mince words either. One thing was for sure, whether he was speaking the truth or telling a lie, he never spoke without purpose and his statements were always fueled by his rawest emotions.

"I see it…when you look at me. I see the fear." Even now she kept her eyes in the dirt, knowing that the very look she spoke of was currently plastered on Bellamy's face.

It was awful, the lowest of lows, to watch as the eyes that once glowed with passionate light, when they gazed upon her, darkened into despair. Where there was once precious and glistening treasure, there was gloom and uncertainty. Merit wasn't sure what Bellamy saw anymore but she was sure it was blemished, stained, tarnished.

She had once been Bellamy's confidant, his hiding place, his source of love and protection, and now, she frightened him.

There was that nagging doubt again, eating away at her brain and telling her that she shouldn't be surprised with Bellamy's assertion. She had been less than the ideal partner for Bellamy, essentially terrorizing him since the start of their rocky relationship. Sure, they had both done things to hurt each other in the past but, recently, Bellamy had really been trying his best to be a supportive significant other. But what had she done for him besides being an emotional wreck and putting him at the receiving end of her angry outbursts?

The doubt told her that she was a burden, that she was fickle, needy, and selfish. She was a toxic leech that would drain everything that was good about Bellamy and turn it sour. And when she tried to defend herself with the age old adage of _"I would never hurt him,"_ it reminded her that she had broken that promise as soon as she had made it, only to break it time and time again after that. It told her that she wasn't good enough for him.

"Merit, what you saw is worry," Bellamy said. "I'm not afraid of you, I'm worried about you."

"And I want you to stop." Merit blinked back the tears that wanted to form in her eyes, hardening her face before she finally looked up at Bellamy. She wanted to wince, feeling her insides crumble as their eyes made contact. "Worrying about me isn't going to bring our friends home or keep us all safe. It's going to keep you distracted." She folded her arms across her chest, burying her hands to keep them from shaking. "You can't carry the weight of this world on your shoulders and I sure as hell won't let you carry me."

"Worrying about someone you love isn't a sign of weakness-"

"Well, maybe you should love someone else."

The silence was thick with tension. There were no quiet gasps of shock or uneasy breathing. Even the sounds of nature fell quiet against the sudden confrontation.

Love. A concept that both, Merit and Bellamy, had danced around but never explicitly stated. There were apprehensive talks of falling in love, of passionate care. There were affectionate acts and works of love but there was never the enunciated admission, not until now. And Bellamy always seemed to admit his feelings right as he was about to get them dashed.

Merit couldn't tell if she was just unlucky or if her timing was just consistently poor, but somehow she thought she was doing Bellamy a favor. Heartache seemed to be the only thing that ever got through to him and if she wanted him to give up on her, then she had to cut him deep.

"I'm not a weakling who needs you to coddle me every time something goes wrong. I can take care of myself," Merit said.

The whites of Bellamy's eyes began to redden. He sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, as he began to impassively nod.

"Then do that…" Bellamy said. He gathered his pack from the ground, not bothering to look back at Merit as he turned to the trail toward camp. "Let me know how that works out for you."

He was silent the entire way home, always maintaining his pace and never checking over his shoulder at Merit's status. He never offered his help and once they reached camp he still didn't speak to her.

Merit knew that he was pissed with her but she knew the only way to get his mind off of her was to get him angry. He could focus his anger on something productive but when he was emotionally sympathetic, it lowered his guard and he needed to concentrate.

* * *

It was dusk when Clarke returned with word from the commander regarding the truce. The commander was impressed with the success of Lincoln's treatment and she had agreed to go through with the truce under one condition; they had to give Finn up. Finn took eighteen innocent lives and in return, he was expected to suffer the pain of eighteen deaths. Only then would the alliance begin.

At the first whisper of this deal, the former Ark citizens immediately began to turn on Finn. There were calls for him to be thrown to the grounders. There were taunts from hecklers who said he should've been floated a long time ago and that they weren't going to die for one kid.

Merit was beside her friends, trying to help tame the raucous crowd that wished to see Finn executed. She didn't agree with what Finn did but she didn't wish to see him filleted and burned for it either, so she helped in the efforts to beef up camp security, standing armed and on watch with Murphy and a few other guards.

By morning, a loud chant of "Jus drein jus daun!" could be heard echoing from the trees and two fearsome warriors on horseback waited outside the front gate. They were there to gather Finn and take him back to the commander. Abby went to speak with them, to give them her refusal. As she told them that they weren't going to give Finn up, the sound of a horn blowing caused the riders to turn and flee on their horses. As they fled, Marcus emerged from the forest.

Merit couldn't believe her eyes and no sooner than Marcus had made it to the front gate, she felt an elbow nudge her in the ribs. She looked over to find Parker offering her an accomplished smirk. All he had to say was, "I told you so."

Parker was right but she didn't have time to think about playing assassin with him right now. Finn was in trouble and they had to find a way to protect him.

Merit hesitantly joined the others in greeting Marcus. She had no interest in hearing how he survived or what he endured; she just wanted to know how his return was going to affect the safety of her friend.

"I thought you were dead," Abby said.

"I've never been so happy to see this place," Marcus said. He looked over toward Merit with an apprehensive grin.

Merit looked toward the ground, avoiding Marcus's line of vision. Looking him directly in the eye still made her uncomfortable. She still didn't see her father, just her father's murderer.

"What's going on?" Abby continued.

"I bought us some time. We're safe for now but we need to work on a plan," Marcus said. He slowly approached Merit. He placed a hand on her rifle. "What're you doing with this? You don't need this."

"Marcus," Abby said. She cleared her throat and raised her brows. "We need all able-bodied citizens on guard, including Merit."

"I don't think so," Marcus disagreed. He lifted the rifle from Merit's hands. "I don't want her to have access to firearms."

"Seriously?" Merit scoffed. "I'm trying to protect this camp."

"There are enough guards that you don't have to. I'm sorry, but this isn't up for debate," Marcus finished.

Merit wasn't sure if Marcus thought that she would try to kill him or if he was still steadfast on fulfilling the dying wish of her mother. Either way, she wanted him to stop meddling with her life.

Marcus turned his attention back to Abby. "We need to talk about Finn. Council meeting in five."

Marcus and Abby disappeared into Alpha station with Merit, Raven, and Bellamy trailing after them.

The group of three was excluded from the meeting while the authorities made an executive decision. Instead, the three lingered outside in the hall, anxiously pacing and awaiting the first word of Finn's fate.

Bellamy was still ignoring Merit but their worry for Finn seemed to overshadow any troubles they were currently facing. What they could both agree on was putting personal feelings aside to better work together for the sake of their friend.

Chancellor Griffin, Marcus, and Thelonious were in a lengthy meeting, not leaving the council room until midafternoon. When they did emerge they weren't receptive to questions and refused to give up any clues as to what their plan of action would be. Their evasiveness gave off the air that they would be willing to give Finn up. They had done worse things on The Ark for the sake of the majority and history was bound to repeat itself.

As camp became more unsafe for Finn, Bellamy devised a plan. If the council wasn't willing to protect Finn then they had to take matters into their own hands. They would sneak out, taking the low ground to avoid any grounders, and meet up at the dropship where they could protect Finn until trouble blew over.

Merit didn't think the plan was very smart at all and it was extremely dangerous to boot, but they didn't have much of a choice if they expected Finn to stand a fighting chance, so she agreed to help.

It was her turn to slip out through Raven's gate and as she did, a hand grabbed her shoulder.

"Now, we can either do this the hard way, again, or I can tag along," Parker said.

"Tag along?" Merit asked in confusion.

"I don't like repeating myself."

"Why are you so eager to come along now?"

"Now, more than ever, it's imperative that I keep you alive and I'm not in the mood to fight you again." Parker removed his sidearm from his hip holster, checking the safety before handing it to Merit. "Plus I have access to guns and you don't. So am I invited or not?"

Merit looked down at her watch, realizing she only had a minute to make it through the fence before the power turned back on again. As much as she didn't want to bring Parker, he struck a hard bargain and after seeing his combat abilities, she knew he would be more of an asset than a burden.

"Let's go," Merit said with a nod toward the fence.

Merit and Parker trekked through the forest, keeping their eyes open for grounders and making fast tracks towards the dropship. Merit was only able to maintain her pace after Jackson was able to offer her a cortisone injection to tame the inflammation in the tendons of her ankle but supplies were limited and she had to take advantage of her pain-free mobility while she could.

"I don't see why you're all so eager to save spacewalker," Parker said. His eyes scanned the tree line as he kept a live grip on his rifle. "He's a lost cause and rightfully so."

"He's my friend," Merit said defensively.

"He's a stupid kid who couldn't tell the end of his gun from the head of his penis," Parker fired back. "Yeah, gossip spreads fast in the guard. I guess ten days is a world record for some men but maybe if your friend was more focused on being a faithful boyfriend, he wouldn't have killed eighteen people."

"You think you would've done better than him?"

"Yes, because I _am_ better than him. You don't have to convince me of what an utter moron he is to ditch a brain like Reyes after any amount of time, let alone, ten days."

Merit wanted to defend Finn because nothing hurt worse than getting kicked when the kid was already down and although, Parker's wording was extremely impolite, she knew he was speaking the truth. Finn and Raven's relationship was their business, but what Finn did in that village was inexcusable and made her question where the line should be drawn between friendship and morality.

Was it okay that these people who were innocent bystanders, also friends and neighbors of Lincoln, got written off under the title of casualties of war? Was it okay to let their murderer walk free just because she called him friend? Just because she knew Finn, she knew who he was and what he believed in, would she be able to justify the horrible act he committed as simply survival? Friendship didn't make anyone exempt from punishment or from mistakes and a great feeling of dread swept over Merit, feeling that her friend would have to pay for the grave decision he made, one way or another.

Parker's ill-mannered chatter only made her feelings of anxiety much worse.

"Do you ever shut up? I mean is it possible?" Merit snapped.

"Where's the fun in that?" Parker said with a mischievous grin. "Fine, let's talk about something of greater importance." He paused, sucking his teeth for a moment. "Now that Kane is back, just like I said he would be, you have a decision to make."

"I haven't thought about it."

"I know thinking isn't your strong suit but try." Parker tapped his watch. "Time is of the essence."

When Merit and Parker reached the dropship, Raven, Bellamy, and Murphy were already there. The welcome they received wasn't a warm one, at least on Bellamy's account.

"What is he doing here?" Bellamy spat, glaring at Parker.

" _He_ has a name," Parker scoffed. "And apparently, I'm babysitting."

Bellamy took a deep breath, swallowing his next words as he clenched his fist. He ignored Parker for the moment, instead opting for Merit and pulled her to the back of the dropship.

"We can't trust Parker. He'll blow up our entire operation, guaranteed," Bellamy said. The first words he had spoken directly to Merit in twenty-four hours. He was still very disgruntled and was probably only speaking to her out of necessity, not because he wanted to.

"He won't," Merit replied. She could see the contempt grow on Bellamy's face with her answer.

"So you trust him now?"

"I never said that," Merit clarified. "I just know that he's not here to screw with your plan."

"Merit, you don't want to get involved with a guy like Parker." Bellamy's hardened expression displayed his certain anger but the cautionary tone of his voice revealed his growing concern. "I don't want you to get hurt."

Now that Marcus had actually returned alive, she had to give some serious thought to Parker's proposal but she couldn't tell anyone about it, especially not Bellamy. If he ever caught wind of their plan, he would undoubtedly snitch and Parker would be incarcerated. This couldn't be a decision that was made by Bellamy for her; she had to do it herself.

"I can handle this…by myself."

"Right." Bellamy's voice turned as cold and stony as his countenance. "Don't come crying to me when he burns you."

Finally, the missing pair, Finn and Clarke, made it to the dropship. They were attacked on their journey, a grounder launching his assault from the trees and bludgeoning Clarke in the head with his weapon. She was unconscious as Bellamy tended to her on the floor.

Merit exited the dropship followed by Parker. She took her place behind an old smoked out piece of camp debris while Parker scoped out the dropship's perimeter.

"I don't think boy toy is very fond of me," Parker said with a chuckle.

"I think that's majority opinion," Merit said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not here to be liked. I'm here to get shit done." Parker turned a large chunk of charred wood on its side and knelt down behind it, using it as cover. "Blake sure does know how to make a plan. How are we supposed to defend this piece of junk?"

The area was in ruin from their last all-out battle with the grounders. The ground was singed black from the thrusters firing and the large wooden walls that they had worked so hard to build had either been burned to a crisp or pulled down. The dropship was now just a decrepit piece of scorched metal, not to mention it still had a gaping hole in the second story wall from Murphy's great escape.

This wasn't the same camp that was able to stop an entire grounder army. This was just a couple of kids trying to relive old magic that had long since lost its zeal. And the hope of keeping Finn safe in these primal conditions seemed even bleaker now that they had actually made it to their destination.

"Did you see that?" Parker said, tightening the grip on his firearm. He aimed toward the front gate and placed an eye against the scope of his gun.

Merit followed suit, focusing her attention on the area ahead of them. She started to see movement, blurs of dusty black and dark blue darting back and forth just outside of camp. It was grounders and they had them surrounded.

"We're fucked," Parker breathed. "Inside the dropship, now!"

Merit and Parker fled into the spaceship, alerting the others of the incoming threat just outside their doors. The grounders had found them already and it was time to reevaluate their plan of attack.

Parker was looking through the dropship curtain as he spoke, "They're holding their position which means they're probably waiting for their cue to attack."

"How did they know Finn was here?" Raven asked in a panic.

No one had an answer as they looked at each other for hints.

"Wait," Parker said, turning to Finn. "Earlier, when you two got attacked in the woods, did you kill your attacker or did you let him get away?"

Finn was quiet, looking guiltily at Clarke.

"Finn," Clarke said pleadingly.

"I didn't want to kill anyone else," Finn confessed.

"And this is who you're all trying to save," Parker huffed. "You already killed eighteen people, what's one more?"

"Why don't you just back the hell off?" Raven barked.

"Okay, that's enough," Clarke called out, stepping in between the heated debate. "We need to work together to defend this place."

"Any ideas, Parker? Since you are the only actual guard here," Raven said sarcastically.

Parker laughed. "If I haven't made it clear enough already, I'm not here to protect Finn."

"Then why are you here?" Bellamy cut in.

"I'm her insurance policy," Parker said, nodding toward Merit.

Bellamy's face distorted into a furious scowl. "Is that so? Last time I checked, Merit could take care of herself. Isn't that what you told me?" He paced toward Merit with a glare.

She would've never come along if she knew what a debacle this would turn out to be. She knew that Bellamy would take Parker's words out of context when the truth was Parker would never touch her with a ten-foot pole and vice versa. They were merely working together against a common enemy, just like the sky people and the grounders were trying to.

"I'm not here for petty arguments. I'm here for Finn," Merit said, trying to place the focus back where it needed to be.

"I say we make a trade," Raven suggested, chambering a round into her gun.

"With what? They only want Finn," Clarke said.

Raven's threatening stare turned to Murphy. She lifted her gun, placing her finger on the trigger as she spoke, "There were enough people who saw him in the village to convince them that he was the shooter."

"You can't be serious," Murphy said in disbelief. "I'm here to help."

"And I'm telling you to drop your weapon," Raven commanded. "I won't let Finn die, not when we have a real murderer right here."

"Go to hell Reyes," Murphy sneered.

"Raven, stop this," Merit urged, pushing past Bellamy to get closer to the young woman. "This isn't the right way to save Finn and you know it."

"I don't care," Raven growled. The pressure she placed against the trigger increased.

"If you pull that trigger, I promise you that Murphy will not be the only one getting hurt today."

"Everyone stop!" Finn shouted. "Don't you see what's happening? They're getting us to turn on each other."

When Raven dropped her gun, a bit of order was made of the chaos in the room.

"This ends now," Finn said. "Murphy, you defend the rear from the upper level. Raven, Clarke, and Bellamy take the front gate. Merit and Parker back them up from the first level. I'll take the lower level, I'll be safest there. That's the plan."

Everyone took their positions, anticipating on the grounders' attack.

Merit looked over at Parker and noticed he wasn't holding his rifle with intention. His grip was slack, his stance relaxed. It was odd for someone who had such extensive training to be so lazy in the face of battle.

"So what do you think of Finn's plan?" Merit asked.

"I think it's suicide," Parker said nonchalantly.

"I don't know about you, but I don't plan on dying today."

"Neither do I," Parker said, lowering his weapon and crossing his arms. "I was talking about Finn."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's going to give himself up."

"No…" Merit breathed.

How had no one taken into their calculations that someone like Finn would sacrifice himself for the greater good? And how could they be so foolish as to leave him alone?

Merit scrambled towards the trap door on the floor and hastily ripped it open.

"Finn!" she called out.

There was no response because the lower level of the dropship was empty.

As Merit ran toward the entrance of the dropship, she heard Clarke screaming Finn's name. It was too late. Merit pushed back the curtain just in time to see Finn with his hands in the air. The grounders moved in with speed, securing Finn and dragging him away.

* * *

It was night. All of Camp Jaha was standing outside, gazing down on the hundreds of grounders camped just outside of the walls. Torchlight lit up the dark as the grounders moved about, preparing for Finn's execution. They were erecting a large wooden pole so that Finn's death sentence would have a proper audience.

Even as time seemed to run out, the delinquents were still trying to find a way to save Finn. They begged Abby and Marcus to do something, anything, to stop this but the two leaders didn't think it was possible. Their hands were tied.

Once again, it was time for the youths to take action but Merit feared that once again, the group was in over their heads.

Clarke decided that she would try to talk to the commander one last time. Raven slipped Clarke a blade, telling her to kill the commander if she didn't agree to set Finn free. It was going to be pandemonium, everything would immediately go to hell and war would be inevitable. If Clarke followed through with this plan, death would be on everyone's doorstep, not just Finn's.

The grounders brought Finn out and tied him to the pole as Clarke made her way to the commander.

It couldn't have been more than five minutes but it felt like time was moving in slow motion as Clarke spoke to the commander. She didn't kill her. Instead, she turned her back to the commander and walked toward Finn. She kissed him. She hugged him as he rested his head against her shoulder.

The rest of the group looked on, questioning Clarke's actions.

When Clarke pulled away from Finn, his head hung limply while her hands were stained crimson red. She had mercy killed him with the knife Raven had given her.

It was like the whole world just froze. Merit's hearing became muffled; the sound of her own labored breathing flooding her ears. Then like glass shattering, Raven's deafening wail of sorrow broke through her trance and brought her back to reality.

Raven had collapsed into Bellamy's arms as Merit came to. Merit watched, stunned, as Raven sobbed uncontrollably. She felt her feet get stuck to the ground as she looked at Bellamy, putting herself in Raven's shoes. How much more broken would she be if it was Bellamy out there?

Life was fragile. Love was fragile. And Merit had been going about both all wrong.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** There will be talks of physical abuse in this chapter but no overly descriptive scenes of it. If that topic makes you feel uncomfortable then please, steer clear.

* * *

Finn was to be taken back to Tondc where the massacre was committed. The murderer had to be burned with the victims to complete the grounder death ritual, marking the final step in securing the truce and alliance between the grounders and the sky people. Once that was complete, they could finally work together on the common goal of freeing their people from Mount Weather.

The entire day felt like an outer body experience. None of it felt real even as Merit witnessed her friend's cloth-wrapped body burning on a pyre. It was like having a front row seat to a bad dream and no matter how hard Merit pinched herself, she just wouldn't wake up.

The Finn that she knew was gone from this world, leaving behind a pile of ashes and a trail of regret. His sense of pacifism couldn't save him, neither could his love for Clarke or Raven nor could the protection from his friends. Instead of using those sources to protect himself, Finn used them to protect his friends. He had to take responsibility for his actions, only finding redemption in the face of his own death.

Finn's death helped Merit realize that, in this world, some sacrifices had to be made for the good of others, no matter who it hurt in the end. Even if that person was her.

Losing a friend to unite with a group of people that her friends had been warring against since they landed was a hard enough pill to swallow, but the day only continued its decline as the sun sank from the sky.

As evening neared, Commander Lexa offered shelter to the sky people in Tondc. They would set up camp there before returning to Camp Jaha in the morning.

While Merit was pitching her tent, she overheard Bellamy talking to Clarke about the need for an inside man within Mount Weather. Clarke seemed hesitant toward Bellamy's suggestion but she hadn't given him a solid answer yet. Bellamy seemed steadfast in his idea with or without Clarke's permission and, as dangerous as this mission was, that was just the kind of dedication and determination needed to rescue their friends.

This plan couldn't come at a worse time as Merit reflected on the stability of her position in Bellamy's life. Thoughtful, considerate, soft-spoken, patient and slow to anger – these were all traits that Bellamy deserved in a partner that she didn't possess. Instead, Merit was impulsive, stubborn, and reactive. Her inability to think before acting had only put more of a strain on her and Bellamy's relationship. And when she thought about what was best for Bellamy, she didn't see herself as it. Now, when Merit wished to voice all of this truthfully, Bellamy wanted to risk his life on a perilous mission in the mountain.

Merit was more preoccupied with eavesdropping than piecing together the right components of her tent that she hadn't noticed Marcus approaching her until he spoke.

"Looks like you could use a hand," Marcus said, as he helped himself to the remaining parts of Merit's tent. "I know you have a penchant for adventure but you should really give your ankle time to heal."

Merit was silent. Speaking to Marcus was always too weird, too awkward, and too painful. Keeping quiet seemed like the easiest thing to do.

"Weak ankles, you must've inherited that from your grandmother Vera-" Marcus stopped himself abruptly, a pained expression crossing his face.

Vera Kane was Marcus's mother, a religious leader, and also the Ark's resident caretaker of the Eden Tree. She was a kind and gentle woman with the warmest brown eyes. She loved people and in return, was just as easy to love. It was a wonder that someone like Marcus could be born from someone who was so respectable.

Merit remembered Vera from the few times that her father, James, had taken her to the small Ark church to offer a portion of their water rations to the tree. Back then, Merit had no idea that she was staring her grandmother directly in the face.

"Did she know?" Merit asked.

"No," Kane answered regretfully. "I never told her."

Merit saw something in Marcus's usually cold demeanor break. His stiff posture seemed to droop with gloom as he talked about his mother.

"Well, since you've got this covered, I'll just go sit down," Merit said.

"Merit," Marcus called out quickly. "I don't expect you to like me or to even acknowledge me outside of being an authority figure in this camp, but one day, when there's time, I'd like to talk about everything."

"And how am I supposed to trust anything you say?"

"That's for you to decide. All you have to do is listen."

Merit wanted to tell Marcus to screw himself and that she had heard enough from him but she felt eyes on her, burning a hole in her skull with their piercing gaze. It was Abby, giving Merit a pleading look.

Merit couldn't understand why Abby was so insistent on getting the estranged father-daughter pair to talk out their troubled relationship. Did some part of Abby really believe that Merit and Marcus could ever be like her and Clarke? It was more than wishful thinking; it was impossible.

Merit bit down on her tongue, holding back what she really wanted to say partly for Abby's sake and partly because she remembered Parker's deal. If she decided to go through with it, she needed to keep the line of communication open between her and Marcus.

"I'll think about it," Merit said.

Merit went and joined her friends around the fire as Marcus finished working on her tent.

While Octavia rested comfortably in Lincoln's arms, Merit and Bellamy sat feet apart. And even though the fire blazed, Merit still felt a cold chill radiating in the space between them.

Merit looked over at Octavia, who was eyeing her suspiciously. While the tension between Bellamy and Merit was evident, Octavia could still smell trouble from a mile away and as she fixed her lips to comment, Raven came rushing over before words could be said.

Raven brought over her radio which was broadcasting a message on repeat from the inside of Mount Weather. It was Jasper's voice and he was calling for help. The message relayed that the missing forty-seven delinquents were still alive but they were running out of time. The broadcast ended with the urgent closing, "Please hurry."

Now that the alliance was secure, Clarke voiced that immediate action was necessary to safely secure their friends from the hostile environment of Mount Weather, but first, she stated that an insider was needed to lower the mountain's defenses by cutting off the acid fog. After Bellamy had already volunteered his services, Clarke was officially taking him up on that offer. Handing him the map she had drawn up of Mount Weather's facilities, she wished him luck.

Merit found herself lost for words and Octavia voiced her concern before she could, stating that Bellamy didn't even know what he was looking for or how to get there. This prompted Lincoln to offer to lead Bellamy back through the tunnels to where he had been captured and made into a reaper. Raven had also opted to give Bellamy a crash course on what he should look for in regard to the acid fog.

Merit felt her stomach sink as she watched Bellamy from behind, seeing his back disappear into Raven's tent, and she wondered if that might be the last time she would ever watch him walk away.

With the only options being to break Bellamy's heart now or break his heart later, Merit knew that she couldn't let him leave without telling him the truth. Pretending would only serve to hurt him worse later and if Merit didn't try to clear the air tonight, she might never get the chance to reach a resolution.

It was late when Merit finally got the opportunity to speak with Bellamy one on one. Everyone had gone to sleep except for him. He was still wide awake, sitting next to the fire and kindling it with a bit of extra wood.

Merit approached him, standing across from the fire pit, and he looked up at her. From his long, hard glance, Merit could tell that he felt the need to talk just as much as she did.

"You're really going through with this?" Merit started.

Bellamy only nodded in response, returning his gaze to the flickering flames. The firelight was casting eerie shadows against his face.

"Just you, against God knows what, inside that mountain," Merit said. "Don't you think this is a little reckless?"

She was just buying time, beating around the bush with talk of Mount Weather, until she could get her fearful tongue to convey her truest concern.

"You think I can't do it?" Bellamy asked.

"No, I know you can."

"Then what is it?" Bellamy impatiently inquired. "Why do you even care?"

Merit tried not to let her fear unnerve her. She had to keep telling herself that this was the best thing for him, for her. And as much as it hurt, letting this charade go on for any longer would only cause more damage in the long run.

"Because…I don't want to see what happened to Finn happen to you," Merit admitted. She felt her legs shake over the sound of her own fears. "We only get one chance here, Bellamy, and I want you to have the best chance at everything."

The aggravation in Bellamy's face fell away as he released the tightness in his jaw and dropped the tension in his brow. Merit moved in closer, taking the lightness of his expression as a silent invitation to take a seat beside him.

"Bellamy, I'm sorry," Merit said.

"You don't just get to apologize and think I'm going to take you back," Bellamy said, turning to Merit and narrowing his gaze. He wasn't yelling but everything about the resolve in his tone showed that he was serious.

"I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking?" Bellamy's brooding glower suddenly turned into a look of confusion.

"For you to forgive me," Merit replied. "I know I don't deserve it but, I was wrong for pushing you away the way that I did."

"Merit, I was joking." Bellamy's hardened persona completely broke as he took Merit's face in his hands. His eyes glistened with sincerity under the firelight as he went on, "All you ever had to do was apologize."

"It's not that simple." Merit met Bellamy's shimmering brown eyes with a look of remorse. She took his hand in hers, tightly holding them as she moved them to her lap. "The way I've been acting – It hasn't been fair to you, but what I said about you loving someone else…I meant it."

"Merit, don't do this. Not tonight," Bellamy pleaded, squeezing Merit's hands.

"Please just listen," Merit said. She was sure that Bellamy could feel her palms sweating as he clinched onto them. "When I say that I want you to have the best chance at everything, that means love too."

"Whatever you're going to say, it can wait until I get back." Bellamy's leg was shaking now, uncontrollably bouncing up and down with nerves. "Please."

They stared at each other in silence. Merit's lips parted but the words wouldn't come out as Bellamy's eyes nervously darted across her face. Bellamy took her hand and laced his fingers with hers.

"Merit, I want to be with you," Bellamy said slowly and clearly.

Merit caught her eyes flicking up toward the night sky. It hurt too much to look at him.

"Bellamy," Merit started. She took a deep breath, trying to continue despite the growing urge to give up and cry. "You see what kind of person I am. All I've ever done is hurt you. I don't want to the person that can't control her emotions. I don't want to be the person that turns on the people that care about her. And I don't want to be the person that scares you."

"No one is perfect and I'm not asking you to be," Bellamy said. "We've both made mistakes but I promised you that we would get through this together."

"But maybe that's not the best way," Merit argued. "I wanted to be your partner, Bellamy, not your responsibility. When I look at Octavia and Lincoln, I see two equals supporting each other and when I look at you and me, I see you lugging around a ten thousand pound weight."

"That's not true-"

"But that's all I can see when I look at you," Merit cut in dejectedly. "Bellamy, I can't be with you…not until I can change the way I see myself or else I'm always going to feel like a waste of your time."

Bellamy pulled away from Merit, clenching his eyes shut as he placed his face in his hands.

"I should be so pissed with you and God, I want to be," Bellamy bemoaned as he removed his hands from his reddening face. He turned to Merit, breathing heavily in his frustration, and somehow there was still love in his melancholy eyes. "But I really just want to spend my last night with you." He a placed a hand on Merit's knee and asked, "Can we just do that, please?"

Merit laid her head on Bellamy's shoulder, immediately agreeing with his final request.

Bellamy held Merit throughout the entire night. He held her, warm and secure, in his signature embrace. It was the protective strong arms around her waist, the soft breath cascading down her neck, and the lips gently grazing the lines of her shoulder blades. It was the same way that he always physically showered her with his love, a love she felt undeserving of. A love she couldn't quite repay.

Merit rolled onto her side, turning to face Bellamy. She took in every detail of his face, tracing his lips with her fingertips, pressing her lips against his cheeks, and feeling his long eyelashes sweep against hers. She wanted to remember him as he was tonight because she may not ever see him this way again. It wasn't that she was afraid of losing Bellamy in the mountain, but it was the fear of his return, of him being physically present but no longer hers.

Bellamy's eyes were closed but Merit was certain that he hadn't slept a wink the entire evening.

"In the morning, if you're still asleep, I won't say goodbye," Bellamy murmured. "And even if you are awake, just pretend that you aren't."

"Bellamy…" Merit said just above a whisper, savoring every syllable of his name as it rolled off of her tongue.

Bellamy's voice shook as he replied, "Yes?"

"I don't expect you to wait for me." Merit tried hard to push her tears back as the words escaped her lips.

"Merit, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Bellamy's hands were trembling against her lower back. "Please just kiss me before it's too late."

Merit closed her eyes and felt Bellamy's lips quiver against hers. She could feel the forlorn frown tugging at the lines of Bellamy's mouth even as he kissed her so sweetly, so gently. Merit couldn't tell if it was only her tear drops that dripped down her cheeks, wetting her lips, or if they were Bellamy's as well, but she wouldn't open her eyes to find out.

Merit wanted to stay absorbed in this moment, this feeling, for as long as possible because in the morning Bellamy would be gone.

* * *

Following the cementing of the alliance, Marcus invited Indra, the chief of Tondc, and her group of warriors to a welcoming reception in Camp Jaha. The point of this conference was to foster a sense of goodwill between the two groups, to unite them against a common enemy and begin training to attack that enemy. Unfortunately, the meeting didn't go so smoothly.

Trouble started when one of the grounders recognized Murphy from Finn's massacre of Tondc. Soon enough, insults led to blows and the entire welcoming ceremony erupted into disarray. And just when Murphy had gotten free from work detail, this brawl got him stuck with another two days of it.

While the guards and the grounders participated in combat training, Merit went to check in with her friend who was mopping up dusty floors in Alpha station.

"How's your head?" Merit asked, examining the small scratch on Murphy's forehead.

"Better than his," Murphy said, referencing the guy he had punched square in the face. "I don't get it. We've been fighting the grounders since day one and now, their best plan is to unite with them?"

"I know what they've done to you and I know this seems crazy but it's our only option."

The sky people had sacrificed so much for this alliance, for the safety of their friends in Mount Weather. Everything had to go according to plan or else Finn's death and Bellamy's efforts would be for naught.

"How are you holding up?" Murphy asked.

"You know me," Merit sighed with a small shrug, trying to mask the pain she was feeling from letting Bellamy go.

From the moment her feet hit the ground, she was continually running from something – her past, her relationships, herself – and it was always full speed in the wrong direction. Merit had the option to keep traveling down that crooked path or straighten the road ahead of her. And she didn't give up Bellamy just so she could keep being heading down a careless route.

Thelonious sauntered into the room, putting an awkward halt to Merit and Murphy's friendly conversation.

"Mr. Murphy," Thelonious said. "May I have a minute of your time?"

Merit and Murphy looked at each other skeptically for a moment. Murphy gave Merit a nod of approval, signaling that it was ok to leave him to speak with the former chancellor in private. And as much as Merit didn't trust Thelonious or his motivations, she agreed.

Merit went outside, observing as the grounders trained with their swords and blunt weapons while the guard practiced gun training. They couldn't even seem to cooperate in sparring activities, so Merit wasn't sure how an actual combat situation would play out. She just hoped the two forces could collide for the greater good.

As Merit glanced across the courtyard she noticed a single guard mixed in amid the grounders, practicing knife fighting techniques. It was Parker. He was being an utter show-off and his exceptional skill with a close quarter blade seemed to even impress a few of the grounders as they gave him silent nods of approval.

Parker joined Merit once he had his fill of training.

"How'd you get them to interact with you so easily?" Merit asked.

"There's this thing called: asking politely. They seemed pretty receptive to it," Parker said with a shrug. "Maybe you should try it sometime."

Merit rolled her eyes, wondering why she had even engaged him in conversation.

"The grounders aren't so bad, you know," Parker went on. "Their legends and lore are a bit foolish but otherwise this alliance just might work." He raised his brows with doubt. "Although, I'm not too sure how well a spear will fare against Mount Weather's technology."

"It'll be enough to free our people."

"It sure as hell better be."

Merit glanced at Parker to see a look of agitation on his face.

"You have someone special on the inside?" Merit asked.

"No," Parker said quickly. He unfurled his brow, returning to a cool and indifferent expression. "But you do. I hear Blake is off playing secret agent up there." Parker crossed his arms and leaned back against the building next to Merit. "He was pretty decent as a cadet. He doesn't have the biggest brain but he's scrappy, so I'll give him forty-eight hours."

"Parker, I swear-"

"Relax. I meant for completing the mission," Parker said, holding his hands up in defense. "You and Blake were made for each other…Talk about uncontrolled aggression."

"Please, just don't talk about Bellamy."

Thinking about Bellamy was difficult enough but speaking about him was even harder. Merit couldn't think about what he was doing or whether he would survive or not. She couldn't concentrate on the things that were said or the fact that she had broken up with him on the night before his most dangerous mission. She only wanted to believe in the fact that Bellamy would indeed return, anything other than that had been marked as off limits in her brain.

Murphy walked outside with Thelonious in tow. He patted Merit on the shoulder as he asked, "Up for a little walk?"

During their private conversation, Thelonious revealed that he was able to free Murphy from work detail but only if he could offer him a favor. Thelonious needed Murphy to escort him to the graveyard at the dropship where his son, Wells, was buried. The former chancellor wished to pay his final respects and needed a guide in order to do that.

Merit agreed to join the journey rather than opting to leave her best friend alone with a madman like Thelonious and since Thelonious was no longer a delegated official, Parker decided to give his unwanted guardianship as well.

By the time Thelonious was done visiting his son's grave, afternoon had turned into evening and it was much too dark to return to camp, leaving the group of four to sleep overnight at the dropship.

They were able to set up camp on the second level of the dropship, using their packs as pillows and settling into their respective corners of the cold, metal ship for the night. Even with the unfavorable sleeping conditions, everyone seemed to crash quickly, everyone except for Merit.

She was up, repetitively counting down from one hundred, silently reciting the lyrics to songs, and counting millions of fluffy sheep. If she wasn't controlling her thoughts then they would wander straight to Bellamy and neither was helping her sleep. She couldn't even resort to tuning into her happy place anymore as it was the vision of her in his arms. More than keeping her mind off of Bellamy, Merit was just keeping herself awake.

Merit's failed meditation was interrupted by the sudden sound of pained groans. She looked over to the farthest corner of the room where Parker was sleeping quite restlessly. Beads of sweat formed between his brows and rolled down the bridge of his nose as he tossed back and forth. His hands twitched as he muttered incoherently.

Merit figured his disturbed state was due to a bad dream, so she tried to wake him by calling out to him.

"Parker…Parker," Merit said, trying to keep her voice low enough as to not wake the others. "Park-"

Suddenly, Parker thrashed awake with a gasp, giving Merit a fright. The young guard sat straight up, a white-knuckle grip on his pocket knife as he pointed it out in front of him. He was panting as he looked around the room, lowering his weapon and wiping the sweat from his face as he recognized his surroundings. He shook his head, pushing back the damp tendrils of hair that hung in his face as he caught his breath. Then, he picked himself up from the floor and headed for the hatch door.

Merit watched Parker with curiosity, wondering where he could possibly be going at this time of night. She decided to follow him, creeping down the latter and making her way to the large, open dropship door.

When Merit pushed back the curtain that covered the exit, she found Parker seated on the dropship ramp. He was gazing up at the moon and once again, muttering to himself.

Merit caught the tail end of Parker's musings and heard him whisper, "…may we meet again, soon."

"Parker," Merit said, carefully surveying her surroundings. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Parker said, keeping his gaze fixed plainly on the luminous white moon. "I just can't sleep in there. It's filthy and it reeks of death."

"You get used to it," Merit shrugged. She was still looking around in search of Parker's conversational partner. "Who were you talking to out here?"

"My mother," Parker slowly admitted. He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I talk to her whenever I feel uncomfortable."

Parker pulled a worn picture from his breast pocket and passed it to Merit.

On the picture was the image of a woman and a happy young boy. They were both smiling as the boy sat on the woman's lap. Merit recognized that the sharp brows and the playful grin of the child were identical to Parker's appearance. The only difference was that this child's features radiated pure joy and the adult Parker emitted nothing but cynicism.

"When I was a kid, I used to have nightmares about falling to Earth. Can you believe that?" Parker added with a scoff. "I'd wake up screaming but my mom would always be right there. She'd hug me close and say, 'Don't worry about falling, baby bird. You rule these skies.' And just like that, I'd be fast asleep."

The moon reflecting against the darks of Parker's eyes almost gave him the same innocent glow that was present in the eyes of his younger self.

"I haven't slept soundly since the night she was stolen from me," Parker said, taking the picture back from Merit and putting it away for safe keeping.

"What happened to her?" Meri asked.

"Kane happened." The light in Parker's eyes quickly faded. "Kane stole her from me and that's why I need your help."

Merit was afraid that Parker's case was yet another one of a parent gone too soon because of The Ark's terrible justice system. Parker was only one of many that had been left parentless with the amount of floating executions that normally took place. And if his mother was floated then why wasn't Parker also upset with Thelonious like so many others had been?

Merit needed to know what made his experience different and why he thought that she would be interested enough to help him achieve his vengeance.

"I'm sorry about your mom, but I need more information," Merit started. "Why should I help you?"

Parker adjusted his position, turning so that he could look Merit directly in the eye.

"Because I can confirm that James Murdock's death was set up."

Merit had always figured that this was the truth; she just never had the evidence to prove it.

"How?"

"Because I was there, eavesdropping, when Marcus and my father planned it," Parker calmly stated. There was no waver in his voice as he continued as if he was merely stating the facts. "My dad was the one that entered the false evidence. And more recently, I even checked the case file myself, so I could see exactly what he did. The written report was sloppy, poorly put together, totally my father's handiwork. It didn't matter though because who was actually going to refute the word of a commander of the guard?"

"Where is it? I need to see it?" Merit asked frantically.

"You think I carry around incriminating evidence?" Parker scoffed. "Sorry, sweetheart but you're out of luck. Besides, the case is closed and they're not going to reopen it."

"Why did they do it?"

Parker shrugged and shook his head. "I couldn't tell you the motivation. All I can tell you is that it was Kane's master plan and my father was just his pawn. My dad was the type to work for the highest bidder and Kane won that auction for many years."

It almost felt freeing to receive confirmation for the things Merit had been suspecting all along but Parker's vague answers just weren't enough. Merit still needed more answers. Why would Marcus kill James? What did he gain or accomplish by doing so? Was it simply for the love of her mother? Merit had to know but unfortunately, Parker just didn't seem to have that information.

"I'm not going to claim to understand what happened to your father but I can relate," Parker added. "The woman I showed you, my mother; her name was Sienna Vega. She was The Ark's chief hydrologist. She revolutionized the Ark's water distribution, recycling, and irrigation systems. She was brilliant and loving, the embodiment of all things beautiful." Parker spoke proudly about his mother. He had a hand placed firmly over his breast pocket, pressing the sheathed picture against his heart. "She was everything to me, but to my father, she was just another whore."

Merit could hear the hate dripping from Parker's tongue like venom as he spoke about his father. She witnessed the harshness of his scowl and finally saw his true emotions revealed.

"I wouldn't be surprised if I was only one of many of his illegitimate children. The only thing separating me from them was bribery," Parker huffed. "There was nothing he could ever offer my mother to keep her quiet. And he certainly couldn't have word spreading that he was a deadbeat dad."

"I thought you were close with your dad. I thought you were his golden boy," Merit said, remembering the brief story that Bellamy had shared with her.

"I don't know what Blake told you about me but he doesn't know jack shit," Parker snapped. He rolled his shoulders and settled into his place, stretching his legs out in front of him. "If I can recall, Blake wasn't there when my dad would come home and hit me until he was too tired to lift his arms." Parker sniffed as he fidgeted with his pocket knife, incessantly flipping it open and then closing it. "My dad was a vile and abusive piece of garbage…I despised him."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well so I am," Parker said with a heavy sigh. "I had no choice but to live with him once my mother died. I was twelve years old…God, he would just terrorize me." Parker shook his head in disbelief. "Could you imagine being a kid and getting shocklashed out of your sleep?"

Merit understood why Parker was having such a tough time sleeping. He went from being nurtured through his night terrors to repeatedly waking up in a bad dream.

Merit's brow furrowed in confusion as she noticed Parker nearly laughing.

"One time he beat me so badly that I couldn't go to school for the next two weeks. I had never been hit in my life and I didn't know what to do," Parker continued.

When Parker turned to her, Merit noticed his eyes growing red with tears. He was probably only laughing to try and keep himself from crying.

"I remember the first time I hit him back." Parker stood up and raised his jacket to reveal a long, pink raised scar. "He tried to stab me." He let his jacket fall back into place before straightening it out. "He promised me that he would make my life a living hell and I promised I would never let him or anyone else break me, ever again," Parker said with tenacity. He sat back down, holding back the tears that wanted to fall but he wouldn't allow them to. "He pretended to be father of the year, so I pretended to want to follow in his footsteps. I became a guard because I had to be able to protect myself."

Merit couldn't blame Parker for maintaining such poor relationships with others. His heart had been hardened from being treated as less than human by his father. How could he ever learn to trust other people, let alone form valuable friendships, when he had been forced to endure such horrible mistreatment by his blood relative? This aloof and arrogant persona was probably just a defense mechanism, a way to protect himself from those that tried to get close to him.

While Parker's story thus far was heartbreaking, Merit was still confused as to what Marcus's role was in it and how it resulted in Sienna's death.

"I'm really, really sorry about all of this Parker," Merit started. She felt sick to her stomach listening to Parker's revelations but there was still more to uncover. "But where does Kane fit into all this."

"The council used to cull people from The Ark long before it became a public tradition," Parker said. "We were just kids when it happened but there was a time when over 150 people from factory station were killed due to water contamination."

"I remember reading about that in agricultural studies," Merit recalled.

There was supposedly a system failure that left the water supply for a section of factory station untreated. An entire section of the working class station had fallen fatally ill because of the mishap. The council assured that it was just a terrible accident and that they would take precautions so that it would never happen again.

"What the books failed to tell you is that it wasn't an accident. Those people were poisoned," Parker revealed.

Merit was stunned. She should've have known that the council was capable of such a scheme but it still shocked her. She wondered what else they could've covered up.

"How can you be so sure of that?" Merit breathed.

"My mother knew that system inside and out. She created it for God's sake. There's no way she would let such a huge error slip by her."

"Parker, the system your mother created was still very new at that time. There could've been a glitch-"

"Yeah and maybe James Murdock actually conspired to kill the chancellor," Parker argued. "Merit, we both know that's not true. My mother never had to tell me…I just knew just like you knew that your father was unlawfully floated."

Merit couldn't debate with someone who was so steadfast in their beliefs. Just like she knew her father better than anyone else, she had to trust that Parker knew his mother in the same sense.

"In her last days, my mother was weary and paranoid, like someone was coming after her," Parker lamented. He curled up into a ball, pulling his knees into his chest, and rocked back and forth. "One day, I came home from school and she wasn't there which usually meant she was working late, so I went to meet her at her office." Parker was suddenly trembling. "You couldn't imagine the pain, no…the horror I felt when I found her hanging from the ceiling." His voice seemed to get quieter and quieter as he went on. "Kane was there, standing beneath her…just staring. He didn't even try to cut her down until he noticed me standing behind him."

"You think he killed her?"

Parker nodded.

"When the scene was finally investigated, there was mention of a suicide note. I never saw it. I was too young and it was evidence…I think it's because she didn't actually write one or maybe Kane forged it."

"Another setup," Merit mumbled. "But why? Why would he kill her and make it look like a suicide?"

"Just like my mother couldn't keep quiet about my father, she probably threatened to go public about the water scandal," Parker said. "When I joined the guard, I dug and dug but I couldn't find the case file anywhere. It's not on digital or paper record. It's like it never happened." Parker ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I think Kane is hiding it. Maybe it's filed under a private name or maybe he's keeping it somewhere separately. There's just no way that the file has completely been erased."

Merit thought about her own file, the one that was brimming with photographs and documents, the one that had kept her familial relation to Marcus a secret until now. If her file wasn't on public record then maybe Marcus was keeping Sienna's case file in the same place where he kept hers.

"I need to see that note, Merit. I need to be sure that it was a fake and you can help me find it."

Merit could hear the desperation in Parker's voice.

"What if it got destroyed in the fall," Merit reasoned.

With The Ark falling from the sky, there was a strong possibility that a number of case files would've been destroyed in the collision, not to mention that their current power situation wasn't forgiving to electronic records.

"Trust me," Parker said assuredly. "Those files are still around. To a man like Kane, they're like trophies and he probably keeps his collection safe."

While it was an awful and heart-wrenching anthology of Parker's past, Merit was still wary of him. There was the possibility that Parker was just a brilliant actor and that he was using this sob story to play off of her emotions. At the same time, Merit could evidently see that the pain Parker was experiencing was very real.

"I want to believe you," Merit started hesitantly, "but how do I know that you're telling me the truth?"

"Why would I lie about something that hurts this much?" There was a detrimental crack in Parker's voice, shaking his intonation with a heavy sadness. "Merit, I've given you information that could send me to lock up for life. I told you I would kill a man and somehow, you're still listening to me," he said, an apparent hoarseness growing in his throat. "I told you all of this because I trust you to understand me. You know what it feels like to have the only person that cares about you taken away from you," Parker asserted. "All I'm asking for is closure for my mother…You still have time to decide if you want the same for your father."

Is this what she wanted?

Merit had tried and failed to kill Marcus once before but she wasn't sure that she was angry enough to want that same fate for him anymore. Surely Marcus had made his bed, many years ago with the amount of innocent blood on his hands, and Merit was mostly content with letting him lie in it. It shouldn't be for her to decide whether Marcus was going to live or die.

Merit was supposed to be turning over a new leaf, bettering herself. Isn't that why she had given up on Bellamy? How could she expect him to want to come back to a murderer? And was Marcus's death truly worth the risk of being an accomplice in a crime that was punishable by execution? Was it worth it to finally be free of her past?

In some ways, Marcus's life seemed like a small price, when he had taken so much from her in return.

* * *

In the morning, a party of at least twelve Camp Jaha residents greeted the group at the dropship along with the sunrise. Apparently, Thelonious had planned a secret meetup of like-minded individuals who also wanted to find the City of Light just as much as he did.

Merit still thought Thelonious was just as insane as his plan and easily denied the offer to join his group of camp deserters. Parker and Murphy also declined, although Murphy seemed fairly hesitant with his refusal.

"Can you believe this guy?" Merit huffed. "Let's get back to camp."

"Merit," Murphy said slowly. "I'm not going back."

Merit was dumbfounded for a moment and then she began to laugh.

"Good one. You almost had me there," she said. Merit grabbed Murphy's hand and pulled it but he didn't budge. She looked at his face, hoping to find his usual cheeky grin. Instead, she found him staring back her with an expression of sobriety. "Don't tell me you're seriously considering following this whack job."

"You know, your plan to skip town was actually a good one," Murphy said, referencing Merit's original plan for the ground.

Merit's heart sunk as her mouth shifted into a hollow frown.

"You're not joking," she said somberly.

"I can't stay here, Merit. I'm an outsider. These people will never accept me," Murphy emphasized.

"I'll always accept you." Merit wrapped her arms around her friend in a tight embrace. She softly pleaded into his ear, "Please, John. I don't want you to go."

"I know." Murphy sounded a bit sad as he placed a gentle hand against Merit's back. There was a prolonged silence before he cleared his throat and sniffled. The sarcastic nature of his usual voice returned as he went on, "I mean look at me. I'm the best thing to ever happen to you."

They both laughed, returning to comedy to make their parting a bit easier.

"Who knows, if this city of light mumbo jumbo is true, I'll save you a spot in paradise," Murphy sighed.

Merit gave her friend one last squeeze before letting him go.

Thelonious and his group of wanderers were getting further into the distance the longer that Merit and Murphy said their goodbyes.

"I should bail," Murphy said.

Merit nodded, pressing her lips together to hide the frown that returned to overtake her mouth.

"John, I'm sorry that I haven't been a better friend to you," Merit said.

"You're not my friend." Murphy's lips curved into a sad smile. "You're my family." Murphy reached into his jacket pocket, pulling out the action figure that was broken in half. He placed the head in the palm of Merit's hand. "So you don't forget about me…"

"You know that would never happen."

There was no way that Merit would forget the young boy that was her first friend, her best friend. She would never forget the John that looked out for her, that protected her, and understood her when no one else could. She would never forget the teenage boy that people deemed a trouble maker but she knew had a heart of gold. She wouldn't forget Murphy, her partner in crime who provided her with many adventures, the master of mischief who gave her plenty of laughs, and the family member that she got to choose. There was no way that she could purge from her memory, the kid that she could never quite give up on. Merit would never forget the name, John Murphy.

"Let's not get too sappy because I know I'll see you again," Murphy said, playfully punching Merit in the shoulder. "I'll – uh…I'll send you a postcard."

Merit watched her friend disappear into the trees and hills and as much as she would miss him, it didn't feel like goodbye. Splitting up with someone she had known her whole life was bittersweet but she knew Murphy was ready to go on his own journey of self-discovery just like she was and the friendship they had would always serve as a guide in that exploration.

Merit felt a tear roll down her cheek before she even realized that she was crying. With Bellamy gone and now, Murphy too, she had no choice but to stand on her own two feet. And she wasn't sure if the path ahead was blurry or if this vision of her future would clear with her tears.

* * *

When Merit returned to camp, all she could think about was Parker's life story. The series of events that happened to his mother put doubts in her mind about her own mother's fate and she had to find out if Marcus was lying about everything, not just James's death.

Marcus had been busy all afternoon with the capture of a Mount Weather security guard who had a bounty on Clarke's head. Marcus was just returning to his office when Merit got there. He seemed stressed as he had spent most of his day working with the chancellor and her daughter to interrogate this guard from the mountain.

"Merit," Marcus greeted her with a look of surprise.

"I needed to ask you something," Merit started apprehensively.

Marcus was silent, still staring at her with a wide-eyed expression.

"If it's a bad time, I can come back later."

"No," Marcus said, snapping out of his trance. "No, it's fine. Please, come into my office."

The pair went into the office, Marcus sitting on the edge of his desk as Merit trailed around the room uneasily. The once empty and disheveled room was now gaining a bit of organization as big clear bulletin board as well as a bookshelf lined the outer corners of the walls.

Merit found herself aimlessly tapping her fingertips along the spines of the few books neatly lined up on the shelf.

"What is it you wanted to ask?" Marcus inquired.

"Oh," Merit said with a gulp. She looked down at the floor and made her way to Marcus's boots. Her eyes climbed up his legs and torso, stopping once she had reached his mouth. "It's about my mother." Her eyes shifted away from his figure again. "You said she volunteered for the culling. Why?"

Marcus was slow to speak, crossing his hands in his lap. "That's a hard question to answer."

"Well try," Merit fired back. "She abandoned me as soon as I got locked up and then she kills herself. I want to know why. Did she do this all for you?"

"No, Merit." Marcus let out a heavy sigh. "I think it's because she couldn't face you."

"Did she really hate me that much?"

"She didn't hate you. She hated me," Marcus admitted. "And the one person she hated more than me was herself. Your mother harbored a lot of guilt for what she did, what _we_ did, and you suffered the backlash of that more than I realized."

"She was always looking down on me and you're telling me it's because of guilt?"

Merit remembered her mother's fierce scowl like she had only seen it yesterday. She was always discouraging her, always punishing her, and this entire time Merit thought it was because she just wasn't good enough. She wasn't smart enough or beautiful enough. She wasn't the daughter that her mother wished for but really it was because Merit was born from her and Marcus's mistake. That revelation didn't make her feel any better.

Marcus left his spot on his desk and pulled out a single chair. He gestured towards it, asking Merit to sit. "I can't tell you exactly what your mother was thinking because I'm not her but I can tell you what happened."

As Merit sat down, Marcus went on with his story.

"When you were born, I promised to keep my distance but your mother was persistent. She wanted me to be part of your life, so she was always sending me pictures and telling me stories. She made it very difficult for me to stay disconnected from you. And finally, after four years, she convinced me to meet you."

Kane walked around his desk and opened one of the drawers, removing a hefty portable safe. After typing a security code into the keypad, he popped the lid open and sorted through it, pulling out an album. He flipped through a couple of pages before stopping and placing the open book on Merit's lap.

"It was your fourth birthday," Marcus said, tapping his index finger against the picture. He had a faint smile on his face as he recalled the day. "And I gave you that old toy firetruck."

Merit looked at the picture of her childhood self, smiling while balancing this raggedy red firetruck on top of her head. The paint was peeling off and a tire was missing but young Merit seemed very proud of her newly acquired toy.

"The thing was a wreck but it would still light up and make a total ruckus with the sirens. Your mother hated it but you loved it," Marcus said.

"I remember."

Merit loved the toy for the same reason that her mother hated it; it was noisy. It was one of her favorite items to play with as a child and she had no recollection of Marcus even giving it to her.

"My plan was to only stay for a moment, but you asked me to play with you. I wanted to say no and I tried to but you wouldn't take no for an answer." There was a dreamy nostalgia in Marcus's tone. He seemed happy reliving this memory. "I could've stayed for hours just watching you zip around the house with that truck. And from that moment, I knew that I wanted my family back."

When Merit looked up from the photo album, Marcus was staring down at her with an expression of regret. She could tell that the story, from here, was about to lose its sweetness as it took a bitter turn.

"I finally agreed to a DNA test and when the results came back positive…I wanted your mother to choose." He sounded ashamed. "I gave her the impossible decision of taking you away from someone you loved very much and who loved you even more. But I knew that your mother was always holding onto the hope that one day, we would be a family. That one day I would step up and be a father and we both knew that would never happen with James in the picture."

Merit felt her hands shaking as they gripped the photo album in her lap. She still wasn't ready to hear about James's death. She wasn't sure that she could stomach it.

"You had grown so attached to James and Marley tried to drive a wedge between you two but it only served to drive you farther away from her," Marcus said. "There was nothing that she could do but I kept pushing and pushing her. The weekly visits just weren't enough and it was eating me alive watching you grow up from afar. She wasn't doing enough-" Marcus paused abruptly, furrowing his brows as his eyes traced shaky circles on the floor.

"What happened?" Merit asked, shutting the book and slamming it on the desk. Her voice trembled. "What did you do?"

"Your mother didn't know but I had James summoned to my office," Marcus continued tentatively. "I showed him the DNA test but he said he already knew and that it didn't change anything…Over the years, I tried everything – paying him off, threatening him, intimidation but he would _never_ give you up." Marcus's face lost its color and he stared vacantly ahead, his eyes glossing over with an eerie shine. It was almost as if he was staring directly at a ghost of his past. "One day, he told me if I wanted you back…I'd have to kill him..."

Before Marcus could confess his crime to Merit, an announcement called for him over the loud speaker. He was needed, immediately, at the airlock.

Marcus quickly rose from his spot.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," Marcus said as he walked to the door. He fled the room without looking back.

As Marcus left, Merit didn't realize how tightly her fists were clenched until she felt the blood dripping down her knuckles. In her anger, she had torn one of her stitches open.

Merit couldn't believe Marcus. She wasn't sure what made her more livid, the fact that he told her this entire story as if he had always loved her or the fact that he thought that killing the one person who actually treated her like a daughter would make her want to be part of his life. It should've been impossible for the delusion of one man to be so great.

Merit stormed out of Alpha Station, crossing paths with Parker in her wake.

"Parker," she said, breathlessly. "The answer is yes."

A triumphant smirk graced Parker's lips. He clapped his hands together and said, "Let's get to work."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** This is a relatively short update that was supposed to be part of a longer chapter but I haven't had time to write lately. It's in Bellamy's P.O.V (which I don't really write from often because of the limitations) because I wanted him to still be included in the story even though he's in the mountain at this point. So if you readers like this and would like to see me follow his perspective more often, I will try to figure out ways to make his journey a bit new and different. Perhaps a Bellamy and Parker cadet rivalry flashback? Let me know what you think in a review or message.

* * *

 _"What do you dream about?"_

Bellamy heard Merit's cool, clear voice creep into his ears as they lay side by side in bed.

Merit's tone was so peacefully nostalgic that it made Bellamy's second night in Camp Jaha feel more akin to the nights spent at the dropship, the nights where he would wrap himself in the comfort of her arms and seek asylum in the serenity of a compatible mind. It reminded him of those brief moments of safety and sanity that she gave him.

Inside Merit was a world where Bellamy could be any version of himself, usually what he considered to be the best version of himself. It was a world where, if only for a few hours, Bellamy didn't have to be Mr. Fixit or action hero extraordinaire. And every move he made didn't have to be one of penance because being with Merit was the closest thing to forgiveness his muddied path had ever come close to.

With her, Bellamy was free to be a dreamer, a thinker, a believer. He was allowed to give his hopes an audible voice and paint a precise and colorful picture of them with his real raw emotions, emotions that didn't have to be hidden behind stone cold countenance. His heavy hands could be soft and his concrete footsteps, light. His cluttered mind would become clear and his growing burdens would dissipate into a pile of fluttering feathers. Beside Merit, Bellamy felt liberated from the mental and physical chains that he often bound himself in.

"What do _I_ dream about?" Bellamy rasped as he rolled onto his side with an unenthusiastic groan. " _Me_?"

"Who else would I be talking to?" Merit asked plainly.

His generally rambunctious partner was rather calm tonight, a bit too quiet, and perhaps too introspective. Her response didn't have the usual hit of sarcasm that he was used to when he was purposely giving her a hard time and Bellamy knew that Merit's question was a searching one, an inquiry that had a deeper meaning. He knew that something was weighing on her conscience and she was looking for a resolution that she probably hoped to find on the inside of him.

Bellamy let out another stiff groan and placed a pillow over his head.

"Oh come on, Bellamy," Merit said, tugging on Bellamy's shoulder until he rolled onto his back. She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips with hers, and removed the pillow to find Bellamy grinning. "What are you smirking at, freckles?"

There it was. The fire and zeal that was so specifically Merit.

Bellamy let a soft chuckle slip past his lips as he placed his hands on Merit's hips. And instead of harping about how happy he was just to be alone with her for a moment, he said, "Why don't you ever call me Bell?"

Bellamy could hear his girlfriend's overdramatic gagging as she placed the pillow back over his face.

"This is a serious question!" Bellamy's muffled voice called out from beneath the pillow.

"I'm not calling you that," Merit said, removing the pillow once again.

"Why not?"

While Bellamy was mostly being cheeky, attempting to take Merit's mind off of the problem that was bothering her with a bit of charm and lighthearted conversation, he was also quite curious as to why she had never addressed him by his nickname.

"I don't know. That's Octavia's thing, not mine," Merit added with a shrug. She looked down and began to crack each of her knuckles. "It's like a privilege. You have to earn it."

Bellamy noticed Merit fidgeting with her hands and immediately took them in his. He kissed the backs of each of them and watched the tension in them fall away.

"I think you've earned it," Bellamy said softly.

He released Merit's hands from his grasp and as soon as he did, he watched them twist uncomfortably again.

Bellamy sat up underneath Merit's weight and placed a hand on her lower back. He just looked at her for a moment, a faint smile taking control of his lips. It still made his knees weak to know that their body chemistry matched each other so well, that the way he touched her could almost immediately change her response or her mood. It made him foolishly giddy and though Merit tried to hide it, Bellamy knew she shared that sentiment.

"Don't give me that look. I'm not calling you that," Merit protested.

"Just once? It'll be kind of cute."

Bellamy moved in and planted a kiss on Merit's jawline and then one on her neck, earning a giggle that was quickly stifled.

"Would you stop dodging my question?" Merit said, straightening up and pushing Bellamy back down on the bed. She stretched out on the side of him, rested her head against his chest, and draped her leg over his. "What do you dream about, Bellamy Blake?"

"Ooooh, first and last name. I must be in trouble." Bellamy reached for Merit's hand again, interlacing his fingers with hers. "Well, besides the usual nightmare…"

"You know what I mean," Merit said. "So what is it? Power? Respect? Freedom?"

Merit had this effortless way of getting Bellamy to open up. She made him think more critically, be more sensitive, and tune into parts of himself that he rather wished to ignore. And though he played hard to get, he knew he would be spilling his guts before the night was over.

Bellamy let out a great sigh, his eyes lingering on the ceiling, as he began slowly but surely, "Stability."

The word almost sounded foreign as his life, even on The Ark, had been anything but stable. But looking at Merit now, there was the hope and the possibility that this dream could become a reality.

"I dream about a place where we don't have to fight for survival, where our friends - our _families_ can die peacefully of old age and not on the tips of swords and spears. I dream about Octavia and her happiness, _her_ freedom." Bellamy tried to sound nonchalant, pretending that he hadn't put much thought into his musings when it was quite the opposite. He was quiet for a moment, taking a couple of synchronized breaths with his partner before continuing. "I dream about you and me… _us_ …I don't know – maybe living a normal life one day."

Bellamy suddenly became aware of the sound of his own voice and how it seemed too loud even though he was merely speaking just above a whisper. He realized how much he was talking and how quiet Merit seemed to be under the volume of his words.

He shook, wondering if he had gone too far or said something wrong in the prospect of their future together. What did she think of when he said _normal_ and was the use of the word _us_ too much of a commitment – Bellamy immediately began to second guess the attentiveness of his mind sending messages to his tongue.

When Bellamy finally looked down at Merit, he was met by a pair of glistening eyes. She was silently staring back at him. Merit had grown extremely still and her mouth downturned just the slightest. She almost seemed sad.

"I'm sorry," Bellamy said. He wasn't even sure why he was apologizing but it was his first instinct. "I must sound really stupid."

"Not at all," Merit said, her mouth rising into a soft smile. "It's perfect. Better than anything I've ever dreamed of."

Bellamy anxiously shifted his weight as he looked down at his outfit. Clunky, raggedy dark clothes hung from his body – garments that didn't belong to him. He had set off on his mission into Mount Weather disguised as a grounder while Lincoln played the role of a reaper. And even though dawn had just barely broken and the pair had been journeying through the woods for the past two hours, they still had a long road ahead of them.

They had been trekking through the forest nonstop, dashing through the dirt and darting through the trees – all while avoiding reapers and other dangers that lurked amidst the thick greenery – just to make it to the Mount Weather intake door, the place where reaper raiding parties would bring their live human catches to the Mountain men in return for sweet liquid reward. There was only one chance to make it through that door and the lives of forty-eight of Bellamy's friends depended on that single opportunity.

Bellamy didn't notice the ache in his feet, the tensing of the muscles in his lower back, or the heavy panting that made his mouth drier than cotton. And it wasn't fear of what lay ahead or fear of losing his life inside the defunct military base that made him numb to his senses; it was Merit. It was the feeling of dread that told him he had already lost part of his existence when she let him go.

Bellamy shook his head, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.

Here he was, rampaging through the forest on a mission marked for death and all he could think about was her, how his heart ached inside of his chest for and because of her.

"Bellamy," Lincoln called out.

Bellamy's eyes whipped around and focused on Lincoln. He had been so consumed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed the crimson red covering Lincoln's chin and neck or the fact that the liquid was the blood of a dead deer.

Bellamy let out a shaky breath as he took in Lincoln's nearly completed Reaper disguise.

"Limestone," Lincoln said, holding out his hand.

Bellamy removed a small pouch from his pocket and handed it to Lincoln, watching as his grounder ally dipped his fingers into the leather purse and pulled out a white paste. Lincoln rubbed the paste down his face, creating three stripes across a third of his face.

Bellamy gulped uneasily as Lincoln gave him a long hard gaze.

"Whatever is holding you back, you need to let it go right now," Lincoln advised. "We're going to need every ounce of focus if we're going to make it past the reapers and into the mountain."

"I know." Bellamy nodded swiftly. "I'm ready."

"Good. We have a lot of ground to cover before dark," Lincoln added.

"Wait," Bellamy said, halting Lincoln in his tracks. "Octavia, you really care about her. Even after everything you've been through…" Lincoln had suffered torture from Bellamy's own hands and faced disownment from his people, all for the love of Octavia. "How?"

"Because Octavia understands me like no one ever will. She makes me feel like a better person, like I belong. And I'll fight for her any day, anytime, no matter the risk," Lincoln answered without hesitation.

"And she'd do the same for you," Bellamy added.

Lincoln nodded. "Let's keep moving."

As Bellamy's legs began to move again, Lincoln's words conjured up visions of his final conversation with Merit. He saw the flames of the fire pit throwing light onto her melancholy expression and heard her voice loud and clear.

 _"I wanted to be your partner, Bellamy, not your responsibility."_

The words boomed in his ears and ricocheted across his mind like gunfire.

 _"When I look at Octavia and Lincoln, I see two equals supporting each other and when I look at you and me, I see you lugging around a ten thousand pound weight."_

Bellamy grimaced as he tried to shake the memory from his head and replace it with something better. The night they spoke about dreams, he brought it back to the forefront of his mind.

* * *

"And what is it you dream about, Merit Murdock?" Bellamy repeated Merit's question back to her.

"I don't know," Merit mumbled. She sounded reluctant as she took her bottom lip in her teeth. "I'm not much of a forward thinker."

"Come on. I answered, so now it's your turn." Bellamy hugged Merit a little tighter and felt her wiggle her toes against his.

"My answer isn't nearly as good as yours but…I guess I dream about letting go of grudges," Merit admitted. Her grip on Bellamy seemed to increase as well as she buried her face into his chest. "And how freeing it must be to live with absolution."

Bellamy had come face to face with the dark shadows that lingered over Merit's shoulders. He knew about the anger and resentment she harbored towards her family and how it weighed heavily on her. He saw those draining emotions slowly pulling her down and he only wished that he could offer her some relief but it wasn't possible to take her burdens as his own.

"I know forgiveness is just an idea. It's not tangible. But holding onto grief hasn't been going too well for me. Maybe it feels nice to forgive and be forgiven," Merit said with a sigh. "Now, that sounds stupid."

"No. Not at all," Bellamy said quickly. "It sounds nice."

Bellamy felt Merit grow heavy in his arms.

Their confession about dreams made Bellamy realize that they shared different perspectives on forgiveness. While Merit may have served as a source of absolution for Bellamy, he was starting to understand that he wasn't the same spiritual force for her. And while he understood he didn't have to be, his sudden awareness of how much he needed her against how much she needed him left him with a subtle sting.

* * *

Bellamy was sweating, stripped of his attire down to his underwear, and covered in dark soot. He was one of many, lined up on their knees in the rocky dirt, just in front of the Mount Weather intake door. Another raiding party of reapers had caught up to him and Lincoln which called for a change in plans.

Instead of just facing off against the Mount Weather guards, they now had to thwart a group of reapers too, so their plan relied heavily on the red. The red was the drug, potent and highly addictive, used to control the reapers. The same drug that turned the mild-mannered Lincoln into a ravenous monster and now, he was expected to confront it again.

All Lincoln had to do was grab the dosage and run. The reapers and the mountain men would have to chase him and while chaos ensued, Bellamy would use this distraction to slip into the mountain undetected.

When it was Lincoln's turn to receive the injection, Bellamy looked up expectantly at his friend and waited for his cue. Instead, he noticed Lincoln back away with fear and uncertainty. Bellamy gave Lincoln a small nod, encouraging him to go through with the plan even if he had cold feet. Lincoln only gave Bellamy a pleading yet apologetic look in return. And as Lincoln slowly sank to his knees, so did Bellamy's hope for the success of this mission.

It happened way too fast and also extremely slow as Bellamy watched the needle sink into Lincoln's neck and saw his eyes roll back as the drug ran its course. It was enough time for him to have a mental debate about whether to give up or fight back. Fight back was the easy winner, although, the odds weren't in his favor.

Bellamy lunged forward with a great growl toward the Mount Weather guards. He saw Merit's face and Octavia's and the faces of his friends, his _family_ , as he wrestled with the guards. He felt his dream slowly slipping through his fingers as his chances of survival dwindled. And instead, he felt blood drip down his hands. It wasn't the guard's blood or his own. It was the blood of his people staining his palms as he realized he couldn't save them.

Bellamy's quick burst of fury was ended by the butt of a rifle meeting with the back of his skull. He could hear the loud crack like thunder echo in his ears. His head was on fire as he struggled to stay conscious. He saw black as his knees scraped the dirt below him.

The next time Bellamy was on his feet, they were bare and shackled together. He was left with not one article of clothing to his name while a metal collar was clamped around his neck. He was hazy, in a daze, as he was dragged into a quarantine area with the other captives. It was a chemical shower.

He was dusted with a yellow powder that burned his skin and then rinsed with a liquid that burned even more than that. He was relentlessly scrubbed and scratched with tough bristles. The veins in his arms were invaded by thick needles that pumped drugs and sedatives into his system. A tracking chip was implanted beneath his skin. The process seemed to go on forever and Bellamy couldn't stop himself from shaking in agony.

And just when he thought the pain was too unbearable, he heard her voice.

 _"Does it hurt?"_ Merit asked.

 _"Like hell,"_ Bellamy puffed.

 _"Endure just a little while longer."_

 _"I can't."_

Bellamy's mouth was held open and a long metal tube was inserted. A large tablet of mystery ingredients was forced down the back of his throat, nearly causing him to choke as he lurched forward. He was violently yanked back in line by the collar.

 _"You've been through worse,"_ Merit continued.

 _"I haven't,"_ Bellamy said weakly.

Merit's soft encouragement took on an irate tone. _"You're telling me that losing your mother wasn't worse?"_

 _"No."_

 _"That seeing Octavia locked away wasn't worse?"_

 _"No."_

Bellamy's head was submerged under rushing water and he struggled to breathe. He gasped for air.

 _"That the moment that I let you walk away from me wasn't worse?"_

 _"Never."_

Merit's final words came as a firm command. _"Then stand your ground."_

The fumes, the body aches, the chemicals forced into his skin – the entire process was dehumanizing and utter torture but Bellamy refused to break as a blood-curdling scream flew from his mouth. Then it was back to black.

From there it was waking up, groggy, in a cramped cage. Bellamy's knees were scrunched into his chest as he pushed himself up from the fetal position and began to look around. That's when he saw them, hundreds of them, the little white cages stacked upon each other housing captive grounders clad in clothing made from sterile bandages.

Bellamy made it. He was alive and inside Mount Weather but trapped like a rat. Bellamy raged, banging against the metal cage door with feet and fists. He grabbed the lock, trying to tear it off with his bare hands when the woman next to him spoke in Trigedasleng.

"I can't understand you," Bellamy groaned.

"Sky person," the woman sneered. She spat in Bellamy's face.

Bellamy's face twisted into a disgusted frown as he wiped the saliva from his eyes. The abrasive side of his personality wanted to curse this woman and add her to the long list of enemies that awaited him in the mountain. And once he found a way out of this cell he wanted to taunt her and make her wish she'd never parted her lips to let that spitball fly. He'd see how much she liked spitting in people's faces when he was free and her ass was still locked up.

After the amount of sheer torture Bellamy had already endured, his patience was wearing extremely thin. He was ready to storm this mountain and tear through anyone who tried to get in his way and while his aggression wanted to take control, Bellamy knew that his brain had to lead if he was going to be successful.

Whether he liked it or not, the grounders were now his allies and he had to treat all of them with respect, even the one who had rudely spat in his face, so instead of telling his prison neighbor to go float herself, Bellamy filled her in on the alliance that his and her people had formed. His revelation didn't illicit much of a better response from the woman, her face remaining in a firm scowl.

This woman didn't matter, though, not now anyway. Bellamy's first priority was getting out of this cage and once he did he was going to raise absolute hell on this entire mountain and everyone in it.

A woman in a lab coat as well as two guards walked in and silenced the room. Chatter halted and cages stopped rattling. Bellamy followed suit and stopped struggling. That was until they came for his impolite next door neighbor. If Bellamy followed his aggressive instincts, he would've let them take her after what she had done. Instead, he took this as an opportunity to save an ally as well as get free, so he kicked up a fuss to get the attention diverted to him.

Bellamy was met with another failed plan and for his impudence, he was awarded a thousand volts of electricity between his legs before the guards even unlocked the cage door and a thousand more once they did. Once he was fried within an inch of consciousness, they injected him with another sedative, an immediate K.O.

It was dark. Everything was pitch black except for her. Merit was the light in the room. She held open her arms as Bellamy walked toward her.

 _"Oh, Bellamy…What have they done to you?"_ She embraced him.

 _"I couldn't beat them,"_ Bellamy said hoarsely. He gripped Merit tightly, the lone tear that slid down his cheek soaked into her shoulder.

 _"I'm counting on you…"_

 _"I tried."_ Bellamy's weakening body slowly sank to the floor. _"I really tried_ -"

 _"They're counting on you too. We're all counting on you,"_ Merit emphasized.

 _"I failed."_

Merit looked down at Bellamy, tilting his chin up until their eyes met. Her expression was gentle but her tone was stern and direct. _"Get up."_

 _"I'm not strong enough!"_

 _"Get up!"_

 _"I can't do it! I can't!"_ Bellamy shouted. He tore away from Merit and slammed his fists into the floor. He looked down at his clenched fists. The tighter he balled them, the redder they turned until blood seemed to seep from the cracks.

Then her voice came again like an angelic whisper. _"You can."_

 _"How?"_

He saw Merit kneel down in front of him, still radiating warm light while he was subdued in darkness. She took his shaking hands in her own, gently peeling his fists open until his palms were facing up. And when Bellamy looked at his hands they were clean, free of blood and suddenly glowing with white light.

 _"You need to get up, right now."_

With a sharp prick and a gasp, Bellamy woke to a dizzying scene. His world literally turned upside down. He tried to focus his blurry vision on the girl in front of him as she spoke.

"You're from the Ark aren't you?" she asked.

"Yeah…" Bellamy croaked.

"Do you know Jasper?"

"Maya?" Bellamy's question received a nod. "How about getting me down, Maya?"


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N:** I'm trying to do shorter chapters now to keep everything organized. Sorry for such a long delay. Thanks to those who continue to read and to those that have reviewed. Check out my tumblr if you're interested in character back stories or have questions. Wishing you all love, light, and happiness in the new year!

* * *

Merit tried her hardest not to wince as Dr. Griffin poked and prodded at her sprained ankle. The examination didn't hurt but the sheer sight of her bruised joint being twisted to and fro made her grimace with nausea.

"My ankle feels great," Merit squeaked with a forced smile. Her eyes shifted from Abby to the ceiling. "So am I free to go, doc? Back to my old routine?"

"It's not that simple, Merit." Abby let out a long sigh as she rolled down Merit's pant leg. "There's still significant bruising and you haven't been getting the proper rest to fully recover."

"So I guess that's a no."

"I'm sorry," Abby said, patting Merit on the knee as she stood from her knelt position.

"Well, I can't exactly sit still either," Merit said.

The people of Camp Jaha were gearing up for their biggest battle yet against the forces of Mount Weather. Bellamy was currently on a perilous solo mission, Finn had been executed, an alliance had been made and one war had been averted just to enter into another one – so much had been sacrificed for so little gain just to make it to this very moment. The lives of many depended on the Arkers gaining a victory over their foes. This meant that every able-bodied citizen within this alliance had to work hard and cooperatively toward the rescue of their people, Merit included.

"I understand and that's why I gave Jackson permission to give you the shot for inflammation but it's not the best course of long-term treatment," Abby explained. "And even without an MRI, I can see that surgery is probably your best option."

"Not gonna happen," Merit adamantly protested.

Getting cut open on the ground without anesthesia was the last thing Merit would subject herself to. If the mental picture of being awake during a surgical procedure wasn't frightening enough, remembering the sound of Raven's blood-curdling screams as Abby removed the bullet from her spine was enough to further discourage Merit.

"Got any good news for me?" Merit asked sarcastically.

"Bellamy," Abby started. "He made it. He's inside Mount Weather. He's okay."

This was actually great news and while Merit felt relieved, she was still filled with sadness at the mere mention of Bellamy's name. While he was out there risking his life for this entire camp, she was still trying to convince herself that she had done the right thing in separating from him. She couldn't deny that her decision was influenced in part by insecurity and self-loathing but she wanted to fully believe that it was for the betterment of Bellamy's future if, at this rate, he even had a future.

As Merit left the medical tent, she heard a _"Psst!"_ and turned to her left to see Parker casually dipping around the corner toward a path behind Alpha Station. She caught up with him.

Parker led Merit to a secluded trail between the electric fence and the main space station. It was a less-traveled footpath, mostly used by patrolling guards but served no purpose to Camp Jaha residents. This footpath provided Merit and Parker with a decent amount of privacy and cover.

"I don't have much time to talk," Parker whispered, taking a quick glance around. The tall metal structures blocked out the sunlight and cast shadows over the area. Parker's face was darkened in the shade.

"And why's that?" Merit questioned. There always seemed to be more than enough time on Parker's watch for him to find a moment to run his mouth.

"I do have a job, remember? And since I'm no longer commissioned to babysit you that means; we plan when we have time and work separately," Parker said. "Besides, the patrolling guard should be making his rounds in about ten minutes."

"Fine. We can meet at my place once you're done."

"Uh…no." Parker rigidly shook his head, his upper lip slightly curving in repulsion.

"Then I can come to yours?" Merit asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Negative," Parker said.

Merit's look of confusion only grew stronger.

"Let me explain." Parker cleared his throat. "One, you're not bringing your filth into my apartment. Two, I don't want people to get the wrong idea if they catch us creeping around...as if Blake and I don't have enough reason to despise each other."

"Since when do you care about what Bellamy thinks?"

"I don't," Parker snorted. "I just don't want people thinking that I would ever stoop so low as to fraternize with a Kane. What's more important is that people don't catch wind of what we're doing."

"I'm not a Kane," Merit snapped, clenching her fists. She caught her anger quickly, realizing that she was allowing Parker to get under her skin. She unfurled her fists and shook the tension out of them. "I thought you said you didn't have time to talk," Merit said, urging Parker to get to the point.

"Right. Back on topic." Parker rubbed his hands together. "I briefly dug through a few archives today and, as expected, there's not much left. Sinclair was able to reboot some of the systems and restore some of the files, including the one about the factory station water scandal, but no mention of my mother." Parker spoke quickly and precisely all while keeping an eye out for eavesdroppers. "However, there was a note that said, 'refer to FS-240.' Does that mean anything to you?"

"No." Merit shook her head. She jotted down a quick mental note in the event that the mysterious case file reference happened to appear again.

"I couldn't find anything on it. Still, more than half of the archives are offline," Parker added. He tugged at a stray thread on his uniform jacket and broke it off. His fiddling insinuated an air of agitation rather than nervous energy. "They're more focused on Mount Weather at the moment which is both a positive and a negative. What did you find out?"

Merit looked around with a nonchalant shrug and said, "Nothing."

Parker's gaze locked onto Merit with a stony expression of pure dissatisfaction. "Why am I not surprised?" he sneered.

"Listen, Kane is running around like a madman. He's on his way to TonDC as we speak," Merit explained defensively. Her biological father was currently headed to a big war meeting in the grounder village as the time for battle grew closer. "In the middle of a war isn't exactly the best time for father-daughter bonding."

Parker's so-called plan couldn't have come at a worse time and Merit was beginning to think she had made a mistake in agreeing to help him. If anything went wrong, was she really prepared to go down again for attempted murder? And even if they were successful, Merit wasn't sure that she could live with homicide on her conscience. Vengeance was either going to clear her grudges or sink her existence into the dark and murky abyss.

"I might as well be working by myself." Parker scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Remind me why I asked for your help again?"

"I don't know, maybe because you're a lonely, miserable little man who could actually use a friend?" Merit said.

Parker had already admitted to enlisting Merit's help because of their similar situations as well as their strong aversions to Marcus, but Merit figured there was something more there that Parker failed to reveal. And perhaps, underneath his snobby persona, Parker actually just needed someone to understand his pain.

"Friend?" Parker cackled in disbelief. "Never had one and don't need one, especially if it's you."

"I call bullshit. You didn't tell me your entire life story the other night just because you want vengeance," Merit said.

"The _only_ reason I told you those things is because your life is _even more_ screwed up than mine," Parker responded pointedly.

"More screwed up?"

"Yeah, and you know why?" Parker crossed his arms and looked Merit directly in the eye. "Because you're a fucking masochist. You have an unquenchable thirst for pain and you enjoy every second of it."

"You're out of your mind," Merit said, backing away from Parker.

"Says the girl who broke the heart of the man she loved right before letting him walk into a death trap," Parker said, calmly continuing his verbal assault. He raised his finger in the air and wagged it. "Now, that's crazy."

"You should mind your tongue before you lose it," Merit said with a menacing glare. She felt her hand itch to return to its hardened fist form.

Parker didn't seem intimidated by Merit's steadily boiling anger. In fact, he was smirking. "What's worse is the fact that he obviously loved you more than you loved him," Parker said.

"I've told you once and I won't tell you again-" Merit growled.

"Because I'm pretty sure I've seen Blake get that idiotic, doe-eyed expression whenever he looks at you. And I know that look," Parker went on. He stepped toward Merit, stopping just in front of her. "It was the same one he had at the masquerade dance as he watched his sister get her first taste of freedom. That glittery-eyed gaze that says, 'I love you and would knowingly lay down my life for yours.'" Parker squinted at Merit and asked, "You know what I mean?"

Merit knew exactly what Parker meant. She had been on the receiving end of that look many times but never knew what it meant until Unity Day, the night where she laid all of her dirty laundry bare in front of Bellamy. She would see that penetrating stare many more times – in the mornings when they awoke, in the evenings when they cuddled, with every kiss and every hug, and sometimes for no reason at all. It was the glistening brown eyes, the ones that looked at her with such adoration, which revealed the doorway to his heart.

Merit could still recall the first time she took notice of that particular glance.

* * *

Evening had rolled in and with the darkness came howling wind. The whistling night air brought with it steady drops of rain that beamed down onto the quaint delinquent camp. The wet weather sent the camp inhabitants running for shelter as they moved their operations to drier terrain.

Merit was working with the food group, filling little packets to the brim with nuts, seeds, and dried fruit. They had moved their bins into the dropship just in time to only be minimally damp while those on patrol weren't so lucky.

Merit looked out at the wall and saw Bellamy tuck the back of his jacket over his head. He was calling out orders to the guards on watch. Once he finished giving his commands, Bellamy turned and jogged over to the dropship in the pelting rain.

As soon as Bellamy entered the spaceship, he found Merit.

"Hey, I need your help," Bellamy said, breathlessly.

"With what?" Merit asked.

"Follow me."

Merit was hesitant to follow Bellamy, knowing that their relationship had been taking a strange turn, growing ever more complicated as they spent more and more time together. What could best be described as friends with benefits was evolving into something more and the line between pleasurable distraction and romantic feelings continued to blur. And as much as Merit tried to convince herself otherwise, her heart was in a dangerous position with the smooth-talking rebel king.

Merit trailed behind Bellamy, her boots sloshing in the puddles and thick mud as they scurried across the camp. She followed behind him as he dipped into his tent.

Merit stood there by the entrance and crossed her arms as she waited to see what Bellamy so desperately needed her assistance with. However, the rebellious leader was quiet and didn't reveal any instructions. He removed his jacket and then his shirt before shaking out his wet tresses.

"What is it?" Merit asked impatiently.

Bellamy grabbed a dry cloth, tossed it over his head and ruffled his hair. "I'm tired and I didn't want to sleep alone," he said plainly.

"Seriously? That's what you need help with?" Merit said in shock.

"Well…yeah."

Merit rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"So are you going to pretend to be upset or are you going to come to bed?" Bellamy asked as he kicked off his boots and stretched out across the bed. "The rain doesn't seem to be letting up and I know how much you hate being cold," he finished with a grin.

"You do remember our agreement, don't you?" Merit said.

Merit had injured her ankle in a grounder scuffle that had nearly cost her and Bellamy their lives. And to show his gratitude, Bellamy allowed Merit to use his tent until she was fully recovered. Then, she would return to her former sleeping arrangements. It had only been one day since that pact ended.

"I do but I was thinking…just because your ankle is healed, it doesn't mean that you have to sleep in the dropship," Bellamy said.

"Then what does it mean?"

Bellamy's usually tense expression was relaxed. His chiseled jaw was unclenched and appeared soft in the dim light. "It means that I got used to _you_ sleeping next to _me_." The harsh rasp in his gravelly tone gained an amorous delicacy as he answered Merit's question.

Bellamy sat up straight and pulled the covers back before patting the spot next to him.

When Bellamy spoke he was all charisma, a real Casanova. He knew just what to say, and how to say it, to get even the coldest of hearts melting and Merit always felt like she was being played…until he looked at her. His eyes always told a different story.

Bellamy's eyes had a way of telling truths that his mouth failed to speak. They were brutally honest and always passionately emotive. And no amount of sweet-talking, bad boy attitude could hide that fact.

Merit tried to suppress the smile that wanted to force its way to the surface by biting her bottom lip. She let out a small sigh and shook her head as she shrugged out of her jacket. It wasn't that Merit couldn't resist Bellamy's charm, but honestly, she just didn't want to.

"I knew you couldn't sleep without me," Merit teased as she slid into bed and situated herself in Bellamy's embrace.

"I never said that," Bellamy whispered as he pulled Merit into his chest.

"You didn't have to," Merit said as she nuzzled into Bellamy's neck. "Because I couldn't sleep without you either."

For a while, before Bellamy shut his eyes, he just gingerly gazed at Merit. And as the lantern light burned out, the light in Bellamy's eyes burned brighter. They shined like sparkling amber as they gracefully etched a path across Merit's face, begging her to stay right there in his arms. Where he could feel her heart harmoniously beating with his. Where he could hide his face and press his lips against her neck. Where he could see her, hold her and feel comforted.

Bellamy's eyes revealed his longing for a kindred spirit where he could release his burdens and find solace. And Merit had no idea that she served as that place of security for him.

* * *

Parker circled around Merit until he was behind her. He leaned over her shoulder and lowered his voice to a whisper. "Have you ever looked at Blake that way?"

When Merit was close to knocking Parker's nose right off of his arrogant face, his question stopped her anger in its tracks.

Merit opened her mouth but her voice failed to resound. She couldn't answer Parker confidently, so she kept quiet.

"I didn't think so," Parker said smugly. "People like you and me, we don't understand happiness, and therefore we cannot accept it."

"I'm not like you," Merit said, her voice cracking.

"Keep telling yourself that." Parker patted Merit on the shoulder. "I've got to get back to work. Get in touch when you have some valuable information for me."

Merit was quick to refute Parker's claims of similarity but there was truth to it and it made her whole body quake with fear. She didn't want to be like him, consumed in grief and ruled by grudges, hate, and anger. She wanted to accept love and sincerely give love. She wanted to overcome. And she would, one day…when she was ready.

Merit found herself seeking refuge from her feelings at Raven's workstation. The mechanic was up to her knees in work – building tone generators, navigating Mount Weather, and figuring out how to disable the acid fog. While Merit had very little knowledge in all things mechanic, she could listen and follow directions pretty well. And she figured she could offer her meager abilities to help Raven with the workload.

"How's it going, card sharp?" Raven said, keeping her attention focused on the large, clear dry erase board in front of her. It was scribbled with neon drawings. Paper charts and diagrams littered Raven's desk area.

"Seriously, Raven? Are you going to hold this over my head forever?"

"Yes, because you're a damn cheater," Raven barked as she traced her finger across a map. "I was zero for twenty-seven."

"You can't be good at everything, Reyes." Merit shrugged. "What's all this chicken scratch anyway?" Merit pointed at the chart Raven was mulling over.

"Schematics," Raven said bluntly. "It's the inside of Mount Weather. I've been trying to help Bellamy squeeze his ass through vents and secured hallways just to find and disable the acid fog."

"Need any help?"

"You know it. I sent Wick to scrounge for more parts and as soon as he gets back, I'll need some back up assembling tone generators."

Merit nodded and took a seat on the edge of the desk.

"How's your ankle feeling?" Raven asked.

"Abby thinks I need surgery," Merit said.

"Welcome to the club."

"Our friends are getting used as expendable lab experiments and I might miss out on another chance to fight for them because of a busted ankle," Merit grumbled. "I'm useless."

Raven stopped studying the board and turned away from her work for the first time since Merit had entered the room. Her hand crept from the desk in front of her and down to the metal brace that encased her leg.

"Then what am I?" Raven asked slowly. Her usually strong brows were softened with sadness.

"Raven, I'm sorry," Merit said, quickly noticing how thoughtless her statement was. "That was really insensitive and dumb. I didn't mean it."

Once again, Merit had managed to hurt someone she truly cared about because of her selfishness and her inability to think before speaking. She was starting to think that permanently sewing her mouth shut wasn't such a bad idea.

"I'm so sorry. I'm just so frustrated with myself." Merit rubbed a hand down her face. "Raven, you're a freaking genius and a juggernaut mentally and physically. Me, I've never been smart, or thoughtful, or anything besides angry and physical."

Merit never considered herself exceptionally intelligent or beautiful or any trait with any positivity behind it. When she thought of herself, it was always the negative characteristics that came up first – her stubbornness, impulsiveness, and quick temper. And it was this type of thinking she wished to correct before it completely destroyed her.

"Give yourself a bit more credit, Murdock. Maybe you don't always like to use it, but you have a big heart. You were there for me when I really needed a friend." Raven placed her hand on top of Merit's and gently squeezed it. "I won't let you go through this alone."

"Thank you, Raven," Merit said with a faint smile.

"Raven, come in." Bellamy's voice filled the room with static, cutting the sentimental moment short. "Raven, you there?"

Merit felt her stomach lurch at the sound of Bellamy's deep voice resonating over the speaker and she realized she had taken it for granted.

Raven grabbed the transmitter and pressed the button before speaking, "Bellamy, thanks for checking in on time."

"Clarke was hounding me about it. Is she there?" Bellamy asked.

"No, but Me-"

Merit shook her hands wildly, signaling for Raven not to mention her in the conversation. She just wanted to hear Bellamy's voice for a little longer without him being aware of her presence.

"Me, myself, and I are here," Raven countered.

At that very moment, Clarke joined the party and rushed toward the radio.

"Bellamy, what's the latest?" Clarke greeted urgently.

"Raven was right about the ventilation system. I'm in," Bellamy said. "I just need directions to the lab."

Raven called out the directions, guiding Bellamy down a tall and winding path of tunnels until the sound of a drill rang out over the walkie. A bone marrow extraction was taking place as they spoke. In a short but grisly conversation, it was revealed that the Mount Weather authorities were already aware of the council meeting that was about to take place in TonDC. The Mount Weather soldiers not only planned to stop it, but they were going to blow the grounder village off the map by dropping a missile on it.

"Tell me you heard that," Bellamy whispered across the radio.

"I have to stop this," Clarke replied solemnly.

If that missile made contact with TonDC, the war with Mount Weather would be over before it even started. An attack of this magnitude would thoroughly dent their number of fighters as well as the overall morale. Hundreds of innocent lives would be lost and it wouldn't just be guards and grounder warriors. Civilians, women, children, and the elderly would also fall victim to this deadly attack. The bombing had to be diverted before it unleashed massive mayhem upon the alliance and its efforts against Mount Weather.

"Octavia, she was in TonDC when I left," Bellamy said, the worry in his voice ringing through loud and clear over the radio. "Is she-"

"She's fine," Clarke quickly interjected. "She's safe."

Merit shot Clarke a heavy glare from beneath furrowed eyebrows, knowing that Octavia was still, in fact, in TonDC, right in the face of danger.

"I have to go. I'll talk to you soon," Clarke finished, dropping the radio and heading out of the engineering office. Merit followed her.

"I'm going with you," Merit said, grabbing Clarke by the shoulder.

"No, I won't put anyone else in danger," Clarke said.

"Clarke, you just lied to Bellamy about Octavia and I'm not letting a bomb drop on my friend."

"Merit, I had to do it-"

"I know," Merit said with an agitated breath.

Clarke's lie didn't sit well with Merit but she knew it had to be done. In an ever-evolving whirlwind of a man like Bellamy, there was only one constant and that was his sister. Bellamy would live and die by the words _"my sister; my responsibility,"_ and if he even caught a whiff of his sister being in danger, it could screw with his head and potentially disrupt the entire mission. Lying to him may not have been morally correct but it was the right thing to do.

In Bellamy's absence, and as a way to right this falsehood, Merit took Bellamy's responsibility onto herself and promised that she would die to try to save Octavia from the missile.

"I'm going with you whether you like it or not," Merit finished.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** This chapter is, once again, completely in Bellamy's point of view. I'll try to explore as much of his P.O.V as I can and when I can if I can find an interesting way to do so. Enjoy!

* * *

Bellamy had been running on fumes and adrenaline for the past twelve hours. He had been sneaking through halls and climbing through vents so tall and dark that he couldn't even see the bottoms, essentially playing an exhausting game of mission impossible through every nook and cranny of the Mountain, in search of the acid fog machine.

Raven currently had him climbing up a soaring ladder with seemingly no end in sight and a bottomless pit beneath him. Bellamy could hear his boots click as they scaled each rung and instead of carefully placing each step, he was barreling through it. When he should've been more concerned about falling to his death with one missed step, his scattered brain was thinking about his sister.

Clarke's answer about Octavia not being in TonDC was a little too hasty and it left him unsettled.

An hour had already passed since the news about the missile and the lack of updates was making Bellamy grow even more anxious. If the bomb hit, there would be no army to march on the Mountain, rendering his mission useless.

Bellamy radioed back to Raven who was consistently giving him directions over the other end. "Any word from Clarke? Did they evacuate TonDC?"

"I don't know yet but it's Clarke, she'll get it done," Raven said. "Stop worrying about your sister and focus on disarming the acid fog."

Bellamy stopped his ascent and adjusted his earpiece. A short gasp escaped from his lips.

Why would Raven tell him to stop worrying if there honestly wasn't a reason to worry? More than he knew his friends, Clarke and Raven, he knew his sister. There was little that Octavia wouldn't do to gain acceptance from the grounders and certainly, staying in TonDC would've aided in that effort.

"Octavia is in TonDC, isn't she?" Bellamy asked. His question only received radio silence in return. "Raven," Bellamy bellowed.

Finally, Raven's voice sounded from the headset. "Bellamy, she's going to be fine. Clarke and Merit hightailed it to TonDC. They'll get there on time."

"Merit is there too?" Bellamy pressed his forehead into the ladder rung in frustration. "How could you keep this from me?"

"Because you have the most important job out of all of us and you need to concentrate."

"This is bullshit."

Not only did Bellamy have to worry about losing his sister, he had to worry about losing Merit too.

"I wouldn't have kept it from you if I wasn't sure that'd they'd both be okay," Raven reasoned.

Octavia and Merit were both strong women, capable well beyond their abilities, and Bellamy knew that well. However, that never stopped him from wanting to protect them. It was in his nature to defend his family, to keep them from harm, and disabling the acid fog was part of defending them. In order to complete his mission, Bellamy had to convince himself that staying in Mount Weather was the only way to keep his family safe.

"Let's just get this done," Bellamy said.

Bellamy tried to push his worries to the back of his mind but it would've been a blatant lie to say that his focus wasn't shaken by the fact that his sister was in immediate danger. His mind was often subconsciously focused on her well-being. She was his responsibility, after all.

From the very moment that Octavia was born, Bellamy immediately formed a special connection to her that would bind them for a lifetime. He held her in his arms and saw this adorable, bright-eyed bundle of joy just staring back at him with such faith and innocence. And even though his mother had birthed Octavia, Bellamy knew that this little girl was his and that he would do anything – even if it meant giving his life for hers – to ensure her happiness. In recent years, he seemed to fall horribly short in that respect and instead of giving her the best quality of life, he seemed to be more responsible for Octavia's suffering.

In one night, Bellamy managed to get his sister imprisoned and his mother floated. It took less than 24 hours to turn his life into a literal hell. It was the one day that started this rapid occurrence of unfortunate events in the Blakes' lives and Bellamy recalled it clearly.

* * *

Bellamy hit the cold hard floor with a grimace and a groan. He laid there in a daze, breathless and covered in sweat as he stared at the fluorescent light beaming down on him from the ceiling. The sharp ache in his shoulder and ribs was beginning to go numb after landing in this position for the third time in the past ten minutes. He was sure he would have a nice bruise to remember this day by.

Bellamy had spent the last three hours toiling away in cadet practice, paired up with the Commander's son, Parker Shumway. The kid was a maniac – meticulous, quick, and seemingly never missed a step, strike, lunge, or target – and Bellamy was having a hard time keeping up with his tenacious partner in every activity. It wasn't that Bellamy couldn't best Parker in competition; it was just that his mind wasn't in it today. His body was there, moving and rolling with the punches, but his consciousness was back at home with his younger sister.

Octavia had recently turned sixteen and the birthday festivities didn't feel so joyous as his sister complained about celebrating yet another year in captivity. It was Octavia's coming of age and there was so much she had never gotten to experience that most kids her age had. She had never seen a moonrise or gone to school or made a friend. She had never even seen or stepped two feet passed the front door of the tiny apartment that was the Blake family home. The farthest she had gone was underneath the floor. Was this how Octavia deserved to live the rest of her life, a secret in hiding? Bellamy wanted more for her.

"That's the third time, Blake." The sound of Parker's voice cut through Bellamy's lamentations. "The _third_ time you've dropped your guard and I've gained the upper hand," Parker said, looming over Bellamy's fallen figure. "And every time you leave yourself exposed, I'm going to keep kicking your ass until you learn your lesson. Let's try this again."

"Or maybe you could just take it easy," Bellamy moaned. He picked himself up off of the floor and dusted his uniform off. Both fighters straightened up their stances and reset into sparring position. "I doubt that criminals on The Ark are as freakishly relentless as you are."

"You might be surprised at just how relentless the bad guys on this space station can be."

As Bellamy and Parker circled each other, Bellamy noticed Parker's line of vision drift over to Commander Shumway and linger there for a moment. Finally, Parker had an instance of distraction and Bellamy used this opportunity to strike.

Parker slipped the jab and let it narrowly surge past his shoulder. Bellamy was thrown slightly off balance by Parker's nimble, last minute evasion but he recovered before Parker had the chance to counterattack.

Parker smirked as he held his open palms up in front of him. "Good one. Had I been paying attention, you would've been flat on your back, _again_ ," Parker said. "You're overextending your arm and retracting way too slow with your jab. Get that in check or I'll make you pay for it next time around."

"Maybe you should take your own advice about keeping your guard up instead of analyzing my every move," Bellamy said.

"Good fighters analyze their opponents, which is why I'm up three to zero," Parker bragged as he danced around the mat, parrying against two more of Bellamy's incoming strikes. "Anyway, this isn't about the criminals," Parker added, returning to their previous topic. He threw a soft jab, cross, hook combo at Bellamy's body, all of which were blocked. "It's about being prepared. It's about being able to defend yourself and the people you care about in _any_ situation," Parker panted. "And you're clearly unfit to do that."

Unfit? Little did this arrogant jerk know, Bellamy had been doing exactly that for the past sixteen years. He had been protecting his sister's existence at all costs and he didn't plan on slipping up anytime soon.

"Whatever you say, daddy's boy," Bellamy scoffed.

"At least I know who my father is," Parker fired back without hesitation. "And I would advise you to stop kissing his ass."

Bellamy was used to Parker's insults by now and he had heard the comments making light of his fatherless family so many times that it had lost its sting. The sound of Parker's voice had just become plain aggravating rather than hurtful.

This wasn't the first time that Parker had accused Bellamy of being a teacher's pet either. Bellamy was a great trainee, a quick learner, and a hard worker. And just because the commander took notice of those talents, it didn't make him a brownnoser.

Bellamy wasn't sure if Parker's qualm with him stemmed from jealousy or the fact that the kid might be worried about Bellamy taking his spot as the son his father always wanted but, to be quite frank, Bellamy simply didn't care. He had more than enough of his own problems to deal with without taking on Parker's daddy issues as well.

Bellamy lunged in, gaining a firm grasp on Parker's collar and the pair moved into grappling position.

"Sucking up really doesn't look good on you; although, you do look considerably better on your knees," Parker said slyly. His tongue grazed over his smirking pink lips.

Bellamy stiff-armed Parker and drove him into the wall. Parker didn't seem impressed or overwhelmed by Bellamy's strength. In fact, the snide grin inhabiting his lips only stretched further across his face. His expression only made Bellamy more incensed.

Suddenly, Parker grabbed hold of Bellamy by the straightened arm that had him pinned, hooking him at the sleeve and armpit. The cadet twisted his hips and rolled onto the floor. He flipped Bellamy over him and onto the mat and then pinned him.

"That's takedown number four," Parker boasted. "You really are an easy target. And until you learn how to use your aggression as a strength instead of a hindrance, I'm _always_ going to beat you."

Commander Shumway blew his whistle to halt all sparring activities. The shrill sound of the whistle was music to Bellamy's ears, saving him from another beating that his body couldn't handle at the expense of Parker.

Bellamy and the other cadets stood at attention as Commander Shumway strode back and forth in front of them.

"I have a very special announcement to make," the commander said. He stopped in the dead center of the room and tucked his hands behind his back. "You've all been training very hard and as you know, tonight is a very important night. And I'm pleased to say, that this troop is ready and will be providing security at the Unity Day Masquerade Dance."

Applause, cheers, and high-fives circulated around the room as the cadets celebrated their first real job. And while Bellamy was content with that fact that his troop had made it this far, it just wasn't enough.

Bellamy had literally been busting his butt for this opportunity. He had been putting in extra training hours, he had studied every policy and protocol, aced every test, and got on good terms with the commander just for a shot at a leadership role. This was his staircase to the next level. If he could prove that he could successfully lead his troop, then he would for sure get promoted to full-fledged guard.

Becoming a guard was so imperative to Bellamy. For one, he wanted to make his family proud but more importantly; Bellamy wanted to be in control. He wanted to be in a position of power where his sister would never be subject to a surprise search. He wanted to use his authority so that his mother would no longer have to engage in dehumanizing and despicable acts with abusive guards just to guarantee Octavia's safety. Bellamy would use his status as a guard for one thing, and that was to make life more livable for his family.

"As far as who will lead..." Commander Shumway started.

Bellamy stood up, tall and proud, and waited for his name to cross the commander's lips.

"Parker will be head of your troop," Commander Shumway revealed.

Bellamy's proud stance, as well as his hopes, instantly deflated. He looked over to see Parker take a swift bow as his classmates gave him a lackluster cheer. They knew, just as well as Bellamy did, what a conceited workhorse Parker was.

"You're all expected to follow his lead while working cooperatively as a team. I will be nearby with a small group of guards, to guide you in the case of an emergency but tonight is _the_ night to prove your worth. Don't get sloppy," Commander Shumway finished and dismissed the cadets from training.

Bellamy grabbed a towel from his bag and wiped the sweat from his brow. He tossed it back into his bag with contempt, feeling the disappointment bear down on him from losing out to Parker. It just wasn't fair to have to constantly compete against the commander's son.

"Cadet Blake," Commander Shumway called out.

"Yes, sir?" Bellamy replied. He quickly dropped his belongings on the floor and straightened up his posture to address the commander respectfully.

"You've been falling behind on your training."

Bellamy nodded, trying to hide his frustration.

"I wanted to pick you to lead tonight but after today's poor performance, I couldn't. I expect much more from you. Pull it together or you'll be demoted," Commander Shumway said sternly.

"Y-yes sir," Bellamy stammered.

Bellamy couldn't afford to be demoted. He worked too damn hard to get this far while his mother had to endure horrible things just to grant him this opportunity. He couldn't allow his big break to go swirling down the drain, not now.

As Bellamy skulked back home, he was saddened that he didn't have better news to share with his mother and sister but his gloomy frown was immediately lightened as he entered the front door and met his sister.

Octavia was sitting at the workroom table, mending old clothes with their mother's sewing kit.

"Hey Bell, how was your day?" Octavia greeted.

"I've seen better," Bellamy sighed as he sat down across from his sister. "How about you?"

"Well, I've _seen_ these walls for the millionth time in eight hours. And I've probably pricked my finger double that," Octavia whined. "I'm tired, Bell. When does my life become more than just _this place_?" Octavia tossed the needle and bundle of thread back into the kit in frustration. She looked up at her brother with pleading eyes. "Or is _this_ all there is?"

Seeing his sister so discouraged made Bellamy wish he had worked even harder to gain that troop leader spot. Being in charge of security at the masquerade dance would've really given him the boost he needed to make it to guard but he ruined that chance.

 _"_ _Masquerade dance…"_ Bellamy thought to himself. _"Mask…"_

Suddenly a huge smile stretched across Bellamy's face as a genius but risky idea floated around in his head.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Octavia asked with a befuddled expression. "You're creeping me out."

"Just wait here," Bellamy said.

He scurried off to his bedroom and headed for his bookshelf. He searched the short stack of books for something.

"Come on. Where are you?" Bellamy mumbled.

Not finding what he needed on the shelves, Bellamy turned his attention to his bed. He knelt down and pulled out a container the size of a shoebox. He took off the lid and rummaged through it until he found a mask. It was a faded and dusty blue, the old mask that he had worn to his first Unity Day dance. Bellamy held it up with a look of satisfaction before returning to the room where Octavia was seated.

"I forgot to mention that my cadet troop is working security at the masquerade dance tonight," Bellamy started, holding the mask behind his back.

"Whoop-dee-doo," Octavia said unenthusiastically. "So?"

Bellamy slid the worn blue, half mask onto the table. "So…you want to go dancing or what?"

Octavia's eyes lit up. "No way, Bell. I can't go out there."

"No one will ever know who you are." Bellamy grabbed his sister's hands and squeezed them. "O, I'll have eyes on you the entire night. You'll be safe, I promise."

"What about mom?" Octavia asked apprehensively.

"You'll be back home before she even notices you were gone." Bellamy's smile grew as he saw the glowing sparkle radiate brighter in Octavia's eyes. "So what do you say, Cinderella? You have until midnight to make your dream come true."

A few hours later, Bellamy was watching his dream for his sister become a reality as he watched her take her first steps outside of their apartment. It was beautiful and heartwarming, akin to the moment that she took her first steps as a baby. And Bellamy only hoped that this was the first of many new and rewarding experiences in Octavia's lifetime that'd he'd be present for.

Bellamy trailed behind his sister, watching as she gazed upon her first ever moonrise in awe. She didn't know just how much more brilliant the moon and stars looked reflecting back in her irises. Bellamy had never seen anything more excellent than his sister enjoying her moment of freedom.

Unfortunately, they had to keep their distance just to be cautious but Octavia didn't seem worried by it. She was a rambunctious social butterfly as she immediately joined up with a group of teens that were headed to the dance. She walked with them into the large hall and took a spot on the dancefloor.

Bellamy couldn't stop grinning like a fool as he watched Octavia twirl around under the glittering strobe lights. This was her element. This is who Octavia was, young, wild, and free. And this is how she deserved to always be.

"Blake!" A voice shouted over the thumping pop music.

"Yes?" Bellamy responded. He quickly turned over his shoulder and found his squad leader, Parker, barreling toward him in a fit.

"You're late," Parker said with a scowl. "You were supposed to check in with me ten minutes ago."

"I'm sorry-"

"Not now, but you're going to be," Parker threatened. "Let me remind you that my father said he would happily demote you if you don't get your act together."

"And wouldn't you love to see that…" Bellamy muttered, folding his arms across his chest.

"Hey, it's my ass on the line too tonight. So kindly, remove your head from your behind and pay attention. And everything should go smoothly," Parker ordered, aggressively poking Bellamy in the chest with his index finger. "If watching a bunch of teens gyrating to oldies is too difficult for you then you _never_ deserved to be a guard in the first place."

Bellamy's countenance turned rigid. He clenched his jaw as he swatted Parker's hand away. "I can handle it."

"Prove it," Parker said sharply. "You're patrolling the second quadrant as well as the corridor. Just make sure that there aren't any dweebs making out in the restricted areas and I'll be sure to give you a nice, big golden star. Got it?"

"I got it," Bellamy said through gritted teeth.

"Good."

Bellamy took his position and casually strolled along his patrol route, all the while, maintaining a keen eye on his sister. Tonight was Octavia's night and Bellamy thought that nothing could take that away.

It had been forty minutes of good clean fun when the music abruptly stopped and the dimmed lights returned to full brightness. Bellamy halted in place as a woman's voice played over the P.A. system. It was a solar flare alert, ordering everyone to take shelter immediately.

Commander Shumway and his men stormed into the room to put a speedy and orderly halt to the festivities.

"Ok everyone, masks off and I.D. chips out. Everyone needs to check in as they move into the solar flare shelter," the commander called out.

Bellamy looked over to Octavia and saw her begin to panic as the masses of partygoers started to remove their masks. She was spinning around in circles, trying to find a way out, as she bumped around in the crowd.

Bellamy weaved through the packed dance floor and quickly caught Octavia by the arm.

"Stay close to me. I'll get you home," Bellamy said.

They made their way to the main entrance but Commander Shumway had it blocked off. Bellamy grabbed his sister and pulled her in the opposite direction. He stopped dead in his tracks, seeing that the side and back entrances were blocked as well. Bellamy was running out of ideas and options but all he needed was one moment so that Octavia could slip by.

Bellamy turned to his sister and grabbed her firmly by the shoulders. He looked at her with confidence and composure. He wanted to remain calm so that she wouldn't be frightened. "Get home and get under the floor. You'll be safe from the flare there, like always."

"How?"

"I'll create a distraction." Bellamy pulled out his shock baton and then, felt his sister tug urgently on his sleeve.

"No Bell, _how do I get home_?" Octavia asked in desperation.

Bellamy realized what a huge mistake he had made. His sister didn't even know how to get home and there was no time to explain.

Someone grabbed his arm and Bellamy whipped around quickly. He used his body to shield Octavia.

"What do you think you're doing? Didn't you hear the solar flare alert?" Parker said.

Bellamy gulped as he noticed Parker's eyes dip over his shoulder to where the younger Blake was. "I'm just – I'm securing the area."

"Then get these people in line. And holster your weapon." Parker reached for Octavia. "Young lady, this way please."

"No," Bellamy said knocking Parker's hand away.

"Get out of my way, Blake."

"Parker please-"

Parker put a hand on Bellamy's shoulder and squeezed. "Let me handle this. Now, get out of the way and leave the girl to me."

"I can't do that."

"What's going on over here?" the commander said, descending on their gathering. "I said masks off." He snatched Octavia's mask off and Bellamy watched his sister nearly jump out of her skin in fear.

"Don't worry, sir," Parker said as he stepped out in front of Bellamy. "I've got everything under contr-" A loud gasp came from Parker's lips and he fell to the floor in convulsions.

From behind Parker's collapsed frame stood Bellamy, a shock baton glued to his trembling hand. The commander immediately rushed him and knocked the weapon from his grasp.

"Cadet Blake! What the hell are you doing," the commander shouted.

"I-I…It was an accident, sir," Bellamy stuttered. His wide-eyed gaze was fixed on the stunned cadet who was writhing on the floor in agony.

Bellamy's frightened gaze flickered over to his sister just in time to witness her make a hasty break for the exit but she wasn't fast enough. Bellamy's eyes grew larger as he watched his sister get tangled in the arms of a couple of guards. One of the guards twisted Octavia's arms behind her back before dragging her to the commander.

"Sir, this one tried to run," the guard said.

Bellamy jumped in front of his sister. "She's fine, just let her go. I scanned her already," Bellamy said in a panic.

Commander Shumway scrupulously looked over Bellamy's utility belt. "You don't have a scanner, cadet."

"Please," Bellamy pleaded. "If you just let her go, I promise I will do anything you want. Please."

"I can't do that," the commander said, coldly. "If she doesn't have an I.D. then I have no choice but to place her under arrest."

Bellamy scrambled to come up with a more believable lie, an excuse, or even a better plea but his quivering mouth was left speechless as he stood by and watched his sister get handcuffed. He was gutted. After sixteen years of swearing to protect Octavia, Bellamy had failed her. And in that moment, he promised if granted the opportunity to be his sister' keeper again, he would never let such a disaster transpire.

Now, Octavia was in TonDC, facing certain death, and there was nothing that Bellamy could do about it. The mere thought of losing his sister again, but this time, for good, gave him that familiar and nauseating sense of dread from the Unity Day Dance. Bellamy couldn't bear to relive that day and if Octavia lost her life tonight, it would stand as his final and greatest failure.


	17. Chapter 17

Merit wrapped her arms tightly around Clarke's waist as they bounded through the forest on horseback with two grounder riders at their side. Merit could see a large stone statue of a man in the distance – the Lincoln Memorial – and knew that they were nearing their destination.

Merit could feel her stomach tense and tighten as they galloped closer to TonDC. The possibility of having a missile dropped on her head at any given moment was terrifying. There was a very real chance that she, along with hundreds of others, may not live to see the light of another day but it was a chance that she had to take for Octavia and for Bellamy.

"What's the plan?" Merit whispered into Clarke's ear. There was little chance that her voice could be heard over the loud and constant trot of horse hooves on solid ground or across the distance, but she was still wary of the grounder riders' ears.

"I meet with Lexa and we discuss how to get everyone out quickly and quietly," Clarke said plainly.

"Is there really enough time for a nice chat?"

Merit understood the need for a swift and silent evacuation but desperate times called for desperate measures and this moment required blunt and decisive action. She worried that Clarke's plan lacked the urgency needed for such a time-sensitive situation.

"We don't have a choice," Clarke replied sternly. "If the mountain men catch wind of us evacuating, they'll know we have an inside man and Bellamy will be in danger."

"Bellamy is already in danger." Merit's muttered words resounded with agitation.

Clarke's small lips puckered into a tight frown. "Having an inside man was Bellamy's idea. _Not mine._ "

"I'm not blaming you, Clarke. All I'm saying is; Bellamy is already risking his life for us. And if we let these people die then his sacrifice will be for nothing," Merit explained.

Their horse stopped at the threshold of TonDC as Clarke turned over her shoulder to Merit. "I won't let that happen. Please, trust me," Clarke said.

"I do trust you, but I can't say that I'm not worried about your sense of clarity," Merit said as she climbed down from the horse first. She reached up and offered Clarke a hand to help her down.

Aside from the plan, Merit was skeptical about Clarke's current ability to think clearly. The young leader had been pushing herself above and beyond since Finn's untimely passing. And Merit worried that this process of keeping herself busy was not only to move the rescue process forward but also to avoid confronting the grief of losing a loved one. Merit understood all too well that broken people could make bad decisions under their concealed pain.

"With everything that's happened, you've barely given yourself time to mourn," Merit continued.

"I don't need to mourn," Clarke said defensively. "I _need_ my friends back."

"Look, I'm sorry-"

"Finn is gone," Clarke interrupted. "And if this alliance fails then his death will be for nothing. So please, find Octavia and get her to safety. I'll handle the rest."

Merit nodded stiffly.

A feeling of uncertainty still clouded her air but she had no choice but to believe in Clarke. When the battle lines had all been drawn, Merit always found herself rallying behind Clarke and never faced disappointment in that decision. She had to trust that the young leader would, once again, stay true to her word.

Both of the women headed into TonDC, Merit trailing just a few steps behind Clarke. Merit watched closely as Clarke shiftily stammered towards the village and seeing the blonde's nervous mannerisms made her all the more unsettled. She had never seen the levelheaded leader so anxious before, even in the face of death. Merit could only hope that despite her nerves, Clarke would still get the job done in time.

Finding Octavia was, fortunately, an easy task as she was the first to approach.

"Clarke, Merit, you made it," Octavia said.

"Where's Lexa?" Clarke asked hastily, her feet never slowing down to formally greet her friend. "I need you to take me to her."

The three young women hustled down the narrow and muddied main path of the village. Octavia jetted out in front of Clarke and stopped her by placing her forearm into Clarke's stomach.

"What's wrong?" Octavia asked.

Clarke's eyes shifted from Octavia to Merit as she spoke, "Nothing."

Merit's tongue wriggled anxiously between her teeth as she tried to keep quiet. Having Octavia standing face to face with her made it even more difficult to withhold the secret of the missile, but there were just too many people around. And inciting a frenzy by screaming, _"Run for your lives!"_ just wouldn't be helpful either. Merit had to find the right time to confess and fast.

The group made their way to the large conference hall where Commander Lexa stood outside with the chief of TonDC, Indra, and Marcus.

 _Marcus._ Merit had completely forgotten that her biological father was supposed to be present at this war council meeting. Her eyes stretched with shock as they fixed on him and she noticed him glance back at her with a look of confusion. She tried to hide her surprise as she turned away from him.

By this time, Clarke had already asked to speak with Lexa in private and hopefully, their plan would be set into motion very soon. The next step for Merit was securing Octavia.

Merit turned to the younger Blake, gently grabbed her by the arm, and said, "We need to talk."

Octavia nodded only to be interrupted by Marcus.

"Merit, what're you doing here?" Marcus asked. His brow knitted together as he tilted his head slightly to the side.

"I – uh…I needed to see Octavia," Merit stuttered. Her tongue felt like it was drying up in her mouth as she struggled to come up with a lie.

Merit felt Octavia pull free from her grasp. Octavia's mentor, Indra, had ordered her to get back on watch.

"Octavia, wait-"

"You should be back at camp," Marcus cut in, again. He was gripping a rifle in both hands as he slowly edged toward Merit. His face conveyed a look of concern and caution.

Merit looked back over her shoulder to find Octavia growing smaller in the distance. She silently cursed to herself and then looked back up at Marcus quite uncomfortably.

"Yeah, and if you knew anything about me then you'd know I can't sit still for more than five minutes," Merit said, fidgeting with her hands.

Marcus pressed his lips together in a tight smile. "I'm quite aware of that fact," he said.

Suddenly, the image of that red toy fire truck popped into Merit's mind. She remembered the story, word for word, that he told her. Part of her wished that he had only made it up but it sounded too much like her personality to be a lie. And she realized that Marcus probably knew more about her than she actually knew about herself.

Merit had wished death upon Marcus more times than she could count but that still didn't negate the fact that he was her only living blood relative. And now, with at least two solid opportunities to turn that death wish into a reality, Merit wasn't sure if she still had the guts to make good on her promise. Was Marcus's blood really what she wanted?

She was torn between warning Marcus about the missile and letting him stay behind for the carnage. Was it worth saving him now only to off him later at Parker's promise? Or would it be better to let the bomb take care of him and discard Parker's plan altogether? That was only if Clarke failed to follow through with the plan.

On one hand, Merit knew that Marcus was in good standing with the grounders, namely Indra and Commander Lexa, and with that trust, he would be able to aid in the evacuation methods. On the other hand, Merit had the option of waiting on Clarke. It had always been Clarke's job to make the hard decisions and in the end, she always did what was right for her people. The problem was; did Merit actually trust Clarke to do what _she_ thought was right?

 _"_ _Clarke will definitely come through with the evacuation plan. She'll get everyone out and it'll all get taken care of in the end without me having to say a word to anyone. It's her responsibility, not mine…Right?"_ _Merit thought to herself._

"Hey, I get it, big war talk and everything. You just want me out of the way," Merit said. She scratched her neck anxiously as she slowly began to back away from Marcus. "I was just feeling a bit antsy back at camp. I'll catch up with Octavia and then head back."

As she looked at Marcus, Merit continued to question her intentions. Was she really doing this because she trusted Clarke or because she was just feeding her own vengeance? She still wasn't confident in her answer.

"I don't want you out of the way. I want you safe," Marcus said. "There's a difference."

Merit nodded and finally turned her back to her father. She closed her eyes and winced at his words.

The pit in Merit's stomach told her that Marcus was definitely trying to make up for what he did. His words almost made her feel guilty but there was a fire inside of her fighting against the guilt. It told her that Marcus didn't deserve mercy because he had never offered James any.

 _"_ _I'm sorry, Dad. If you wanted me to forgive Marcus…I just can't do it,"_ Merit thought to herself.

She scurried away from the conference hall and climbed the jagged hillside in search of Octavia. Merit found that the warrior in training had abandoned her post. Octavia had darted off into the woods, leaving only faint trails of brown tresses visible as she whizzed through the trees.

"Octavia! Oct—shit," Merit called out as she chased after her friend. One thing was for sure, it was better that Octavia was running away from TonDC rather than toward it.

When Merit finally caught up to Octavia, she found her in the middle of the forest with Lincoln. Merit stood back cautiously upon seeing Lincoln's sallow appearance. He looked ill. His warm complexion was washed out, his lips chapped, and his eyes bloodshot as he grimaced with shame. He was on his knees in the dirt, his hands coated in blood as he hovered over a dead grounder. He must've relapsed on the reaper drug when he took Bellamy into the Mountain.

"Merit, please help me with him," Octavia said, turning over her shoulder. "We need to get him to TonDC."

"No," Merit said, shaking her head.

Dusk was rapidly approaching and there was no time to waste. If they went back to Lincoln's village now, they all risked losing their lives.

"What? Clarke is there. She can help-"

"We're not going back," Merit stated. "We can't."

Octavia's brow furrowed. "What's going on?"

"We need to keep moving."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's going on," Octavia argued.

Merit was silent as she gauged Octavia's expression. The young woman was steadfast and more stubborn than her older brother. If Merit was going to keep her safe, she was going to have to tell her the truth.

"The mountain men are going to drop a bomb on the war council tonight," Merit revealed. "Bellamy overheard them-"

"We have to warn them." Octavia's feet took off in the immediate direction of TonDC and Merit put her hands out, stopping her by the shoulders.

"That's what Clarke is doing," Merit explained.

"Not fast enough. We have to help." Once again, Octavia pushed away from Merit and dipped around her.

"Octavia stop," Merit ordered. She grabbed her friend by the wrist. "I won't let you go back there."

"These are Lincoln's people. _Our allies_. We have to go back," Octavia barked, knocking Merit's hand away.

"And what about Bellamy? He would be devastated if something happened to you."

"Don't pretend like you care about him," Octavia spat.

"What?" Merit stammered, completely caught off guard by Octavia's harsh statement.

"The morning that he left, he told me everything. How could you do that to him?"

"You don't understand-"

"No, I'm pretty sure I do," Octavia interrupted. "You only care about yourself."

"Octavia, I came here for you and for Bellamy," Merit reasoned.

"Or maybe you just came to make yourself feel better."

Merit had already been struggling to hold herself together as she wrestled with the weight of her decision to let Bellamy go. And the last thing she needed was this unbridled tongue-lashing from his younger sister, especially now.

"Dammit, Octavia!" Merit cried, clenching her fist. "We don't have time for this. We need to leave right now."

The younger Blake stood firm in her place, crossed her arms, and shook her head in refusal.

"I'm not moving, Merit. Not until I'm sure that Trikru is safe."

Time was quickly winding down and the only way to get Octavia moving was to assure her that the inhabitants of TonDC were being moved to safety but there was only one way to be sure of that. And Merit found herself volunteering.

"Fine, I'll go back," Merit blurted. The words had flown out of her mouth before she had necessarily weighed the consequences. "And Octavia, I'm really sorry about this," she added sincerely.

Merit noticed Octavia's hardened stance immediately begin to soften at her apology, so she stepped toward her and placed a hand on her elbow. Faster than Octavia could blink, Merit twisted the young girl around and placed her in a rear naked choke. After a moment of struggling, Octavia was fast asleep and Merit quickly released the submission hold.

"Take her to your cave and stay put. She'll wake up soon and she'll be pissed, so move fast," Merit called out to Lincoln who still seemed quite bewildered. "Can you handle that?" she shouted firmly.

"Yes, yes," Lincoln said with a swift nod as he stood up straight.

"I'll make sure that they're evacuating and then meet up with you there," Merit finished.

She was still in shock over what she had agreed to do. The Merit that had just landed on the ground would've been satisfied with knocking Octavia unconscious and hightailing both of their asses to safety. Not this Merit, though. This Merit just had to put herself back into harm's way to make sure that others were safe. She wasn't sure if the ground was helping her develop a conscience or if the Earth's radiation was lowering her IQ.

As Merit sprinted back into TonDC, she was astounded to find that the village was still busy – people still ambled around the streets while warriors remained at their posts, dutifully guarding the perimeter woods and the council room. There was no immediate sign of Marcus, Indra, Clarke, and Lexa but it was clear that no effort towards evacuation had been made.

Merit ran to the meeting hall only to be stopped by the two guards.

"I need to speak to Clarke," Merit panted.

"We can't let you in unaccompanied," one of the guards said.

"I was just here with her. Please, you have to let me in!" Merit said impatiently.

"No one goes in without permission," he reiterated.

Merit looked up at the steadily darkening sky. It would only take mere minutes for the missile to land once it was launched and that could've happened at any moment. There wasn't any more time left to waste.

She eyed the narrow path between the guards and the front door of the building and gulped. They didn't seem to catch on to her desperation and that made it easy for her to dart past them. When she burst into the council room, it was empty.

Merit didn't have time to figure out where the absent leader and commander had gone as she was grabbed from behind by one of the guards.

Merit flailed in his grip and screamed, "You don't understand! We need to get ou-"

She was unable to finish her sentence as a shrill whistle, followed by a loud bang, sent the walls exploding in on them. The room erupted into white hot heat and the ceiling caved in crushing Merit and the guard in its destruction.


	18. Chapter 18

_"_ _It's a girl…We had a girl…"_

Merit's eyes blinked opened as she heard a familiar voice echo throughout the room. Her blurry vision focused on the athletic frame of a man's back. He stood in the corner of the room with his arms folded across his chest. His dark curls were neatly trimmed and cascaded just above his ears. She knew it was Bellamy.

"I've been holding her all day while Merit slept," Bellamy continued. "I can't keep my eyes off of her."

"She is beautiful," another voice chimed in adoringly.

"Bellamy?" Merit said in a hoarse whisper.

Bellamy turned around with a smile as he walked over to Merit's bed. He grasped her hand and kissed her on the forehead.

"Hey, look who's awake," Bellamy said softly.

Merit reached her hand up to caress Bellamy's cheek. Small smile lines formed as he nuzzled into her palm. She felt stubble as she cupped his face in her hand.

"What's going on?" Merit said trying to prop herself up.

"Slow down," Bellamy urged, gently adjusting the stack of pillows behind Merit's head. "Abby said you might be a little out of it and you'll need rest. Don't worry; we've got everything taken care of."

As Bellamy moved back, Merit could see Marcus sitting in a chair in the corner of the room where Bellamy had been. Strands of silvery gray streaked his mass of brown hair and his beard was thick and white. He seemed to have aged but he was just as fit as ever. More importantly, he was cradling a small baby in his arms.

"Marcus?" Merit questioned. She glanced at Bellamy and her biological father with utter confusion. Both men were exhibiting such calm satisfaction.

"She looks just like you did when you were a baby," Marcus said with a smile. He looked up at Merit. "I never had the opportunity to hold you at that time…" He seemed to get choked up. "I know we've had our ups and downs but thank you, Merit. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this, part of _your family_ again."

"What?" There was a catch in Merit's throat. " _She's ours?_ "

Bellamy nodded and proudly stated, "Yes. _She's_ _ours._ "

There was a knock on the room door before it creaked open. The head of a worn teddy bear peeked inside.

"And the world's greatest uncle has arrived," a low voice piped from the stuffed animal before Murphy emerged from behind the door. He was dressed in clean clothes, his hair neatly slicked back.

"Murphy?" Merit sprang up again, shocked to see her best friend. The last time they had crossed paths, he had journeyed into the unknown that was the City of Light. "How are you—what are you doing here?"

Murphy knelt down beside Merit's hospital bed and grabbed her hand. He whispered contentedly, "You know I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"And I think you're going to have to settle for second best because the title for greatest uncle is already taken," a strong but gentle male voice stated.

Merit turned to the door to find that Lincoln and Octavia had quietly entered.

"Can't forget the world's greatest aunt," Octavia added. She greeted Merit with a kiss on the cheek and then moved on to her brother, enveloping him in a big hug. "I'm proud of you, Bell," she said. After she let go of her brother, she went straight for the baby. "Ok, time is up Kane. It's my turn to hold her."

Marcus looked hesitant, his eyes still glued on the newborn as he gently rocked her.

"She just fell asleep. Maybe in five minutes-"

"Give her up," Octavia demanded, scooping her niece out of Marcus's unwilling arms.

The infant didn't fuss or wriggle as Octavia held her. She only yawned sleepily as her aunt lovingly cooed at her.

"I think she likes me," Octavia said enthusiastically, a large smile stretching across her face. "You're my baby now. Yes, you are."

"You do have to give her back, you know?" Bellamy joked. His sister only ignored him as she showered her niece in undying affection. "Hey, I hope you washed your hands. Newborns are really susceptible to germs," Bellamy cautioned as he hovered over his sister's shoulder.

Minute after minute more friendly faces appeared to offer their congratulations and get a glimpse of the new life. There was Raven, Monty, Clarke, Miller, and Jasper – each one of them appearing happier, healthier, and more settled than their younger selves. All of the former delinquents seemed to show up and show their love for the new family addition. There were so many admiring visitors that Merit hardly had a chance to meet her own child.

Merit wasn't complaining about the amount of guests. She loved that all of their friends had turned up, offering great help and support for the new parents. To be surrounded by so much love and so much family – Merit couldn't believe that this was real, that this was her life.

She just needed to see her. Merit needed to witness the little life, swaddled in a bundle of blankets, which everyone was marveling at. She had to touch her, feel her tiny heart beating, and hear her breathing to be sure that this wasn't some fantastic dream.

"Octavia, bring her closer," Merit said.

Octavia slowly complied, walking over to the bed and perching on the edge.

"I almost forgot, what's her name?" Octavia asked.

"Justice," Bellamy answered proudly. "Justice Blake."

As Octavia leaned over and brought the child closer, Merit was consumed in a cast of white light. A high-pitched ringing pierced her eardrums but through it, she could still hear the irritable cries of a child.

* * *

A thundering quake awoke Merit in total darkness, her consciousness flying back into her body like it had been shot out of the deepest depths of hell. An agonizing and guttural scream flew from her mouth as she felt steaming heat all around her. When she tried to heave an unsteady breath, she felt her entire body ache as she choked on a plume of dust.

Merit felt skin and stringy, damp hair stick against her cheek as well as the weight of a body partially covering her. She was able to squirm free and the subtle shift sent debris raining down on her. Narrow beams of light now streamed in through the cracks in the cement, revealing the identity of the lifeless body. It was the guard that had chased after her.

The guard's body had shielded Merit from the brunt of the blast but she was still facing grave danger. When the missile hit it had destroyed the entire meeting hall, collapsing the structure right on top of her. There was no telling if and when the debris would shift and cave in again. And Merit wouldn't survive much longer without rescue.

"Help! Oh, God…Ah!" Merit screamed. She held her breath, overcome by a sharp ache in her side.

She tilted her chin down and through the dim light, she saw blood dripping from her abdomen. A rusty piece of metal was the culprit as it jutted out from beneath her ribs. Merit whimpered through gritted teeth as her fingers crawled toward it. She touched it very gently and knew that the shard was in deep.

She tried to yell out again but labored gasps were the only thing capable of escaping her lips. She was pinned down, unable to move, barely able to breathe, and steadily losing blood. And suddenly, Merit was utterly terrified.

As Merit laid there shivering, sure that she was going to bleed out, she didn't have thoughts of reuniting on the other side with her father, she didn't playback the fine moments of her friendship with Murphy, or replay her thousands of mistakes. She only thought about Bellamy and how she would never see him again.

 _"_ _I'm going to die…right here…and I never told Bellamy that I loved him,"_ Merit lamented to herself. She struggled to keep her heavy eyelids open but it was an easy battle to lose. Her eyes fell shut and she repeated, _"I'm going to die…and I never showed him that I loved him..."_

Merit's mind was growing faint. The longer she closed her eyes, the more she felt disconnected from her body. She was sure it wouldn't be long now until she met the cold hands of death. And in her final moments, she was filled with deep regret, not for her father, not for Marcus or her mother, but all for Bellamy.

As she edged toward the brink of death, her waning thoughts were still solely focused on him. Would he survive Mount Weather? Would he be okay? How would he handle her passing? Would he ever achieve those dreams that he had so fervently shared with her? Would he ever be happy? That was her dying wish, for Bellamy to find happiness in this world that she failed so miserably in.

Merit faded in and out of consciousness, steadily losing track of her thoughts of repentance until the only thing she could say was his name.

"Bellamy," she sobbed. "…I'm so sorry."

Tears fell from her eyes, dripping into her hairline.

 _"_ _Bellamy…I love you, Bellamy-I…love you…Bell-"_

* * *

Brown skin, thick and fluffy curls like clouds, and freckles. She had his freckles. She had his cheeky grin too and boy, could she frown like him when she was upset. She also had his strong-will, his spirit of independence, and his thirst for knowledge.

When it came to her mother, she shared her sense of adventure, her tenacity, and sass. Just like mom, she was a girl who would surely make the world bend to her standards and she wouldn't bend for it. And though they shared the same eyes they didn't always share the same perspective.

That's because Justice Blake was a proper mixture of both of her parents, a fact that Merit had grown quite fond of. Not only that, but she was the perfect creation born of her parent's love, the influence of her loved ones, and a nurturing environment. She was everything Merit wanted to be and everything that she was so grateful to have.

Merit watched after Justice now, in amazement, as the small child explored the wide, green meadow. She watched her dig in the dirt and get her hands dirty. She chuckled as the kid joyously rolled in the grass and made friends with the butterflies. Justice was fearless and free, yet Merit still worried.

Merit felt her partner squeeze her hand. She tore her eyes away from her daughter to look up at him through squinted eyes.

"What's on your mind?" Bellamy asked.

"Nothing," Merit replied with a shake of her head.

"Oh really?" Bellamy raised his brows. "Because I think our daughter just recruited an army of butterflies and you're not nearly as amused as I am. Besides," Bellamy paused briefly to nudge Merit's chin up with his bent index finger. "You've got _the look_."

Merit laughed and let out a small sigh. She still failed at hiding her moments of overthinking from Bellamy.

"I'm always thinking about _her_ ," Merit admitted, nodding over to Justice. "It's still so hard to believe that _she's ours_. I just – I never thought I'd be capable of creating something so good, so beautiful, and amazing. I just want to protect her."

"I know," Bellamy said, wrapping an arm around Merit's shoulders. "You know that I'd rather fight every battle and face every obstacle for her but I can't. You can't," he went on as he watched over his young daughter. "But Justice has so many options and so much love. She doesn't have to grow up on The Ark like we did. And the world is a different place from when we landed."

"It's not the world that I'm worried about…It's me," Merit confessed. "I never had a relationship with my mom. And I don't know—I don't want to be like her. I don't want to fail Justice."

The truth was that Justice could grow up to be whoever she wanted to be. She could try new things. She could grow and change like the wind. She could make mistakes and make them plenty. And nothing she could ever do would make Merit stop loving her. Justice would always be perfect and abundantly so.

What Merit doubted was her ability to mother a child when she had never been mothered herself. When the world let Justice down, Merit wanted to have the capacity to forever nurture and encourage her, not to disappoint. She still held onto the fear of an incomplete relationship with her own mother and she didn't want that to carry over into her own family.

"Merit, you're not your mother," Bellamy said with stark resolve. "We have a healthy four-year-old that has more love than she knows what to do with. And you're part of that. _You're_ responsible for that."

"No, _we're_ responsible for that," Merit corrected.

Bellamy nodded with a satisfied grin. "We are."

Merit rested her head against Bellamy's shoulder. He still knew exactly what to say and just how to say it. He seemed to only grow wiser and more supportive as the years passed. He was a pillar of strength, always her rock.

Merit couldn't have asked for a better father for her child. Bellamy was dedicated and loving, protective and careful. He wasn't just a dad but a teacher, a friend, and a comforter. He was someone who would always go above and beyond for his kin. And Merit was confident that Justice was in good hands with him.

"You're a great dad, Bell," Merit said. "I can't say enough how lucky we are to have you."

" _We're lucky to have each other_ ," Bellamy replied. "You and Justice are my world. And always will be."

Bellamy leaned in and kissed Merit. As their lips parted, heads turned to see little legs scurrying across the grassy field away from them.

Bellamy took off before the child could get too far and scooped her up in his arms. He nuzzled his nose against hers and then tossed her up into the air. Bubbly and joyous giggles flew from the girl's mouth as she left her father's arms and continued as he caught and cradled her.

Any observer could see just as Merit did now, that Justice was clearly the apple of Bellamy's eye, the winner of his affection. Every kiss, hug, and tickle was genuine and so full of adoration. Merit thought that her heart might burst just watching them interact.

And even after all of these years, Bellamy was still a man read through his actions more than his words. Although he securely held onto his daughter now, it was he who was putty in her hands. Merit knew that the doting father was so tightly wrapped around each of Justice's little fingers that she would never have to worry about his dedication fading.

The setting sun cast warm, orange light on their glowing complexions. The father and daughter looked like pure gold in the sunshine and they radiated warmth like Merit had never known. It was stronger than merely the love of her father, her best friend, or Bellamy alone. It was like all of them combined.

"Justice, I told you not to run off. You have to stay where mom and dad can see you," Bellamy said, his tone sweet but stern. "Remember our talk about being a good listener?"

Bellamy was good at letting his words serve as a reminder and not a reprimanding and Merit always admired that about his parenting.

"Yes," Justice said. The child placed both of her little palms against her father's cheeks and pressed them together. She kissed the tip of his nose and apologized. "But daddy, what's that?" She wriggled in Bellamy's arms and reached down toward the ground, pointing at the item she had been seeking in her quest.

Bellamy placed Justice down on the grass and knelt down to her level. The pair crouched around a puffy, white dandelion.

"It's a dandelion. And lucky you found it," Bellamy said, enthusiastically slapping his knee. "If you make a wish and then blow all the little seeds away, your wish will come true."

"Really?" Justice's large eyes lit up with excitement.

"Of course," Merit chimed in. "How do you think I ended up with your dad? I blew on lots of dandelions."

Bellamy looked up at Merit and laughed.

Justice plucked the puffball from the dirt and carefully tucked it behind her father's ear. She looked at her dad with an adoring yet prudent stare, her brown eyes glowing amber in the sunlight. She then glanced over to her mother.

"What's wrong, Jay? Don't you want to make a wish?" Merit asked.

"I don't know…I have a lot already," Justice started with a small shrug. "I have you and daddy, grandpa who gives the best hugs," she squeaked. "Auntie O and Uncle Linc take care of me. Auntie Ray too. Uncle Murphy always brings me stuff from when he goes away. And Auntie Clarke always makes me feel better when I'm sick…"

The small girl took a long breath and leaned into her father's lap, tired out over her increasingly long list. She probably could've droned on forever about all of the wonderful family in her life but it certainly would've taken all day.

"I don't know what to wish for cause I'm already happy," Justice finished.

She was happy. Merit looked down at her child and felt tears of joy forming in her eyes. Every mistake she had made, every challenge she faced, and every moment of suffering endured was worth it just to hear that one sentence, just to do right by this one child. And Merit suddenly felt free.

Merit could see Bellamy fighting the urge to tear up as he lifted his daughter from the ground, giving her a big hug and a kiss.

"I'm happy that you're happy," Bellamy whispered.

"Me too," Merit said. She wrapped her arms around Bellamy's shoulders and joined in on the group hug, planting kisses on each of her daughter's cheeks.

"I have an idea. How about we use this wish for someone else who maybe isn't as happy as we are?" Merit suggested.

"Yes!" Justice agreed excitedly. She reached up for the dandelion but hesitated, her pink lips forming into a tiny frown. "But dad looks so cute like this."

Both of the parents laughed while Merit formed a solution.

"Don't worry. You can make him a full flower crown next time," Merit said.

"And I'll wear it proudly," Bellamy assured as he removed the flower from behind his ear.

The four-year-old finally agreed.

"Alright, Jay. Close your eyes," Bellamy said as he held the flower in front of his daughter's lips. "You got that wish ready?"

"Yes," she said with a spirited nod. She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Ok. You're going to blow as hard as you can on three. One, _twoooo…_ " Bellamy playfully dragged out his countdown, watching his daughter with a bright smile as she took a deep breath and puffed up her already round cheeks. "Three!"

Merit's heart melted as she watched Justice blow away the seeds and scatter them into the wind. She hoped that each seed carried a wish for Justice's future as well as her hopes for the world that she lived in. Merit prayed that each wish would come true. And if fate decided to change its mind, it would have to answer to a couple of persistent parents.

"Oh yeah," Bellamy started. "Earlier, you said that grandpa was the best hugger. Are you sure it's grandpa? Or is it dad?"

Justice pressed her lips together, giving the question serious thought. "Hmmm…I—Well…" Her head tilted back and forth, her curls bouncing in the soft breeze. She really seemed torn about her answer. Then she straightened up and placed her hands on her hips. "I really love your hugs but you can't win at everything, daddy. You have to share just like you taught me. Remember?"

Bellamy let out a hearty chuckle. "Yes, Jay, I remember."

The three stood there laughing and chatting as the sun went down on them and Merit was sure that she had finally found the freedom that she had been searching for all along. It was right here with these two and it all started with Bellamy. This is was true love. This was what true absolution felt like.

* * *

"Merit…Hey, Merit…Stay with me, alright?"

Merit heard a voice softly call out to her and felt a hand stroke her cheek. Her eyes sleepily fluttered open, bringing dark hair and large eyes into focus. It was Octavia.

"You're going to be okay. I'm going to get you out of here," Octavia said.

Merit was dragged out of the collapsed building on a stretcher, still hazy but conscious enough to vaguely recognize the damage that the missile had inflicted on her surroundings.

It was noisy. There was lots of screaming, not just wails in pain but calls for rescue and commands to administer aid. Crackling embers from fires and the crumble of shifting rubble reverberated behind the shouting.

The area was in ruin. The missile had laid waste to the entire village of TonDC leaving a decimated pile of rock where it once stood. Smoke loomed in the air and blood painted the earth while limbs lay separated from their bodies. It was far worse than the Exodus ship crash. It was still fresh and it left people scrambling for survival or struggling to die.

Merit's stretcher was placed on the ground and through sluggish eyes, she could see Marcus lying next to her. He was covered in dust and dirt, strapped to a stretcher of his own. She could feel her mind fading to black again when she heard his voice.

"Merit—oh no. Merit…" Marcus groaned. He inched his hand off of his stretcher and placed it on top of hers.

The last thing Merit felt was his hand holding hers and the last thing she heard was Marcus's voice begging her not to give up.

"I'm here, Merit. I'm here. Please, hold on, sweetheart. Please," Marcus choked. "It's not your time yet."

* * *

 **A/N:** I'm not sure but I may end this series after Mount Weather because I might not have time to work through season three, even though I do already have material written. I promise to end with a solid but open ending in the event that I do I have time to continue.


	19. Chapter 19

Bellamy's mission had gotten increasingly difficult in the last twelve hours. He had to take a detour from the acid fog to put his friend's safety in a priority position. The forty-four delinquents still trapped in the Mountain were steadily being picked off and harvested for their bone marrow. And with Maya's help, Bellamy was able to rescue them.

With the assistance of a few Mount Weather citizens who didn't agree with the controversial practice, they were able to hide the delinquents, giving them a safe place to stay until the battle was ready to be fought. In the meantime, Bellamy had to continue on in his quest for the acid fog.

The rescue of his friends gave Bellamy renewed strength and a reason to continue with his work in the Mountain. And though he still hadn't received word about the status of TonDC, he'd been able to maintain his focus and composure. He'd been far too busy to allow his reservations to take control of him and he still had important work to do.

Bellamy quickly paced into a restricted area of Mount Weather. There were more doors and metal staircases than he could keep track of. It was a labyrinth of a warehouse and without Raven's help, he would've never been able to make it this far.

Bellamy approached a door and waved his stolen keycard in front of it. It beeped with a red flash. The digital locked failed to read his card. He tried again only to receive the same response. He didn't take this as a good sign.

His radio buzzed on and Raven's voice resounded from his earpiece, giving him a fright. Bellamy's head whipped around left and right. His nerves settling a bit as he realized he was still alone.

"Bellamy, come in," Raven said. "You missed check in."

"I ran into some trouble," Bellamy said, adjusting his earpiece and heading a few paces down the walkway in search of another path toward the acid fog machine.

"Did you find the source of the acid fog?"

"I'm working on it. What's the latest from TonDC?"

In this brief moment of rest, Bellamy needed to know what was going on while he still had time. He had to be sure that Octavia had made it out alive if he was going to keep his peace of mind.

"Octavia is fine," Raven relayed.

Bellamy sighed in relief. What his spirit had known all along was just made into fact.

"She wasn't in TonDC when the missile hit. She's safe. For real this time," Raven continued.

"I knew I could trust Clarke and Merit to get the job done," Bellamy said with a small grin.

Raven was starkly silent and Bellamy noticed that she didn't seem as relieved as he was.

"About that…" Raven started hesitantly.

"What's wrong?"

"Bellamy, I don't want to lie to you again –"

"Then don't."

Bellamy was starting to get very nervous now. His limbs trembled as he tried to uphold his strong stride.

"Merit was there when the bomb hit," Raven confessed.

"What?" Bellamy froze in his place. He placed a hand on his hip and then quickly removed it, rubbing it across his forehead. His stomach couldn't decide if it was going to be nauseous or completely jump out of his mouth. His lips twisted from a quivering frown into a pained grimace. "I-Is she—but she's ok, right?"

"She made it to medical but she lost a lot of blood. Abby is doing everything she can-"

" _But she's going to be ok_ ," Bellamy repeated emphatically. He was desperately begging now, his emotions getting the better of him. "Please, Raven, just tell me that!"

"I can't!" Raven shouted, clear pain and frustration echoing throughout her tone. "I wish I could...but I can't."

Bellamy didn't have to see the tears to know that they were growing in Raven's eyes as he tried to keep his own at bay.

"I can't do this," Bellamy snapped. He felt the energy drain from his body.

Bellamy had been running through the Mountain on no sleep, minimal food and rest. He had taken his body to its brink and pushed it that much further. And it didn't matter because he promised himself that he would beast through this mission. He wouldn't be a slave to his pain, his emotions. He wouldn't allow himself to feel until his work was complete but losing Merit wasn't something that he had accounted or prepared for.

Merit had recently been the face of his motivation, the muse giving him enough vigor to finish his work in the Mountain. And the thought that she was struggling to stay alive on some cold medical table without him by her side made him want to lose his mind. The thought of losing her now threatened to drive him off the deep end.

Raven must've heard him unraveling as she rapidly intervened. "You have to keep it together," she urged. "If there's one thing that I can tell you it's that Merit is a fighter. Merit's fight, this fight in Mount Weather, it's not over. And you're the key to both of them. So be strong for us, _for her_."

If Bellamy wasn't already hellbent on witnessing the fall of the corrupt authorities of Mount Weather, they just gave him the fuel he needed to ignite. He would personally make sure that anyone involved in the bombing would pay for what they did.

Bellamy sucked back his tears and stood steadfast in the decision that he was going to fight. He was going to keep sprinting toward the finish with Merit in his heart and on his mind. His spirit would connect with hers. While her pain was his, his strength was also hers. He would give her hope where she had none. And as long as he was breathing, he would be her lifeline, her anchor in this world.

He had work to do.

Bellamy found another door and waved his keycard in front of the lock. He was met with another fail. Something was wrong.

"My keycard isn't working. Either they've deactivated it or I need a higher level of clearance," Bellamy said.

"What's higher than a soldier? You'd think they'd have full access to this place," Raven pondered.

"And that's why I don't have a good feeling about this," Bellamy sighed. He glanced around for another exit. "I have to find another way around. I'll call you back. And if you find out about Merit's condition, call me first."

As soon as Bellamy switched off his radio, two guards appeared through a door on his left. A staircase to his right was his only escape.

With guns pointed at Bellamy's frame, they called for him to freeze and put his hands up but he had no intention to comply. It took less than a second for Bellamy to realize that he had the better angle on the guards. Not only did he have distance favoring him but he knew the guards would have more trouble hitting a moving target.

Bellamy took off toward the stairs. He sprinted up at least two flights while the guards chased after him. Alarms wailed and red lights flashed as he zipped across a long metal walkway and dipped around a few corners. He was trying to use the maze-like layout to his advantage and confuse the guards.

His pace didn't slow as Bellamy heard the guards agree to split up. This was exactly what he wanted. He could handle a one on one fight with a guard and he knew that was what it would come down to. Bellamy needed a new keycard and the only way he was going to get it was from another guard.

Bellamy bounded back down another flight of stairs, making sure that the single guard was still in pursuit. When he reached the bottom, he found a couple of large pipes running into the ceiling and hid behind them.

He was tired, breathless, and drenched in perspiration but he couldn't quit.

 _"_ _Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up,"_ Bellamy repeatedly chanted in his mind. He reminded himself of the promise that he made to fight. He wouldn't quit on his mission and he wouldn't quit on Merit. He hoped that his faith could reach her and that she wouldn't give up on life. They both had to fight.

 _"_ _Stand and fight."_

Bellamy's breathing slowed and quieted as he waited, listening to the approaching footsteps of his pursuer. He made sure to keep his body out of the firing path of the gun as he prepared to make his move. As soon as the guard was close enough, Bellamy threw his arm out and in one swift motion hit the guard with a solid elbow to the chest and grabbed the gun. He pushed the firearm downward as he disarmed his foe.

All it took was a hard strike to the face to knock the guy fully unconscious. While the guard was incapacitated, Bellamy helped himself to a shiny new keycard. He mentally patted himself on the back for busting his ass for all of those years as a cadet because his training certainly didn't go to waste. And he sent up yet another plea for Merit to fight as he moved forward.

He held his breath as he swiped his keycard at the next door. He was greeted with success and felt that the tides were beginning to turn in his favor.


	20. Chapter 20

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

Bellamy fired shot after shot at the Mount Weather guards as he backpedaled in the long metal vent. Sweat dripped in his eyes as he emptied his clip and ended his fiery counterattack. Now, it was time to haul ass. He twisted onto all fours and crawled as fast as his limbs could carry him.

Once again, Bellamy's mission to shut off the acid fog had gone awry. His only option to disable the massive machine was to stick his acetylene torch to the largest vat of flammable materials he could find and blow it straight to hell where it belonged. And that blast was set to go off any second now.

Bellamy didn't leave himself a large window of escape but he needed to get as far away from the blast zone as possible if he had any hope of surviving this mess. And he had hopes, hopes of getting out of this mountain alive with his friends in tow. He had hopes of making it home just in time to be at Merit's bedside when she awoke so that he could be the first person she saw upon surviving this entire nightmarish ordeal.

The sound of Bellamy's hope amidst the wailing alarms and shouting guards was quickly drowned out by the echoing boom of the machine exploding. The explosion rocked the vent and shook Bellamy off balance as he scrambled toward the exit. He could feel the approaching heat from the flaming cloud that licked at his heels. He had just barely made it out of range

The explosion rocked the vent and shook Bellamy off balance as he scrambled toward the exit. He could feel the approaching heat from the flaming cloud that licked at his heels. He had just barely made it out of range, as the edges of the fire singed him, the force of the blast propelling him out of the end of the vent.

Bellamy hit the metal floor with a thud. He found cover and curled up into a ball, protecting his body from any further aftershock. The smell of burning chemicals, flesh, and smoke made him violently cough.

When Bellamy was sure that the worst was over, he slowly let his limbs stretch open. He closed his eyes and granted himself a small moment of rest.

"I'm alive," Bellamy panted. A laugh slipped past his lips for the first time in a while. " _I'm alive…_ "

Had anyone seen him, they would've thought that he was insane for laughing at a time like this, but he wasn't crazy; he was relieved. The past few hours had been some of the hardest of his entire life. He had received twist after twist, faced obstacle after obstacle, and received bad news on top of more bad news – all of which he'd somehow managed to conquer.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._

Bellamy's heart was racing. He found an instant of contentment in this familiar but wild rhythm. Disregarding the sweat and heat that engulfed his body, he relaxed into the pounding beat of his heart. He acknowledged it. He owned it. He let himself be alone with it, to focus solely on it. And with the sound of rushing blood pulsing in his ears, he remembered what it felt like to be alive.

* * *

Bellamy wasn't sure that he had actually known the feeling of truly being _alive_ until he met her. He thought that it was pure adrenaline, still amped and anxious from the fact that, mere hours ago, he had shot the chancellor and escaped to Earth. He thought it was his bewilderment with the wonders of the ground – the soft sunlight, the fresh air, and the tall trees – but it was her. It was always Merit.

Bellamy could still clearly recall seeing Merit for the first time. He had been looking after Octavia from afar, just long enough to see his younger sibling crash right into her. His focus was supposed to be reserved only for the nurture of his sister but this sudden distraction tempted his concentration.

He had rushed over to Octavia and helped her up, slyly watching Merit all the while. Slender fingertips dusted dirt from long legs and curvy hips while teeth tugged apprehensively at full lips. Finally, she looked up at him. Thick, dark eyelashes fanned out from hooded eyelids, behind them were the shiniest brown eyes he had ever seen.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump._

As Bellamy laid eyes on her, he felt his pulse immediately quicken and feared his thumping heart might be visible through his chest. His tongue was salivating and had the moon been out, his animal instincts would've had him on all fours and howling like a wolf.

 _Thump! Thump! Thump!_

There was that sound again, even louder than before. Bellamy's mouth formed into an agitated pout as he not so politely told his heart – and his hormones – to fuck off.

 _Fuck._ That was the last word that Bellamy needed on the brain.

 _"_ _Great way to get a raging boner, you idiot. How about screw off? No, poor word choice again. Do not think about screwing her. Let's go with shut up. Just shut up already…"_

When Bellamy finally realized that Merit had been staring back at him the entire time that he had been having this sordid mental debate, he quickly snapped out of his stupor and regained his composure.

Bellamy furrowed his brow and puffed out his chest. He tried to look aloof and pretended to be offended. He made a snide remark along the lines of "watch where you're going," even though he knew that Octavia had been the one to run into Merit. He did all of this to quiet the sound of his heartbeat and cover up the fact that there had been an immediate attraction to this person.

On the outside, Bellamy had built up a façade – one that he wasn't proud of but thought was necessary – because on the inside, he knew that he would have to fight. From the moment he saw Merit to when she made his heart beat just a little bit faster, he knew he would have to fight his feelings, his desires, his wants, and needs. Bellamy was here for the sole purpose of protecting his sister and falling for someone was the last thing that he needed to shake his laser focus.

Alas, Bellamy was a young man in a world full of unrestricted freedoms where he found himself to be head honcho. Suddenly, he found himself in a position of power where he could keep his sister safe at all times. He had more than a moment to relax and enough focus to concentrate on a – or perhaps a few – one night guests. A bit of detached company wouldn't hurt as long as he kept it casual.

Keeping his bed warm was a piece of cake. There were plenty of available singles who willingly offered to occupy Bellamy's down time and there were a few that he obliged with much pleasure. And that's all it ever amounted to, a moment of passing pleasure. It was easy and it was utterly empty because Bellamy was simply hiding the fact that he wanted more. He wanted her.

A challenge is what she would become or what he convinced himself she was. Bellamy would work to get his shot with Merit and satiate this desire that was bubbling up on the inside of him. And when it was over, he could go on with his life and she would just become another notch on his bedpost.

It became Bellamy's daily duty to make Merit ever more aware of his presence. He used his leadership role to his advantage – constantly ordering her around and switching her work detail or schedule so that it coincided with his. Bellamy was doing everything in his power just to get five more minutes of this girl's time. And with time, she would be more and more charmed by his authoritative personality and enthralled by his muscular physique and chiseled jaw. Soon, just like the others, Merit wouldn't be able to say no.

The exact opposite seemed to happen: Merit seemed repulsed by Bellamy while he verged on obsessed.

Bellamy remembered experiencing the first rain and watching Merit throw her arms open and embrace the night shower. He noticed the small smile that formed, different from her usual hardened stare, and he wished to see it again and again. He offered her a canteen in return for her bracelet to which Merit declined. She had no idea that Bellamy had been watching her clothes dampen and cling to her skin. He envied them, wishing that his arms could trade places with her wet cotton shirt if only for a moment.

He remembered the night that he had brought home a scaly panther-like creature from a hunt and cooked it up for dinner. He and his motley crew of miscreants were trading portions of the meat for bracelets. Like clockwork, Merit appeared, taking a skewer without giving up her bracelet.

Bellamy had approached her with an empty threat, _"…you're not eating with that bracelet on."_

He talked a big game but never had any intention of taking that food away from her. Quite frankly, it just gave him the pleasure of watching her hips twist as she walked away. Perhaps, his narrowed gaze lingered a second too long before Murphy noticed.

When the young man stepped in to speak up for his friend, Bellamy realized that he had an advantage that he had been failing to fully utilize.

"Is she going to be a problem?" Bellamy asked Murphy as he titled his head toward Merit.

"No," Murphy said confidently. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders lazily. "I've known Merit for as long as I can remember and she's always been stubborn, but she'll come around. I'll make sure of it."

"Since you've vouched for her, you're responsible for her," Bellamy said. "And if you can't get that bracelet off of her wrist, then you're going to help _me_ do it."

Bellamy found himself allied with Merit's closest friend, Murphy, and with that came an endless well of knowledge into Merit's history. Using the bracelet as a cover for his growing curiosity, Bellamy asked the questions and Murphy provided the insight into Merit's past. Each answer received was used as ammunition to propel Bellamy closer to his final target.

He would finally put all of this gathered information to good use on one fateful night in a cave. And only in this instance did Bellamy ever consider being trapped by acid fog to be a blessing because it gave him the perfect moment alone with Merit.

One night. It was supposed to be one night of raw and intense intimacy, one night to satisfy his lusty desires. Bellamy had gotten what he wanted and he could move on, except for the fact that he wanted more. Suddenly, one night seemed too short and even a lifetime seemed like it wasn't enough.

Sex was just supposed to be that. It was supposed to feel good, a quick release of built up tension, but it only made him want Merit more. It made him long for her hands in his hair and his lips against hers. Once he became acquainted with the feeling of euphoria from her pure affection, he wanted to keep it to himself like a hidden treasure.

It was just supposed to be a harmless fling until Bellamy caught himself making mental sketches of everything he found attractive about her. Dimples – the deep indentations that would dot Merit's cheeks when she would grin, smirk, or even press her lips firmly together. Hands with long fingers – they always seemed to be cold until he found the chance to warm them in his own calloused mitts. A scar, a mole, a birthmark, a small gesture or habit – he noticed it all. And the more he noticed, the weaker he became.

Merit was just supposed to be a challenge until visions of her continually clouded his mind: They're reclining near a hut on a white sandy beach. His head is in her lap while he listens to her read aloud his favorite passage from _The Iliad_. The sun is shining, waves are peacefully lapping at the shore, and there's carefree laughter as birds chirp in the distance. There's no more past to run from but a future to look forward to, to build on. And life is but a dream since _she_ became his dream.

It was just supposed to be the _bracelet_ , it was just supposed to be _sex_ , and it was just supposed to be _fun_ – as much as Bellamy had replayed these phrases in his head, they only became less and less true. His denial only brought him to a place where he couldn't sleep without her, he couldn't eat without her, and he couldn't make a move without understanding how it would affect her in the long run. And the more he tried to actualize his feelings, the more he failed.

Bellamy and Merit's troubled relationship seemed like an ever-spinning revolving door of nightmares. They just continued to rotate into obstacle after obstacle, many of which, Bellamy had created singlehandedly through his own fear and indecision.

There was one particularly nasty lie, one that had nearly brought Bellamy's relationship with Merit to the point of certain destruction.

Bellamy had made a deal with Merit with the intention of never upholding it – something that he was almost immediately ashamed of. He promised he would go after Murphy, who was now in danger after facing banishment by Bellamy's ruling. He went after the pod housing Raven instead. And when he returned to camp, he told Merit that her best friend was dead.

At the time, Bellamy thought he was just protecting Merit until he saw her crying her pretty little eyes out over the insensitive lie he had fashioned. In hindsight, he realized that he was really just protecting himself at her expense. However, he knew that telling Merit the truth would only destroy the progress that they had made and he would surely lose her for good.

It was the night that they sent the flares up to signal the Ark. Bright red sparks streaked across the black night sky and soared into the heavens. Bellamy had been standing beside Clarke when the young woman asked, "Can we wish on this kind of star?"

Bellamy had replied, "I wouldn't even know what to wish for," when he noticed Merit standing nearby. He heard her utter in the airiest whisper, "I would," and knew that she meant Murphy.

He felt his heart slowly sink into his stomach like dead weight.

Bellamy had entered Merit's tent uninvited and saw her hide her tears, tears that he had created. He hated to see her like this because of something he did and he wanted nothing more than to fix this, but he couldn't bring himself to expel the truth from his own mouth. So he did the next best thing.

Bellamy kissed Merit, again and again, each one leaving a bittersweet savor on his tongue. He enveloped her in his arms and didn't let go. He let her drift away into the place that they both loved to be, the place where the world passed away and they shared one body, one spirit, and one moment of complete passion.

His body hovered over hers, his lips grazing softly over hers and absorbing a soft whimper. When Bellamy pulled back, he noticed a tear sliding down Merit's cheek. His heart fluttered with worry at the sight.

"Are you okay?" Bellamy whispered. He could see the outline of Merit's lips trembling in the soft firelight that emanated through the tent tarp.

Merit's only answer was a shaky breath as her eyes dropped away from his.

Bellamy immediately stopped and took on a more somber tone. "Merit, we don't ever have to do anything that you don't want to. Just tell me to stop and I will. _I promise_."

"Don't," Merit replied quickly, her sharp eyes flashing back up to Bellamy's. Her hands gripped his back as she pulled herself up and kissed him gently. She nuzzled against him, her voice buzzing against his lips. "I don't want you to stop."

 _THUMP! THUMP! THUMP!_

Bellamy wouldn't stop now. He would never stop wanting her, never stop caring for her, and he would never stop loving her. He didn't want to stop, not now, not tomorrow, not in one hundred years. He was totally committed.

And every time he gazed upon Merit's face and heard his heart pounding like a deafening bass drum, he would give in to it, knowing that it was only his body reminding him that this wasn't a dream and that he hadn't died, but that he was truly _alive._

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the delay! I really wanted to include more of Bellamy's P.O.V but I didn't want to regurgitate the entire episode without something new and different to keep things interesting. I've been running out of ideas about what to write for him. So if you have suggestions, let me know what you'd like to see from Bellamy's P.O.V. Also, let me know what you're looking forward to or what you'd like to see when Merit and Bellamy finally reunite. The next part should be out relatively soon. Thanks to everyone who has read and/or reviewed. Much appreciated. Be well, my friends!


	21. Chapter 21

_Thump…Thump…Thump…_

"Bellamy!" Merit shouted as she jolted upright in bed. She flinched in pain and clutched her side. She could scarcely hear the sound of her own voice over the pounding of her heart in her ears. "Where is he? I need to see him."

The room spun into a blur of streaky, ashen colors as she tried to process her surroundings.

Abby rushed over to Merit, calming her with a soft shushing as she gently pushed her back down in bed. "It's okay. Merit, you're okay. Just slow down," Abby said. "Do you know where you are?"

Merit's eyes darted back and forth across the room and as they began to focus, she realized that she was in the medical bay. She saw Abby and recognized the comforting eyes that stared back at her. Regaining her sense of familiarity, her breathing calmed and she settled back into bed.

"What happened?" Merit asked, pressing her fingers to her temple. She felt a bandage snugly wrapped around her head.

"You were injured when the missile hit TonDC," Abby replied.

Merit could hardly remember anything that had happened before the blast. She could just recall the dream. She could see Bellamy's smile and feel the warm glow of his joy. She could remember how great it felt to be surrounded by family and a real feeling of love. Then, like a car crash, came the excruciating pain, fear of death, and the certainty that her life would only amount to a pile of mistakes without a chance to live out the future she dreamed of. And finally, there was Marcus, the man that she so greatly loathed, begging her to stay alive.

Merit felt sick to her stomach. Abby, who seemed to notice her paling complexion and her nauseous swaying, ran over with a bucket as Merit lurched forward and vomited. Abby patted Merit on the back until she was finished and then handed her a clean cloth. Merit wiped her mouth and fell back on the bed in a winded heap.

"You need to stay hydrated," Abby said, offering Merit a cup of water.

Merit pushed the cup away and clenched her eyes shut for a moment. She felt worse than a pile of hammered crap but her condition was the least of her worries. She had concern for only one person. "Where's Bellamy?" she rasped.

"He's still in Mount Weather. He was able to turn off the acid fog but we lost contact with him soon after."

"Lost contact? Is he okay? Did he get caught?"

Abby placed a hand on the flustered young lady's shoulder. "Merit, I'm sure he's just fine. It was probably just a signal issue. With the strike team moving into position, we'll find out soon enough. "

"I should be there." Merit sat up again, this time slowly and being cautious of her new wound. She swung her feet towards the floor.

"Slow down," Abby ordered, urging Merit back into bed. "There's still time before we march on Mount Weather."

"Then I better get ready."

"Are you crazy?" Abby's face tensed and her eyes grew large. She was clearly outraged with Merit's impatience. "You need time to rest. Luckily, that piece of shrapnel didn't piece any major organs, but you lost so much blood that you could've died."

"But I didn't. I'm still here, Abby-"

"And you have _Marcus_ to thank for that," Abby interrupted.

"What?"

Abby sighed and wrung her hands together as she turned away from Merit. "I had to do a transfusion and your body was rejecting it," she started. " _His blood_ was the _only_ one that your body would accept."

Abby revealed that despite suffering from a leg injury of his own, Marcus put off his treatment to give blood to secure the life of his daughter, first.

"He didn't want me to tell you but if it wasn't for Marcus, you would be dead, right now," Abby admitted. She turned back to Merit with a look of grief. Her small mouth was turned down and there was pain – or perhaps an aching understanding – in her eyes as she went on, "I'm not telling you this because I think you owe him anything. Frankly, he owes this to you. And not because of what he has done in the past but because _you are his daughter_. Marcus did what any parent who loves their child would do."

Merit's usual response would've been anger. She would've found a way to still blame Marcus for her misfortune but she couldn't. Here she was, plotting Marcus's demise when he would've voluntarily given his life for hers. He had given her a second chance. And instead of anger, she was stricken with shame.

"How is he?" Merit asked sheepishly.

"He's fine."

"I need to see him." Merit placed her feet firmly on the floor and clutched her side, preparing her body to stand. She wobbled for a moment and steadied her weak legs by holding onto the bed until she could regain her balance.

"Merit, you need to rest-"

"Abby, I promise I'll take it easy. I just—I should thank him."

Abby nodded, a tiny but very satisfied grin flashing across her face for a split second. "In that case, could you do me a favor?"

Merit ambled down the hall holding a small tray of food. Abby had made her promise to make sure that both she and Marcus had something in their stomachs. Abby's advice was that sharing a meal might make sharing a conversation and healing wounds easier. Merit hoped that was true.

Merit reached the door of Marcus's office and hesitated to knock. Something made her nervous. Maybe it was the fact that she wanted to forgive him and she thought it made her weak.

Merit held up her tightly clenched fist only to knock gingerly. It hardly made a noise. She wanted to turn tail and run but the door actually creaked open.

Marcus peered from the other side of the door in utter shock. Merit could see his eyes become glossy with tears as they scanned her face. A tentative smile formed on his lips. He didn't speak; he only stared.

Merit looked down at the tray in her hands. "Abby – she wanted me to bring you some food."

"Oh right," Marcus said, snapping out of his daze. "Please, come in."

Merit entered the small office and placed the food and water down on the shabby desk. She pulled up a chair and took a seat. From the tray, she took a small container of lumpy mashed potatoes, a cup of some type of broth that looked more like cloudy water, and a handful of mixed berries.

"Shouldn't you be at home resting?" Merit asked. She didn't look at Marcus as she spoke. She just took her spoon and dug into the potatoes.

"It's the calm before the storm, so to speak," Marcus replied. "There's just too much work to do before we march on Mount Weather."

"Well, Abby told me to make sure that you rest your leg and eat something in the meantime."

Marcus had wandered over to the window at the back of the room. His back was turned to Merit as he spoke, "I'm fine. I'm sure there's someone else who could use the food more than me."

The air in the room was cool and the blatant awkwardness that pervaded it drove Merit crazy.

She set down her spoon and looked up at her father. Very bluntly, she said, "Marcus, sit down and eat."

Marcus turned away from the window and nodded at his daughter with a short chuckle. "You sound like your m-" He stopped himself abruptly and shook his head. He let out a long breath as he sat down across from Merit, where she pushed the remainder of the food and water towards him. "I-I'm glad to see you up and about. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." Merit swallowed a thick gulp of potatoes and it went down uncomfortably. She was anxiously eating because she was scared of what was about to happen.

Marcus pointed to the cup of warm broth. "Bone broth. It's – uh – very healthy and it'll help you heal faster. We can thank Lincoln for this recipe."

Small talk. Merit was nodding along but she wasn't really listening. She was too busy figuring out what to say and how to say it or if she was going to say anything at all. She finally decided that forcing it out was the best way to go.

"Abby told me what you did for me," Merit said hurriedly. She noticed Marcus stop eating and slowly place his fork down. The pair seemed to take a deep breath in unison and hold it until Merit said, "I wanted to thank you…So, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. It was what I _had_ to do."

Merit shrugged her shoulders and her eyes uneasily shifted from her father to the table top. "You didn't _have_ to do anything."

" _I did_ ," Marcus said quickly, a clear sense of resolve ringing in his declaration. He fumbled anxiously with his hands for a moment – folding and unfolding them – before finally deciding to weave his fingers together into a tense and tangled web. "I didn't want Abby to tell you because I didn't want you to think that you owe me anything. You will never ever owe me anything, Merit. Not in this life or the next, but as your father… _I owe you my life._ "

Merit was looking at Marcus with sadness as he gazed at her with sincere guilt.

"When I promised your mother that I would look after you, it wasn't simply because I loved her but because I finally understood my role as your parent. Merit, I took everything away from you. _I_ did it. And I should've been more responsible," Marcus said. "It's my job to know when to guide you and when to leave you the hell alone." He threw his hands in the air and let them hit the table with a frustrated smack. "It's my job to take pride in all of your successes but to also hold the blame for all of your failures. _It's_ _my_ _job_ …and _I_ failed you."

Merit didn't realize that she was the mirror of her father until she saw her reddening eyes reflected in his. And as she watched a few renegade tears staining his cheeks, she believed that his words were genuine.

"I never expected you to show up and be the world's greatest dad. I never expected you to be _my_ dad but you are…And I don't want to spend the rest of my life being angry with you," Merit confessed.

Merit's anger with Marcus had seeped beyond its borders and into other areas of her life. It spoiled her relationships, her sense of self, and her peace of mind. If she continued to harbor this grudge, she knew it had the potential to completely destroy her.

Merit knew that her anger would never serve to bring James back. It wouldn't change the past or right the wrongs that Marcus had committed. Anger would only make her bitter and miserable. And James never wanted that for her.

Marcus could never take back what he had done but it was evident that he loved her and wanted to do right by her from this moment forward.

The truth was that Merit just wanted her father back, and here was one sitting right in front of her.

"Merit, I want to reconcile with you more than anything," Marcus said. His hand inched toward hers but he never touched it. "But I understand that it has to be on your terms and not mine. And when you're ready to do that, I'll be here and I'm not going anywhere."

Merit slowly nodded in agreement.

"In good faith, I want to give you something. That is if I have permission to stand?" Marcus asked, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, just watch your step."

Marcus limped across the room and over to a stack of filing drawers. He knelt down and pulled one of the drawers open, dragging out that familiar portable safe – the same one that held the secrets of Merit's past. He seemed to lose his balance as he lifted it and placed it on the desk.

Merit rushed over to Marcus's side and placed his arm over her shoulders. "That's enough standing for one day," she said, helping him take a seat behind his desk.

"Thank you," Marcus said. He slid the safe across the desk until it was in front of him.

Merit turned her attention to a bookshelf adjacent to Marcus's desk. And she saw him glance apprehensively at her, probably making sure that she wasn't looking as he keyed in the passcode. She was.

Marcus popped the safe lid open and sifted through the contents. Merit carefully glanced over his shoulder as he did this. Marcus took out a case folder and neatly printed on the top tab was the title FS-240. Merit's eyes narrowed as she locked on to it. That was the file that Parker had mentioned. Just as Merit had noted the file's existence, Marcus had quickly stuffed it back into the case and locked it tight.

The answers to Sienna Vega's death could've been in that folder but Merit wasn't sure if she wanted to go through with Parker's plan anymore.

"Here," Marcus said, handing a dark piece of embroidered material to Merit. "It was James—it was your _father's_."

Merit looked the stiff piece of cloth over. "His guard patch?"

"You should have it."

Merit delicately traced her fingers over the faded badge. Stitched around the border was the last name Murdock – the last name that Marcus had allowed to be written on the birth certificate and the surname that Merit would choose to keep.

Suddenly, every wonderful memory of her dad came rushing back. She remembered the way his guard jacket smelled like fresh linen whenever she would hug him. She remembered the rich, velvety sound of his laughter as he would watch her slip on the oversized jacket and pretend to be him. She remembered jokes and smiles, frowns and lectures – memories good and bad equally – and she missed it all.

Tears poured from her eyes before she even had time to try and stop them.

Merit hadn't noticed Marcus standing beside her or that he had placed a hand on her shoulder. Slowly, she sank into his shoulder and let her tears spill like an endless waterfall.

"Losing my mother, being on the ground, and finally the bomb dropping on TonDC – It's all changed me," Marcus said softly. He paused for a while before saying, "Merit, I know that Clarke knew about the missile…Did you?"

Merit froze in her place and her tears slowed to a halt. "I-I didn't know what to do. I should've—I thought Clarke would've-" She was breathlessly rambling. Her tongue tied behind a veil of tears and uncertain emotions.

"It's okay. I'm not upset. I believe I was right where I was supposed to be," Marcus said, gently patting Merit on the back. "And I also believe in second chances. I've been given more than I deserve and I'm _begging_ you, please, don't squander yours."

In a way, Merit was almost glad that she hadn't told Marcus about the bomb because had they both not been present for the disaster, this moment would not have been possible. It was a rude awakening but one that was valued and very necessary to bring about positive change within their tarnished worlds.

"Merit, I never want you to be like me. I made a lot of mistakes to get to where I am, now and I'm still paying for them. _Do not make the same mistakes_."

Sometimes it was hard to believe that Marcus was the same man who executed her father. And sometimes it was even harder for Merit to convince herself that Marcus was still that ruthless, power hungry murderer.

Through her tears, the only words Merit could muster were, "Thank you, Marcus."

She was oddly grateful to Marcus for sharing this piece of history with her. While their relationship was strange and muddled with much room for repair, this moment wasn't about them. It was about James and his dying wish and finally seeking the closure that he wanted so much for her.

* * *

Merit left Marcus's office with her fingers still glued to that patch and memories of her late father floating around in her head. On one hand, she was just thankful to have a relic of James left intact, but on the other hand, she felt broken and her heart ached for the time when he was still alive and present.

 _"Dad! Dad!"_ Merit could still hear the sound of her panicked screams echo in her mind.

It was the darkest day of her life and the gloomy colors of the space station with the blackness of outer space only exaggerated that fact.

She remembered struggling behind a wall of guards as they walked her father toward the dreaded airlock – the airlock that was supposed to be responsible for the death of criminals but had taken more parents, lovers, and heroes than anything.

Her mother had grabbed her by the hand. The woman was shaking like a natural disaster, but few tears fell from her unblinking eyes.

Merit was the exact opposite of her mother's placid expression – her eyes and cheeks reddened by uncontrollable sobbing.

"Please, just let me hug my baby girl one last time," James had asked in a low but trembling tone.

Merit had never heard such fear in her father's voice except for in this moment when he spoke of her.

When James asked this question, he looked directly at Councilman Marcus Kane and not at the two guards that held him in cuffs. Marcus gave James a long sullen stare before granting him this final wish.

The guards released James from his cuffs and parted their human-chain-link-fence to let Merit through. She ran straight into her father's arms and squeezed him tightly. She buried her face into his neck, carefully trying to memorize exactly how he felt and how he smelled.

"Dad, don't let them take you," Merit begged.

"Listen to me, Merit-"

"You can fight back. You have to."

"Merit, I love you," James said. "Don't you _ever_ forget that."

Merit hugged him tighter, knowing that as soon as her hands no longer grasped him, he would be gone for good. "Dad, please," she pleaded. "Don't give up on me. I need you. _I need you_."

James cleared his throat and Merit knew he was fighting back the tears.

"I need you to do something for me and you need to promise me, right now, because we don't have a lot of time left."

"No, no, no," Merit whimpered.

"I need you to be strong, baby girl and I need you to promise," James said sternly.

Merit squeezed her eyes shut and forced out the words, "I promise."

"First thing, when they take me into the airlock, you're not going to struggle. You're going to tell me you love me and then you're going to hug your mother. Then-"

"James, it's time," Marcus called out.

Merit locked her hands around her father's neck as she listened to his final words.

"Merit, I need you-" James's voice got caught in his throat. "I need you to _find forgiveness, if only for yourself…"_

Merit did tell her father that she loved him but immediately broke her promise about not struggling.

She screamed as the guards pried her body away from her father. She kicked, punched, and flailed against the hands that roughly tugged at her until they pinned her to the floor. With a knee in her back, she watched her father stand tall and firm in that airlock. Then, she watched Councilman Kane press the button that sent him straight to his death.

As soon as the airlock closed and Merit saw that her father was gone, the tears stopped and rage took over. Her skin heated up and her vision went red.

Merit's stone cold glare twisted over to Councilman Kane and in a low growl, she told him, " _You're going to pay for this_."

* * *

Merit shuddered as she remembered the taste of rage in her mouth, bitter and metallic like copper. It was a taste she wanted to forget and a feeling she never wanted to experience again.

It had taken her years but she was finally making progress on that promise she had made to James and she threatened to lose it all now if she sought vengeance on Marcus.

She had never understood what her father's last words meant until now. He wasn't urging her to forget the ways that she had been wronged or hide from the murky parts of her past but he was asking her to let them go. Her vengeance, her anger, her resentment, and any other weight that held her down had to be lifted in order for her to move forward with grace. And James only wanted her to seek the closest road to the freedom and lightness of forgiveness.

It was clear that this grudge, born of her parent's infidelity, wasn't hers to bear; it was Marcus's. And he was clearly still carrying that hefty load of guilt and regret without any help from her or anyone else.

Merit thought about Parker and how his situation was similar to hers. It was apparent that the young man had been lugging around the burdens created by his parents and had grown embittered under the weight. And Merit figured that if she was able to find some sense of absolution from an age-old grudge, didn't Parker deserve that chance too? He may have been an unsavory character but Merit still believed, as a child who loved his mother, Parker deserved closure.

However, there was a great chance that Marcus played a role in Sienna's death and if Parker finally confirmed that information, no power on Earth could stop him from taking his revenge. At the same rate, Merit wasn't sure that it was fair to withhold the whereabouts of the file, essentially choosing Parker's fate for him.

Merit had yet another huge decision to make. After the detrimental results of TonDC, she didn't want to make the wrong choice. She only knew that FS-240 held the key to Parker's past and his future. And the wrong decision could either unleash his demons or lay them to rest, but she had to choose: closure for Parker or Marcus's life.

* * *

 **A/N:** If you were in Merit's position would you be able to move forward with Kane? Would you tell Parker about the location of the FS-240 and help him lay his mother to rest even if it could put Kane's life at risk? Do you believe that Kane has suffered enough for the things that he's done on the Ark? Let me know in a review! Also, let me know if there are other things you'd like to see from Bellamy's P.O.V. There are only two more relatively short parts before the big Mount Weather battle and reunion, so hang in there.

Since I've been on a roll and written a lot in the past few days, I've decided that I will go on and finish up to season 3...even if it takes me awhile. Hang on because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Thanks again for those still reading and those who continually leave encouraging reviews. Sending you all love and light. Take care!


	22. Chapter 22

Merit pounded on the door of apartment 212B, hoping that Parker was still home and hadn't left yet to march on Mount Weather. She knew there was a slim chance that the hateful bastard would actually die in battle, but it was still a risk she didn't want to take without putting his mother and his past to rest, first.

She thought she had come up with a hasty but fair decision that ensured safety for Marcus and closure for Parker. She just hoped that it would work.

Parker opened the door and his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"You're here," Merit said with relief.

"And you're alive," Parker said. His eyebrows lowered into his usual impassive expression. "The last time I saw you, I was dragging your stretcher to medical-"

"We need to talk." Merit tried to push past Parker and into his apartment but he stopped her.

"I have to leave. I have a Mount Weather mission briefing in five minutes," Parker said stepping outside of his apartment and pulling up the door. "Besides, I thought I told you not to come here."

"FS-240 – I know where it is."

"Shit," Parker hissed under his breath. He quickly reopened his apartment door and pulled Merit inside. He pointed to her and then to a chair. "You, sit. Wait here and _don't touch anything_. I'll be back in thirty minutes tops. We'll talk about it then."

Parker left the apartment hastily, a gust of air following him as he slammed the door shut on his way out.

Merit seated herself in the designated chair beside a little end table. She folded her hands in her lap and looked around the room. The place was impeccably neat and organized. The bed was neatly made, drawers were all tucked away, and every item was in its perfect place.

"Boring…" Merit sighed to herself, heeding Parker's no touching rule for all of five seconds.

There was a book on the table – _Divine Comedy_ by Dante Alighieri– which she picked up and lazily leafed through. A page was bookmarked and a passage highlighted: _"Midway along the journey of our life I woke to find myself in a dark wood, for I had wandered off from the straight path."_

Merit shrugged and shut the book, figuring it sounded like the flowery crap that Bellamy loved to read and for a moment, she thought about nabbing it for him but she wasn't a thief. More importantly, Parker certainly would've noticed its absence.

Instead, she glanced over to the shelves that lined the bedroom wall. There was a picture of Parker's mother and next to it was a worn stuffed animal – a little white and gray owl with large black pupils and glittery amber irises. And beside the plush toy was another stack of books.

There wasn't one remnant of Parker's father, Commander Shumway, and as far as Merit could see, Parker's story checked out.

Merit grabbed the stuffed owl and smiled, trying to imagine a young Parker adoring such an item. She remembered that he had mentioned his mother would call him "baby bird" and figured Sienna must've given it to him. He probably held onto it, just as she held onto her father's patch now, in remembrance of a lost loved one.

This was disrespectful. If this was a token of Parker's mother, Merit knew she had no right to be messing around with it. As she went to put the toy back, she clumsily knocked over the stack of books.

"Crap, Parker is going to kill me," Merit muttered as she fumbled to pick up the books.

A flat, circular badge spilled out from one of the book's pages as Merit lifted it. It looked exactly like the one her father wore – it had the symbol for the Ark surrounded by stars and along the edge, a familiar name was embroidered.

Merit reached for the badge, anxiously wiggling her fingertips until she could grab it for a closer look. Her brows first furrowed in confusion and then arched in surprise as she read the name stitched on it. "Blake?"

She immediately had two questions: Was this Bellamy's and why did Parker have it?

In thirty minutes time, Parker had returned just as promised. He seemed antsy and ready for Merit to spill the information she was withholding.

"First thing's first, did you touch anything?" Parker said as he glanced around the room with a suspicious glare.

Merit shook her head. "No, of course not." She folded her arms across her chest, knowing that she had hidden the guard patch in her jacket pocket.

"Right, then on to business." Parker sat on the edge of his cot across from Merit. "What'd you find?"

"I know where the file is _but_ the rules have changed."

"What do you mean?"

Merit stood up and paced around the room, knowing that Parker wouldn't be particularly happy about her edits to their deal. She stopped and made uneasy eye contact with him. "I will help you find out about your mother's death but killing Kane is no longer part of the agreement."

Parker huffed in disbelief. "That was explicitly part of the deal."

"Yeah, well, I've changed my mind. And unless you want to go to jail, then you should change yours too," Merit warned.

Parker sighed and clasped his hands together, his patience wearing incredibly thin. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

Merit looked down at her abdomen, knowing that there was a near fatal wound beneath her shirt that she had only survived because of one man. "He saved my life."

"Yeah, because he _owes_ it to you."

"Maybe he does and maybe he doesn't!" Merit howled with frustration. "But I won't try to kill him again. _And I owe that to myself._ "

Marcus had given his blood to save her life and Merit couldn't fathom living out her second chance with the same blood on her hands. Killing Marcus would only rob her of the opportunity to renew relationships, the chance to see Bellamy again, and the hope to someday live out a promising future with him. She wouldn't wash that prospect down the drain for the one person that had taken the most away from her, to begin with.

"And what if he did kill my mother just like he killed your father?" Parker spat.

"Then _he_ has to live with it. And believe me, he's suffering."

"That's not good enough for me!" Parker shouted, jumping up from his spot on the bed. His fair cheeks glowed red with anger. "One good deed isn't enough to atone for the things he's done and you know it, Merit."

"And one misdeed is all you need to screw up your life," Merit argued. She shook her head and stood resolute in her decision. "I won't let you go through with this."

"You're the only one that can help me. Do not bitch out on me-"

"And that's exactly what I'm doing, _helping_ your stupid ass," Merit cut in crossly. "I will help you lay your mother to rest but I won't do it at Kane's expense. You can take the deal or leave it, Parker. I won't say it again."

Parker ruffled his hair in vexation and pressed his lips together in a ragged grimace. He sat back down on the cot and put his face in his hands, his intonation returning to its usual state of lackadaisical composure. "Fine, tell me what you know."

Merit knew that Parker was a cunning character, one who was great at concealing his feelings. It would've been too easy for him to just give in, so she left him with one final warning to assure him that she meant business. "If we find what you're looking for, be sure that if you try anything shady, I will kick your ass right back into outer space."

Parker laughed, finally looking up with a smirk. He placed his elbows on his knees and cupped his chin in his hands. "I'm shaking, really," he jeered. "I won't try anything, okay? Now, get on with it."

"Not so fast," Merit interjected. She patted her pocket, hoping that this badge held a secret that would give her more insurance. "I need to ask you one more question before I help you." She reached into her pocket and pulled out the patch. "Why do you have this?"

"I thought I told you _not_ to touch anything," Parker said defensively as he sprang from the bed. He tried to snatch the badge from Merit's hand but she maneuvered it behind her back.

She had never seen him more flustered. Loose and messy waves bounced in front of his eyes while cheeks burned red with a blush as he scrambled for the badge. The stiff, cold-hearted prick actually seemed embarrassed.

"It was an accident. I knocked over a stack of books and it fell out."

"Now, I can add thief and liar to your already long list of irredeemable qualities." Parker moved toward the shelf housing all of his memorabilia and checked each of the items for damage.

Merit pulled out the patch again, gliding her fingers across the embroidered surname. "This is Bellamy's, isn't it?"

"He's not the only one with the last name Blake-"

"Are you going to explain why you have a Bellamy shrine or not?"

"How about I kill you instead? That way, there'll still be one less Kane in the world," Parker drawled as he rolled his eyes.

"Or maybe you can kiss my ass because I'm not telling you a damn thing until you explain why you have this," Merit barked.

"There's the door," Parker said, nonchalantly gesturing toward the door with an open hand. "And by all means, let it hit you on the way out."

Merit walked toward the door with a shrug, knowing that Parker had everything to lose by letting her leave. He was the one gambling; not her. Although, she was wildly curious as to why he was so adamant in hiding his reasons for having the guard badge.

"Wait," Parker called out through gritted teeth.

Merit turned back with a triumphant smirk. She placed a hand on her hip and waited impatiently for Parker's explanation.

"It's just a stupid patch."

"If it's so stupid, then why are you keeping it? Is this some kind of trophy to you?" Merit asked, fervently interrogating Parker. "Do you get off on the fact that you made guard and he didn't?"

"No! It's not like that. As troop leader, I was supposed to be the one to give it to him when he made guard. I forgot I even had the stupid thing."

"Bellamy couldn't have been the only cadet in your troop, so why'd you keep _his_ badge?"

Parker rubbed his temple. "Well, maybe you could let me finish."

Merit made a zipping motion across her lips and threw away the invisible key.

"I can't believe I'm having this fucking conversation with you." Parker shook his head with frustration as he tried to force the words off of his tongue. "The night of the masquerade dance was the last night of our training. And being the commander's son, I already knew that our troop would get promoted to guard as long as things went smoothly. It was like our final test."

Merit nodded along as she listened attentively to Parker's story.

"I remember when Bellamy finally showed up for the dance and I put him on watch. Except the only thing he watched the entire night was one girl," Parker went on. "The way he looked at her – It was the same way that my mother used to look at me. I didn't know who Octavia was at the time. I just knew that Bellamy loved her unconditionally."

Merit was sure that Parker was retelling the story of the night that Octavia had been found and captured. Everyone on the Ark knew the infamous tale of the girl who lived under the floor, but many discounted just how devastating it was for the Blake family. Parker was one of the few that had witnessed the disaster firsthand.

"Then came the solar flare alert and I saw that look of pure love turn into one of utter fear," Parker continued. "You know the one I mean, the wide-eyed, sad puppy look." Parker looked up at Merit and imitated Bellamy's expression, stretching his eyes into shocked sadness and turning his thick pink lips into a quivering frown. "Anyway, I saw that look and I wanted to help him. I didn't want him to lose the one person that mattered most to him, not the way that I did. And I knew that if my father got involved, that is exactly what would happen."

Merit scratched her head. "Are you saying that you cared about Bellamy?"

Parker answered with a short shrug before speaking. "I gave him a lot of shit but I always saw something worthy in him. Maybe I even saw myself. So yes, I guess, at some point, I developed a certain fondness for Blake…"

Merit suddenly stopped wracking her brain over Parker's complicated explanation. The badge, the ridiculous playground hazing, and his detailed impersonations of Bellamy's mannerisms – suddenly, it all made sense. She wanted to smack herself for not realizing it sooner.

Merit stifled a chuckle. "You mean you had a _crush_?"

Parker didn't respond with a yes or a no but a crisp brow raise and a half grin. After a long pause, he rolled his neck and said, "It wasn't my proudest moment. And don't worry, I'm long over him. He made sure of that when I tried to help the stupid son of a bitch and he shock lashed me until I nearly pissed myself." Parker's eyes lowered into a hooded glare and he crossed his arms. "If he wouldn't have been so damn emotional and just let me handle it, I guarantee Octavia would've made it home that night."

Merit let out a long sigh and slapped a hand against her forehead. She was still in utter disbelief that someone like Parker even had feelings besides arrogance and indignation. "Uh…Or maybe you could've just been nice to him and told him the truth? Maybe he would've – I don't know – trusted you," Merit said sarcastically.

"My dad didn't even want me to have friends, what do you think he would've done if he ever found out that I had a crush? He would've hurt Bellamy just to hurt me," Parker said. "That's the thing about people like you and me. We know that even when you care about someone, you have to keep them at arm's length because, in this world, the ones you love are the first to be taken away."

Merit's mouth opened to protest Parker's claim.

"And I know what you're going to say," Parker stood up and placed his hands on his waist. He swiveled his hips back and forth as he imitated Merit's voice with a snarl, " _I'm not like you_. But if that was true, then why aren't you two still together?"

Merit wondered if she hadn't found a peaceful place to rest her burdens and a kindred spirit in Bellamy, would she still be as embittered as Parker was? That seemed to be one clear difference between them – both had qualms with Kane and deceased parents but she had taken her chance with Bellamy while Parker had never come to term with his feelings.

In many ways, Bellamy had been a key piece to her path toward absolution in this world. Maybe, in another life, Bellamy could've given Parker the same. Bellamy seemed to have that effect on people and the world around him – he changed them. Merit had never told him but she was certain that he was special and that his freckles had been composed of magical fairy dust.

Suddenly, Merit realized just how much she missed Bellamy. And in his absence, she understood more and more just what she had given up. She wanted to win him back and she wanted to do it the right way.

"I can admit that I screwed up and I shouldn't have let Bellamy go," Merit said. "But can you admit that this? You being an emotionless asshole – It's all just an act."

"I'm not some nice guy underneath this excess baggage, Merit. This isn't just some cover up. _This_ is me adapting to the world around me. _This_ is survival of the fittest. _This is who I am_ ," Parker stated firmly. "Now tell me what you know about FS-240."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks to readers old and new, as always. If you feel so inclined, answer these optional discussion questions in a review! Hearing Parker's confession, do you believe him and Merit are more alike than she initially believed? Did you agree with Merit's decision to break up with Bellamy? Thinking back to Parker's revelation, do you think that Merit pushes people away to protect them or to protect herself? There are no right or wrong answers. I just really like to hear your opinions and engage with the readers when I can. Feel free to share any other thoughts. Take care!


	23. Chapter 23

Time was of the essence. In just a few hours, all strike teams needed to be in position to march on Mount Weather and Merit didn't intend on missing this battle. This meant that she had to get in and out of Marcus's office as fast as possible without getting caught.

Getting in was a piece of cake thanks to Parker who knew the former chancellor's schedule inside and out; although, there had been a few unforeseen variations with Marcus's injury in play. It was a small risk that had been mostly overtaken by Mount Weather preparations. When Marcus wasn't resting, he was strategizing and briefing guards in the main hall.

The main hall, that's where Marcus was now as Merit snuck into his office. Parker kept watch just outside.

Merit scurried over to the set of filing draws and found the one housing the safe. She pulled the safe out and set it on the floor before hurriedly typing in the code. She heard the electronic lock make a loud buzzing noise and jumped in surprise. An alert that said "2 attempts left" flashed on the screen and Merit felt sweat form on her brow. She tried the code again, typing slower this time to ensure accuracy. The buzzer went off again.

 _1 attempt left._

Merit wiped her brow as she went over the password, again, in her head. She was having trouble remembering it and her mounting nerves weren't exactly helping. She wasn't sure what would happen if she entered the password incorrectly for the last time, but she was sure that Marcus would know that someone had been tampering with his safe.

Merit shook out her trembling hands and gulped. She held her breath and tried one last time, switching the last two numbers. The safe popped open.

She didn't give herself a moment to breathe as she scrambled through the safe and took out the file. Inside were several paper documents and a USB stick. As she shuffled through the papers, Merit came across a clear sheet printed with fancy and neat handwriting. It read:

 _Dearest baby bird,_

 _I love you more than words could ever describe and I'm sorry I had to leave you this way but the council has given me no other choice. I couldn't live with what I had done and when asked, for the second time, to poison the drinking water of innocent Ark citizens, I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand to see the system that I created for good be used to commit another heinous act. I thought I was working for the greater good. I thought I was protecting you and securing your future, but one time was enough to convince me that I was wrong. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me one day. My beautiful baby boy, Parker, you are the light of my life, the sun, moon, and stars. Don't ever let this world's darkness dim your light. Be better than me. Be stronger than your father. I love you._

 _-Mom_

Merit rolled her eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to stop the tears that threatened to fall. When she looked back down, she saw a few droplets splash onto the letter. Her heart ached for Parker.

Parker had been right about one thing, the factory station water scandal had been an inside job. It was another sneaky attempt on behalf of the council to regulate the population and conserve dwindling resources and his mother had knowingly participated.

Sienna was just another victim claimed by the tyranny of the Ark and the guilt of her past decisions. And she never wanted her son to be corrupted by the same power and ego that drove her to her death but that is exactly what he was headed for.

Parker came barging into the office. "What's taking you so long?" he whispered with impatience.

Merit quickly wiped at her tears and tucked the letter behind her back. Her jaw stammered but no real words came out.

Parker's head tilted swiftly and his forehead creased with worry. "What's wrong? What's behind your back?"

"I have it…I have the letter," Merit said slowly, her voice crumbling with grief.

"What? What do you mean you have it?"

"Parker, are you sure you want to do this?"

For a moment, Merit regretted telling Parker the truth. The truth was what had sent her into a downward spiral of sorrow and bad decisions. And maybe Parker was better off not knowing that this letter existed.

Merit was still in her place as Parker inched toward her. She didn't resist as he snatched the letter from behind her back. She only watched his face sink into a ghostly stare as he read it.

It was uncomfortably quiet and cold. It felt as if an icy winter wind had blown through the office and frozen everything in place.

"No, there's no way she could've written this," Parker breathed, his lips quivering uncontrollably. "She wouldn't – she wouldn't leave me."

"I'm sorry, Parker-"

"She couldn't. Not when she knew what a sack of shit my dad was. She couldn't!" Parker's cry cut through the harsh silence like a searing dagger.

" _Baby bird_ , you told me that your mom used to call you that," Merit carefully tried to reason with Parker.

"I don't believe this. This has to be a setup."

"There was this too," Merit said, handing Parker the USB. She watched him plug it into his guard scanner.

The small drive contained the crime scene report as well as photos and other digital evidence.

Parker cringed and winced as he flipped through the photos. His usual upright stature seemed to break bit by bit until he was hunched over under the weight of his trauma. His shoulders hugged around his ears, his eyes dropped into a vacant stare, and his mouth melted into a melancholy frown. He resembled that of a frightened child more than a callous guard, a frightened child who had just found his mother dead for the first time.

"Kane did this. He had to. _He had to_ ," Parker rambled. He let the tablet fall out of his shaking hands and it cracked as it hit the ground.

"Parker, I know you're upset but we need to go, now," Merit said. She picked up the tablet and removed the USB, shoving it and the file back into the safe. Before she could close the lid, she noticed a picture with cursive writing scribbled on the back: _Merit's 4th Birthday_.

She grabbed the picture and flipped it over. There she was with that red firetruck. She was sitting on Marcus's lap and he was smiling. For a passing moment, she thought she looked more like him than her mother, and she had never been so sure that he was her father.

Merit heard the office door slide open. She shot up in her place as she noticed Marcus limping in.

"Merit? Parker? What are you two doing in here?" Marcus asked with a look of confusion.

Parker's head whipped around and his pale face had reverted back to a solid and emotionless countenance. "I'm sorry, sir. I just caught her breaking into your office."

Merit gulped anxiously, hoping that Parker was just trying to play off the situation and not sell her up the river.

"I'll make sure she's taken to the stockade and properly questioned," Parker added.

"That won't be necessary," Marcus said as he approached Merit with a disappointed scowl. "I'll handle this myself."

"But, sir, shouldn't we follow protocol?"

"That'll be all, Parker," Marcus reiterated.

Parker nodded but he didn't turn his back for the door. He stood there, breathing heavily as Marcus turned his back to him.

Merit saw Parker place his hand on his gun and knew exactly what he was thinking. She shook her head just slightly, silently pleading for Parker to keep his weapon holstered but Parker wasn't looking at her. As he lifted his gun into the air, his eyes were fixed on the back of Marcus's head. And from the look in his eyes, Merit was sure that he would shoot Marcus dead if she didn't act.

Then the gun didn't stop on Marcus, it kept moving past its target and instead settled itself against Parker's temple. Parker shut his eyes, a lone tear slowly traveled down his cheek as he inhaled through his teeth.

Before Parker could pull the trigger, Merit lunged across the room and tackled him to the ground. She mounted him and wrestled the gun from his grip until it flew far out of reach.

Marcus grabbed her from behind, pulled her off of Parker and restrained her. He called for Parker's cuffs and Parker tossed them over. Then Marcus bonded Merit's wrists behind her back.

"Take her to the stockades," Marcus ordered.

Parker was breathless and still conveying an expression of bewilderment as he pulled himself up from the floor. He looked at Marcus and then at Merit before nodding, compliantly.

As Parker dragged Merit down the hall and toward lockup, he got close enough to whisper, "Why the hell would you do that?" He sounded hopelessly frantic as he went on. "It was my damn decision and you had – _you had_ _no right_."

"If you would've pulled that trigger, you would've been everything that your mother _never_ wanted you to be," Merit said.

Parker jerked Merit forward at the mention of his mother. "Don't pretend like you care about me or what my mother wanted."

"I do because, me and you, _we are alike_ ," Merit said. She suddenly remembered the verse he had highlighted in the book. "And maybe you have wandered off the right path but just like me, you can always find your way back."

Merit wasn't sure if Parker was actually taking her words into consideration but she was going to keep talking in hopes that her words would reach him.

"Listen, Parker. I won't say anything. I'll take the blame like none of this happened but you need to know – _this_ isn't who you are," Merit said in reference to their prior conversation. " _This_ is who you've let the world turn you into. And you can change that or you can let it kill you."

Parker didn't look at Merit as he shoved her into the cage and locked the door.

"I know you don't give a damn about me or what I think," Merit pressed herself up against the cell door, "but as your _friend_ , I'm asking you not to kill yourself."

Parker still refused to look at her. He turned his back and exited the stockade.

Merit knew that choosing life or death had to be Parker's decision but she hoped he would choose life.

Merit slid down the cold steel wall and took a seat on the hard floor. She looked down at her hands, they were warm, red, and shaking. The same hands that in a mere matter of seconds went from vowing to end Parker's life suddenly decided to save him.

Not only was life on the ground changing at an accelerating rate but so was Merit. She wasn't the same girl who had landed on the ground hell-bent on running away. She wasn't the same person who was always ready to meet her problems with a solid fist. She was someone who finally wanted peace over anger.

She thought about her father, wondering if he would be proud of her.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out his badge. Almost immediately she burst into tears, not from sadness but from clarity. She remembered a time when he had showered her with wisdom and a lesson from which she now knew the meaning.

* * *

She could clearly recall the sound of his voice – not loud or angry or disappointed but stern yet calm. At the time, his temperament came across as frustration but now, she understood it was a quiet concern.

Merit saw her seven-year-old self, sitting at the kitchen table in her old home. It was the third time this month that her dad had to speak with her teachers and make amends with another Ark family because she had gotten into another fight.

James ran a hand through his thick dark hair. "Merit, what have I told you about fighting?"

"I took his glasses off this time," Merit argued. "Now, you don't have to give up rations to get them repaired again."

This four-eyed nuisance of a boy had not only been constantly harassing Merit but he had been bothering Murphy too. Maybe the boy hadn't learned from the first time that Merit had punched his lights out and cracked his glasses in half, but she did. And she thought that her solution was clever but she was still, apparently, missing the point of the lesson that her father was trying to teach.

James put his face into his hands with a deep sigh. "I'm starting to think that letting you practice martial arts was a bad idea."

"No dad, please." Merit shook her father's large hands away from his face. "Knox was way bigger than me and Murphy! And he pushed Murphy down. I had to protect my friend."

There was one thing that boiled Merit's blood more than when she was personally being picked on, and that was when Murphy was being bullied. Heaven have mercy on the bully who chose Murphy as their victim because Merit's fist sure wouldn't.

James smiled and he ruffled Merit's hair. He pulled her into a hug and then kissed her on the top of the head.

"I know, sweetheart. That was a very brave thing you did, sticking up for your friend. I don't ever want you to stand back while someone is being wronged," James said. "But you need to understand that fighting doesn't always mean using your fists. Sometimes it means enduring. Sometimes it means having patience, and you're going to need _a lot_ of that growing up on this space station."

"Dad, should I not have punched Knox?"

"You absolutely should've," James said, filling the room with his signature deep bellied laugh. He took on a more serious tone as he held Merit's hands in his. "Merit, I just don't want physical violence to be your first resource for resolution. And with the rules as they are now, as you get older, fighting will only get you a death sentence. And I _never_ want that for you, you understand me?"

"Yes, dad."

"Having me as your father can only get you so far. God knows, I'll try my hardest but I can't protect you from everything, so that's why I teach you. And I need to be sure that these lessons aren't going in one ear and coming out the other. Prove to me that you're listening and learning. Promise me, Merit."

"I promise."

* * *

Merit would get so enamored with her father's glistening brown eyes and the rich voice that delivered so much valuable wisdom. He always seemed so calm, so composed, never restless or weary. He was always strong – her hero. Merit always wanted to be like him and she figured, this was the closest she had ever gotten to achieving that goal.

She just wished she had more time. More time to spend with him. More chances to prove to him that she was learning. More chances to show him that she was growing. She hoped that wherever he was, that he could see her now, and that he was proud.

Merit looked up from her lap when she heard a door creak open. She stood to find Marcus entering the stockades. He looked more hurt than disappointed like he had spent the past thirty minutes prying a knife from his back.

Marcus took a long breath in and exhaled as he looked Merit up and down, his eyes lingering on the floor. "Breaking into my office and assaulting a guard," he started. "I never wanted the day to come where I would see you behind bars, _again_."

"No sense in playing favorites."

Marcus's eyes flickered up from the floor with fire and fixed on Merit. "Is that all you have to say for yourself? I believed you, Merit. I thought you were ready to move forward."

"I'm sorry, Marcus," Merit said. "I'm not proud of what I did, but you've hidden a lot from me and I just wanted to make sure that there weren't any more surprises."

"I've been completely transparent with you. At every turn, I'm trying to prove to you that I'm sorry but I need to know that you're not going to take advantage of that."

"This won't happen again."

Merit had made Parker a promise and she didn't intend on breaking it now just to save her own skin. She would take the fall for breaking into Marcus's office if it showed Parker that there were still people he could trust in this world.

"I don't think you understand the position that you've put me in. Sending you to lock up the first time was hard enough and back then I had to pretend. I had to pretend that I was satisfied with justice being served but now how do I justify sentencing my own daughter?"

Merit's jaw hung open in shock. "Sentencing me?"

"You assaulted a guard."

"Marcus-"

"You'll stay here until the Mount Weather mission is complete. If Parker decides to press charges, we'll go from there." Marcus stood and turned his back to Merit. "You'll be safe here."

"No," Merit said, shaking her head slowly and clenching her fists. "This isn't about me assaulting a guard. This is just an excuse to keep me away from Mount Weather."

Marcus was quiet. He turned over his shoulder just slightly. "You almost died in TonDC-"

"Marcus, you can't do this! You can't leave me here!" Merit cried in desperation. She smacked her open palms against the cell door. "Bellamy is in Mount Weather. I need to see him. I need to be there!"

"I'm sorry."

"Marcus! Marcus!" Merit called after her father but he never stopped to let her out. " _Dammit_!"

Merit kicked at the air before stomping her boot into the floor. She pressed her back against the door and slid down the wall until she met the floor. She curled her knees into her chest and buried her face into her lap, fighting the urge to cry heated tears of anger and disappointment.

Watching her one chance to get to Bellamy slip through her fingers, left Merit in utter pain and misery. She had one opportunity to prove to him that she could actually be there in his time of need and she screwed it all up. She failed him, again.

An hour passed and tears came and went. Merit threw her head back, listlessly counting the lines on the ceiling in an attempt to mask her growing despair.

She jumped up at the sound of jingling keys just outside of the stockade. She hoped it was Marcus. She hoped that he was giving her another chance and releasing her.

The door swung open.

"What're you doing here?" Merit asked, surprised to see the man approaching the cell door.

"Busting you out," Parker said, shoving his key into the lock and jiggling it.

"Why?"

"Because you just stopped me from doing something really stupid." Parker unlocked the cell door and pushed it open. "You know how I knew that Finn was going to give himself up?"

"How?" Merit asked.

"Because I planned on doing the same thing. I was going to kill Kane and then myself."

The only thing that Parker had lied about was making the murder untraceable. With nothing left to live for, he planned on not being alive long enough to take the fall for Kane's death.

"It's still hard to believe the truth," Parker added somberly. "My mother was by biggest inspiration…and she killed herself because she couldn't live with the things she'd done. She didn't want the same for me."

A faint smile tugged at the corners of Merit's mouth. She was glad that Parker had chosen life and for once, she'd rather hug him than punch his face into another dimension.

"And without your help, I would've never known that," Parker said, a genuine lightness resonating in his tone and lighting up his eyes. "Now, move your ass if you want to save your idiot boyfriend. We've got a war to win."

* * *

 **A/N:** Alright, who's ready for war? I will be switching back to Bellamy's P.O.V for most of the battle so be sure to let me know if there's anything you'd like me to explore on his last hoorah in the mountain. How do you think he will react to seeing Merit again? Do you think it's a good idea for her to be in such a dangerous position given her condition? Do you agree or disagree with Marcus's reasoning for locking her up? Let me know in a review!


	24. Chapter 24

As Parker and Merit trekked through the forest, he filled her in on the mission details. It was supposed to be a rescue mission rather than an all-out bloodbath. They were only supposed to kill the soldiers and the leaders, leaving innocent citizens and children alive.

There was a total of four teams – one at the dam, one at the main door, one inside the mountain, and one in the mines. The team at the dam would work to cut the power by blowing the turbines, giving the team at the main gate a one minute window to open the sealed bunker doors to Mount Weather. The large army at the main gate would not only open the door but they would also draw away any attention from the actual threat and operation.

While everyone was focused on the battle at the front door, the team of freed grounders and sky people would work on defeating Mount Weather from the inside. Finally, the team in the mines would be there to meet the freed hostages and escort them back to safety before the Mountain Men even caught wind of what was happening.

Merit and Parker were headed to the tunnels to rendezvous with a crew of Ark soldiers and Trikru warriors. The pair stopped at the entrance of the mines just as night fell.

Parker took off his rucksack and sorted through it as he spoke, "These tunnels are infested with reapers so we need to be extremely careful until we catch up to the rest of the team." He pulled out a tone generator and handed it to Merit. "That thing is going to come in handy. It's supposed to make the reapers submit. Press that button if we run into trouble."

Merit gripped the piece of tech tightly. "Got it."

"You'll also need this." Parker took the handgun from his hip and gave it to Merit. "Stay together, stay quiet, and be quick. Let's move."

Merit and Parker scurried through the mines as fast and as carefully as they could, moving like stealthy shadows in the darkness. They had a lot of ground to cover and a lot of time to make up for if they ever wanted to catch up with their comrades.

Merit knew just how crazy this undertaking was. She had just narrowly escaped death and now, she was putting herself in even more danger, but she couldn't focus on the risks or her own condition. She simply had to concentrate on the fact that each step she took brought her closer to Bellamy. She had abandoned him at the start of this battle and she needed to be there for him now.

The sound of crusty dirt crunching under boots caused Merit and Parker to halt in their places. Parker took point, crouching down and aiming his rifle dead ahead. Merit was cover, one finger on the button of the tone generator and one finger on the trigger of her pistol.

The tip of a sword poked out from around the corner followed by a small boot. Hands quickly went up in the air as the young girl revealed herself and found guns pointed in her face.

"Octavia," Merit said, lowering her gun and throwing her arms around the younger Blake.

"Merit," Octavia sighed in relief. She squeezed Merit tightly. "You're okay."

"You pulled me from the rubble."

"Yeah, after I sent you back to nearly die," Octavia huffed. Her tone was soft and sincere as she whispered into Merit's ear. "Merit, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt."

"I know. It's ok."

Merit didn't blame Octavia for her near death experience. In fact, much like her father had professed earlier on, Merit was starting to believe that she was right where she needed to be when the missile hit. Had she not been there to experience and survive the tragic incident, she may not have been subject to the epiphany that followed. If she had never gone back to that village, Merit would still probably be taking Bellamy and life in general for granted.

More and more, Merit realized that she would only get one shot at this thing called life. Once it was over, it was over. There wouldn't be another chance to right wrongs, or say sorry, or hug a loved one. She would never get today's moments back tomorrow and she didn't want to waste another day being an angry, vengeful, little brat. Time was precious and she had to make every second count from here on out.

After catching up with the team in the mines, the group continued their descent deeper into the tunnels only stopping once they reached the intake door.

Merit stood beside Octavia who had practically led them all to this point. It seemed like just yesterday that this young woman was the naïve and wild spirited girl from under the floor. Now, she had quickly matured into a fierce and powerful warrior but the contrast didn't feel so stark to Merit.

As she looked at Octavia whose face was clad in dark, fearsome war paint, she realized that Octavia always had the heart of a warrior but inside, remained the spirit of a butterfly. This girl was iron and steel when it came to determination but she was also the clouds and the soft breeze when it came to love and loyalty. She had allowed the ground to polish her inner abilities rather than damage them and Merit admired that.

Octavia looked at Merit; the war paint making her gaze much deeper and much harsher than the gentle words that flowed from her lips. "I know how much you mean to Bellamy, so you mean a lot to me too. And I think about how crushed he would've been if you wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have ever been able to face him."

"Bellamy loves you and nothing you could ever do could ever change that," Merit said, patting Octavia on the shoulder. "We take risks for the ones we love. That's why I went back to TonDC. And that's why we're all here right now. Don't blame yourself."

Octavia nodded stiffly, still exhibiting some disappointment in herself.

Merit parted her lips to offer more words of comfort and forgiveness to her friend but was cut off by the sounding of the retreat horn. How could they possibly be retreating so soon? Something had to be wrong.

Indra stepped up to address the current state of confusion that pervaded the crowd. "The Commander has sounded the retreat. We're leaving the mines," she said.

"No, that can't be right," Octavia countered. "Bellamy is still inside. I won't leave without him."

Octavia's declaration of loyalty to her brother over that of her mentor didn't sit right with Indra and caused the pair to get into a bit of a spat. Indra insisted on following through with the retreat and trusting the commander's orders while Octavia refused to deviate from the initial plan.

"I'm not going anywhere without my brother," Octavia said steadfastly.

"Neither am I," Merit cosigned, standing firmly beside her friend.

"Then I'm staying too," Parker chimed in.

As friends and supposed allies turned tail and ran, the group of three stood in a line together at the intake door. Each of them with more issues than one person could count on two hands - They were the outcast, the orphaned, and the condemned. They were the ones that society had deemed worthless, expendable, and detestable yet they were the last ones standing and holding out hope for the one person that bound them all: Bellamy Blake.

It was strange how one man could bring three different people together and Merit was sure that they all believed the same thing: Bellamy would come through for them.

"We'll do this together," Merit finished.


	25. Chapter 25

The final step of the Mount Weather mission was in clear sight as Bellamy guided a small group of his rescued friends to the Harvest Chamber. The last thing left to do was to regroup with the rest of their friends as well as the freed grounder captives. Once they were all together, all they had to do was make it to the intake door where an army of sky people and grounders waited to unleash hell on their enemies.

Showtime.

Bellamy pushed open the door to the Harvest Chamber, knowing that his hard work and dedication had brought him this far, expecting to see his friends waiting for him, and hoping that this battle was nearly over.

Empty. The harvest chamber was empty – no friends, no grounders, not a living, breathing soul.

Through literal blood, sweat, and tears, Bellamy had fought his way to this very moment. He had given everything – rest, sustenance, and peace of mind. He had risked life and limb every second of every day. Still, for every obstacle he encountered and overcame, he was rewarded with yet another obstacle.

For a split second, as Bellamy's eyes jetted over each empty white cage in sheer panic, he wondered if this nightmare would ever end. He would soon find out that it was merely just beginning.

He heard Maya scream and watched her dive to the floor in front of him. There, she clutched her father's lifeless body to her chest. He was an ally, a good man who put his life in danger to save some kids he didn't even know. And now, he was dead. A swift bullet to the brain had taken his life.

Maya's mournful cries suddenly began to fade into background noise as Bellamy focused on the body in front of him. It was the wound that fixed him in a minor trance. He could only hear gunfire ringing in his ears as he gazed at it. He replayed every kill shot he had taken in the last few hours. He saw the face of each victim and remembered their final moments. And he felt numb.

 _"_ _I don't know why I feel like this…"_

Bellamy shook free of his stupor as he felt Monty place a hand on his shoulder.

Bellamy looked at his friend's face, one that was tired and thin yet still concerned for him, and then he remembered why he was doing this. He remembered why he had to be staunch and controlled in his emotions. It was for the people that relied on him and trusted him enough to believe that he was a leader. He had to be strong for them.

Once again, there was still work to do.

Bellamy had come too far to give up now. He had promised to lay waste to those that had worked to harm his friends and he meant it. This war would end even if he had to do it single-handedly.

Bellamy had to get the rest of his party to the intake door. Moving about the Mountain would now be an easy task as long as they stayed clear of level five, which was where all Mount Weather personnel and citizens had been moved due to the power being cut.

After Maya had been outfitted in the proper protective wear, complete with an oxygen tank, Bellamy gathered his group and directed them safely towards the tunnels.

Bellamy placed his hand on the intake door, praying for good news but now, only expecting the worst. He heard voices – heated shouts resonated from beyond the thick concrete walls.

"Stay behind me until we know what's behind that door," Bellamy commanded Monty, Jasper, and Maya. "We're gonna get out of this – _all of us_. Together."

Bellamy waited for his friends to take cover behind him before raising his gun and slowly opening the intake door.

The sound of debating voices had gone quiet as he cautiously poked his head around the corner. For the first time in hours, Bellamy breathed a sigh of relief as he laid eyes upon his younger sibling.

"Bellamy," Octavia said. She moved quickly toward her brother and engulfed him in a bear hug. "It's good to see you, big brother."

"Even better to see you," Bellamy replied. He noticed Clarke standing just a few paces behind Octavia. She gave him a sheepish grin and a nod.

Friends greeted friends, long awaited hugs were given and received, and a small moment of respite was granted during this reunion.

Bellamy knew he should've been immediately asking the obvious questions: Where's the army and why are his sister and Clarke the only two people in the tunnels? But he still had Merit on the brain and he had to know if her condition had stabilized.

"Merit," Bellamy started as he turned to his sister. He nervously gulped and felt his Adam's apple stick in his throat. "How is she?"

Octavia took a step closer toward her brother. She reached for his hand and grasped it. "What happened to Merit was my fault. And I'm sorry, Bell."

"O, what are you trying to tell me?" Bellamy asked impatiently.

"We both made it out of TonDC but she went back to warn the others because of me."

Bellamy's upper lip stiffened. He was merely putting on a stern face to hide the fact that he wanted to tearfully cringe. "How could she be so stupid?"

 _"_ _I learned it from you. You're not the only one who gets to risk their ass for their friends."_

Bellamy could hear Merit's voice in his head, clear as day. The use of slick sarcasm, the warm intonation, and the volume were all so distinct that the voice nearly sounded real. He shook his head trying to rid himself of this haunting nuisance.

The voice sounded again, this time with pleading sadness. "I know you're probably pissed with me but could you at least look at me for a second?"

Bellamy's eyes flickered over to Octavia just in time to catch a small smirk crossing her lips. And suddenly, he was sure that he wasn't the only one who had heard the voice.

Bellamy's gaze shifted over Octavia's shoulder where he saw a darkened silhouette walking towards the light. The figure approached him but stopped a few feet away. Bellamy's brows arched in surprise as he recognized the face in front of him.

"Merit?" Bellamy breathed.

His legs wanted to run to her and his hands ached to touch her but he couldn't get his limbs to do anything other than tremble. He was frozen in fear, afraid that she was merely an apparition and if he made one wrong move she might disappear.

"I thought you were –" Bellamy stopped abruptly. He felt his lungs clench and then collapse as he tried to take a breath. He couldn't speak, he couldn't think, and he couldn't hold himself together anymore. After becoming an emotional fortress for this mission, Bellamy had suddenly run out of emotional self-control.

Before Bellamy had the composure to wrap his mouth around a complete sentence, Merit ran into his arms and pressed herself against his chest in a tight embrace.

Finally, Bellamy felt like he could breathe again.

Merit looked up at him and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? Are _you_ okay?" Bellamy closed his eyes for a second and pressed his forehead against Merit's, relishing in the fact that she was here, that she was real.

"I'm okay."

Bellamy's hands found their way to Merit's cheeks and he guided her lips to his. He kissed her softly, once, twice, and a third time.

"You shouldn't be here," Bellamy whispered across Merit's lips.

"I had to. You know I had to."

Bellamy swallowed his pride and nodded because he understood.

Merit had nearly died and yet here she was putting her life on the line just to see him when she should've been at home, resting where it was safe. Bellamy wanted to scold her, question her sanity, and then thank her all in one breath. The girl was a raging lunatic and that was part of the reason why he loved her so much.

"Let's save our friends," Merit added.

"Right," Bellamy agreed. He glanced around the cave, only spotting his sister, Merit, Clarke, and Parker. "Where's your army and what is he doing here?"

Parker raised his hands in the air. "I'm actually here to help this time. No bullshit. And you might want to ask Goldilocks about that army." Parker tilted his head towards Clarke.

Clarke quickly explained that Lexa had sounded the retreat. The commander had made a deal with the Mountain Men: her people walked free as long as she pulled her troops out of battle, leaving the sky people to fend for themselves.

One deal had nearly made three days of Bellamy's hard work null and void. _He_ infiltrated the mountain. _He_ warned his allies about the bomb dropping on TonDC. _He_ came to the aid of his friends. _He_ shut off the acid fog so that the troops could move into place. Bellamy was the heart of this mission and the sole success of it rested in his capable hands and losing Lexa's troops wasn't about to change that. Just as he had many times before, he would find another way.

"We need to talk to Dante. He may know another way that we can rescue our friends," Bellamy started, a beeping sound interrupting the layout of his new plan.

Jasper grabbed Maya's air tank. "It's almost empty. That can't be right, we just changed it," he said, turning to his friends in a panic. "This is her last tank."

Another hitch arose before Bellamy could completely come up with a new strategy. With Maya on her last tank of air, Jasper was adamant about finding more oxygen for his new girlfriend. The problem was that all of the supplemental oxygen was on level five.

"Every soldier in this mountain is on level five," Bellamy said. "We may make it in but we won't make it out alive."

"We can do this," Jasper said. "We'll split up."

Much to his dismay, Bellamy agreed with the plan, figuring that Jasper wasn't going to give up without a fight. Bellamy had just promised that they would all make it out together and he hoped that he wouldn't have to go back on his word.

"Parker and O will go with Jasper and Maya. Merit, Monty, and Clarke with me," Bellamy ordered.

"Bellamy, I should go with them," Merit interjected. "If they run into trouble, they'll need the backup."

"Octavia and Parker can handle it. Plus, you're in no shape to fight."

"I made it here didn't I? Bellamy, you know I'm right."

Bellamy clenched his jaw and growled under his breath. "That's not the point."

Merit grabbed him by the arm. "Then what is it?"

Bellamy was making excuses to hide the fact that he wanted to be selfish. He wanted Merit to stay within arm's length so that he could always be by her side. He was worried that if he let her go, one more time, that she would just completely slip through his fingers and he would never get her back. If he had the power to avoid such a risk, he would never allow it to happen ever again.

"I need you with me," Bellamy confessed.

Merit's hand slid down Bellamy's forearm and into his palm. "I am with you and always will be," she said. "I promise I'll watch Octavia's back."

Bellamy took a good hard look at Merit and squeezed her hand. "Let's finish this once and for all," he said, releasing Merit from his grasp. "May we meet again."

"We will."

* * *

Bellamy, Monty, and Clarke made their way to quarantine where Dante was being held. The entire area was quiet and unguarded, the cell door left hanging wide open. The group of three entered with caution only to find the old man standing alone in the middle of the stark white room.

"Sir, we need your help again," Bellamy said.

Dante looked at him with a withered scowl but remained silent.

"Please, we don't have much time. We need a way to get our people out of here without killing everyone," Bellamy continued.

The old man held his peace.

"He's not going to help us," Clarke surmised.

"You're right," Dante said. "You cut the power, risking the lives of my people, including those that have helped you."

"We knew they would be safe on level five," Clarke reasoned.

"Tell me, what would've happened to my people if we would've released yours and the grounders?" Dante asked.

"What about the damage your son has already done to _my people_? He's killed them, drilled and drained them. He let a bomb drop on a village," Bellamy ranted, listing Cage's unforgivable actions. "I've got a bullet with your son's name on it. And I'm sure that I'm not the only one."

Dante's chin tilted back, his head anxiously twitching at Bellamy's threat. A sour and puckered expression showed his distaste but Bellamy didn't care. Mentally, he had already sealed Cage's fate and nothing was going to change that but there was still hope for the others.

"Your son won't make it out of this alive but your people can," Bellamy continued. "So give them a fighting chance."

"Why do you think I made the deal with the grounders?" Dante confessed.

"That was you?" Clarke snapped. She rubbed her forehead and turned to Monty. "We need to see what's happening on level five. Can you get us into the command center?"

"Of course," Monty said quickly.

"Let's go," Bellamy barked as he grabbed Dante by the arm and shoved him towards the door. "You're going to help us whether you like it or not."

In the command center, Monty was able to hack the cameras and pull up a live feed of level five as well as the surrounding areas. On the monitors in front of them, they were able to see the captives being held in the dorms as well as the dining hall where the Mount Weather citizens convened unknowing that a battle currently waged within their walls.

"We're in," Monty said.

The group scanned the images before them, noting the faces of the new Ark prisoners – Raven, Abby, Kane, Monroe, and Sergeant Miller among them.

Bellamy let out a short gasp, seeing a young woman struggling on the operating table. "Is that Raven?"

"Mom," Clarke bleated.

Bellamy grabbed one of the control room radios and held it up to Dante's mouth. "Tell them to stop, now!" he commanded.

"I won't do that," Dante said.

With zero cooperation from Dante, Clarke took matters into her own hands, radioing Cage's right-hand man and Mount Weather security detail, Carl Emerson. She told him to give the radio to the president. She gave Cage an ultimatum: let her people go or she would kill his father.

 _Bang!_

The loud pop of a gunshot reverberated off of the walls and Bellamy didn't flinch. It almost felt like he had grown desensitized to the sound. It didn't bother him and neither did the pained groans and last gasps of a dying man.

Another one bites the dust.

What shocked Bellamy more than anything was that Clarke had actually pulled the trigger. The young leader had just made good on her promise of killing Dante as Cage refused to release her friends. Then she threatened to irradiate level five if he continued to hold them captive. Cage responded by having Abby placed on the surgical table to be drained of her bone marrow.

Bellamy had sworn to bring down this mountain but he never wanted it at the expense of those who had helped him. He also couldn't stand idly by and watch his friend's mother get killed. Of all the trials he had endured during his Mount Weather mission, this predicament was the most difficult. Could he irradiate an entire level of over 300 people – innocent men, women, and children – for the sake of his people?

Suddenly, two very important women appeared on the screen in front of him. Bellamy's eyes stretched open, the colorful images reflecting in his dark, glossy pupils. His mouth hung agape as he watched Octavia and Merit scramble across the dining hall as guards blocked their every exit. Octavia dropped her sword to the floor and both women held their hands in the air as a circle of guns surrounded them.

"No," Bellamy whispered as he watched them kneel on the ground with their hands on their heads. His heart thumped in his ears as he was sure he was about to witness the two women he loved most be turned into lab experiments.

"Why are you stopping?" Clarke's distressed scream cut through the air.

"Because I did it," Monty said. He pointed to a lever. "All we have to do is pull this."

With one pull of this simple lever, hatches and vents would open and the scrubbers would reverse, pulling in outside air. One more small step and this entire nightmare could be over but at a detrimental cost.

Clarke placed her hand on the lever but hesitated to pull it. She was probably asking herself the same question as Bellamy asked himself, now: "Was it worth it?"

There wasn't enough time to think it through before Bellamy produced a swift answer. In the face of survival, he had to choose his people over all else.

He saw Merit's face being pressed into the cement by guards and remembered how she had just promised to always be with him. She had literally gone through hell just to make it back to him and he wouldn't lose her again.

Then he saw his sister, the girl that he had practically raised and who he swore to protect. He wouldn't let her down again.

"My sister, my responsibility," Bellamy muttered to himself.

"I have to save them," Clarke said.

Bellamy placed his hand on top of Clarke's. "Together," he said.

Slowly, the pair pulled the lever back. Moments later, alarms began to wail, alerting everyone of the contamination breach.

Bellamy, Monty, and Clarke's eyes were glued to the monitors as they watched the radiation flood level five. Guards and citizens alike succumbed to the effects of radiation poisoning – lesions and bloody blisters covered their skin as they gasped for air until their lungs gave out and death claimed each and every one of them.

Looking out over the dead that littered the mess hall, Bellamy could only find one source of solace and that was the fact that these deaths secured the lives of his friends, his family, and his loved ones. They would live to see another day because of the hard decision he had to make and that was a burden he was all too familiar with carrying. And he would bear it again and again if he had to.

This war was over.

* * *

During the long journey home, Bellamy couldn't keep his eyes off of Merit. He watched over her, monitoring every step and catching her at every stumble. He held her hand and didn't let go until they crossed the threshold into Camp Jaha but more importantly, she let him.

Merit didn't fight him with a stubborn, strong will. She didn't push him away or exhibit shame. She just clutched his hand and periodically squeezed it tighter. As Bellamy looked after her; she looked after him too until they were side by side, greeting their freed loved ones as the morning sun rose above them.

Bellamy looked at Merit under the warm sunlight and noticed something different in her eyes, something soft and benevolent. He saw vulnerability and willingness to give in ways that she had been holding back.

Pure adoration filled Bellamy's heart and gaze as they locked eyes in a moment of romantic silence. It was the perfect time to tell Merit just how much he loved her, just how much he cherished her, and just how much he wanted to spend every moment, from this point on, making her understand that. Instead, Bellamy crossed his arms and said, "You're an idiot."

Merit's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?" she stammered, her sweet and starry eyed look of affection turning into one of wide eyed shock.

Bellamy cleared his throat and puffed out his chest. "You heard me," he started. "You nearly died in TonDC. Do you know how worried I was about you? How could you be so reckless?"

"I did it for Octavia and because – well, because _I love you_ ," Merit shakily admitted. She took a deep breath and gently placed a hand on Bellamy's folded arms. "Bellamy, I love you," she proclaimed.

As Bellamy's arms dropped, so did his guard. Hearing those three words come from Merit's mouth knocked the wind out of his chest and his feet right out from under him.

"I love you too," Bellamy said slowly, savoring each syllable as they slipped off of his tongue and flowed into the air. Nothing felt more liberating than freely confessing his love and having it finally reciprocated.

Merit buried her face into Bellamy's chest and said a muffled apology. "I've put you through so much and I'm so sorry."

Goosebumps spiked across Bellamy's arms as he felt Merit's vocal vibrations penetrate his chest. It was almost like she was speaking directly to his heart and it made him feel tingly all over.

"Merit, you don't need to apologize," Bellamy said, wrapping his arms around Merit's waist in a close embrace.

"Yes, I do. I don't want to hurt you anymore. Bellamy, _you_ are my dream. And I want this— _us_ —to be the real thing someday."

"The real thing?" Bellamy smirked. He tried to play it cool while his heart played an exuberant drumbeat in his chest.

"Maybe one day, if you can accept my apology."

Bellamy kissed Merit on the top of the head and then said, "You're forgiven."

It felt undeniably good to be reunited, to have his heart pressed against hers and feel them beating together in unison, beating for each other. This feeling of love felt complete and so much better than he had ever imagined.

"So where do we go from here?" Bellamy asked.

Merit shrugged. "Is it even possible to start over at this point?"

"For you, of course, it is. Watch, it's easy." Bellamy backed up a few paces and stuck his hand out. "Hi, I'm Bellamy Blake, big brother to Octavia Blake and one-half of the only pair of siblings known on the Ark. I like long walks through the forest, big guns, and Greek Mythology. And I may have…shot the former Chancellor."

Merit laughed. She gripped Bellamy's hand and shook it.

"I'm Merit Murdock, best friend to John Cornelius Murphy. I love martial arts, deep conversation, and lame jokes. I also have two fathers, one adoptive and one biological, and I was imprisoned for trying to murder one of them."

"I think we'll get along just fine," Bellamy said with a smile. His brow quickly furrowed in confusion. "Wait—Murphy's middle name is Cornelius?"

"No, just one of those lame jokes I mentioned before. Sounds good though," Merit said with a chuckle.

"So what is it?" Bellamy asked.

"He'd kill me if I told you."

"Where is Murphy anyway? Didn't think he'd be one to miss a fight."

"It's a long story," Merit sighed.

Bellamy grinned and tousled Merit's hair. "For once, I'm glad to say, we have time."

The ending of this battle would usher the sky people into a time of relative peace. It allowed them time to build, to rest, and to grow. It gave them the opportunity to start over in more ways than one and Bellamy welcomed that chance with open arms. And he planned on starting with Merit.


	26. Chapter 26

**Week 1**

A fresh start was what Bellamy had agreed to. First, they'd work on their friendship so that they'd have a solid foundation to build a romantic relationship. They wouldn't act on fickle emotions and would allow abundant time and space so that their relationship could blossom into a beautifully groomed flower. It was a smart plan but was it realistic? Certainly, not in Bellamy's mind. And it only took one restless night and an aching desire for him to renege on that agreement.

Bellamy knocked on Merit's door in the dead of night, expecting to crawl in bed with her. They'd make love, sleep in each other's arms, and then greet the morning light with a kiss. She'd tell him how much she loved him and he'd tell her that he couldn't live without her. They'd be happy, they'd be together. It'd be like old times but so much better.

Instead, Bellamy's late night escapade was met with rejection and he knew that Merit was serious in her side of the pact. This night set the standard for their future interactions and laid the groundwork for a new set of rules.

Rule number one, after hour visits were strictly prohibited. Rule number two, all one on one time had to be spent in the open. Solo visits behind closed doors weren't allowed, especially after dark. Rule number three, there would be no romantic interaction of any kind – no holding hands, no kissing, cuddling, caressing, and no bedroom eyes.

As if the rules weren't already torturous enough, there was one thing that Bellamy was terrible at controlling and it was his expressive eyes. Those deep pools of brown always revealed the true story that his physical actions tried to hide. If he wanted Merit, it would certainly show and he wanted her more than anything.

While this pact would require a lot of self-control on his part, Bellamy knew that it was for the best. He would work hard to secure a successful future for him and Merit. She was the only motivation that he needed.

 **Month 1**

A month passed by painfully slow and both parties were able to keep up with the rules. Although, Bellamy couldn't lie and say that it wasn't killing him. The pangs always hit him the worst at night when he had to sleep in a cold bed by his lonesome, knowing that his heart was sleeping just down the hall. He never slept well without her but he told himself the sleepless nights were worth it.

Bellamy held onto the positive things, like the fact that he was getting to know Merit on such a different level. It was truthful to say that they were getting so much closer and even deeper on a personal level when they just had time to talk. He knew that he had to become her best friend, so that one day, he could be her everything.

Each day was a new opportunity for Bellamy to prove his love to Merit and he never missed a chance. Their biggest bonding opportunity came with a surgical procedure.

With the help of medical technology acquired from Mount Weather, Merit was able to get the proper surgery needed to fully repair her ankle.

Merit told Bellamy that she wasn't nervous about going under the knife, but he knew that was a lie from the way her eyes pleaded with fear for him to be her courage. He told her that she was strong and that she would be fine. He promised her that he would be the first face she saw upon waking and that he'd be there through each step of recovery.

Merit let him break a rule and hold her trembling hand as they prepped her for the procedure.

 **Month 2**

In the second month, another rule had been broken. Not only did Merit allow Bellamy into her room, but she let him lie on her bed while they talked late into the night. She even shared a secret with him that she had been holding onto, one she finally felt comfortable enough to confess.

Bellamy was stretched out across the foot of Merit's bed as she rested upright against the headboard. He had just finished checking her bandages and propping her ankle up on a stack of pillows.

He was gazing up at her and her down at him. She had no idea that he was daydreaming about his head resting in her lap as her fingers delicately combed through his hair. He wanted so badly to be intimate and affectionate with her again but he was thankful to even spend time alone together again.

Bellamy had been so caught up in his musings that he hadn't even realized that the conversation stopped and the room had gone quiet.

Merit broke the silence. "I had a dream-"

 _"Here we go, again,"_ Bellamy thought to himself.

He groaned and rolled onto his back, knowing that Merit was going to sneakily maneuver him into another deep conversation where he would end up sharing more than he had ever intended.

"Bellamy, I'm being serious here," Merit howled, nudging Bellamy with her foot. "It happened when I was nearly blown to bits saving your sister."

Bellamy rubbed his eyes. "I'm listening."

"You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die?"

Bellamy nodded.

"Well, I saw my future— _our_ future," Merit continued.

Bellamy's eyebrows raised and he propped himself up on his elbows. Now, she had his full attention.

"We were obviously much older in this dream but we had a kid. And we were happy." An optimistic grin tugged at the corners of Merit's mouth and a dreamy sparkle glistened in her eyes.

Bellamy laughed trying to mask the fact that he was not nearly as calm as he pretended to be. "A kid?"

"Why are you laughing?" Merit asked, her posture growing rigid as she crossed her arms.

"I just never thought about that possibility before," Bellamy fell silent for a second, a grin stretching from ear to ear, "b _ut you did_."

The fact that Merit had thought about having children with him simply tickled Bellamy with delight. This notion only reinforced Bellamy's trust in her convictions and also made him surer of the love that she had for him.

"I didn't think of it. I dreamt it. There's a difference," Merit argued, a pink blush tingeing her cheeks. "Don't let it go to your head."

"I wanna hear more," Bellamy said ecstatically.

As Bellamy shifted his body up to the top of the bed, he noticed Merit fidgeting with her fingers and knew that she was getting antsy. The natural thing to do would've been to grab one of her hands and hold it still. He knew that the gesture would immediately calm her growing nerves but he wasn't sure if he should break another rule quite yet.

"Was it a boy or a girl?" Bellamy continued.

Merit rolled her eyes and started hesitantly, "…A girl. Her name was Justice."

"I like it. It's a bit reminiscent of your name." Bellamy tapped his index finger against his chin, hoping that Merit would be open to his game of what if. "What if it was a boy? What do you think his name would be?"

"I don't know," Merit answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"I have one."

Merit turned to Bellamy with a pointed finger. "Don't you dare say, Augustus."

Bellamy wanted to grab her finger and pretend to nibble at it. He wanted to take her by the hand and plant kisses on each of her knuckles. In every moment, he saw an opportunity for a romantic gesture and not being able to act them out was driving him absolutely insane.

"I wasn't. Give me some credit. I did name Octavia after all," Bellamy said. He rubbed his chin in a moment of thought. "How about Achilles?"

"You mean the one who got killed by getting shot in the heel? No thanks."

"You know about Achilles?" Bellamy asked.

"I'm not a complete lame brain," Merit replied. "His was the only story that didn't bore me."

Bellamy laughed, surprised and satisfied with Merit's response. It showed him that she had actually been listening all of those times that he had blathered aimlessly about _The Iliad_ and Greek mythology.

"Since the girl got a name like yours then maybe the boy should have one like mine," Bellamy suggested. "Rebel with two L's!"

"And I was trusting you to come up with something cute and French!" Merit said as she grabbed the pillow from behind her back and whacked Bellamy with it.

"Ok, ok," Bellamy said, trying to block each pillow swing. "What about Ares?"

Merit responded with another whack.

"Apollo?"

Merit reared the pillow back once again but didn't swing. "That actually doesn't sound too bad but still, no."

"Why not?"

"Because we're not naming all of our children after Greek characters."

Bellamy had never even imagined the possibility of himself becoming a dad. He had never even known his own father. And though, he was a strong male figure in Octavia's life, he never thought he'd be fit to fill a fatherly role. Somehow, during this conversation with Merit, he could clearly envision a future in that position. She made him believe it.

"How many children are we having exactly?" Bellamy asked with a cheeky smirk.

"None," Merit said quickly. "We're not having any so we should just stop talking about it."

Merit continued her playful pillow assault on Bellamy until he caught the pillow and held her hands at bay. He pushed her over until she was lying down. Then, he crossed his hips over hers to hold her in place while he unleashed his own attack, tickling being his weapon of choice.

"Bellamy, stop!" Merit yelped between giggles. "You're not supposed to tickle an injured person."

"Ah, you're right," Bellamy said. His hands stopped tickling but they remained gently placed on Merit's ribs. His eyes fell on the crook of her neck and he wanted to nuzzle into it to make her laugh again. "You got lucky this time."

A bit of tension filled the air as the pair realized the position they were in. Here Bellamy was, hovering just inches above Merit's mouth. He could feel her soft breath as she parted her lips and he leaned in to accept the invitation.

Merit tilted her head down to avoid the kiss. "It's getting late," she said.

"I could stay over," Bellamy offered in a low voice, his fingertips creeping down Merit's ribs and to the hem of her shirt. He gently rested his forehead against hers.

Merit was breathing heavy, her chest rapidly rising and collapsing, as her hands traveled down Bellamy's forearms and stopped at his wrists. She looked up at him, her eyes darting back and forth between his eyes and mouth. Slowly, she finally decided to push his hands away from her abdomen.

"I think you should go," Merit murmured.

Bellamy bit his bottom lip, nodded, and let Merit up from her spot. "I just thought we were having a good time," he said.

"Which is exactly why you have to go because if you stay any longer, we'll have a _great_ time," Merit said, stroking Bellamy's cheek apologetically.

Bedroom eyes – Bellamy knew that he had them and there was nothing he could do to stop it so he let them tell her exactly what he wanted. He let his eyes beg her to let his hands wander up her shirt and lift it over her head. His irises told the story of how he longed to trail kisses from her lips to the tips of her fingers, across the tender peaks of her hips, and down the backs of her knees. His pupils expressed his desire to breathe her in with a deep sigh, to be connected physically to every ounce of her, and to never let her go.

His eyes said everything, but his mouth said this, "What's wrong with that?"

"I'm not looking for a _great_ time with you; I'm looking for the _right_ time," Merit insisted. "Let's not rush into anything."

"You're right," Bellamy agreed, shutting his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He exhaled and popped his eyes back open. He nodded and pressed his lips together. "We should take our time."

Merit gave Bellamy a kiss on the cheek and they bid each other goodnight.

The first night that Merit had rejected Bellamy dealt him a great blow but tonight was different. Tonight represented progress and tonight's rejection left Bellamy with hope – a surety that they were on the right track and that they would get back together soon.

 **Month 3**

Death.

That's all that was left of Mount Weather. It reeked of death. It looked like death. That's all anyone ever saw or felt when they went there. The grounders wouldn't even come anywhere near it anymore because of its now cursed disposition. And though, Skaikru had cleared it out – they had carried the bodies and incinerated them, they had sprayed away the blood and scrubbed away the stains – the mark of death still tarnished this place.

Bellamy tried to forget about the things that he had done while in this fortress but the visions plagued him each time he returned. Yet, he couldn't stop coming back, not because of his work as security detail or cleaning crew, but because he was on a personal mission.

" _Jackpot_!"

Bellamy heard a young woman call out who had been rummaging through a wardrobe in the corner of the bedroom. Her name was Gina Martin. She had become a fast friend and Bellamy was often in her company during Mount Weather runs.

"I found an old jewelry box," Gina said. She held out the opened box toward Bellamy. "You did say you were looking for jewelry, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks," Bellamy said. He took the dark mahogany box from Gina's hands. Digging past tangled necklaces and tarnished metals, his eyes lit up. He found something shiny, antique but still in great condition. His lips curled in satisfaction at the sight of such a treasure.

"It's cute but doesn't look like your size," Gina chimed in, leaning over Bellamy's shoulder.

"Oh, it's not for me," Bellamy said, jumping in surprise. He pocketed the newfound trinket. "It's uh – it's a gift."

"For Octavia?"

"Hey," Miller chirped as he popped his head into the room and knocked on the doorframe. "If you two are done playing dress up, it's time to pack it up. Roll out in ten."

Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Miller."

"I should get this trunk down to the loading bay. We could always use more layers for winter. Although, I'm not completely sure how this would help," Gina said holding up a softly faded, lace embellished dress. The smoky amber coloring matched her eyes.

Bellamy shrugged and thoughtlessly said, "I don't know but you'd probably look good in it."

Bellamy laughed to himself, wondering if Merit had ever worn a dress in her life. Although there was no need for such fashion now, he figured she'd probably look stunning if she ever decided to get all decked out. And maybe, one day, she would have a reason to.

When Bellamy looked up, he noticed Gina staring back at him – her brows raised and her head tilted to the side. It made him wonder how long had he been daydreaming.

"Oh, uh, let me help you with that," Bellamy said, scrambling to help Gina lift the trunk and carry it to the loading bay.

Bellamy was smiling, ring in his pocket and wind in his hair, as the truck departed from Mount Weather because all he could think about was life. Life was what Arkadia had given them. Life was what Merit meant to him and what he wanted to live with her. And life is what he would promise her.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've been incredibly busy and I really struggled to find time to complete these last three parts. I want to apologize for the delay and the rushed writing. I just knew that this might be my last chance to post for awhile. As always, feel free to leave a review, let me know your reactions and predictions. What do you think Bellamy is up to? How do you think Mount Weather has affected him and how will that impact the way he interacts with Merit? Also, I've increased the time jump from 3 to 5 months.

I also never clarified this but I don't follow the canon character ages. I've raised the delinquent cut off age to 21 so that some of them are a bit older because it just felt more appropriate for some of the themes. I think I wrote more about this on my Tumblr under character inspiration for those who are curious. But feel free to make your own interpretation of ages and images, etc.


	27. Chapter 27

A thunderous knock sounded throughout Merit's small apartment. She knew who it was before she even opened the door because he always knocked a certain way: three lively thuds, almost like a thumping heartbeat.

She opened the front door to find Bellamy standing on the other side. He was wearing a smile, which was something he seemed to do more often now. He almost looked like a different person when he sincerely grinned – his cheekbones lifted, his eyes brightened into sparkling little crescent moons, and his upper lip would nearly disappear. Seeing Bellamy's happy face warmed Merit's heart and made her smile just as large.

"Bellamy," Merit greeted, the sound of his name lingering for a second too long on her tongue. She felt like a school kid addressing a crush. She cleared her throat, hoping to sound less fixated on him than she actually was. "I thought you were on a Mount Weather run."

"I just got back and I couldn't wait to see you," Bellamy said.

Merit tried to suppress her grin from growing even wider as she felt a warm blush rush to her cheeks. It wasn't just the words that Bellamy spoke that made her face heat up, but it was the way that he said them. It was the soft excitement that resonated within his tone when voicing a pure want and a true need.

"Are you busy?" Bellamy asked.

"I was actually about to head over to medical for a checkup," Merit said, patting Bellamy on the shoulder. She smirked as she walked away from him. "So I guess I'll see you later."

"Not so fast," Bellamy said. He scooped Merit up by the legs and cradled her in his arms. "I guess I'll just have to carry you there."

"I was just joking," Merit laughed, wrapping her arms around Bellamy's neck. "Abby can wait."

Bellamy carried Merit back inside and over to the edge of the bed where he took a seat. He held onto her, keeping her seated on his lap while one arm snaked around her waist and the other took hold of one of her hands. His eyes focused on Merit's fingers as he carefully stroked each of her knuckles.

"What is it?" Merit asked, figuring that Bellamy's pensive silence was a product of him overthinking.

"It's just—you have hands like a princess but you hit like a wrecking ball," Bellamy joked, his eyes taking on that crescent shape as he finally glanced up at Merit.

"And you have hands like wrecking balls and hit like a princess," Merit teased.

"Cute," Bellamy scoffed, as he gave Merit her hand back. His long, wavy fringe hung limply in his face, nearly hiding the nervous shift in his gaze, and his fingers anxiously tapped away on the small of Merit's back.

Merit reached over and pushed Bellamy's bangs out of his face so that she could get a good look at him. She saw the soft look of vulnerability in his eyes, the one that always made her melt, and tried to avoid it.

"Looks like you could use a haircut," Merit said. She stood from Bellamy's lap, feeling him gently tug on the back of her shirt until it slipped through his fingers. She wanted to stay there, he wanted her to stay there, but it was still an action that was against the rules.

Merit turned her back to Bellamy, pretending to be preoccupied with folding an old hoodie just so that she could cool her rising temperature. "I can tell that the wheels are turning in that head of yours. What's wrong?"

"For once, nothing," Bellamy said. He shook his hair back in place, once again, looking timidly at Merit through the gaps in his curtain of dark hair. "Mount Weather wasn't easy for me but you helped me get through it. You've helped me get through it all. And since I've landed on the ground, you've become my life. And I don't want to go another day without you."

Merit felt Bellamy, once again tug on the back of her shirt. She stopped fiddling with the clothes and turned to find that he was kneeling on the ground behind her. He was holding a thin, silver ring – the band adorned in filigree and a shiny, green gem rested in the center.

Stiff with fear, Merit stared at the tiny ring in Bellamy's hand. A bleat of a chuckle forced its way out of her mouth. The vocal vibration came out so quickly that she sounded like a nervous goat.

Bellamy's brow twitched slightly between a frown and an expression of confusion. "I know it's outdated and a ring doesn't actually mean anything but," he paused, slipping the ring on Merit's finger, "this is my promise to you, that we'll have a future together."

An even louder laugh flew from Merit's mouth and resounded throughout the room as her nerves grew all the more ragged. She slapped a hand over her mouth as heat burned in her cheeks and sweat threatened to pour from her extremities.

"Why are you laughing?" Bellamy asked with a hardened scowl. He rose to his feet and crankily combed a hand through his hair. "I'm trying to tell you how I feel about you and you're acting like this is a joke."

"I know. I'm sorry," Merit breathlessly stammered. "This is just a lot, and so soon."

"It's been three months since we made that pact," Bellamy said. "We're in a good place. Arkadia is safe. We finally have time to spare. I don't see what the problem is."

Arkadia was affording its citizens with a sense of stability. There was security, space, food, and water. The one-child law was overturned and some women even dared to have their birth control implants removed. Families were expanding and life was normalizing beyond the parameters that anyone had ever experienced. Arkadia exceeded the limitations of the Ark and the delinquent camp combined, offering new beginnings to those that wanted them. However, this wasn't about Arkadia but Merit's reservations.

Merit tried to rationalize Bellamy's shocking proposal – the ring was beautiful, the gesture was wonderful, and he was right about Arkadia – but it still felt like too much, far too fast. There was the factor of their ages and the naivety that came with youth, Merit a mere twenty years and Bellamy only twenty-three. There was the fact that the pair still had a host of unresolved personal and mutual issues that they had hardly scratched the surface on. With so many opportunities to fail, marriage was far too complicated and risky for Merit to agree with at this point in time.

"Bellamy, we agreed to take our time. And we're doing fine," Merit said, wringing her clammy hands. "I don't see what's wrong with being friends for now."

Bellamy narrowed his gaze. "So what you're saying is that you're afraid of commitment?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Merit, I'm tired of going to bed without you. I'm tired of holding back when I want to hug and kiss you and tell you that I love you. And I'm tired of pretending that I'm fine with these _stupid_ rules," Bellamy listed with frustration. "Why can't we just be together like we used to be?"

"I don't want to be like we _used to be_. I want to be _better_. And that's why I put those _stupid_ rules in place. But it's nice to know that you were just _pretending_ to go along with them," Merit argued.

"That's not what I meant," Bellamy sighed. "I just want us to be together. That's it."

Merit started methodically pacing back and forth, anxiously twisting the ring around her finger. "I'm still learning how to be a good friend to you. How can I promise to be your wife when I couldn't even be your girlfriend?"

"I'm not asking you to be my wife. I'm just asking you to promise that we're in this together. We can take our time figuring things out," Bellamy passionately debated, his eyes following every fretful step that Merit took.

"This isn't taking our time; it's rushing. And rushing into something this serious is what would actually be _stupid_."

" _Stupid?!_ " Bellamy said, his lips puckering with anger. "So now the way I feel about you is _stupid_?"

Merit smacked a hand to her forehead in irritation, remembering Bellamy's affinity for taking things the wrong way during an argument. Seconds ago, he had used the word "stupid" to describe their pact but now that she threw it back at him, he had no choice but to feel insulted. He was offending her and she was offending him. A bunch of angry miscommunications was all that this conversation was amounting to and Merit knew that it would only get worse if one of them didn't try to tidy this mess.

"Bellamy, calm down," Merit said turning to her vexed partner. She placed her hands on his shoulders which were rife with tension and rising up towards his ears. "Nothing about any of this is stupid. I just think we should be more careful. I don't want to put myself in a position to hurt you again."

"That's love. Sometimes people get hurt and that's a risk that I'm willing to take," Bellamy ranted.

" _But I'm not!_ "

Merit had a long list of doubts that hindered her from reentering a relationship with Bellamy. There was the highly volatile nature of their connection. There was the trouble, angst, and drama that always seemed to find them because they fought as hard as they loved. There was her immaturity and his irrationality while they both shared a sometimes detrimental passion. And those were only a few of the kinks that seemed to add gasoline to the flames that threatened their path toward a stable romance. However, Merit's major grievance was with the personal and mutual wounds that had been left unhealed.

It wasn't that Merit didn't want to be with Bellamy, but she wished to avoid the woes of their prior arrangement by, first, rectifying the problems that besieged them. That way she could be completely certain that their love wouldn't be a crutch, façade, or distraction from issues that simply needed confronting. This sentiment came with another problem: voicing it to Bellamy without him completely freaking out – wasn't going well thus far.

"I'm not ready, Bellamy," Merit said with a calmer repetition of her refusal. She removed the ring from her finger and placed it in Bellamy's palm before gently closing it into a fist. "There's so much that we still need to work on before I can accept this ring." She turned her back to Bellamy as she continued, afraid to look him in the eye, "You said that I've helped you get through Mount Weather, but we haven't even spoken a word about it since we got back. The things that happened and what you did-"

"What I did in Mount Weather, _I did for you,_ " Bellamy interrupted with a bellow.

Merit clamped her eyes shut, wincing at the sound of Bellamy's statement.

Mount Weather was a closet full of skeletons. It housed a heaping pile of bleached bones – those that they refused to talk about, those that they ignored, and those that they tiptoed around to avoid reopening gaping wounds and dealing with the mass amounts of pain and consequence. And Bellamy's reasoning for pulling the lever was the biggest bone to hide behind lock and key.

 _He did it for her._ Bellamy aided in taking the lives of hundreds of innocent people so that Merit could live – a fact that she knew even without confirmation and one that she wasn't at all proud of.

"I hate that you had to do that for me. I feel guilty because of it," Merit said, turning to face Bellamy. "But has being with me helped you get over it? Or has it only made you partially numb to the things you went through?"

"Merit, I'm fine," Bellamy said promptly. He bit his bottom lip for half a second before releasing it with a breath of frustration.

"Are you?" Merit asked. "Because you were there a lot longer than I was but it still haunts me. I wish I could forget it all; I wish we both could, but not this way. And I won't hide behind you or a ring-"

"So screw the ring!" With glossy and reddened eyes, Bellamy threw the ring across the room and it smacked into a wall, hitting the metal floor with a clink.

"This isn't about the ring, Bellamy. This is about time. I need time – we both need time – to make things right," Merit said. She reached out to Bellamy but he quickly jerked away from her hand.

"I told you, _I'm fine_ ," Bellamy tensely reiterated, pressing a finger into his chest. "I don't need time. _I need you_."

There was stark desperation seeping from Bellamy's dark eyes that told Merit that he wasn't hearing a word of her reasoning. It told her that he didn't care to understand, that he had made up his mind, and nothing she could say would persuade him otherwise. It was the expression that Merit hated most because it always made her want to concede to Bellamy's will but this time, she couldn't give him what he wanted. She had to be smart enough to give him what he needed, what they both needed.

Merit shut her eyes, her mouth twisting into a pained scowl. "Dammit, Bellamy, you can't just force things to happen just because you want them-"

"How long," Bellamy curtly asked. He clenched his jaw and stared Merit down. "How much time do you need?"

Merit tried not to look at him but he was standing over her, overshadowing her with that agonizing glare. "I don't know."

" _You don't know?_ " Bellamy huffed, his gravelly tone ringing with malice. "And I'm just supposed to keep waiting around for you like some lovesick idiot? Because I'm just your lapdog, right? I'm your puppet and you get to pull the strings."

"No one is holding you hostage, Bellamy Blake. I didn't make you wait and I never asked you to," Merit cried, backing away from Bellamy and towards the edge of the bed. She sat down, still balancing her weight uncomfortably on the balls of her feet. "You can be such a jerk when you don't get what you want."

Merit didn't know what to do with her body – her knees bounced with the jitters and her hands were slick with sweat as she anxiously cracked her knuckles. She was trying to distract her nerves with fidgety movements, merely prolonging the inevitable.

She gave in. With her face buried in her hands, Merit suddenly found herself sobbing. Once again, her reaction was not merely based on Bellamy's words but the way that he said them.

So effortlessly, Bellamy's tongue could be flowery and poetic. He could speak words that could heal. Then, moments later, his tongue could be a dagger and his words would cut deep. And Merit knew that the words he had just said to her, he had chosen them in his pain. He had picked them carefully and sharpened his intonation to purposely make it sting, but the most painful part of it all was that Bellamy was right.

More often than not, it was Merit causing the delay and Bellamy doing the waiting. She hadn't intended to make him feel like a piece on a game board, but she couldn't deny that she was constantly repositioning his role in her life until it suited her. She thought that her chosen strategy was repairing their relationship, but still, Merit ended up doing the very thing that she was trying to avoid; she hurt Bellamy.

The tightening in her chest and stomach, the spine-chilling shivers, the breathlessness, and the trembling – this was always how it felt to fight with Bellamy. It felt like the world around her had crumbled into darkness and she was left to be swallowed up in the deep despair of his sullen gaze. This feeling was exactly why Merit didn't want to rush into a relationship that she wasn't ready for. She couldn't handle the arguments, the disagreements, and the resistance, but most of all; she couldn't stomach the feeling of breaking Bellamy's heart again.

When Merit looked up at Bellamy through tearful eyes, she expected to see a harshly clenched jaw and a deeply furrowed brow. Instead, she too was met with tears, two of them took turns rolling down Bellamy's freckled cheeks.

"Merit, I'm sorry," Bellamy said, wiping away his tears with his jacket sleeve. A melancholic frown weighed down his statuesque features. "I don't want to fight with you."

"I don't want this either," Merit sniffled. "I just want you to be happy."

Merit had never seen Bellamy happier than in these past three months that they had spent as friends and the very moment that they tried to be more than that, the heartbreak quickly stormed in. This left her with the small but relevant sinking feeling that maybe Bellamy was better off without being in a romantic relationship with her.

"And I'm telling you that you make me happy. _I am happy when I'm with you_. The person that I fell in love with knew this because she was happy with me too." The sadness in Bellamy's tone matched that of his dismal expression. "Do I still make you happy?"

"Yes," Merit said. "It's just every time we disagree, it turns into a huge fight and it shouldn't be that way."

"That's because _I'm fighting for you_ ," Bellamy said. "I've done things and acted in ways that I never would for anybody else. I've confided in you, I've sacrificed for you, and I've loved you more than anything. _I've killed for you_." He took a ragged breath. "And I'd do it all again if I had to because I love you. Does any of that even matter to you?"

"Of course it does."

" _Then show me_ ," Bellamy cried. He knelt down in front of Merit again, both knees scraping the dusty floor. "Merit, _you're my person_. You make me feel safe. You make me feel good. And I only want to be with you. So I need an answer right now. Me and you together until the end – are you in or out?"

"Bellamy, this isn't fair-"

"Yes or no, Merit," Bellamy interrupted. "That's all I need to hear."

They had been in this situation before, Bellamy had given Merit an ultimatum and she knew that he would take any form of further explanation as a rejection. And though she was planning on giving him the answer that he didn't want to hear, she trusted that with proper time and thought, Bellamy would come to understand her decision.

Merit could feel Bellamy's fiery eyes tearing into her even though she didn't dare look back at him. She kept her eyes focused on his hands desperately grasping hers and forced her lips apart. "No." She felt Bellamy release her hands. "Bellamy, I can't do this right now, but-"

The sound of Bellamy's boots clicking toward the door and a swift slam rumbled over Merit's statement.

"I still love you…"

* * *

 **A/N:** I think I explained this somewhere but maybe I didn't. I raised the delinquent ages a few years, so the cut off would be 21 instead of 18 just because it's easier to write about young adults rather than teens for the themes that I choose in my story. You can check out character inspiration/backstories on my tumblr...which I should probably update.

I apologize for the sparse updates. I've been so busy with work and life in general that it hasn't been easy for me to write and I've constantly considered giving up writing altogether. But this story has always been a practice tool for my writing and hopefully, it'll help me to regain my skills. Sorry if the story suffers because of my lack of motivation and inspiration. Bear with me...or not.

Anyway, I hope all of your dreams come true in 2018. May prosperity, peace, and abundant health await you in the new year. Happy New Year!

 **Review Q &A:** Who is right and who is wrong in this argument? Or is there a right or a wrong here? Is it better to take a cautious approach to their newfound relationship or approach it with a renegade attitude? Is Bellamy really okay or do you think Mount Weather has affected him in ways that he doesn't care to admit? And of course, if Bellamy proposed to you under these circumstances, how would you react? Any answer is fine. I just enjoy hearing your responses and opinions.


	28. Chapter 28

She said no. Bellamy had pushed past good sense to propose the most illogical question possible to Merit – would she spend the rest of her life with him – and fully expected her to oblige, but she said no. And when she declined, it left a bigger hole in his heart than he could've ever imagined.

What kind of fool had he become? That was the question that plagued Bellamy's mind as he trudged away from Merit's room in a zombie-like haze.

He had accused his life struggles on the Ark of hardening his heart, of making him cold and aloof while he credited life on the ground with showing him how to allow a little love to seep in through the cracks of his concrete demeanor. Then he met Merit and was overcome with such passion that perhaps, he had let love soften him too much.

Bellamy had once been a man of brute mental strength. His emotions were rock solid, his personality was rough around every edge, and his heart was an impenetrable fortress that lacked time and patience for love and relationships. He was never the type to dwell on romantic failures, and he sure as hell never stumbled and crawled back this many times over one girl, but he wasn't that guy anymore.

Bellamy was putty – a squishy, soft pile of quixotic mush. He constantly led with his heart while his head was filled with ridiculously hopeful dreams. Over the past few months, he had become irrationally optimistic and believed that his life could be something more than a redundant series of unfortunate events if he was just a little kinder, a little more positive, and if he gave Merit a real chance at his heart, but she said no.

When Merit said no, Bellamy watched his hopes for a quaint life together disappear. That was a no to his dreams, a no to his happiness, and a no to commitment. When Merit said no, Bellamy heard, "you're just not my dream anymore." If he was still the very thing that her heart desired, wouldn't she have said "yes" instead?

Bellamy knew that it was well within Merit's character to get cold feet. It wasn't the first time that she had decided to back out of a deal while he was left to watch his time and faith ignite into a giant smoking flame. It wasn't even her fault, but his for allowing her to have so much power over him even after every disappointment.

Not one piece of this predicament made a lick of sense anymore – not his feelings or her reasoning, not his anger or her reluctance, and not even his hasty proposal. He just knew that he loved a girl who didn't love him back and it made his head burn with agony.

As Bellamy continued to drag his feet down the hall, he tried to fight back against the emotions that tormented him – embarrassment, shame, pain, and confusion – but he failed. His mind spiraled out of control in its cynical brooding only to be interrupted by a voice calling out to him.

"Hey, Bellamy," Gina said. "I would say that the sad puppy look is unbecoming, but it's actually pretty adorable."

Bellamy hadn't noticed his friend standing in the hall as he lumbered by her. He stopped and apologized, "Hey Gina. Sorry, I didn't see you there. Got a lot on my mind."

"Maybe you can tell me about it over a drink?" Gina suggested.

Bellamy shook his head, feeling his feet already begin to move away from him. He was immediately ready to decline but he stopped himself, wondering why he would refuse a drink with a friend just to go sulk by himself in his room. He hoped that good company and a very strong drink would be just the remedy to clear his head.

Bellamy took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah, I could use a drink."

Bellamy joined Gina in the mess hall for one round too many, hoping to drink away his troubles, but the burn of alcohol on his tongue wasn't enough to mask the bitter taste of heartbreak. He tried, and tried again, to drown his aching heart in copious amounts of cheap moonshine, but the bleeding muscle just kept floating its way to freedom. He couldn't kick the thought of Merit out of his head for the life of him.

Gina looked at Bellamy inquisitively. "What's wrong, Bellamy? I've never seen you look this miserable before," she asked.

Bellamy cleared his throat, finally realizing how quiet he had been this entire time. Slowly, he shook his head and answered, "It's nothing."

Gina nodded, her lips forming into a small pout. "We don't have to talk about it; we can just keep drinking. I won't pry, but you know that I'm always here for you if you need a chat."

"Thanks," Bellamy muttered in a low rasp. He knocked back another shot and then circled his large hand around the glass, fighting the urge to squeeze it so hard that it shattered.

Gina uncomfortably shifted her lips side to side and then took another shot, grimacing as it went down. "So, did Octavia like the ring?"

"What?"

"The ring we found in Mount Weather, it was for Octavia, right?" Gina asked.

The damn ring – Bellamy couldn't forget about it if he tried. He hadn't had the opportunity to tell Gina what the real purpose of the ring was and to hide the embarrassment of rejection; he didn't plan on telling her now.

"Oh." Bellamy anxiously tapped his empty glass against the table. "She –uh – she loved it."

Gina gave Bellamy a hard look, a scrupulous and piercing glare. "I can tell you're in a mood. Maybe we should just call it a night." She stood from her spot but, before her hand could leave the table, Bellamy placed his hand on top of it and stopped her.

"Don't go," Bellamy said. "I'm sorry. I'm not much of a talker when it comes to feelings, but I could really use a friend right now."

Gina looked down at Bellamy with a smile and said, "Well, you're lucky you have me because I'm going to make a fool out of myself in order to cheer you up." Gina removed her hand from underneath Bellamy's and held out her palm. "Follow me."

Bellamy hesitated but decided to take Gina's hand. "Where are we going?"

Gina pulled Bellamy over to the newly acquired piano from one of many Mount Weather runs. It was a faded, antique baby grand with a small bench. And though the exterior was blemished, it was still well tuned with classic acoustics.

"I've been taking lessons from Macallan," Gina said as she took a seat at the piano. She stretched out her fingers and wiggled them before curving them to rest on the ivory keys. "Try not to laugh too much."

"I can't make any promises," Bellamy said with a smirk.

Gina pressed down on the keys with a shaky start, playing a seemingly deep and dark melody. As the music went on it took on a lighter tune and Gina's fingers danced gracefully from key to key. The longer she played, the more Bellamy saw visions of stormy skies clearing to blue with the bright sun shining above an arching rainbow. It gave him the same feeling of being absorbed in the pages of a good book - a tumultuous but captivating journey to a worthy ending. For a moment, the music left him with a feeling a peace but it all came to a halt at a stumble in Gina's fingers.

"Ugh, engineer fingers," Gina groaned. "I'm used to machines, not instruments."

"That was beautiful," Bellamy whispered in awe. He caught himself sounding soft again and felt his tongue knot up in his mouth. "I mean, I couldn't play like that. Not with these hands," he joked. He lifted his thick, calloused mitts and slowly stretched them open.

Bellamy was simply just trying to recover from a slip up with a small quip but the longer he looked down at his hands, the more he believed that they were incapable of creating beauty. These two hands were responsible for chaos, countless deaths, and destruction. They were marked with scars and doused with so much blood that he thought they would never wash clean. With the number of mistakes that he carried in his tattered palms, there was just no room for anything good to come from them.

Gina turned to him with a soft grin, a pink blush tinging her cheeks. "I hear music is therapeutic. How about you give it a shot?" she asked, tapping the spot on the bench next to her. "I'll help you."

Bellamy glanced around the room, seeing that the usually bustling mess hall was nearly empty. Off to the side of the room was a couple of women chatting over their beverages, a kitchenhand wiped down glasses and tidied the bar, and in the farthest corner of the room sat an older man with his nose buried deep within a book. Once, Bellamy had decided that all three of these strangers were too preoccupied to watch him fail at playing the piano, he took a seat, hip to hip, with Gina.

Gina grabbed Bellamy's wrist and shook it out. "Loosen up. You have control over the story you want to tell. The piano is just going to help you express it," she said. She placed her hand on top of Bellamy's and guided it towards the keys.

With Gina's guidance, Bellamy tapped hesitantly on the piano, hardly making a sound because he didn't want to express his feelings; he wanted to hide them. He wanted to bury the damnable things deep where he couldn't find them. Feelings only existed to get hurt and Bellamy had experienced enough hurt in one night, so he held back. He feigned disinterest as his fingers continued to tap listlessly against the keys.

"The keys are heavy. You won't break them," Gina reassured. "Don't be afraid to press down hard to make a loud sound."

 _Crash!_

Bellamy's fingers came down with a thud, creating a dissonant ring on the musical instrument. His head quickly whipped around, taking stock of the small group of people he had certainly disturbed, but no one was looking at him save for Gina who was chuckling with satisfaction.

"That's good, that's good!" Gina repeated enthusiastically.

Bellamy let a small laugh slip through his lips and folded his hands in his lap. "I don't think I'm any good at this. Maybe you should keep playing."

"We'll play together," Gina said, offering her hand again. "I promise to be patient."

Gina continued to teach Bellamy, her hand against his while her voice tenderly directed him with instruction. He followed her lead, becoming more lost in the sound of each tone he produced on the piano. The pure vibrations connecting him to the instrument seemed to course through his fingers and flowed directly to his heart. He could express everything without actually saying a word and it was oddly distracting, perhaps even pleasing. He wasn't sure why, but the mere act of artistry gave his turbulent mind a semblance of peace. Once again, he felt free from his troubles.

Bellamy had gotten so lost in the music that he hadn't noticed Gina's head resting on his shoulder until his fingers had suddenly stopped moving and the sound of the piano ceased to echo throughout the hall.

Gina turned to look at him, and when she did, Bellamy saw her thick eyelashes flutter in a way he hadn't noticed before. He saw her irises sparkle with desire. He saw the goosebumps spike on her arms as her hand rested on top of his. Then he watched her lips part and a felt a tense breath release from them. He noticed all of the physical cues that said "I want to be more than friends," and wondered how he had missed them all before.

"I should go," Bellamy murmured, pulling his hand away from Gina and quickly standing.

"I'm sorry," Gina said. She continued with a hint of sarcasm, "If I haven't made it _painfully_ obvious, I really like you Bellamy but I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable."

"No, no, you didn't make me feel uncomfortable," Bellamy swiftly corrected. "My head just isn't in the right place…"

"You're seeing someone?" Gina asked, looking down at her fidgeting hands with disappointment.

"No!" Bellamy said a little too rapidly. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the sense of heartache that made him diminish his current complicated position with Merit so easily but technically, he was a single man. "I'm not seeing anyone, Gina. You're just a good friend and I'd hate for you to think I'm a _jerk_ at some point."

"And I'd hate for you to fall in love with me at some point," Gina confidently retorted with a smirk. She shrugged, "So maybe you'll turn out to be a jerk or maybe you'll end up loving me – they're both risks that I'm willing to take."

Bellamy narrowed his gaze and tilted his head, astounded by the sheer self-assurance that Gina had and quite frankly, it was attractive. He always appreciated a woman who spoke her truth; in fact, the same brassy attitude had drawn him to Merit.

Merit – she was the other piece of the puzzle, the constantly changing and ever jagged piece of the puzzle. Did he continue waiting, hand and foot, on the girl that had broken up with him and rejected his promise ring proposal? Was Merit truly the person that he thought he could spend the rest of his days with? And was she worth the wait?

"I'm sorry, Gina," Bellamy started. He rubbed the back of his neck as he stammered on, "You're great. I mean – you're really sweet and I really like you as a friend but I'm just not ready to start a new relationship."

Gina took a deep breath and smiled softly. "Don't worry about it," she said with a wave of her hand. She stood from the piano bench and stretched her fingers out. She slowly backed away from Bellamy and before she completely turned her back to him, she said, "I just hope that when you are ready, you'll give me a chance."

Bellamy plopped back down on the piano bench with a great sigh. Forcing down a nervous gulp, he felt his throat go dry. In a matter of seconds, he had sobered up to a point of frightening coherence.

"What the fuck are you getting yourself into?" he mumbled under his breath.

Bellamy had been so absorbed with Merit that he had totally discarded Gina's subtle flirtation but Gina sharing her feelings with him made him realize this folly. In a world where there was only Merit, Bellamy had discounted the fact that there could be other people, other relationships. He hadn't believed that there could be someone other than Merit who could endure his stubborn attitude, who could make him feel vulnerable and mad with love at the same time. More than anything, he had grown so attached to Merit that he simply didn't want anyone else. But the world was changing, now; it was expanding. And Merit wasn't the only one who saw Bellamy through rose-colored lenses. Gina saw him too. And if Merit couldn't make up her mind, Bellamy thought he might have to try a different set of lenses on for size.

In his disappointment, Bellamy was tempted. He had a great urge to be the guy that he used to be, the one that had landed on the ground and wanted a new girl every night, sometimes two. He wished he could be the guy who loved frivolous romantic encounters and never said no to one night of uncommitted fun, but he remembered that he had given up those things for a reason. He wanted more.

Bellamy wanted nothing short of real love. He wanted a loyal supporter, someone who would encourage him through his hardest days which were aplenty. He wanted a trusted partner, someone who would go hand in hand to battle with him and offer a soft shoulder to rest on when the fight was over. He wanted a passionate lover where he could get lost in the curve of their spine, the flushed pigment of their skin, and the dizzying spell of their heart beating against his. Bellamy wanted someone who showed him as much as they told him that they loved him. And if he couldn't have those things with Merit, he was starting to see that it was possible to have them with someone else.

* * *

 **A/N:** I don't know much about Gina but I made her an engineer for plot-related purposes.


End file.
